2014....WOW....We made it!!

Thank God for making it through another year.

Who doesn' t love the new year?!! So many possibilities. So much potential. The years are flying by. I will be 37 this year....OMG. I'm not gonna hyperventilate. I'm just going to relax and enjoy my life. God gave it to me and my life and times are in His hands, so I'm not gonna fret.

In other news....

I found out that the laptop that I bought on Black Friday from the pawn shop was probably stolen. OMG!! I can't have stolen goods in my possession. Even though I had no idea. I mean, I was told that a lot of the stuff at the pawn shop was probably stolen, but I know that not everything there is stolen because I've pawned some stuff before. I hope it wasn't stolen. One of the reasons I bought it was because it had Microsoft Office already loaded. But, when I got it home it would not save anything. It kept resetting. So I have a friend who knows a guy who works on computers. She said he could fix it. He said that there was Lo Jack security software on it that keeps it resetting. He had a heck of a time getting it off. Then he told me that it was probably stolen. OMG.

I'm an agent who works with the federal government. I can't be involved in foolishness. I don't want the police to show up at my door saying I have stolen property. Oh boy.....

In other news....

My stalker called my mom. LOL.

Ok...rewind.

I don't have a stalker, but he sounded like one when he called my mom.

Apparently, my cell phone was found on the city bus and the bus called musicbox because that was the last person who text the phone. Musicbox called me, but I was in the shower. He went to pick the phone up and he came by and rang the doorbell, but I didn't hear because I was in the shower. So, he called my mom. LOL. He told my mom that he was trying to get ahold of me and that he was outside my apartment and that my car was outside, but I wasn't answering the door. LOL.  Yes, he sounded like a stalker. So my mom called me to ask me if I knew this guy. I reassured her that I did.

Too funny!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Bald Eagle Sightings

I drove for about 10 hours today for work but it was all worth it because in Grafton, IL I got to see not one, not two, but 3 bald eagles. And it was amazing.

Apparently, Grafton, IL is the wintering destination for bald eagles from Dec 1 - Mar 1 and people come from all over the world to see them and we got to see them today. Of course we didn't get a chance to stop and enjoy because we were working, but it was still amazing. We learned about the bald eagles in October when we went to Grafton. We learning that they build nest that are so huge they can weigh up to a ton. And we learned that the eagles mate for life and their wingspan can be up to 7 feet long.

We didn't know that we would see a sighting when we were down there, but we saw all the people on the side of the Great River Road with cameras, binoculars, and telescopes. We looked up and there was one perched on the top of the tree. It was cool. We drove a little further and we saw two flying. They were beautiful!!

I'm so glad we went.

After that we rode on a ferry across the Illinois river--IN THE CAR. WAAAAYYYYY COOOOLLLLL!!!

I kept seeing the signs that said "Free Ferry" and then it said 30,000 ton limit. And the only thing I could thinking of was how many people have to get on a ferry for it to transport 30,000 tons. The GPS then told us to turn left and get on the ferry.

WHAT???

We can't get on the ferry. We will have to leave the car and we can't do that....is what I was thinking. Then one of my partners told us that we drive on the ferry. Ooooohhhhhhh!!

We got in line and drove the car right up on the ferry behind 4 other cars and they ferried us across.  We got out the car and took pics and videos. I'm the one recording and the other person is my partner.

 

The Last Supper & Healthcare

I've signed up for health care. Yay, me!!

With the new health care laws, I'm able to get more affordable health care. I'm not sure the quality, but I'm paying $230 a month for the bronze package through health alliance and my coverage starts January 1. I think I heard in the news that preventative care is covered 100% which is mostly what I would use it for. I know that with the cheapest coverage my deductible would be high, so I'm gonna save up some money for the deductible just in case I need it. I'm supposed to be signing up for dental care also, but I haven't yet. I think the dental coverage is about $20 a month.

In other news.....

I am starting my strict budget in a few days. No eating out unless it is absolutely necessary. No buying meaningless, impulsive things....I'm sticking to my budget because I've got a $50K student loan to take care of and a $500 a month tuition bill to take care of.

So, I had my last supper today at a restaurant in Peoria. It was called Famous City, a really nice bistro with famous food from different cities. For example, Dallas Brisket (even though I didn't know Dallas was famous for brisket). I was looking for fish tacos, but apparently they are out of season. So, the Dallas Brisket is what I had and it was really good. Nice and tender. The BBQ sauces were even famous--Kansas City Sweet and Tangy, St. Louis Style, Louisiana Hot and Spicy, etc....

My waiter was really great. Every time I put my glass down he was refilling it. He had a nice spirit about him also. I ordered a huge hunk of red velvet cake to go (only because my computer died and I couldn't work anymore).

But, because I will be on a financial and health diet....I won't be dining out any time soon. I'm glad though. It is time for me to move forward in my life and getting out of debt is one way!!

OH....MY..... GOD

I had a $3500 bad debt hanging over my head and today I just PAID it OFF. My balance is zero.  Actually, I didn't pay the full amount, but thanks to Dave Ramsey, I went in and asked for a settlement. That was two weeks ago. I have $2K in my pocket and I asked the woman if it could be settled for $1K. She said she wasn't sure and she also said that they don't purchase the debts (not sure if she was lying to me or not). I left. The next morning she called me back, but I didn't get the message. So, today I went in again and told her that I had $1500 on me and that I would like to know if the account could be settled. She agreed and now my balance is ZERO!!

THANK GOD!!!

Now I have a $10 debt that I need to find out who to pay for it.

The only other debt I have is my student loan!!!

So far this year, since August, I've paid off $2800 in bad debt.

I'm going to chunk away at my student loan on next year. My goal is to pay as close to $25,000 as I could.

I'm so happy and thankful to God!!!

MY DEBT IS BEING DEMOLISHED!!!

Now I can pay for health insurance!!

Yes, He Did It!!

I decided a while ago to go through a divorce. I know it's silly cause I'm not married, but I was so tied up in old relationships and I wanted to be free. I prayed and fasted and God did it.

How do I know?

Well, Mister and I spent two days together recently and there was NOTHING...NOTHING emotional, NOTHING physical, NO chemistry AT ALL between us. It was like we were never together at all. We were cordial and we had fun, but there was NO, us feelings.

I saw Coach at the gym and I didn't feel a thing.

God, did that for me. My soul has been untied from all of those bad bad relationships and I'm so ready to start anew.

This year is rapidly coming to a close and I'm so ready for the new year!!

Thank God for NEW BEGINNINGS and NEW SEASONS!!

Finish This Year Strong

It is VERY important how I finish this year!!

I was discouraged on yesterday and I almost allowed my emotions to overtake me, but I was really discouraged.

Back story....

In September I was encouraged and prophesied to. I was told that I needed to stand on the word of God as it relates to grant writing for the organization. I wasn't told what scripture, but I was told to use the word of God. So, I prayed to God and asked what scripture did I need to use and one Tuesday night it dropped in my spirit--Nehemiah. So I went to the scripture and read Nehemiah.

What I found was that Nehemiah was distressed because the city of his people was destroyed. He was distressed and he prayed and fasted for his people and his city. The king saw his sorrow and asked him what was wrong. He prayed and told that kind that he wanted to go home to rebuild the city. The king asked him what he needed. He said he needed a letter to go get everything he needed in addition to what he needed for his own home. The king granted to him everything he needed to rebuild the city.

So, I thanked God for the word and I began praying for the grants that we write and I even wrote a letter to the representative hoping that this would create a dialog. However, the letter sat and sat and I never sent it. Then I heard that the representative had granted funding to another organization for programming. This caused me to become sad because I knew I needed to mail this letter. So, I got the letter together and when I went to mail it, I spilled water all over it. This was already signed by the CEO who was now in Florida. So, I needed to rewrite the letter and have her sign it again. But, she's in Florida. So I copied her signature, but there was no ink. When I finally got the letter recreated, I got stuck in the snow and the post office closed.

I was sad.

Had I missed God in my slothfulness? Why did I wait so long?

I was greatly distressed and discouraged.

But, today I got a word from the Lord through our Apostle.

"FINISH THIS YEAR STRONG" and turn your frustration into finishing. He encouraged us that it seems like the word that was prophesied to me (to us) was not gonna happen, but we are to take our frustrations and finish what we are supposed to do.

Thank God for the word and the encouragement.

I WILL FINISH THIS YEAR STRONG!!!

It seems I've gotten my strength back. I've gotten my joy back!!!  Thank God!!!!

