Job Searching Again

I NEED A JOB!!!

I think that is one of the reasons for my lack of motivation. I have no passion for anything. I need a mission, a purpose in life. Well, actually I have a mission and a purpose, but it has always been tied to my work. Now that I am not working, I have no passion. It's like the life is being sucked out of me and I need to not allow that to happen.

I went to Slumberland to look for a bed because I've been sleeping on my couch and as much as I enjoy my couch, sleeping on it is posing great bodily harm. My neck and back hurt. So I looked at a bed and a mattress set. It will cost about $700 for all of it, but I'm not sure when my unemployment will run out, so I don't want to commit to that. The good thing is that if I put the items on layaway, I can get my money back if I change my mind. So, I'm gonna put $100 down and they will give me 4 months to pay it off. So, I need to pay at least $200 a month on it. I'm not sure if that include delivery. Hopefully, the delivery will only be about $70. I'm not buying any other frills--protection plans etc.

Battling Fatigue and Lack of Motivation

God is so good to me!!! I don't know what to do with myself.

I just checked my account and I have money--more money than I thought I had. Yesterday I checked and I had $34. Today I checked and I have over $400. God is so good. So why is it, that I can't get motivated enough to do what I need to do. Why can't I pray more, why can't I read my Bible more???? Why, why, why? Why am I so fatigued and unmotivated. I have no reason to be this way. Ok, the doctor said I have hypothyroidism, but I don't blame this on my condition because I've had a problem with my thyroid for years. So why don't I feel like getting out of bed? Why don't I feel like doing anything?

I will admit that I'm slightly depressed, but I don't even blame all of this on that. I just need to GET MYSELF TOGETHER and FAST!!!!

Paradigm Shift

In order to survive the next phase of my lift, I must shift my thinking. God is teaching me how to see myself differently. I've always had self-esteem issues--a lack of self-confidence, inferiority complex...., but in order for me to be successful as a Woman of God, I can't continue my life in fear. I have to be confident in God!!! This shift is happening, but "the old me" is resistant. I've been battling a depressed state because I'm mad. I'm upset at myself for allowing this downward spiral. I'm mad at myself because I feel like I"m too old to be in this situation. I'm mad because I haven't learned to stand up for myself. And this madness has caused me to be sad. And this sadness has caused me to be tired. I don't want to be tired anymore. So, I have to shift my thinking!!! I've got to shift my thinking!!!

12:00 deadline

I was finishing my employment application for the Case Manager position for the Homeward Bound program (the program that has hired me to work as a Resident Manager) and while getting their address off the website, I noticed that the deadline to turn in the application was noon. WHAT?????

I picked up the application on Friday. She didn't say anything about noon as the deadline. She simply said it was due June 20. WHAT TO DO? It was not 1:37pm and I rushed to get it done and to the office. I simply told the receptionist that I just found out that it was due at noon. She just said okay and that she would let them know.

I don't know if they are gonna be lenient or not, but I pray. When my boss said that she thought about me for the position, that let me know that I had some kind of favor. I pray to God that I keep that favor. I need a steady income.

Thank you God for steady income!!

YMCA Saga

I applied for a reduced rate membership at the YMCA in April. I read the letter, but failed to remember that it was valid for 30 days. So, my trip to the YMCA today was in vain. I was all ready to sign up--I had my cute workout attire on and my old reebok gym shoes. I was ready to go. They got my membership application out and I was getting ready to write my check and then they noticed the date. I was half sleepy so her telling me that the letter was expired kind of bothered me--I'm quite grumpy when I'm not fully awake. I had to tell myself to not be ticked off. I almost wanted to ask for her manager, but that would have not been a good thing to do. It said it right there in the letter--I have 30 days to respond. I did get a new application for assistance. I explained to the woman my income issues and she said to simply explain in the application that I'm only working temporary jobs and my income is not steady. She did tell me that I must have income in order to get a membership because I must pay something. I don't mind paying something. I only want a membership for a month or so--nothing longer because I'm not sure if I can pay past then. I wish they would get rid of this year long contract and just let people pay by the month. Grrrr. I know it's more beneficial to them to have people sign up for a year, but it doesn't work for me.

So, I have to print out my last check stubs and write a letter explaining my issue--jump through the red tape. I guess I really don't mind, I was just so prepared to start working out today. I was mentally prepared. I've got to lose some weight. All of my clothes are uncomfortably tight and I can't afford a new wardrobe. For some reason, I can't wrap my brain around going to the park to walk. I'm so hung up on the aerobics class. I guess its because when I'm in class, it's not easy to just leave before its over, but if I go to the park, I can simply leave after 10 minutes if I don't feel like it. Also, I like the camaraderie in the classes. I talk to the instructor and others in class--especially if you have routine of going and you see the same people each time. That motivates me.

So, I'll be finishing this application and turning it in tomorrow. Now, I need to finish braiding my hair.

Weight Loss Goals

I am fat....

