511

I had this dream. I was at a store getting groceries or something and I got to the checkout counter and I didn't have enought money for the bill at the self-checkout. So, I packed everything up and went to a different lane so that the clerk could check me out. I didn't have very many items at all and when she checked me out it was $511. The same amount that rang up when I was at the self-checkout. I didn't have enough money and I was a little baffled because there were only a few items. But I was more worried about the amount than the fact that it may have been wrong. How prideful is that?

God, I thank you for delivering me from pride. Pride will not ruin my life. EVER. In Jesus name, Amen!!

The Joseph Factor

I am finishing 21 days of fasting and praying (more fasting than praying) that we embark upon the first of every year. And each year that I fast I thank God that He speaks to me about me. This year He spoke to me through Amos 6 and showed me that my pride was keeping me from advancing in my life. And I thank Him for that. Then I got to thinking about Joseph.

God showed me something in a dream a couple months ago and it was related to a grant I wrote for an organization. Then one of the volunteers for the organization confirmed the dream by saying exactly what God showed me. Because God confirmed it, I was expecting it to come to pass, but it hasn't. At least not yet. And for the past few days I've been asking God why? Why hasn't it come to pass.

Then I thought about Joseph.

Joseph dreamed a dream.....TWICE!

He was 17 when God showed him his life in a dream....TWICE!!!

The dream did not come to pass.......

....until he was 30 years old.

Joseph had to wait until all the pride that had been built up in him was removed and in his humility, the dream was fulfilled.

I was filled with pride. That's why God spoke to me last year and then I had the dream this year, but NOTHING. I was too filled with pride. So, I needed to humble myself and make sure that that spirit is broken off my life. When I think about it my family is proud. The Bible calls them long necks. Just haughty--high above everyone else. So that generational curse is being broken off my like and I thank God for that.

I thank God for showing me me!! God is great like that!!

The dream will come to pass because God is NOT a man that He should lie, nor that son of man that He should repent. He said it and it will come to pass.

2015 Season

The Number 15

1. Season of Freedom and Deliverance, Restoration, Liberty in every area of my life.

2. Season of Grace, the promise and release of the full amplication and manifestation of the fullness of God's enabling power. The promise of God's help in unusual ways. It is not my strength and might, but Gods. He will take care of things that seems hard in my life!!

3. Season for Sin Covered, not sin forgiven. Transgressions will NOT be used against me.

4. Season of Honor. The promise and release of elevation, promotion, visibility in obscurity.

There is no force that can hold me back when God says I'm supposed to be moving forward. There is no spirit that can bind me when God says I am free. There is no door that can be closed when God says honor comes on me. There is no one that can accuse me and remind me of my past and mistakes when God says my sins are covered.

So, I thank God for the season of Freedom, Grace, Sin Covered, and Honor in my life, in Jesus' Name. Amen

I Choose

Two dreams:

I was laying down in a bed, but I think the bed was in church. I was sleeping and there were people around me like they were in a service or something, but I was just chilling sleep in this bed in the back of the sanctuary. Apostle walked by and called my name and said, "Come on," I immediately got up and followed him.

I woke up, went to use the bathroom, got back in bed and went back to sleep.

I dreamed again.

This time I don't remember the dream fully, but I was on the floor being dragged by our Apostle. Then  I woke up.

I don't know what the dreams about, but I choose the first one!!

I want to willingly be apart of God's kingdom plan. I'm too old and too heavy for someone to be dragging me along.

I willingly get up out of my sleep and slumber and follow Christ wherever He will tell me to go.


THANK YOU, FATHER!!

To Vow a Vow

When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. Ecclesiaties 5:4.

I vowed a vow to God today. My church is in fundraising mode. And we have a goal to meet in 6 months. My vow is $3000 in 6 months. So I need to pay $500 a month to my vow. This would push my giving up to $1500 a month which I LOVE!! I love being a blessing in the kingdom of God, but my sowing does not come without a reward. The Bible tells us that it is illegal to sow and not reap. So I pray that as I fulfill this vow the purpose of God will come into fruition in my life, in Jesus name. AMEN!!

PAIN

I was reading the other day about Female Genital Mutilation. I was interested in it because I was listening to s story of the Kenyan runners....they are the best in the world and some have tried to study to explain why this specific tribe in Kenya are great athletes. They studied the 1968 Olympic winner--Kipchoge Keino, who had a gall bladder attack, but still went on to win the gold. Despite all the a pain he was in, he kept running as fast as he could. While listening to the study, they said that this particular tribe practices circumcision as a rite of passage, so to speak, on the boys and girls. So this female circumcision intrigued me and read about this gruesome procedure that leaves many women physically, psychologically, and emotionally in pain for the rest of their days. But yet, despite this many of the men become amazing athletes.

It was interesting that I was reading this and listening to this study at this time because we have been fasting as is our custom the first 21 days of the new year. And in my fasting, I really want God to change me, to move me from my present situation so that I can fulfill my purpose. So, I came across Amos 6. And at first it didn't mean anything to me until I read the Message translation of verse 3-6,

Woe to those addicted to feeling good—life without pain!
    those obsessed with looking good—life without wrinkles!
They could not care less
    about their country going to ruin."