40 Hours a Week and Food Poisoning

For the next two pay periods I have got to work 40 hours week. I want to start the new year with a really decent check. But I've already took a day off on Tuesday and I'm still in the bed now because I had a case of food poisoning that kept me in the bathroom all night throwing up.

At first I didn't know what it was. I mean its rare that I'm sick. So why was I throwing up? Then I remembered what I had for dinner--left over beef brisket , broccoli, yogurt, and a fiber one bar. I think the broccoli did me in. Its bad when you are so cheap that instead of throwing away bad food you try to salvage it. That's what I did with the broccoli. It had bad parts and I tried to cut it off but I think I ended up cooking it. I should have thrown it out. My stomach would have thanked me. But I've learn my lesson. Vomiting liquid and having the dry heaves is the pits. I thought my insides were gonna come out. This morning I went through the fridge and cabinets and threw out everything that was expired. Man I hate throwing away food but I never wanna be sick like that again.

This Reminds Me....

....to ALWAYS be friendly with people because you never know who you may meet.

I sent my brother information about a job close to where he lives. I helped him with his cover letter and resume and we emailed it to the contact person. My brother then went to work at Target and around 4:30pm a man gets into his check out lane to purchase some items. The man looked at my brother's name tag and told him his named sounded familiar. My brother told him that he wasn't sure if he knew him. The man then remembered my brother's name from the email. My brother confirmed that he did send him the email about the job. The man then told him that he was the boss and that he would forward his email to the supervisor so that they could give him a call.

My brother was so excited he called me as soon as he got on break.

Who would have known that the man he had just emailed a few hours ago would walk into the store. What are the odds? As a matter of fact, I didn't even know that man was in that particular area. We thought he was in another city.

I told my brother that this is why you have to ALWAYS be nice to people!!

I Just Hate It

I just found out that another organization has gotten money to run programs.

I am in distress.

I was supposed to send a Thank You letter to our representative for the funding for our summer camp. We wrote the grant and not only did we get it, she made sure that we got double. And I was wanting to form a relationship with her because our organization needs funding for next year. However, because of my laziness, the letter has been sitting on my desk for a month and I just found out that the other organization got funding.

This is why I NEED to be led by the spirit.

Had I been led by the spirit that letter would have been mailed.

Lord, what do I do now?

I'm not gonna be ruled by my emotions. I'm gonna do what I was supposed to do....

I JUST HATE IT WHEN I DON'T STAY FOCUSED!!!!!

GOD WILL STILL GET THE GLORY!!!

Year End Review

2013 will soon close. At the beginning of the year, I was in a good place. I was employed, had adequate roof over my head, food, clothes, etc. I went to see Mister and all hell broke loose. From February until May I was fervently praying for him and his situation--couldn't hardly sleep....I begin to sink emotionally because the toil of my financial status was causing great distress. God heard my prayers and answered me. In May 2013, my salary increased three-fold. God is GREAT!! I'm learning to do well in my job. The summer was good with the summer camp and my job. The beginning of the fall brought a new season spiritually and a renewed sense of purpose, however, with that renewed purpose, the enemy was right there to try to discourage me. However, I've been holding onto my faith. Now, we are in a new season and I'm lagging a little behind. But, God is still GREAT and He will get the glory out of my life.

I've created a new budget for myself for next year. My goal is to work on being discipline and also work on being a disciple for Jesus.

This is my 2014 debt. I'm using the envelop system...


 

Tithes	$560.00
Debt Retirement	$300.00
Insurance        Car--90      Health--250  Accident--30	$370.00
Food	$100.00
Gas	$100.00
Phone Service Cell--55       Home--25               Internet--55	$135.00
Student Loan	$300.00
Misc           YMCA--50           Hulu--10             Other--100	$160.00
Tuition/School UIS --365,     RCC--100	$450.00

 

No, No, No, No, No

I am supposed to be moving FORWARD, not backwards in my life. But for some reason (yes, I know the reason) I am not. My weight is going up, my spending is becoming erratic, my spirituality is becoming dim.....I should be getting brighter and lighter. What is wrong with me...

I know!!

My body is trying to rule me. My emotions are trying to rule me and I'm tired of it. I feel miserable and unhappy because of it. I've got to get this train back on the tracks. I've got to steer this boat back around. It's trying to run wild and I REFUSE to allow it. I've fought too hard for HAPPINESS!!  And GOD has been way too good to me!!!

It's the end of the year and it's very important how I close out this season. And I want to do it on a spiritual note, not a fleshy note. Because next year is going to be an absolutely wonderful year. So, I have to prepare myself, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I'm going to put in the work to become disciplined!!!

Officially a College Student

I have enrolled in two classes for the spring. One class is online (UGH) microeconomics class. The class is at the community college and they are charging me $465. UGH. The other class is called Nonprofit Sector and Society at the university. Tuition is about $2000. OMG!!! I REALLY better get something out of this class. I'm going on an payment plan to pay for both. My first $365 payment goes through on December 28. Merry Christmas to me!!

The Spirit Causes Life

One of the things that I've been thinking about lately is the spirit realm. We are all spirit. When God created Adam, he didn't come alive until God "breathe" the breath if life into him. The "Breath" is the spirit. We are all made in God's image and God is spirit so we are spirit. We just live in a body and one day this body will die (if God doesn't come back first). Since we are spirit we have to know how to operate. We can allow our soul (emotions), body (cravings and appetites), rule us or we can allow our spirit (the breath of God, that comes from God) rule us. When we allow our soul (emotions) to rule, it can cause us great turmoil. When can allow our body (cravings and appetites) to rule us and that can be detrimental. A simple example is obesity. Many people overeat because of emotional reasons, and many people overeat because of food just taste good and we allow our body to tell us to eat. Overeating can be detrimental to our health. If we listen to the spirit of God, it will tell us to "slow down...don't eat so much....stop eating..." But, that requires discipline. Discipline to hear the spirit of God and discipline to be obedient to what God is telling us.

When we accept Christ, we have to yield to His spirit because from His spirit comes life.

I didn't fully understand that until I went to the laundromat today.

Anyone can quote scriptures, but only God's spirit can change us. God's spirit ruling in us can move mountains.

When I was at the laundromat, there was a woman--a grandmother--there doing a lot of laundry. She had a few teenage grandchildren there with her. She kept saying, "excuse me" when ever she walked by. When I was drying my clothes, she was using the dryers next to me and I because to think about witnessing to her, but I didn't know what to say. So, she said something about her grandchildren not helping her like she needed them to. I simply laughed at her comment. She then made another comment about loving her grandchildren. She went on to talk and I didn't know what to say, so I just listened. But, I was wondering how to witness to her. She then told me that her son was killed in August. Tears started to fall as she told me the hurt. I just listened and then I asked how she was doing spiritually. She told me that she never went to church, but she prays. I felt her pain and I didn't want to cry and eventually I told her that I lost my daughter. It kind of shocked her. We chatted some more and I said a quick prayer for her mind and before I left her I got her number so that I could come visit. She then told me that she felt better. She was saying that she felt something about me...she said she didn't know why she was talking to me, but she felt like she could share. She said that she doesn't just talk about her son...but there was some reason she wanted to talk to me.

That was the spirit of God AND I LOVE WHEN MY SPIRIT is CLEAN AND OPEN TO BE USED BY GOD!!!

It wasn't me. I barely said anything. I simply told her that God healed my heart. There were a few scriptures coming to mind, but it wasn't the time to quote....I just witnessed to her that God healed my heart.

It wasn't scripture...it was the SPIRIT of GOD and I WANT THAT SPIRIT OF RULE ME ALL THE TIME.

But I have to discipline my flesh. I have to stay clean in the word of God. I have to guard my heart so that nothing ungodly gets in.

God, You can use me. I WANT to DO YOUR WILL!!  I WANT YOUR WILL TO BECOME MY WILL!!

I Am on My Way

I signed up for the "Y" on Black Friday. I was a little ticked when I saw how much it cost per month...UGH--$46.50 per month. Dang!! I better lose 10-30lbs from this membership. I want to start on tomorrow at 1pm, but it may not be until Monday.

I also bought a $15 work tote and a laptop for $150 (half price at the pawn shop Black Friday sale). Oh yeah and I braved the Black Friday crowd to buy glue for my chair leg....So people will stop falling over in it. Of course the glue that was recommended was crap, so I had to go all the way to Lowes to buy Gorilla glue.

I have enjoyed my Thanksgiving Holiday. I've slept, ate, shopped, and finished my laundry (well I started finishing it).

