"And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years...." John 5.
I am 38 years old and this is my year of recovery and healing--spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically. God's word says so.....there have been things that I have dealt with my whole life. I was born to a unwed, teenage mom. That brought on a lot of problems within itself--poverty being number one. I've suffered molestation, incest, low self-esteem, promiscuity, depression, thyroiditis, fibroids, and a myriad of unhealthy decisions in my life due to my upbringing and lack of knowledge. But, after 38 years, Jesus told the man to GET UP AND WALK.....
Walk away from all that hurt and pain and everything that has kept him bound.
So I'm walking....I'm taking everything thing that I've dealt with that has kept me lame and crippled with the inability to fulfill my purpose....I'm taking it and I'm walking in my purpose. And Jesus told the man, "Don't return to a life of sin or something worse will happen to you."
God I hear you LOUD & CLEAR!!
Friday, April 29, 2016
My HEALTHY Uterus
I was pretty weepy on last Friday. I had my annual exam and it didn't go well. Well, the exam went well, but the results weren't favorable.
Background...
In 2011, I woke up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain. I had THE WORST CRAMPS EVER. I started popping pills. I had to, the pain was so unbearable that I could barely see. Every six hours, I was taking tylenol for about a week. This happened for about 3 months. I would pray to God because at this time I didn't have health insurance. One day while in church the speaker was speaking and he said, "Some of you are popping pills and won't believe that God will heal you...." At that very moment lifted up my hand and said to God, "I thank you for healing me, in Jesus name." And that was it. I didn't experience anymore pain, just normal cramps.
I didn't know what was wrong with my, but I knew it involved my reproductive organs. I had a friend who had the same issue and she elected to get a hysterectomy. I didn't want to do that. I want children. I had a IUD in place from 2004 to 2012. In 2015 during my annual exam my doctor noticed a fibroid. She said it seemed to be about golf ball size. She asked me if I had heavy bleeding or really bad cramps. I told her that I didn't. Actually, my periods were the most normal that it has ever been. So she said, we would just watch it to see if it gets larger.
This year I went to my exam and she noticed that my uterus was enlarged. So we did an ultrasound.....multiple fibroids was the diagnosis. When I asked the technician how many she said, "Well......" This didn't sound good, "When a woman has this many we usually watch the three largest," One was 6 cm, 4cm, and then a little smaller than that.
OMG....I was trying to stay calm.
When I left there I was weepy. I didn't know what to do. I had to talk to myself, but I was freaking out. What does this mean? Will I be able to have children? Will this turn to cancer? Will this get worse?
I was praying to God to help me because I didn't want to freak out. It's not good to make decisions when you are emotional and I was really emotional. I needed some relief. I went to get a bottle or wine and I was going to call Mister. I needed to talk to someone....
Instead I called Tonya. She talked to me and encouraged me. She said that she had a fibroid and that she prayed and it shrunk.
So, I remembered in 2011 when I prayed. The fibroids were probably growing then, but who knows. Also, the fibroids could have grown after the IUD was removed. There is no way to tell, but now I need God's healing power again.
I can't help but think that all the years of promiscuity is catching up with me. God can't be mocked, when we sow to our flesh, we reap in our flesh, but thank God that the reaping doesn't last always. It's been yeas since those wild days. Actually, when I think about it, I've only had sex with 2 men since 2010---Mister and Coach. And I'm working on myself--staying pure. So, this is recovery time for me. I'm just going to stand on the word of God and get through this....
Background...
In 2011, I woke up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain. I had THE WORST CRAMPS EVER. I started popping pills. I had to, the pain was so unbearable that I could barely see. Every six hours, I was taking tylenol for about a week. This happened for about 3 months. I would pray to God because at this time I didn't have health insurance. One day while in church the speaker was speaking and he said, "Some of you are popping pills and won't believe that God will heal you...." At that very moment lifted up my hand and said to God, "I thank you for healing me, in Jesus name." And that was it. I didn't experience anymore pain, just normal cramps.
I didn't know what was wrong with my, but I knew it involved my reproductive organs. I had a friend who had the same issue and she elected to get a hysterectomy. I didn't want to do that. I want children. I had a IUD in place from 2004 to 2012. In 2015 during my annual exam my doctor noticed a fibroid. She said it seemed to be about golf ball size. She asked me if I had heavy bleeding or really bad cramps. I told her that I didn't. Actually, my periods were the most normal that it has ever been. So she said, we would just watch it to see if it gets larger.