Ok, I'm not really fat, just overweight. I'm sure I'm about 190lbs and I'm 5'5", so according to all the rules about weight, I'm fat. So, I applied for assistance for the YMCA about a month ago, but I didn't have any money to sigh up, so I'm gonna sign up today. If I can go about 5 days a week for at least 30 minutes a day, I'm sure I'll be on the road to slimville. Of course it's easier said than done, so I'm gonna make myself go. That's the only thing that I can do is to make it up in my mind that I can't continue to add to my weight. I have no health insurance, so getting sick is not an option. So, I've got to get healthy.

I watched Sicko last night and it was so eye opening about what American has done to her citizens. WOW, we should be ashamed of ourselves, but no one is gonna take care of me like me, so I need to get moving.


In other news, the Director called to tell me that I was not chosen. I invited her to church.

My new sofa came and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I've been sleeping on it for the last few days since my air mattress is not staying inflated. My next goal is to get a new bad. My neck and back are tired of my sleeping conditions. I went to Slumberland again to look for a new bed--not a mattress, but a new bed. Yes, I need a mattress, but there are a few mattress stors that sell cheap mattresses about less than $200, so I'm gonna get a full size mattress and a pillow topper because I want my bed to be plush. But, I was also looking for a new bed. I've never been able to buy myself a new bed. In my old apartment, I had a full size mattress that was held up by a make-shift bed of plywood and bricks. I think it's time to buy a new bed. I've been looking at this one in the store. It's nice and sturdy and on sale for $399. It's a little more on overstock.com:

I'm gonna buy the mattress and box spring first and then go after that bed. I might put it on layaway at Slumberland since it's only $300 and pay $50 a week until I can get it, but I can't put the mattress on layaway.

The Director Called Me

I was busy at work and I looked at my phone to a missed call from a number that I didn't recognize. I dialed my voice mail and listened to the Director ask me to call her back. I immediately called her, but of course she was gone for the day. GRRRRRR. I'm wondering if she is calling me to let me know that I didn't get the position. Maybe because we know each other, she feels that it's more personal to call me than to send me a letter. She really doesn't have to do that. I would be surprised if she offered me the position. When I talked to the secretary, she didn't seem excited. I guess I'll hear from her tomorrow.

My sofa is coming

I don't know how many post I have about my sofa saga, but I'm sure this will be the last one. Some time between now and 5pm, I will have a new sofa to sit on. My apartment will become my home. Why is this such a big deal?

Well, because this is the first time that I've purchased a brand new sofa. In my other apartment, I had two love seats in the living room that were second hand. They were nice, but not really my style. I bought them because it was what I could afford. I think I paid less than $300 for both and I had way more bills than I have now. My new sofa will give me a little more dignity and help me to be more comfortable in my new space. I thank God for it. It's nothing like living in a place that doesn't feel like home. And plus with my past experience with bed bugs, I do not want to chance buying another second hand sofa.

Post Script: I'm like a child on Christmas. I keep looking out the window. When my phone rings, I get excited. LOL.

New Job Opportunity

I've been working this temp job for two weeks now. When they hired me they said that it could possibly be temp-to-hire, but I realized that they weren't gonna hire me when they interviewed a girl the first week that I worked. But, I've been managing. I thank God for this job. It's keeping gas in my car.

Speaking of gas in my car...my new car accessory is a red gas can. I don't go anywhere without it.

I was surfing the net, looking for jobs and the company that hired me to be a resident manager is looking for a case manager. I"m gonna send my boss an email to ask her if I'm eligible to apply for the job. It only pays $18,000-24,000 a year, but I'll take it because it has health care. I need to go to the dentist and the doctor.

I also want to get a new phone with internet at home and I"m reluctant to sign up for a contract for those things when I don't know if I will have a steady paycheck. I have a hard enough time wondering if I'm gonna have enough money to pay my car note.

I also need to get my car fixed. It's rattling, needs and oil change, and the engine light just won't go off--something about oxygen sensors....

I just want to be stable!!!

And I want to buy a new bed. Sleeping on the air mattress has become a pain because it is defective. I can't explain it, but the ridges that are supposed to keep the air chambers evenly distributed with air have burst, so I have a lump-sided mattress that feels like a waterbed, which is the most uncomfortable thing to sleep on. I can't wait to sleep on a plush mattress with fluffy pillows.

I pray that I get the job because it will be something that I enjoy!!!

Finally Got Paid

I got my unemployment check the other day. I also got paid from my temp job. So, I was able to finish paying off my sofa. It will be delivered on next Thursday after 2pm. I will be working during that time, but I'm gonna request time off to get my new sofa. I CANT WAIT!!!!