I will be gearing up for school in the Spring. I'll be taking a microeconomics class at the community college and another class at the university....

I'm on my way!!!

No Chemistry AT ALL

Mister came to hang out for a little bit.....

We hugged, chatted, had a few moments of awkward silence....There was no chemistry at all. I felt nothing
AT ALL. I am so glad. I'm not sure if he thought there was something, but there was nothing. It's interesting. It was not like when I saw him last time. This past January, we have an enormously good time--at least I did. But this time there was nothing. Yeah, we had a nice conversation, but that was all. Now he is on his way home.....

He wants me to come visit so that we can spend a day together. I don't think I"m going to do that.

Any...

Happy Thanksgiving. I'm off to the movies to see the Best Man Holiday!!

The Ex-Factor

This is crazy.....

Mister will be in town tomorrow and I am SO anxious. OMG!!!!! I want to see him, but I DON'T want to "get involved." I want to be a friend and an avenue for him to see Christ. THAT'S ALL!!! But my emotions are getting riled up. I've GOT to LEAVE the past in the PAST!! It's not that I want to be with him, I just am comfortable with him. And I am in a place where I want SOMEBODY and he happens to be able to fill that void if only for a few hours. Huuuuhhhhhhhhh................

I'm just gonna keep it simple. He's not gonna be eating because he's going to see his family. He will only come by for a little while....

We'll see how that goes.

Write the Vision

When I was 22, I sat down and wrote out my life. I had dates and deadlines--and it excited me. God was gracious to me. Almost all that I wrote came to past. However, I only planned for 10 years and so far I haven't planned for the next 10, 20, 30 years of my life. Actually, I have, but not like I did when I was 22. So, I"m going to do that...RIGHT NOW!!

1.  By the end of 2014, I will be happily married to a successful, God-fearing man. I want to marry a doctor (Ph.D), but that's not set in stone.

2.  By the end of 2015, I will be totally DEBT-FREE!!! Yes, my 50 grand student loan will be PAID OFF!!!

3.  By the end of 2016, I will have finished my coursework for my Ph.d. I will be done with my certificate in Non-Profit Management by the end of 2014 and my certificate in Community Planning in 2015. Most of the classes for those two programs will used to complete the coursework for my Ph.D. I know it will take time to complete the dissertation, and I will only be going to school part-time, so I'm giving myself the next 3 years to complete the coursework. Depending on where I am at the end of the coursework, will determine my completion for the dissertation, but I only want to work a year on the dissertation. So, I suspect that I will be done by the end of 2017.

4.  Somewhere between now (when I get married) and the next 4 years, I want to have a few babies. Well, not all of them. I want to have twins and then become a foster mom for some children.

5. I want to start my business by the time I'm 42. I would like to start the business with my hubby.

6. I want to open my cleaners by the time I'm 45. Or maybe 50.

7. I want to gross a million dollars by the time I'm 55.

8. I want to retire at 65.

9. I want to volunteer until I die at 95. LOL

10. I want to teach God's word to people who do not know Him!!

Still At It

I was not one of those little girls who grew up planning a wedding. Nope, I was career-minded. I wanted to get through undergrad and graduate school first. Then when I turned 30, 32, 33, 34....one of those ages, I would settle down and get married.

Well, I've turned 30, 32, 33, and about a couple of years ago....actually about 5 years ago, I started planning a wedding. Who am I going to marry? I have no idea, but I have the plan. And the thing about me planning is that it is not a plan until I write it down. So, I've been keeping different files and folders and picturing stuff in my head. So, my plans are all over the place. Some of the files I've lost or some of the stuff I've totally scratched like the Pnina Tornai dress. So, I need to get all of my plans together and write them out. Which I am going to do today. I also need to plan my budget and write that out....

Write the vision is what I'm doing today!!

190lbs

That's how much I weighed when I stepped on the scale last week. I'm afraid to step on there today because I had a whole 900 calories of red velvet cake over the past two days. But, all of that is going to change. In addition to my treaddesk (photos of my treadmill desk coming soon) that I've been using to work from, I am joining the YMCA. I can't wait. They said that on black Friday the joiner fee will be waived!!! I'm so happy.

Now, I'm getting into the season.

My goal has always been to lose 20-30lbs. The most I've lost was 25lbs over the past few years and I've always gained that back, but I'm going to pick that goal back up again. I can't wait.

I'm going to work on my schedule to lose 20lbs. I wardrobe depends on it!! My goal is to go to the work out classes.

I'm going to send a follow up email for my wedding dress. I'm always ring shopping and this is the new one that I've found. I LOVE IT!!

And it's only three grand. You can't hardly see the details because of the way it's is designed but it is beautiful.

Thanksgiving Day 2013

I'm not doing a traditional Thanksgiving Day dinner this year....My menu:

Lasagna and Cheesy Garlic Bread
Roasted Beets with Balsamic Glaze
Roasted Sweet Potatoes with Rosemary
Parmesan Asparagus
Cauliflower Mash

I don't know what I'm doing for desert yet. Maybe sweet potato pie?!

The Adventures Never Stop

I can truly say that I do not live a boring life. I was awakened at 4am by noise on the parking lot. I opened my eyes and realized that I was seeing flashing police lights. I looked outside and there was a huge fire truck on the back parking lot and in the background something was on FIRE!!!

WHAT???

I looked again and noticed that it was someone's car.

YEP, someone's car was on fire on the parking lot. I put on my robe and house shoes and went to investigate. The car was going up in flames. I didn't want to start snapping pics as the fired department was already out there to put it out....so I kept my camera to myself. I talked to the fire inspector and he said that he wasn't sure if the car was set on fire or if it was something electrical. He told me who it belonged to and there was no one in the building by that name. I knocked on a few tenants doors and was told that they saw a light skinned guy driving the car. I've seen the vehicle lately, but couldn't remember who I've seen driving it.

When the firemen put the fire out, they had to pop the truck to make sure that nothing was in the trunk. I was holding my breath (not literally) because I didn't want there to be a dead body in the trunk. There wasn't. LOL. The fire inspector said that sometimes people steal cars and then set them on fire.

WHAT????

I'm just glad it wasn't the building and that no one's car was next to it.....

Now, I have to try to get back to sleep.....Oh boy!

I've Been Accepted

I got my acceptance letter. Actually, I've got two letters. One from the university and one from the program. I am so excited!! I'm only going to take two classes. I'm only accepted to the program conditionally because I haven't taken microeconomics.

UGH!! I hate economics. I tried to take it twice when I worked at the community college, but I dropped both times. But, I guess this time I really have to get through it. I want to take it online at the community college instead of the university because it would be cheaper, but I'm not sure if they will let me.

We'll see.

Thanksgiving is this week. I am so not in the mood. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't get into this season. I NEED to get into the season. I finally started wearing a big coat.... Mister will be in town for Thanksgiving. I can't wait to see him. I know, I know. I don't want to get involved or attached, but I NEED some companionship. And so far, he is it. The problem is he doesn't know it. He seems to believe that I'm getting married soon. Well, my plan is to get married soon. To who, is the problem. We'll see how Thanksgiving goes.....

My Life in Song

There have been several songs that have defined different periods in my life...I thought I'd share.

March 2002
I was going though a pretty rough period. The had just found out that the guy I was dating--had been dating for almost a year, was married. We broke up and a month later I found out I was pregnant. I was angry, scared, alone....It wasn't a good time. I bought Maxwell's tape and played it OUT.



 April 2004 Mister and I had broken up, but we were still seeing each other. The problem is I went on ONE date with March 2002 guy and I ended up pregnant. I called him and his reaction was similar to Usher. I had something important to tell him and he was blowing me off. When I told him, he didn't believe me. That was
the last time I talked to him

.

November 2004
Mister and I broke up again. It was a crazy, crazy time. We lost our daughter, I got really sick, and life was just topsy turvy...but, this song just kept playing.

 

 2005---- I was going nuts, in and out of relationships. Some times I thought I was going crazy. This songwas on my playlist all the time.



 Fall 2010 I found myself homeless, but NOT HOPELESS....I was looking for a miracle and my faith is all I had to hold on to. So I held on for dear life!!



 2011 The sun was starting to shine again. Thank God!!

 

In 2012 I was dating Coach and as much as I wanted that to work. It just wasn't going to. It wasn't meant to be. We went cloud 9 to hell very quickly. I wish I could get that part of my life back.



 This year, I've been all about praises to God!!