This year I went to my exam and she noticed that my uterus was enlarged. So we did an ultrasound.....multiple fibroids was the diagnosis. When I asked the technician how many she said, "Well......" This didn't sound good, "When a woman has this many we usually watch the three largest," One was 6 cm, 4cm, and then a little smaller than that.
OMG....I was trying to stay calm.
When I left there I was weepy. I didn't know what to do. I had to talk to myself, but I was freaking out. What does this mean? Will I be able to have children? Will this turn to cancer? Will this get worse?
I was praying to God to help me because I didn't want to freak out. It's not good to make decisions when you are emotional and I was really emotional. I needed some relief. I went to get a bottle or wine and I was going to call Mister. I needed to talk to someone....
Instead I called Tonya. She talked to me and encouraged me. She said that she had a fibroid and that she prayed and it shrunk.
So, I remembered in 2011 when I prayed. The fibroids were probably growing then, but who knows. Also, the fibroids could have grown after the IUD was removed. There is no way to tell, but now I need God's healing power again.
I can't help but think that all the years of promiscuity is catching up with me. God can't be mocked, when we sow to our flesh, we reap in our flesh, but thank God that the reaping doesn't last always. It's been yeas since those wild days. Actually, when I think about it, I've only had sex with 2 men since 2010---Mister and Coach. And I'm working on myself--staying pure. So, this is recovery time for me. I'm just going to stand on the word of God and get through this....
Why Would You Attack Yourself?
2016, a year of double for me....a year of recovery for me!
I have been active in my recovery....recovery in my finances, my health, my spirit, my mind, my entire being. One of the things that I've been working on is my health. I went to the doctor in February and there were all types of test run. I'm still waiting on my results from my stool and saliva samples (GROSS), but I got the results from my blood test. It's not different from the test I had in 2012 when the doctor told me I was fine. No, I'm not fine. I have a goiter and nodules on my thyroid. How is that fine? So my new doctor did all the thyroid test and my TPO test was abnormally high, still. In 2012, it was 263 and in 2016 it was 241. The normal range is 0-34. I've been diagnosed with Hashimoto Thyroiditis. This is an autoimmune disease. Our immune system is supposed to protect us; when we get a foreigner inside our body, our immune system goes to work, it attacks that invader whether it's a bacteria, virus, fungus and it works to eliminate it. However, sometimes the immune system gets confused and it attacks the wrong thing--friendly fire. With autoimmune, the immune system attacks the body.
Why would that happen?
I mean, I understand collateral damage, when I take antibiotics, sometimes the good bacteria is killed with the bad bacteria, but why would my body attack itself?
I LOVE ME? So why attack myself? Who does that? Who destroys themselves? This is evil!!
This is the reason for my recovery!!!
Over the years I have not treated my body well. I ate badly--WAY TOO MUCH SUGAR, and I didn't keep up with my fitness routine, I was highly promiscuous....it wasn't good. So my body is attacking me, like I was doing. Now I have to heal. And by the GRACE of GOD I am healing.
I have been active in my recovery....recovery in my finances, my health, my spirit, my mind, my entire being. One of the things that I've been working on is my health. I went to the doctor in February and there were all types of test run. I'm still waiting on my results from my stool and saliva samples (GROSS), but I got the results from my blood test. It's not different from the test I had in 2012 when the doctor told me I was fine. No, I'm not fine. I have a goiter and nodules on my thyroid. How is that fine? So my new doctor did all the thyroid test and my TPO test was abnormally high, still. In 2012, it was 263 and in 2016 it was 241. The normal range is 0-34. I've been diagnosed with Hashimoto Thyroiditis. This is an autoimmune disease. Our immune system is supposed to protect us; when we get a foreigner inside our body, our immune system goes to work, it attacks that invader whether it's a bacteria, virus, fungus and it works to eliminate it. However, sometimes the immune system gets confused and it attacks the wrong thing--friendly fire. With autoimmune, the immune system attacks the body.
Why would that happen?
I mean, I understand collateral damage, when I take antibiotics, sometimes the good bacteria is killed with the bad bacteria, but why would my body attack itself?
I LOVE ME? So why attack myself? Who does that? Who destroys themselves? This is evil!!
This is the reason for my recovery!!!
Over the years I have not treated my body well. I ate badly--WAY TOO MUCH SUGAR, and I didn't keep up with my fitness routine, I was highly promiscuous....it wasn't good. So my body is attacking me, like I was doing. Now I have to heal. And by the GRACE of GOD I am healing.
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Don't Get Sucked Back In!!
I've made that mistake before....