I was also able to pay the rest of my car note. THANK GOD. When my check next week, I'll be able to pay next month's car note. I've been working on my living expenses. I think I can buy all of my household needs--toilet paper, toothpaste, laundry detergent, etc for a whole year for under $300. I've been tracking how much of this stuff I've used since I moved here and I found that I used 24 rolls of Angel Soft Double Roll tissue since March 1. So that means I need about 24 rolls every 3 months. So, I went to the store and got two 24 rolls of Scott Triple Roll for $9.99 each at Target. It was on sale. I think the regular cost is like over $15. I would have been happy if I had a dollar off coupon, but I couldn't find one. But, it was still a steal. (Womp, womp :)

I also got two 50 load 100 oz Woolite laundry detergents for under $6.00. I was also on sale. The regular price was about $12. I've bought 5 things of Colgate toothpaste from the dollar store and I'm looking at body wash, hair shampoo, and other cleaning supplies that I need. I want to be a little more natural with my body wash, so I splurged and bought Dr.Bonners.

A friend is gonna hire me to run a program for people who were caught shoplifting. I've got to put together a proposal. I'm gonna work on that tonight. That will keep me afloat after my temp job runs out next week.

Why can't I just say it?

"So what type of work do you do?"

I hate that questions. I feel so stupid saying that I"m unemployed, or saying that I'm a temporary employee. So instead of saying that I just say, "I do contract work for companies" and I hope that they don't ask what type of work. If they do I say, "Program development, evaluations and grant writing." Which is sort of kind of what I do with the non-profit that I volunteer at, but I don't get paid.

I haven't heard anything from the university. I'm thinking about all of the answers that I could have told her related to the last questions that she asked me. I'm not gonna be mad or upset if I don't get the job. I just want to be working in my purpose. I want to fulfill my purpose in life.

The Same Old Issues

When I worked for the temporary service that laid me off back in November, I had so many issues with them paying me (not to mention the issues with unemployment related to them). Well, they've hired me for a temporary data entry position and I'm facing the same old issues with being paid. I'm not gonna complain about it, but there seems to be a problem some where. I was expecting to get a paycheck from them on Friday and as of today I have not received it, so I emailed them to ask what the process was to being paid. One of the girls emailed me back to say, "I thought you remember the process..." I told her that I would go online to input my hours. She then said to me that the company is not signed up for their online pay system.

Well, how am I supposed to get paid if I don't enter my hours online? That is the only way that I know to do my time sheet. I haven't been told otherwise. So what else is there to remember?

I believe that she was trying to "cover herself" for not telling my supervisor that she needs to turn in time sheets. I want to be stubborn and give her a hard time, but that's not the right thing to do. I'm gonna humble myself and ask her for a time sheet. God help my heart, PLEASE. I don't want to be bitter towards them.

Where is my new sofa?

It's June 4 and my sofa was supposed to be on its way here. Where is it?

Still at the store. That's where it is. I didn't have enough money to pay my car note and get my sofa. Plus my new job assignment has not paid me so I'm quite short on cash. I'm not worried. I have plenty of food!!

Speaking of new job assignments...

I haven't heard from the university, but I have seen the Director. My church had a woman's luncheon and she was invited and I went over to hug her and she wasn't too receptive. That kind of let me know that she hasn't chosen me for the position. I'm not upset. God has another plan for me and I'm grateful for that. I'm getting back on track spiritually and I love God for not leaving me!!! My Pastor said he had a business idea that he wants me to help with. I'm happy for that. This will help me to stay focused.

Thank God for Public Assistance

I thank God that I was blessed with my LINK card. I have enough money to buy food for a long time. I've been working on my budget and that includes my food budget. I wish I can buy a mini freezer because then I can load up on food. I"m gonna look into it. I'm also looking into extreme couponing to help me out with buying household items and staples for the rest of the year. There is a class at the community college for $15 that teaches this practice.

I Need to Ask You a Few More Questions

The Director from the univesity called me yesterday. She left me a message that she needed to ask me a few more questions. She is ready to make her final decisions, but she needed more information from me. Her first questions:

Where do you see yourself over the next 5 years?

I told her that I was working on my 15 year plan. I want to work at an industry for the next 10 years while I work on my Ph.D and then I want to move up. Well, actually I want to move up while I'm working over those 10 years. I also told her that I want to be a college president. Which has been one of my dreams, but I'm not quite sure how much I want to do that. I also want to run my own educational program or be a principal of a small school.

Why do you want to do that?

I told her that I was inspired by the current community college president. I also told her that I would like to be a community college president.

Where do you see the program going?

I told her that I would love to help the students to work with faculty members to do more research and career development.

What area of student development do you see yourself working in?

I told her that I love leadership and career development.

She asked a few other questions, but I don't remember. I believe that the decision is between me and another candidate. I'm gonna be positive, but I haven't heard anything from her today. *Breathe*

Later on I emailed her additional information about how I was inspired by Dr. Jonetta Cole who was the first woman president at an HBCU. I also told her that I was looking at how many women community college presidents there were in Illinoin and there weren't many.

I don't know if this information helped her to understand my goals, but I wanted to make sure she understood me.

I won't be upset if I don't get the job, I'll just have to continue to trust God.