So In Love With YOU

I've been in love before, but never like this! This love is making me HIGH. I'm so in high I had a hangover from last night sans the nasty side effects. I'm in love with THIS love and I never want it to stop. And I wanna tell everyone. If everyone knew this type of love there wouldn't be much .... in the world.

So who am I in love with?

JESUS

Speaking of being in love there is a new movie out--I'm in Love with a Church Girl.

When I heard about it and watched the trailor, I was on the fence. I mean I've dated guys who were not saved and it was all to my detriment. But I think I may have pre-judged the movie. I do want to watch it cuz I'm a sucker for love stories. I'm not even sure if it will show here but I'll try to go see it in theaters.

Getting Anxious

I haven't heard back from school yet. I'm getting a little anxious. I REALLY REALLY wanna go to school in January. I can't think of a reason why I won't be accepted to the college. They accepted me once......And I've got the money for tuition. So, now is the time!!

God Has Smiled on Me

GOD IS GOOD!!!

I lost something VERY important and was almost sure I wasn't going to find it, but I did!!! God is GOOD!!!!

Don't Wanna be a FREAK

I'm pretty much a loner....

Not by choice, but by action. All my live, I've had one friend. In elementary school it was Kim; in junior high school it was Dawn, and in high school it was Tenelle. When I got to college, it was my roommate until she made friends and had more in common with Shay, so I was alone in the group. Yes, I had a few friends, but not a BEST FRIEND. I wanted a BEST FRIEND. I thought Mister was my BEST FRIEND at one time but he said I wasn't his BEST FRIEND, so that changed. Well, and the fact that we broke up.

Since then, I've been longing for a BEST FRIEND. Yes, I have a few friends that I hang out with, but not one that I hang out with and talk to all the time!! I haven't found a person that I want to talk everyday. As a matter of fact, I want to be friends with someone who is BETTER than me!! 

One of the issues is that a lot of people are married now and when my friends get married, I feel like I need to step aside and that 'Best Friend' will go to someone else. I've tried to make friends, but I've been picky, I must admit which I'm finding is not a good thing. I can't be picky.

Huh,

So, I've been a loner and have felt like a loner for a long time. I've always known that being a loner was normal. I mean, the Bible says that two are better than one and there are many reasons why....

When one falls the other will pick him up, when it's cold two can become warmer faster laying together......

The Bible alwasy says to make friends.

But, making friends is and has not been easy for me. Socially I've been awkward. I've learned that from experience. I actually don't like hanging out in large groups. I'm not sure. I'm uncomfortable and I don't know why.

What do you talk about with people? You can only talk about the weather so much!! I don't have any children....I'm not married....What do I talk about?

It makes me a freak!! Being a loner makes me a freak because God didn't make me that way. If he made me that way, I'd be OK with myself being that way, but I'm NOT OK being by myself. I've never been OK being by myself.

God, I don't wanna be a freak. I want to be enriched with people!!!

The 3 in Between

I was glad that I attended the leadership meeting at my church. Our guest speaker was an Apostle who always has a fresh word from God for us.  One thing that he illustrated was how to manifestation the promises of God in our lives; there is a five step process....

(Btw, these steps apply to any goal, career, or success that one wants to gain in their lives)

Step 1: Information
We receive information and this can be from the church, from godly counsel, from reading the word of God. Church doesn't change a person's life. We only gain information from church.

Step 2: Meditation
When we receive the information, we must mediate on it. Its through mediation that we reach the next step.

Step 3: Illumination or Revelation
Sometimes we hear something that has the potential to change our life or we make a goal for something and we aren't sure how to bring it to live. Through revelation that goal begins to form legs and arms and takes on a life so that it could become reality. Revelation causes us to "move."

Step 4: Practice
Once the "light bulb" comes one, we become to "move" and practice what it is we need in order to reach our destiny.

Step 5: Manifestation
This is the easy part!!!!


These steps are so simple, yet so difficult because Steps 3-5 takes W-O-R-K. We receive information all the time. But, taking that first action and meditation to become illuminated is often difficult.

I thank God for learning this because I am going to use this as a tool to help me fulfill my purpose in life.

In NEED

I am in NEED of a nice WARM BED. Yes, something plush, warm and cozy. It is 1:15 am (about to be 1:00am when time goes back) and I am at church. Yep, I am in the church working on a project that probably should have been done on Friday, or at least by this afternoon. I'm not complaining because I LOVE serving in the house of the Lord. But, boy am I TIRED. And it freezing cold outside. I think it's about 30 degrees and I don't have a coat on. Thank God for a nice warm apartment to call home, but I wish I had a nice warm BED that I could curl up and fall asleep. I will have it soon enough. January is my goal to have a new bed. I pray I meet it!!!

In other news....

I love being apart of my church. I love the family aspect, I love the team aspect and I just love God. I love my leaders and my church home. So I am a "son" in the house. Sonship is not gender specific in christiandom. So, I am a son and I am continuing to learn how to be a good son.

In being a good son, I am required to gain godly counsel for major decisions. So today after our leadership meeting, I mentioned to my Apostle that I wanted to become a foster mom. His reply, "That's serious work...." Then he asked why I made that decision. I told him that I've always wanted to provide a good home for children who needed good homes. I mentioned that I had friends who were foster children and their foster mom was a godly woman in the church and she raised them well.  He then asked when I start the process. I told him that I hadn't and that I wanted his counsel. He let me know that he would meet with me.

Of course that made me a little nervous. I mean, I was already nervous in telling him, but I'd rather get godly counsel than make such a major decision and regret it later.

So, I pray that God's will be done in this decision!!!!

That's Odd

I had a dream this morning that I was dating this guy that looked like Drake. He had swagger and was very well put together--so I thought. I would spend a lot of time with him and I even would sleep with him--not have sex, but sleep in the bed with him. For some reason, I was at my mom's and I would sneak him in to spend the night and I had my boundaries with him. We could not have sex and he respected that. I was goo goo eyed and in love and then my mom caught us. She disapproved and told me that she didn't like him. I couldn't understand why until one day we were hanging out and two people came up to us-they were case managers at the local mental health facility. They said that he had run away and they had been looking for him.

Then I woke up!!

Wow--I was in love with a man from the"loony bin:"

LOL.

That's why my mother didn't like him, she knew he was crazy even though he was fine and I loved hanging out with him, he was nuts!!!!

Thank God for warning!!!

I Wanna Feel Like a Woman

There is nothing that makes me feel more like a woman, than a man. I mean a nice, taller than me, strong arms, good looking.....MAN!!!

 I've been in relationships with men that made me really really feel like a woman...I mean, girly, attractive....just downright SPECIAL!!

Nothing makes me feel more like a woman, than a GOOD man. And right now I don't feel like a woman. Especially after seeing my friend and her husband. I'm not jealous at all. I am totally happy for her, but the way he treated her, I am sure she felt so ladylike. And I miss that.

Man...I wanna feel like a woman!!

 

Thank God, I didn't Let My Emotions Rule Me

So, I had a emotional day yesterday because I got this email:

We need to meet as soon as possible. Give me a call so that we can schedule this meeting.

It was from my boss. And the subject to the email was, "Housekeeping." I was nervous because my boss told me that if I failed another housing inspection, I would be fired. And this was my third strike.

So, after looking on craiglist for housing, I went to the office to make an appointment. We scheduled it for 11am today. I got to the office at 5 til and was immediately received by my boss. She told me that I NEEDED to do something about my dirty apartment.

And just to clarify....I've been doing good in my housekeeping. The inspector simply came on Wednesday which was a day I needed to pick my co-worker up from a city 45 miles away and I left at 7:30am and I didn't take the time to put my bedding away and pick up my clothes off the living room floor, which is what my routine is. Also, my recycle bin is overflowing and the laundry is in the hallway because I needed to set up my computer in my room, so I moved the laundry to the hallway.

So, I am on a mission.....

This mission is called, Project Spic & Span.

I called Lambert cleaning and organizing service and for $200 and 6 hours, we are going to clean and organize my STUFF. I think I will even get rid of a lot of stuff too.  We meet for a consultation tomorrow.

Overall, I am glad that I didn't allow my emotions to control me. I didn't emotionally eat, sleep, or do anything detrimental.....

Thank God!!!!

Emotions

I have to learn how to stop living out of my emotions....

Emotional eating, emotional sleeping, emotional buying, EMOTIONAL DESTRUCTION.

People's emotions get them into trouble all the time. If I'm in a funk, I eat the wrong things and too much of it. When things aren't going well, I want to just sleep and let's not talk about the hundreds of dollars wasted in retail therapy.

