The 2nd Callback

Mr. D called to ask me if I wanted to apartment. I told her that I did, but after some soul searching, I've decided to turn down the apartment. I'm going to go with an efficiency apartment for about $400 a month. I'm not trying to impress anyone and I want to get out of debt ASAP, so this will save me about $2500 over the year that I could put towards debt and/or my tution which is about $3500.

I'm disappointed, but I remembered my car.....and I DON'T EVER want to repeat that.

Legal Guardianship

March 21, 2014.....

My entry was about my baby boy. I got excited! And I started praying because I can't have a baby without a husband.

Two months later.....May 19 & May 20, 2014.....

I had a dream about a man and his first name started with a J or his last name started with a J. So I was praying for my husband and my baby.

August 7, 2014

I go to see my cousin and her new baby. He's a light-skinned boy, but he's not yellow, he's more of a a red light-skinned baby instead of a yellow light-skinned baby. He is such a doll.

Sunday, August 24, 2014....

I get to my cousin's house and we are having dinner after her babies christening....she pulls me aside and tells me that she needs a HUGE FAVOR. She kept saying it was huge. When we got to her room, she asked me if I could be her son's legal guardian if anything were to ever happen to her. We really couldn't talk because there were tons of people at her house and people kept coming in the room. So we made plans to talk later.

As I was leaving the next day I kept thinking and thinking about my dream.

Was that baby in my dreams? I began to pray to ask God....

I also emailed my 1st lady. She basically said that this was God preparing me for her asking me to be the legal guardian. It doesn't mean that I will actually be the legal guardian, just god preparing me to tell her yes.

Whew!!!

The Call Back

It was actually a text back.

"The couple changed their minds. I will reserve the apartment for you if you want." is what the text said. The guy was letting me know that the apartment was available now and that I could have it if I wanted it. OMG!!

I have $200 in the bank and I don't get paid until Thursday. I don't have any money for the apartment now.

Oh boy oh boy.....

My New Home

1576 W. ********** St.

I went to seen an apartment on yesterday....at first I was hesistant. I called the owner and she gave me the number to her step father. But, I didn't call him right away. I called him later in the afternoon and we set a time to see the place. It was in an older building, but the apartment was really nice. It said there was 1500 sq ft, but I'm not sure that it was that big even though it was spacious.  When you walk in there is a living room, but right off the living is a den with tons of windows--my new office.  Then there is a dining room and a small kitchen. The kitchen leads to the hall way that leads to the two bedrooms and the bathroom. One bedroom doesn't have a closet, but that is fine.  There are two very large spacious closets down the hallway. And one bedroom has a walk in. The only thing that I didn't like was that that place needed to be painted. I have paint. I can paint. I have no problem with painting. As a matter of fact I love to paint. The father-in-law offerred it to me there, but I didn't have $1200 on me at that moment. As a matter of fact I won't have $1200 on me until next Thursday when I get paid. I have access to $600 ( part of which is my emergency fund).  I told him I needed to check Ameren and they said the power bill is only about $120 a month. I told him that I would call him back that evening, but I called him this morning and left him a message.

He hasn't called me back. OMG!!!!

I want the apartment and I NEED the apartment, but I wonder if he would allow me to move in Sept 1? I'll try to call him back this evening.

I Have an Assignment

I am here because I have an assignment. Joshua was assigned to the foot of the mountain for 40 days and he didn't move.

It's a different dispensation of time now and I THANK God for my leaders who are teaching me!! To arise at the next level in my life, I must got to a new level of listening, discerning, and seeing in the spirit. I must now have sensitive ears. God, help me to hear! I NEED to hear the spirit of what is said to me!! In this season I can not miss God! I must identify and remove anything that is crowding out the voice of God. I must be willing to obey as God speaks and bring myself under authority to what He is saying and follow through to obedience.  This is the hour where I have to have influence in my life!! I NEED influence to get things done in my life.

I have to be groomed for the next level, but I can't because I've been doing my own thing.  God, help me!! My problem is listening and obeying!! Help me, God!!! As I obey I rise to levels of influence!!

I can't get sucked into the vice of my environment!! I AIN'T GONNA BE A FOOL TWICE!!!!!!

Father, help me to be more stable.

Abraham is my example. God raised him to high levels of influence. Abraham didn't know God--he was an idolator, his family worshiped pagan gods. The price he had to pay was called, letting go. God tells him to leave his home. But Abraham received more because of what he gave up.  When he left he took Lot with him which was a mistake.

I have to let him go!!! I can't hold on to him!!!

There are things that I have to change!! That's why I am still here in this state, so I NEED to change in order to have those things that I say.

Abraham began to sacrifice.

God, thank you for your help!!  Father, forgive me for not trusting you!!

I have to believe what God says more that what I see!! I can't allow the spirit of depression to attached itself to my soul. I don't want my soul to be attacked.

Faith perceives the unseen! It see as real and complete.....I have to see myself as I want it to be not how it is.

Faith sees beyond my natural senses!! God if you open the door, you keep it open, if you make the way, you are gonna give the provision.

We walk by our faith and not by our sight, so I see like God sees. He's able to make all grace abound towards me. My body is healed and whole, my bones are strong and not brittle. I am out of debt! I am happy and healthy!!! My family shall be saved!!!

Faith feeds on impossibilities! It's impossible for me to get a bank loan right now. But I have faith. God how does my faith line up with my reality? I've counted up the cost. I don't want a mansion, I can't afford that now, so I want a house that I can manage.

This right here is possible!!

I Will Not Fear

The third house has fallen through. So I am still without a place to live. I got the text this morning that the person ahead of me signed the lease.

I still have faith in God. I need a place to live, He knows I need a place to live...so I will have a place to live!!

Fear is trying to creep in, but I will not fear. God is with me!!