Back in 2007 I prayed and prayed every day for God to save me. I wanted to live a holy life and I want my life to represent Christ. But, I was stuck; stuck in a bad relationship with a man who didn't believe in Christ. So, I prayed for God to free me from that relationship and he did. In August 2007 that man was layed off from his job and he moved to another state. I was free and I was happy. However, a few years later in 2011 me and that guy reconnected.
WHY??
I have no idea!!!!!
But we did and this ended badly in February of this year and even though it ended badly, I'm glad it ended because it wasn't taking me anywhere good. I was drowning.
So, he deleted my number, but I realized he didn't delete me from FB. UGH!! I hate FB. DANG IT!!
I was so surprised to get his message today....
Dag!!!
I can't get sucked back in anymore. FATHER, HELP ME!!
Whom son has set free is free indeed--John 8:36
Back in 2007 I prayed and prayed every day for God to save me. I wanted to live a holy life and I want my life to represent Christ. But, I was stuck; stuck in a bad relationship with a man who didn't believe in Christ. So, I prayed for God to free me from that relationship and he did. In August 2007 that man was layed off from his job and he moved to another state. I was free and I was happy. However, a few years later in 2011 me and that guy reconnected.
WHY??
I have no idea!!!!!
But we did and this ended badly in February of this year and even though it ended badly, I'm glad it ended because it wasn't taking me anywhere good. I was drowning.
So, he deleted my number, but I realized he didn't delete me from FB. UGH!! I hate FB. DANG IT!!
I was so surprised to get his message today....
Dag!!!
I can't get sucked back in anymore. FATHER, HELP ME!!
Whom son has set free is free indeed--John 8:36
Saturday, April 9, 2016
Rejection Letter: Moving Along
I was talking to my friend and she wants to start a business, but her credit score was low. I was telling her my woes and she told me the same thing that the housing people told me--get a credit card and I didn't want to do it, but I applied for a Kroger credit card.....
FAIL
They sent me a rejection letter. Yep....UGH. I probably should have gotten a secured card, but I didn't go that route. My score went down 2 points because of that. Now I'm at 618, when I was at 636 last year this time. DANG!!!
I keep thinking about my house though and the first one I looked it is now $3000 less and I really want it, but my credit score is not good enough for my bank right now. I just have to move along and really really really work on my debt free plan. I did pay $2000 on my student loan. That didn't move the needle at all.
I just gotta keep moving along!!
FAIL
They sent me a rejection letter. Yep....UGH. I probably should have gotten a secured card, but I didn't go that route. My score went down 2 points because of that. Now I'm at 618, when I was at 636 last year this time. DANG!!!
I keep thinking about my house though and the first one I looked it is now $3000 less and I really want it, but my credit score is not good enough for my bank right now. I just have to move along and really really really work on my debt free plan. I did pay $2000 on my student loan. That didn't move the needle at all.
I just gotta keep moving along!!
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
The Seed Stops the Cycle
A woman goes through a cycle every month; sometimes 28 days, 32 days, etc. but every month the same thing happens and the first day of the cycle is when the blood comes. Sometimes before the blood there is pain and cramping and headaches, and changes in moods, but it happens all the time. The only thing that stops the cycle is a seed. When a seed is planted in the womb, the cycle ends.
This is what I learned in church tonight.
Sometimes there are cycles in our lives. These cycles are not good for us. We go around in a circle and the same thing happens over and over again and we don't know how to get out of the rut that we are in and we do things over and over to no avail. But, when we allow the seed of righteousness to be planted in our lives, the cycle stops, the bleeding stops, the pain and anguish stops. The curse is broken when we allow Christ in.
I've been in a cycle in my life. This cycle was a curse and in this year of recovery for me I am becoming more intimate with God so that the seed of righteousness can be planted in my heart and my mind. After that seed is planted, I must bear fruit and much fruit. My life is to be fruitful, not barren!!
Thank God for the seed in my life!!
This is what I learned in church tonight.
Sometimes there are cycles in our lives. These cycles are not good for us. We go around in a circle and the same thing happens over and over again and we don't know how to get out of the rut that we are in and we do things over and over to no avail. But, when we allow the seed of righteousness to be planted in our lives, the cycle stops, the bleeding stops, the pain and anguish stops. The curse is broken when we allow Christ in.
I've been in a cycle in my life. This cycle was a curse and in this year of recovery for me I am becoming more intimate with God so that the seed of righteousness can be planted in my heart and my mind. After that seed is planted, I must bear fruit and much fruit. My life is to be fruitful, not barren!!
Thank God for the seed in my life!!
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