I'm making a declaration.

MY EMOTIONS ARE NOT GOING TO DESTROY ME.

I though it was my flesh, but it's really my emotions that are ruling my flesh.  I'm not disciplined in my eating because of my emotions. I"m not disciplined in my money because of my emotions. I've been in BAD relationships because of my emotions--Ok, my flesh had a part in that one, but mostly it was my emotions.

So, I got some bad news today. Not really bad news, but an email that is leading to possibly some bad news and at first I was gonna be in a funk, but I just made up my mind. I'm not gonna be upset, depressed, mad at myself. I'm just gonna take the news and move on.

Thank God for clarity.

"I've been to a place, called 'hell on earth'...."

My emotions aren't gonna keep me in hell.

On Top of That....It's Snowing

I make a conscious effort not to talk much about work, since most of my work is confidential. However, today was a doosy of a day....

First of all, it was cold outside. I mean, not just cold, but, "I think I need a coat, not a jacket," cold outside. And I didnt' wear socks or tights because my brain hasn't switched over to fall...winter's on it's way, yet because just two weeks ago it was like 80 degrees outside and I was wearing flip flops.

Secondly, I went to one place that looked and felt like there was some kind of seedy activity going on, then I went to another place where the owner was high (not exactly sure if it was the owner...it might have been a customer, but someone was HIGH as a kite and I thought I got a contact from the smell).

Then I went to a place where the owner (one of the owner's) had a gun tucked into the back of his pants. And it wasn't concealed.

On top of all of that.....

It started snowing on the way home.

WHAT???

I was freezing going in and out of those places and now I have to deal with the snow.

I'm not ready for the winter time. My brain isn't ready.

Ok....I"m not REALLY Marrying Robert

I really want to get married. Yes, it's time!! Well, I think it's time at least......

So, I get fixated on men. No, I'm not a stalker, but when I meet an interesting guy, I think about him. I fantasize about him--not sexually, just dream about if he is the one for me.

When I met Robert....he was interesting, educated, good looking and pleasant. I didn't know anything about him, but what I saw. I didn't even know if he was married or not (which could be the case because some men don't wear wedding rings).

Even though I fantasized about him, there was something that kind of bothered me.....

He reminded me of Mister.

Yes, there was something about him that reminded me of Mister and when I marry a man I don't want to be reminded of someone else.  So, that bothered me, but my fantasies are benign so I went with it. That is until I found out how old Robert was.

I have no problem dating older men. When I was 23, I dated a man who was 40. When I was 30, I dated a man who was 45. Older men are quite settled, but when I did look Robert up (courtesy of Facebook--yes, I reactivated my account just to look him up) I found out that he is probably my mother's age--53.

That.....is off limits. NO, he doesn't look it AT ALL. I mean, he looks my age. Maybe he takes care of himself  well, but I was disappointed. What do I look like introducing him to my mother. He graduated from high school the same year that my mother did. And even if he did graduate early--say 16, that still means he's in his fifties.

Oh boy.....I have no problem dating older men, but my mother's age is where I draw the line because at that point, why would you want a baby. Plus, can you keep up with me? I'm sure he can because he DOESN'T look it AT ALL and I would have never imagined he was that old...I truly though maybe 40 or maybe 45, but not over 50. WOW!!!!

So, the quest is still on.....

I've got to marry a man soon!!!

2-3 Weeks

I've applied for school. Yes, I've applied for a certificate program at UIS and I will know if I've been accepted in 2-3 weeks. I'm not really nervous, and surprisingly I'm not anxious, but I am anticipating.....

I really really want to get moving on my Ph.D program, but I was denied admittance into the program, so my plan is to get in a different way. I will first complete 1 or 2 certificate programs--Nonprofit management and/or Community Development, and then I will apply for the program. By then, I will have gotten to know most of the people within the department, I will have gotten to know the university and my chances would be greater. I'm not sure why I wasn't accepted before. The only thing I can think of is that I have not taken the GRE which I DO NOT want to take and my background has been in education, not public service or community development.

So by early November I should know if I"m going to become a college student again......

Happy Waiting!!

I'm Gonna Marry Robert

I'm smiling as I type this because it's soooooo........out there.

Let me start from the beginning.....

I had to call this place to see about reserving a room for a class and I spoke with Robert on the phone. I had no idea who he was. He was nice, gave me the information I needed and we hung up. However, I ended up not needing the place. This was in July (or maybe June).

In September I went to the place because I needed a room for a class and I walked into to the office and Robert was there. He stood as I was introducing myself and I heard him say, "Wow," but I paid that no attention at all. This was business and I needed to be professional. Also, the "wow," was unexpected and I'm not sure why he said it.

We conducted our business and I left until the day of my class.

Now....when I walked into his office, I was expecting an older, Caucasian man. But, instead, I got a young (maybe 38 or 40), black man, who was bald (I love a bald man). And he was nice looking (a little on the short side--I think we may have been the same height).

On the day of my class, I made it to the office early before it closed because I wanted to see him again. And I needed to see what this, "Wow," was. He was nice, helped me set up and got me supplies that I needed. I asked him what time his office closed. He said 5. I was to be there until 7, so imagine my surprise when it was 7:15 and he was still there. Not sure why exactly. Again, he was nice. We said our goodbyes and that was it.

Still don't know what the "wow," was about.

But, I been planning a wedding for the past few years. And I've gone to a few dress shops, and even to David's Bridal a few times. But, this time I went they wanted me to register with them. WHAT??? I've never had to "register" to look at dresses. But the lady was insistent. So I had to tell her when my wedding date was, which I DON'T have one and I had to tell her the grooms name, which I DON"T have one, so I just said Robert *&$%#@#  LOL. It just came out. His name just came out of my mouth. Then she wanted email address.  WHAT???  NO WAY!!!  I stopped it right there and just told her that I had been looking at a different store and I just wanted to see what they had.  She said okay and let me look.

Sheesh.


Now, I'm online chatting with Mister (I know, I know, I know) and he is asking about my boyfriend and again, I said his name is Robert. Oh, boy.....

The thing is, this Robert guy kind of reminds me of Mister. He has the same body type, the same---something. I'm not sure what it is, but he reminded me of Mister when I was talking to him.

Oh boy......

Lowes, That's Where They Are

I NEED a man.....Okay, maybe I don't NEED a man, but I surely WANT one and I think I've found the place......


LOWES!!

Yes, the hardware store. I was there today for about a half an hour picking up paint for the church and there were men coming out of the woodwork. Yes, some were married and had their wives, but there were quite a few who were just roaming around.

WOW, I haven't seen this many men just hanging out in a long time. And I don't know if it was all the hard tools and the metal stuff, but there was like testerone ooozing from everywhere.

For some reason, I don't see that many men at Menards, which is where I usually go, but now I'm going to Lowes.

You better believe it, the next time I need to buy a few extra screws for my next project, I know where I'm going.

I might try to recruit someone to help me with my tread desk cause I surely need some help with that.

Packing Up

I haven't been on a vacation in a looooonnnngggg time. I mean a real vacation, not just going home to visit family, but a real....stay in a nice hotel, go to see all the sights and eat good food vacation. I think the last time I was close to it was in 2010 when I took my brother and niece to Chicago for a week ad we stayed downtown on the magnificent mile.

But, tonight I was packing up. Yep, packing my bags to go away for a week. And it's not really a vacation because it's for work, but I forgot how tedious packing is. Man. I couldn't remember if I needed to bring my toothbrush or pack bath towels....

I truly forgot what I needed to pack so it took me a minute to get my brain together. I almost want to do a checklist because I know I always forget something that is necessary that the hotel doesn' t have like deodorant or floss.  But, I'm packed and I will hit the road with my partner at 9am in the morning. We are staying in a lodge about 3 hours from here--in the woods where I was told, there's not much cell phone reception. Not that my phone is ringing off the hook or something.

I will welcome the solitude and the BED with the TV right in front of it. LOL.

Yes, I can't wait for the BED to lay down in. I hope they have those hotel pillows that are so comfortable that you want to steal them.

I once asked one hotel where they ordered their pillows from--they were so fluffy and soft.

So, this week should be insteresting!!!!

She BAACCKK

I'm so excited. Actually I'm bloated and crampy and icky, but still excited.