I took a pause because, that hit me. I'm addicted to feeling good--I HATE PAIN, especially emotional pain. When I'm getting emotional I suck it up and stop. When I'm feeling mental anquish, I do everything to escape it. I don't want pain. Mainly because of my past, but also because pain is stressful. It just is and I don't like it. Who does, but this scripture stuck with me. Then in leadership meeting today, God dug a little deeper.

Some years ago, acutally a lot of years ago, I began to pray before going to church, that I didn't want to feel any pain. I didn't realize what I was praying for. Basically, I was saying to God, let the preacher preach something nice and encouraging, but don't let him preach anything that was going to cause me mental anquish and stress. And I would pray that often because sometimes the Pastor could preach harshly against the sin or negative behaviors and it could rub me the wrong way. But, in leadership meeting today, I've learned that me praying that was VERY wrong. In essence I was telling God that since I don't like pain, I don't want to be corrected because correction or discipline doesn't feel good. I wanted to go to church and feel good, not pain.

BUT

If I'm not corrected I am a BASTARD. I DID NOT KNOW that the biblical correction and discipline is painful, but NECESSARY! God, forgive me, please!! I didn't know!!

Father, in the name of Jesus, don't allow my ignorance to destroy me.

Thank you for the light being turned on. I ACCEPT all the correction and discipline I NEED becaues I HAVE TO MOVE FORWARD in your grace and purpose!! I HAVE TO!!

So, I welcome the pain of correction. I welcome the pain of discipline. I welcome it with open arms.

It's interesting because I would wonder why my leaders would not correct me. Now I know why. I didn't want them to. I mean I did in my head, but my posture (my praying to God) wouldn't allow them to. So, I humble myself and submit myself as a son and allow myself to be disciplined so that I could move forward, in Jesus's name. Amen!!

God, Help Me With This Dream

I had the sweetest dream last night. I can't remember what I was doing, but I was sent to get something with someone and there was this guy following me, trying to talk to me. I kept blowing him off. We were going to get something simple, but it was like a journey and even at one point we were being pelted with small rock like things. At one point I woke up and since I was enjoying the dream because the guy was cute I went back to sleep and at the end of the dream, the young man and I went on a date. I told him I was avoiding him because I thought he was a teenager, but he was 3 years younger than me. When we were dating, we were talking about children, then my sister came to wake me up.

I've Never Had to Say Goodbye

I attended a funeral today. It was short, sweet, quiet. The man was 83 years old, but his death was tragic. He survived a quadruple bypass surgery in August. His sister (who is my friend) came all the way from Pennysylvania to see him because she was sure that this would be the last time she saw her brother. No one thought he was going to make it. The widow-maker was 100% blocked. He survived until Christmas Eve. He was eating with someone and choked...no oxygen to the brain for 15 minutes. I don't know how he wasn't DOA at the hospital. My only thinking was that it was the day before Christmas and no one wants to have a loved one go around Christmas time. They hooked him up to life support and he went peaceably on December 27. His sister (my friend) drove all the way from Pennyslyvania with her daughter to say goodbye.

It's an interesting story how I know this man....

But, I told his sister I would be at the funeral. I sat in the back and listened to all the kind words spoken about this man--how he helped people. When it was time for the last viewing I walked around and then went to his sister. We hugged and kissed and she said to me, "This is the last time I will be in town. I won't be coming back." She's 77 years old. Tears flooded my eyes. I know she won't be coming back. She has no family here, but this sounded so final. Like this was it for her too.

I left the funeral thinking about her. I've always said that I want to be like her and Ms. Judi when I get older. Alive, full of spunk, staring death in the face, daring it to knock on my door. But, when you get to be past 80 I assume you look at it all the time. You wait for it to come.

As I was driving, I just cried.

This was the first time I've had to say goodbye to someone.

I mean, yeah...my daughter died and I had to say goodbye to her, but this was different. I've spent 4 years with this woman and I'm not even sure why she likes me, but I had to tell her goodbye because this was probably the last time I would see her. This made me sad.

When my grandparents died I was't there. I showed up for the funeral and mourned with my family.

But this was different. Realizing that this may be it for someone is not very easy and not something that I want to face.

There has been a lot of death recently and when it's sudden it's hard, but saying good bye and hearing a person tell you goodbye too is hard.....

We Made It

It's Amazing...We have made it to the year 2015. WOW!!!

January 1, 2015.

I talked to my uncle this morning and he had 4 resoluations. Very noble. I told him I didn't really make a resolution, my goal was simply to be better this year that I was last year.

Last year was not a bad year, but I was disappointed. I thought I would be getting married, but I haven't met anyone. I wanted to be more debt free than I am now and I'm no where closer. As a matter of fact I owe $2000 for tuition so I need to pay that ASAP.

One of the things that I remembered was a doctors bill that I never paid to a low-income clinic. I'm glad I remembered that because I'm going to pay that asap.

So, I want get better. I DON'T want my emotions to lead me. I want to walk in spirituality and not in my flesh.

I must admit, I'm pretty uncertain about this year, but I trust God and I'm going to follow His lead.