The House Is Falling

I had this dream back in February about my granny house and it rained really hard and my aunt T's  bedroom starts falling in under the rain. Water started coming in from the lights and we needed to shut power off. It was a crazy dream. I don't remember the rest of it.

I pray for everyone in that house. I pray that they be covered in Jesus name, Amen.

Other dreams...

Last week I had a dream about me getting married. I was in a white dress and there were white flowers hanging from the ceiling.

I had a dream that I was substitute teaching and I was teaching the children a jump rope game at recess.

I had a dream that I had a baby and it was raining so hard outside, but I protected that baby enough that it didn't get wet one bit in the rain. IDK if it was my baby or not.

Then I had a dream that I was on a field trip with RS and I had a group of people with me. I hadn't been to any of the meetings for the field trip, but here I was with this group at this underground water park. We ventured off into an area that was restricted, but we didn't know it was restricted. I didn't find out it was restricted until we found our way back and was told that we couldn't go that way. I woke up telling myself, "that's what you get for not attending the meeting. " LOL

I used to think my dreams meant something....God, are you talking to me?

We Can't Be Friends Unless We are Lovers

I met Carle Guy a month after I broke up with CB. I started a new POF page and while perusing the prospectives I found that CB still had his page active. WOW, he never really loved me!! He tried to explain to me that he's never taken his page down.  WOW and WOW. You mean to tell me that you are saying that you want to marry me in one breath, but still have an active dating app on your phone. REALLY?! And I'm supposed to trust you. WOW

So I met Carle Guy and we began chatting. I told him that I was celibate and he said he understood. Then CB left for SC so Carle Guy and I started chatting more and more. My heart was broken from CB leaving and I knew I needed to move on so Carle Guy was it for now.  However, he really didn't understand. I mean he said he understood me being celibate, but he would pressure me whenever we hung out.  Dang...I guess Netflix and Chill is not really Netflix and Chill. So I was tryna explain to him that right now is not the time for me to be physical with ANYONE...PERIOD!! He kept saying he didn't understand. What part of celibate is hard to understand? He said we can do other things besides have sex.

Uhhhhh, please explain. Because kissing, for me, leads to touching and touching, for me, leads to more touching and more touching, for me, leads to clothes being taken off and clothes being taking off, for me, leads to body parts uniting. And if my body parts are going to unite with anyone else's it better be worth it and it hasn't been for a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY long time. So why waste my time. Yes, I"m celibate because I love God and I don't wanna sin, but I'm also celibate because I don't want to waste my time, energy, or emotional well being. Why is that so hard to understand!!

Golf guy gets it...I wish others did too.

So we've (unspokenly) decided that we can't be friends because we can't be lovers. WOW.

Trying Not To Smile

I started dated CB in September when he came home, but I quickly realized that it was a mistake. Since then I have been messing with him. For example, he called me to ask what I was doing. I told him that I as free for the day. He asked if I wanted to help him paint and I agree and we made arrangements to meet at Lowes. When I got to Lowe's he wasn't there, but he said that his dad and nephew were. I didn't want to just go up to them so I just browsed around the store until CB called to ask me where I was. I found them in the store and as I was walking up he says, "What are you doing?" as in "What are you doing here?" I just smiled. Basically, he didn't tell his dad that I was going to be there and instead of just saying that he pretended that I wasn't supposed to be there. I just smiled because this was classic CB. For some reason he has a problem with communication and actually I think he hasn't told his parents that we were dating so it presents an awkward situation when I show up.

Why does he do that?

I mean, I used to do that sort of thing when I was younger because I didn't know how to communicate with my family and I felt insecure about different situations. So I would present like I did'nt know what was going on when the whole time I just didn't want to call it what it was.

While shopping, it was painful to watch CB. He was running around the store like he was confused. At one point he said to me, while going to look for this list of things he's had in his head that we needed, "When are we going bowling, we are supposed to be going bowling?"

WHAT?

We are at Lowes and I'm trying to help you remember what all we need to paint and you are talking about bowling?! WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT HEAD OF YOURS?!

I simply told him that he was all over the place and needed to get it together. It was so painful to watch. He agreed. Then we went to the house to paint.

Why do I love this guy?

This is one of the reasons I broke up with him. He's not confident in what he's doing around me. Then he wonders why I don't trust him?! He knows I don't trust him but he pretends (or tells himself) that it's my fault.

Another reason I don't trust him is because I went through his phone and saw the pics from the other women he's talking to. My heart sank. I mean I did break up with him, but really? You are still talking to me and telling me that you want to marry me in one breath and telling other women that you want to see them too.

WHAT??

This man is all types of crae!!

(Post from December 2018)