Aunt Flo is back. Yep, I've been crampy for the past few weeks but that's nothing out of the ordinary. And I wasn't paying much attention until I went to bathroom and found out the reason.....Yay! My body is performing. Now I just need to make sure if continues to perform. I'm so happy I wanna celebrate with cake but I'm fastng so I'll just think about eating cake and toasting to the great flow of womanhood.

Thank God!

Creepy

I was dreaming this morning and in my dream, I saw this creepy guy--kind of reminded me of Jason from Friday the 13th. But really creepy....

It was like the guy was tormenting me....like I was bound up and he was rubbing my leg like he was trying to molest me or something. He was wicked and had a perverted spirit. I don't remember the entire dream, but all I felt was sickening.

When I woke up, it was like the spirit of God was showing me how women feel when they are abused or raped. They are scared, traumatized and God has to heal their heart.

I don't know if I was having the dream because I've been watching too much SVU, but I "felt" how a woman would feel in that situation. I was terrified.

I pray for all the women, girls, boys, who have been raped, molested, abused--sexually and physically, at the hands of a predator. I pray for their mind, I pray for healing in their heart, body and soul. I pray that the love of God will rule in their hearts and minds. I pray for the spirit of forgiveness, in Jesus name, Amen!!!

317 Area Code

I haven't been sleeping well and it's partly my fault. I mean, I just have a hard time at night, my mind races and I'd like for it to SHUT DOWN, but it doesn't so I watch TV. And in my case, since I don't have a TV (well, I have one in front of the treadmill, but that's for when I work out), I watch Hulu on my phone. Yes, I broke down and bought Hulu Plus because I wanted to be able to entertain myself somethings....

But, the other night, my phone churped. I had a text message. I moaned and turned over to check it, thinking that it was someone in need of some help and I was going to have to get up out of the warmth of the blanket....but it wasn't. It was a 317 area code.

HUH????

And the message simply said, "Sherry?" (not my real name).

And immediately I thought of Mister. I had been anticipating this text for a while now. I replied, "Yes," and the response was, "This is Mister (he used his real name) new number." I simply replied, "Ok," and went back to sleep.

I just left it at that. I really don't have the time to get involved right now, I don't have the spiritual acumen, so I'm just gonna pray. That's all....give it to God in prayer.

I pray for his mind and his heart. I pray that he come to know Jesus. I pray for his protection as he try to sort out his like....I just pray that the will of God be done in his life, right now in Jesus name. Amen!!

I Have a Gift

gift

/gɪft/ Show Spelled [gift]    

noun

1. something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.

2. the act of giving.

3. something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned: Those extra points he got in the game were a total gift. 

4. a special ability or capacity; natural endowment; talent: the gift of saying the right thing at the right time.

I had a dream last night. In the dream, my oldest brother (my mother's son) was little--maybe 12 and he has this gift that he was trying to give to my grandmother. It was a card that had money in it. The money was coins that he had, but he had a hard time keeping the money inside the envelope with the card because somehow the envelop had split at the bottom and the coins kept falling out. So I was helping him tape the card together, but the card was made so that if it was taped, it would mess it up, so instead of putting the coins in the envelop, I took them all out, threw the envelop away and just put the coins inside the card. He was pleased and he got his card and his gift and he gave it to my grandmother. The gift he was giving her wasn't much; it was like dish detergent and cleaning supplies in a basket, but he was so proud of his gift and that he was giving it to his grandmother. It was actually more than just the card that my other brother was giving my grandmother. It seemed like the gift was coming from his heart even though he didn' t pay much for it. He exclaimed that he only paid .85 for the gift. I ssshhhhh'd him and told him he wasn't supposed to tell anyone how much he paid.  My grandmother was pleased.

I woke up from that dream wondering.....

The Bible teaches us that if we are sons of God, we are gifted--everyone who names the name of Christ is gifted, no matter what and the gifts are given to us freely. The gifts that God gives to his children are to be used for service to mankind. Unlike the gift my brother was giving, he had to pay for it, but when God gives us gifts, they are given to us without having to pay for anything and the only thing that we have to do in return is use the gift. It is our responsibility, when God gives us something, to use it. He doesn' t give us something to just sit on the shelf. My brother was giving my grandmother cleaning supplies--my grandmother was a housewife--she needed those cleaning supplies.

God doesn't give us something that we can't use!!

God doesn't give us something that we can't use!!

God doesn't give us something that we can't use!!!

And not only that, we have to give an account for what we've done with out gift here on earth. I believe the dream was telling me that God has gifted my brother and he needs to use that gift--he needs to give it away so that others can be helped. I believe the dream was also reminding me that my gift is to help others to come to find their gift; my brother needed help with using his gift. So, I have to help...I have to use the gift that God gave me to help my brother because he has a gift also.

Thank God for the gifts.

Father, in the name of Jesus,

I really want to use my gifts for your glory. I want to be obedient to your word, in Jesus name. Amen!

Whores and Nuns

Everytime my friend Sara calls me I get tickled because she calls me Sis Kay and to me it sounds like she's calling me a nun like Sis Mary. I get a kick out of it and I've even told myself that I should become a nun because I'm single, I don't date, I don't have sex and most importantly I love God and want to do and will. I want to help other people find their purpose, do the will of the Father....

This is such a contrast of where I've come from. I can truly say that I have totally changed. Christ has changed me. My MIND is CHANGED. My HEART is CHANGED. My AFFECTIONS have CHANGED.

I am brand new!!!

I used to be a whore.....

Yep, I became sexually active at a young age and it caused me to become promiscuous. Over the years I've kept a list and it's pretty pathethic, but God changed me. I was tired of myself. I was tired of futile relationships. I was tired of being used and misused. I was tired of the emptiness. I wanted loved, I wanted a sense of belonging. I wanted more than empty loneliness. Even when I did fall in love with a guy, he was so different from me. He was such the opposite and I was still lonely, empty. I wanted true love. I still want true passion and I'm working on a passionate relationship with God.

So, I was really bothered when I heard this song on the radio. I'm not even sure who sang it (it was actually a rapper) and he was talking about being born gay and how a person can't change. It saddened me because I am living proof that YOU CAN CHANGE.

Well, you may say that being promiscuous is not the same thing as being gay. Well, I beg to differ. I wasn't just promiscuous....I experienced molestation as a child which caused ************* (I'm too embarrassed to say the rest). And this was when I was a little girl, so I didn't know any better. I had no choice in the matter. Just like a homosexual says they have no control over their affections--they were born that way, I had no control over my body at that young an age. But, it led me to live a diabolical life....I've prostituted myself, I've slept with men, I didn't know what their names were, I met men on the internet and drove hundreds of miles to sleep with them...It was bad and VERY dangerous. God kept me covered!!!!!!

GOD KEPT ME COVERED!!!!!

There are women who have come up murdered meeting men they didn't know. There are women who have contracted HIV being promiscuous. BUT GOD!!!!!!!

HE COVERED ME!!!!!

So, don't let anyone tell you, you can't change. I don't care if they are a celebrity and they are going to be a spokesperson for gay rights. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE GAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE!!!!

I didn't want to be a whore!!! I just didn't know how to govern my body. I didn't know how to handle temptation. Did I like sex?  YES, I didn't just like it, I LOVED IT!!!!! I HAD GOOD SEX TOO!!! BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THAT WAY. Actually, I did, but I got tired of the emptiness and I God gave me a sense of mind to want to change and I DID!!

I couldn't do it myself. GOD DID THIS!!!!

HE CHANGED ME, BUT I HAD A HEART TO CHANGE!!!!

I went from being a whore, to now I feel like a nun!!!! And I'm not made about it either!!!!

I've Lost $55

I CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE ANY MONEY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?????

OMG, HELP ME LORD!!!!

*update* I found $35, now I need to find the $20.

**update** I found the $20. Thank God!!!!

Who Doesn't LOVE Good Food?

Working my job has given me the opportunity to eat at some fabulous places. I've never done a review on my blog, but the places that I have eaten at are worthy of mention.

Today, I had lunch/dinner at Billy Barooz. I had this:

Hot Ham: Give your taste buds something to love! Buttery grilled sourdough bread filled with thinly sliced cappicola ham, sweet caramelized onions and smoked Gouda cheese 9.49

It was SOOOOO GOOOODDD and the portion was huge. I only at half the sandwich. I had a side of sweet potatoe fries that were PERFECT!!

A couple of weeks ago my boss took us to the Sun Singer. I had this:

Black Bean Burger: A vegetarian burger served on an onion ciabatta roll with chipotle mayo, peppadew peppers, provolone cheese, tomato and lettuce.