What A Dream

I had a dream this morning...

 

Q and I were driving together. I think we were going to a workshop for RS and as we were driving to the location where the workshop was held, we came to this wooded area--kind of like a forrest that we drove through. As we got through the forrest, we came to an area that was REALLY WEIRD. There were dead animals every where. And they weren't just dead like roadkill on the side of the road--these animals were on display and they were only bones, like you see dinosaur bones in a museum. Someone had taken all these animals and made some type of attraction for people to come see all these dead animals. There were big animals and small animals and even the skins of snakes were displayed and arranged so that as you drive through you can look at them. We were both like, "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS?" It was strange. I had NEVER seen anything like this. We got past all the animals to the place where the workshop was held and I kept wondering why can't we have the workshop in a zoo with live animals or at least in a place where the animals were stuffed--the bones were just strange.

 

When we got to the room, the people who were conducting the workshop were just excited. I was too weirded out to be excited. I was puzzled and concerned.  We got out name tags and the only thing on our name tags were out initials--not our names. And the people conducting the workshop were trying to hype everything up, like it was okay that we just drive through all those dead animal bones.  

 

I sat down in the back of the room and this guy was sitting back there and I think we started talking, but that was it, I woke up.......

 

I tried to go back to sleep to see what the guy was talking about cause he smiled and was cute, but it was over. I was too disturbed by the dream.....

A Whole Bunch of Cats

I've been searching and searching for a place to live and it's exhausting. Why do I have to be ssssooo complicated.  It is simple. I want a:

2 bedroom
basement
garage
central air condition
small yard

all for $550 a month.

I'd prefer an apartment for $550 a month that is large and has space. I think I've found an apartment, but I'm so apathetic. But, I"m going to go for it!!

I Need the Storm

Without the storm, there is no rain, without the rain, the seed can't be watered, without the water, the seed will die. So God, I thank you for the storm.

This summer has been very unseasonal. Usually by now it should be about 90degrees outside, but it's been like 70 degrees. I don't think we have even gotten above 88 this summer. It's been more rain and more and more rain.

This is just like my life right now. More and more rain! But, I thank God for the rain. I still have the victory.

What Do You Want?

Married guy keeps contacting me.  What do you want? is what I want to ask him. Can't you get the picture that I'm NOT interested!!! There is nothing a married man can do for me.  Plus I got the goods on him. He doesn't know that my cousin works for the prison where he used to work.  Oh boy....

Rueben Studdard, Jo Dee Messina, and an Aching Body

I've been volunteering this weekend at the "Celebration" which is an annual streetfest--one of the largest in downstate, IL (besides the state fair). I'm volunteering for the organization that I work with. We are manning the barricades for the vendors. So, on Friday, the highlighting act was Rueben Studdard and Jo Dee Messina. Since we are securing the barricades, I heard over the radio that Rueben Studdard was there. I wanted to see him, but I was all the way across the park. He was there to do sound check.

Later in the evening I was at the barricade and me being the parking nazi that I was, no one was getting past me withouth a parking pass. So a black SUV pulls up. I'm eating a stir fry bowl and I don't see a parking pass so I immediately tell the guy that he needed a parking pass. "I'm here with Rueben Studdard, he's supposed to be on stage at 7pm," the guy tells me. "Oh, ok....is he supposed to be at this gate?" I ask as a little spit flew out of my mouth.  LOL. I made a mistake and spit on Rueben Studdard's driver.  I told him I was sorry and wiped it off. "You spit on me," he laughed. I apologized and apologized and looked in the car and Rueben was sitting in the back seat. "Hey, Reuben, " I waved.  "Yes, this gate," he said and I let them through.

That was memorable!!

Then I had to be back stage for Jo Dee Messina.  Those people were....They kept trying to tell me stories of when they went to see her in concert. They wanted me to give them messages for her.  WHAT?? I don't know this woman. One lady wanted me to tell her that her music got her through her son's cancer. WHAT??? I'm not even allowed to talk to her.  Then one guy comes up and asks, "Is Jo Dee in that trailer there?" He pointed to the huge RV. "I don't know I told him. Her children are in there," I said. Her children were dropped off by the nanny about 15 minutes before this. "I bet she is. That's good she travels with her children," he said. Then we went on to tell me a story about seeing her in concert a long time ago.  Then later, about 15 min before she was to go on stage, a guy comes up and just stands at the barricades. I had no clue what he wanted. Then he yells, "Jo Dee, can I get a picture?" And he waits. I had no clue Jo Dee was out of her trailer.  The only reason the barricades were open was because a car came to drop off some groceries and they said the would be leaving so I didn't have to close the gate right away. But I stood at the gate to make sure no one would enter.  The woman with Jo Dee yelled back, "She's about to go on stage."  "It's just one picture," the guy said. And Jo Dee waved him over.  The pic was taken and he talked to her for a while.  That was pretty nice.  I can't say the same about Joan Jhett. From what I hear, she didn't want to talk to anyone. As a matter of fact her security was telling us to get out the way, and I was only volunteering. I didn't want her autograph, pic or nothing. I just wanted to do my job and keep the people out. One person did hop the fence. It was funny.....

After the weekend, my body was beat. I stayed in the bed all day on Monday. I was SO tired!! I couldn't hardly walk, my feet hurt so bad.

I'm so glad the weekend is OVER!!! All for a measely $1000 bucks.  The things I do in the name of volunterism.

Denied

I've got my denials from the bank. *Sigh*

Now I have to figure out where to live. I've been trolling for apartment and houses to rent and everything seems so expensive. A nice two bedroom apartment for $600 a month. If I was purchasing a home it would be less than $500 a month. Of course they would add insurance and taxes, but still, it's cheaper.

I NEED help, God!!