 

I was in heaven eating this sandwich. I had a side of roasted beets to go along with the burger. I loved it so much I had to go back. The second time I ordered crab cakes as an appetizer and my toes were twinkling!!!

 

I had Sweet potatoe chilli at Cafe Moxo and another time we went, I had the chicken potpie.

 

I'm am so loving trying these new places!!! 

 

I want to learn how to make ALL OF IT!!!!!

The Rules of the Laundromat

I hate doing laundry. That's no surprise to anyone. So my laundry tends to pile up and up and up until I have no more underwear or socks and I'm wearing the worst outfit that I have because everything else is dirty. I've even gone so far as to buy new underwear and socks because they were all dirty. I think I have about 40 pairs of underwear (not sure if "pair" is the right term because underwear is singular not like a pair of socks)....because of not doing laundry. But, I decided to tackle it this weekend. I have a big bag a laundry that I have not touched since about April. I know that's awful, but my goal was to get it done this weekend.

I went through my routine of pre-treating all of my shirts and dresses with baking soda and vinegar--you know that pesky underarm sweat that makes the underarms of your shirts and dresses stink so badly--yeah, I pre-treat those. I didn' realize I had pre-treated already which was a bad thing (that's another story).

After pre-treating, I let the clothes sit overnight and after church loaded the car up with 3 big bags, a big laundry basket and another small bag. It took me three trips to get it all downstairs. When I got to the laundromat, my plan was to use the mega loaders--they hold up to 8 loads of laundry. One large bag, one basket, and the small bag was going to be put into the mega loader and the two other bags were going to be put in the 3 load machine. But, all 3 of the mega loaders were taken, so I just lined the large bag, laundry basket and small bag in front of the machines across from the mega loader. I wondered to myself how do people know who's in line to use the machine next? I didn't linger on this thought because I was in the next aisle washing the two other bags. I kept an eye on the mega loaders. Every once in a while I'd walk by to see how much time. When it got to be about 5 minutes left I saw some other people bring in bags and bags of black trash bags filled with clothes. I didn' pay too much attention to them. I was keeping my eye on the mega loader. Then as my loads were coming to a finish, I noticed that one lady was taking her clothes out of the mega loader and I was getting ready to go to put mine in, but then the people with all of the black trash bags started loading. I wasn't quite sure so I went around and sure enough they were filling their clothes. 

I had to stop for a minute because the mega loaders take about 45 minutes to wash and I didn't want to wait any longer especially since I had been waiting about 30 minutes and these people had just walked in. In my mind, I said to myself, "I should have put a note on the washer."   I politely told the young lady that I was next in line. "Well, nobody was over here and I didn't know," is what she said with an attitude.

*Breathe*

I DID NOT want to wait another 45 minutes, so I simply went to the staff person and politely explained that I was waiting......

"Yeah, you have to put your clothes in front of the machine if you are in line, " is what she told me. I apologized and told her that I did not know that. I though putting my stuff in front of the machine would be rude. I didn't know what was the rule. The staff person was SO sweet and nice. She offered to wash my clothes in the back FOR FREE!!!  THANK YOU, LORD!!  Not only did she wash them, but she dried them too. WOW!!! That was about $20 in laundry that I got done for FREE.

Thank God!!!

Now I know the rules of the laundromat. Not only do I know the rules, I will NEVER go back on a Sunday. It was packed......

A Charge To Keep

More than anything in the world, I want to please God. Not just from my lips, but in my heart I want to fulfill my purpose which is doing His will. But, I'm lazy sometimes. Working on the Kingdom is work. There is a burden to carry and mantle to put on. I have to adjust my thinking to work in the Kingdom. I have to forget about myself to work in the Kingdom....

And I want to do just that.

So, I have a charge to keep and a God to glorify!!

Our Prophetess has asked us to list individuals who we want to see saved and delivered. I wrote my list. This list is generally the same as the list that was written at the beginning of the year, with an addition of a few people. Marjority of the list is my family. Then the others who I have been praying for. Mister is on the list....My co-worker is on the list. She said that she is agnostic. I happen to believe that God can do anything!! My old boss is on the list and a few young ladies whom I mentor.

I want to be an example to them and I want to help bring them into the Kingdom by the Spirit of the Lord. So, I pray for them, I pray for open opportunities to be a witness to them, I was supposed to meet for lunch with one of the youn laides I mentor, but I'm stuck about 45 miles away from home getting my car worked on so I had to cancel.

I pray for wisdom in how to minister to my family because they can be difficult and challenging.

Before I die, I want to please God and do His will!!!

I'm Used to Sleeping on the Couch

I have been sleeping on the sofa since I bought my sofa early last year because I do not have a bed. It just dawned on me the other night that this is not the first time, the sofa was my bed. When I was 17, I moved in with my grandmother. It was as a result of my family being evicted and we were homeless. I really don't have time to go into the whole story now, but my bed was the sofa for about two years and when I went away to college and would come back home, I would come back to the sofa.  So, the sofa doesn't bother me....I am, however, looking forward to a nice luxurious bed soon!!

I Nearly Cried

I know I've heard this song before, but for some reason as I was driving home from work the other day, it came on the radio and the words were my life and how everything I've gone through has led me to Christ. I know many people have used this song in weddings, but I think about my relationship with Christ when I think about the words....I want to sing it to the lover my soul!!



Right after that, this came on the radio and I wanted to cry even more:

Yep, paid that off

So far I've paid over $1000 in debt this year and I'm on schedule to pay more. Yep, I paid $550 car loan, $321 medical bill and $120 medical bill. The next medical bill I have to pay is $341 and I just found another medical bill for over $500 that I'm going to pay this year....Thank God!!!!

Then I have to pay the vehemet....$3,500 off. By the grace of God it will be demolished by the end of THIS YEAR!!!

Restitution

I got a call from Kathy (not her real name) at the State's Attorney's office. She stated that the case of my stolen car is still proceeding, but she wants to know the cost associated with my loss because she wants restitution to be paid for what I lost. The cost of my key replacement, my laptop, camera, backup drive...everything in my car that was lost. I've been trying to find all of my receipts. I pray that I can find them...But, this is what I have so far:

Keys remade: $65
HP Laptop: $600 (got to find that receipt)
Kodak Camera: $59
Seagate Backup Drive: $71
My neice's Christmas gift: $30 (the receipt was in the box to be mailed to her just in case I didn't get the correct size)

There were other things that were of value like my laundry detergent (Tide is expensive), but I didn't list that.

Of course they stole my car a second time, but they weren't charged for that one because they could not determine WHO stole my car, so I can't list any of those charges such as the rental car.

I'm not even sure if I can list the value of Microsoft office professional that was loaded onto my laptop because my job gave that to me because I work at home, but that was nearly $500 in value.

I wish that I just get my stuff back. Yes, I need the money to purchase new stuff because right now I have not been able to replace any of that, but all of the data I had on my laptop and the backup drive and all of my pictures....Yes, the items can be replaced, buy my data can't...my photos can't. That's what I want most of all!!!

If my stuff can be returned in the condition that it was stolen, I'd take it!!!!

I LOVE This Dress

My goal is to be married by the end of this year....BUT, I'm not dating anyone, so I'm not sure if that's gonna happen. However, a cute little dress shop caught my eye as I was taking the car to be services. I stopped in for a quick peek and I saw a cute dress, but it wasn't THE dress.

THE dress was a dress that I found at David's Bridal four years ago. Then a year later it was on clearance for $200 in a size 12. I tried it on and it fit perfect except for my bust. It made me look slim and it was a the perfect color--champaign. I fell in love with THE dress and I have not been able to find anything that looks good on me.

So, I was in the store and the clerk started talking and she said that a lot of the bridal gowns were custom made and that the seamstress could make anything from a picture. So I got home and sent her the pictures. I'm not sure if she will be able to recreate it because recreations almost never seem as good as the real thing and I don't want to pay for something that is not right...so I'm nervous. But, I sent her all of the pictures that I had.....

So THIS is THE dress...

Do You Really Love?

My neighbor is loud. She likes to have late night guest, these guest don't arrive until after mid-night and they don't leave until sometimes the morning if I don't shut the party down. There have been several times when I have had to knock on her door in the middle of the night to tell her that the music was too loud or that she was keeping others up. Finally, I told her that if I had to come over one more time, I would call the police. That time finally arrived on Saturday.... But, I have to talk about what happened on Friday night first.

My window was opened and I heard people talking on the parking lot. So, I decided to listen. I heard my neighbor talking about getting a new job and how she was going to "turn up" this weekend before she started on job on Monday. "Oh boy," is what I thought. I should have known "turning it up" was going to be a problem. Sure enough on Saturday...I mean Sunday morning around 2:30am, I hear this arguing between a man and a woman and then I hear another person, sssshhhhhhhh and telling them to be quiet. It was my neighbor telling her guest that they were going to get her kicked out if they didn't be quiet. They were going back and forth til finally, I couldn't talk it anymore. I called the police. They were all on the parking lot when the police came and my neighbor gave the poice a sob story of how she was going to get kicked out. Then she came knocking on my door with the police in tow to explain that it was her guest and not her. So, I told her that she needed to be mindful of the guest she keep, because it's not fair to us, her neighbors, to have to listen to foolishness in the middle of the night. I then told her that I would talk to my boss and explain it. I was bothered the whole night. My spirit was interrupted. I couldn't go to sleep. I wanted to start cleaning, but I didn't feel like it. I wanted to sleep. I didn't want her to get kicked out, but I was fed up with her noise and it didn't make it any better that she was threatening somebody just the day before.

Now, I needed to show her mercy even though she was quite unnice in her conversation about the program and about her apartment. I mean, I don't like living here either, but I'm grateful and I thank God for a place to live!! So, I did. I showed her mercy. I sent an email to my boss telling her that it wasn't her fault. I hope my boss took my opinion to heart. I really really don't want to see her kicked out. Despite the fact that she doesn't care for me very much....

Paying My Debts

I went to the debt collectors today to inquire about paying off my debt. There was a total of $8,101.99.

SAY, WHAT????

All I knew about was a debt for $321, $341, and $3500. Where did this other $3900 come from....

Well, apparently I have an old debt from 2003 that still has not been paid. It was from when I had a roommate and she stopped paying her rent and because both our names were on the lease I went down in the sinking ship too.

UGH!!!!

I disputed it back in 2003 and I'm still disputing it now. As a matter of fact, the landlord had a written letter saying that I paid my portion, but not her portion. So, I will continue to dispute it. And there was a bill for $120. I do't remember that one...but, I gotta pay it. I'm not looking for any hand outs in paying my bills, I just want them paid. I told the woman that I would pay the $120 and $321 on next week. Then I would pay the $341 in mid Septermber....Then I will tackle the $3500.

How do you eat an elephant...one bite at a time.

So, I'm going to take that large bill and pay it off one portion at a time. At first I was trying to hold onto my money and save up to pay it all in one lump sum, but that's not working for me. My goal is to have it paid by the end of the year, but sooner if possible!!

Thank You, God!!

My Spirit is Just Unsettled

It started this morning when I got my hair done--which is terrible, by the way. I just started feeling nervous and unsettled. It didn't help that she was burning me with her hot iron. Then I got to work and got the email about my nasty apartment.

UGH...then I had to deal with two teens who are having drama issues. Now, I still have that uneasiness. I don't like it. It's just uncomfortable. Father, I need you. I need your spirit!!

I Don't Like Cleaning Up

This is the second time that my boss has come to my apartment and it's been a complete and utter MESS!!

What can I say?

I just don't like cleaning up.

Actually, it's not just the cleaning up, it's the laundry and paperwork that's bothering me. I have laundry everywhere and I have paperwork EV-ER-RYWHERE!!! And it's getting me in trouble!!!

OMG!!!

Ok, sometimes the dishes pile up....but dag. I don't spend a lot of time at home. I need to spend more time at home. I'm grateful for my home. So, why can't I keep it clean. God help me. Some people say cleanliness is next to Godliness...I've never found that scripture in the Bible. But, I understand the concept.

I'M GOING TO HAVE A CLEANING PARTY!!

I wonder who I can invite over. I wish me and musicbox were friends,I'd invite him, but I won't. Lord, I need someone to help me. Holy Spirit help me, please!!!

Certificate of Divorcement

I LOVE GOD!!!! I LOVE GOD!!!!

I can't say it enough, I actually want to shout it to the top of my lungs, I LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEE GOD!!!!!

And I'm working on my relationship because I want to do the will of the Father. So in working on my relationship I am going through a separation, cutting myself off, divorcing-so to speak- myself from all the bad relationships in the past. My soul has been tied to people and even though the relationship was over, I still harbored feelings and thoughts for different people. I would still long for and want to associate myself with them. But, to be pure and free, I have to cut myself off. All ties, chains, bondages to those people have to be broken from my life and out of my spirit.

So, to do this I decided to fast for 21 days. Of course I'm not going without food totally...I'm fasting safely and I have instructions that have been given to me. I want my spirit and my body clean!! So in doing so, I have been running into old relationships. I met "Tom" at the video store and sure enough when I saw him, I wanted to run the other way. But, I didn't act fast enough and he wanted to know if he could come over to watch movies with me. "NO," is what I wanted to say, but I simply told him that my TV was on the wall in front of the treadmill so there is no way that we could watch the movie together. He said he would call me. I was so happy when he didn't.

Today, I was at the unemployment office waiting on some students to help them with some paperwork. I stood up and across the room was "GED guy". LOL....I'm going to call him that because when I met him over 10 years ago, he didn't have a GED. When I saw him, he gave me a look and I just waved and prayed to God, "Not today." This guy and I had a tumultuous relationship and I DO NOT want to revisit that past. I want sleeping dogs to lie. Sure enough when he finished his work he came over to ask me if I was married. UGH, "I should have bought the ring," is what I thought to myself because some things I don't have to answer if I have a ring on my finger. The ring I saw at TJ Maxx was the cutest ring for $12 and it was like a wedding band. But, I didn't want to spend the money.....I was crucifying my flesh...not buying stuff that I don't need. But, he came over to talk and asked me for my number. I simply said, "not right now." He then proceeded to give me his number and I didn't move an inch while he was saying it. I then told him that I saw him at church. Yep, he came to church and he was with another woman. He didn't know that I saw him because I was ducking and dodging. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY would I give you my number if you are tied to some other woman. I don't have time to stay get caught up in some kind of foolishness

NO MORE!!!!!

I'm not ignorant to those things anymore!!! GOD has delivered me!!!!

MY GOD HAS DELIVERED ME!!!!!! AND I'M NNNNOOOOOTTTTTT GOING BACK!!!!

So I told him that if wanted to find me he knows where....I'm always at church. He left and I was glad!! But my spirit was bothered. I"m not sure why I was bothered!! It was like the stench of him was on me and I was bothered and uncomfortable. It took a minute before I could shake the spirit off me..... Thank God for my divorcement!!!! I can't wait until it's over!!!!!

I Said "YES" to Jesus!!

I have been in and out, up and down in my faith. Well, not really my faith, because I always believe God no matter what. I guess it's more in my relationship with Christ. I've never been good with relationships and for a long time, I made it up in my mind that I wasn't a "relationship" person. Yes, I would associate with people, but forming relationships was not something that was easy for me to do, so I settled with having a relationship with myself. I made it up in my mind that I was going to do all that I could to just love me and not really anyone else. Of course I found out that this wasn't healthy. "Life is about relationships," my mentor told me. And years and years ago my mother said, "You gonna always need people." That always stuck with me and I've found it to be true. I can't just live in my own little world and not let people in.

So, I started working on my relationships with people. And it's uncomfortable because how do you form relationships? You hang around with people. What do you do when you hang around? You talk.... I don't like to talk. Well, I like talking to myself (that's not weird!) The Bible says that he that has a friend must first show himeself friendly. How do you show yourself as friendly? You talk, you smile, you compliment....you be FRIENDLY. I've been working on doing that and it's awkward sometimes. I like quiet. I mean, I can be in the car for hours and not have the radio on at all. I can be sitting in the car with another person and for their sake...not for me, but for their sake, I would turn the radio on. Otherwise, I am content to just sit and be quiet which makes people uncomfortable. What's wrong with quiet? Why are people uncomfortable with quiet? I can remember driving for about 6 hours with a friend and we didn't talk very much at all. I didn't have anything to talk about. I didn't have anything to say. I always wondered what she thought about me after that trip. We didn't hang out much after that. LOL.

So, in renewing my committment to Christ, I have been working on being mindful of my relationship status. I have to make an effort to spend time in the word of God and to pray because this is VERY important to me. I've been stuck for some time now and my fire has not been burning like I want it to burn, so maintaining my relationship is very important. I'm learning to love me less and to love Christ more.

I've GOT to move forward with me life and fulfill my purpose.