30 Days of Positive

I have been miserable lately. I haven't been letting the word of God work in my life. So, I decided to take charge and follow Earl Nightingale's advice...30 days of positive thinking. I started on today, but for some reason, I woke up with anxiety. I'm not sure why. Actually, I know why. Anytime a person makes a choice for Christ a target is placed and the enemy sends everything to twart the move of God. I was dreaming something awful and I woke up and turned on the audio Bible because I even want to dream positive. But, this anxiety is not good. So, I'm in praise mode. I have to move from where I am.

My goal is to please the Lord.

Matthew 7:7 Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you.--Amplified Bible.

The Land Doesn't Care What You Plant

What is the one thing that I want more than anything else?

I WANT to please God!

Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and he door shall be opened to you...--Matthew 7:7.

I'm doing the 30 day test!!

Thank God for motivation!!

Prideful

God has been showing me pride in my life....

1. Telling GS coordinator to allow new girl to work alone. Not a good idea. New girl is not ready
2. Planning my mom's bday lunch and not coordinatoring with sister. Now sis is mad. I don't know what to do about it.
3. Being upset that my landlady visits my apt every month and she wants me to put my sis on my lease cause I allowed her to move in with me.

I know none of these makes any sense to anyone except me, but these are reminders of God helping to dig the pride out of my life. And I thank God for that!

I want all this ugly pride out of my life!!

So, I'm going to humble myself and keep moving.

Not Going Back To Egypt

I had an okay time with Mister on last weekend. I mean, I enjoyed his company, but I was just not interested. I was happy to be able to get him a cake and I hope he enjoyed it seeing him blow out the candles, but there was no chemistry. I mean, he's attractive, but I don't want to be with him. At all!!

So, why is it that I want to "be" with him. Not "be" with him as in sex, but hang with him? I mean, I guess it's because I'm single and alone and I want an intimate relationship with someone and he is "easy." I like him and he's an attractive guy.

The problem is that he is the past. He is my bondage. I prayed and prayed and prayed to be free from him. Free from thinking about him, free from wanting to be with him. God cut that off for me and now I have to keep it cut. My body wants that connection, but my soul is screaming. So I prayed this morning. After listening to Jeremiah tell the people about wanting to go back to Egypt and how they were going to die. I prayed.

I prayed for help because my heart is trying to go back to Egypt. I don't like Egypt, but it is familiar and it's comfortable. But, it's a HORRIBLE place. Absolutely HORRIBLE!!

So, I'm not going back!!

Now I need a distraction. God bring me a distraction, please!!

Somebody's Gonna Get Hurt

The circle of life.....

Whenever we fail at one task, it comes back around to test us again. This has proven to be true in my life. So, now I'm facing another test and I'm determined to pass it this time. God told me in 2004 to leave Mister alone. I didn't and we went through hell. It was hell on eart for me.

Now, I'm facing a situation where I need to LEAVE HIM ALONE because if I don't. Someone is going to get hurt! Last time, I allowed my heart and my flesh to keep me connected to him and it was so detrimental to him and me. I knew better. Of course he's playing with fire also because it is never wise to get involved with a church girl. She will break your heart because she loves God more that you want her to love you. BUT, since I know better. I have to be responsible to LET HIM GO!!

I don't want him to be hurt no more than I've hurt him before. 

So, God help me to move on!! 

Please, in Jesus Name. AMEN!!

Want, Want, Want, Want

I'm SO OVER HIM!!

I got a little caught up and I drove to see Mister this past Saturday. I had a good time, but I was reminded how much I'm not in to him. I'm not attracted to him at all--not physically or mentally attracted to him at all. I had a good time because I was simply hanging out with someone, but if I had a choice between him and someone else, I would prolly not have chosen to hang out with him. I only went because he was down in the dumps and I wanted to show him some sunshine. Also, my flesh was wanting. I was wanting....a human connection....intimacy. My heart was wanting which caused my flesh to want or it could have been the other way around. My flesh could (is) want and I allow it to get into my heart.

The Bible says in Matthew 15:19-20....

For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts...fornication....these are the things which defile a man....

I don't want to be defiled. I want to have a clean heart, so all the flirting with him has to stop because I DON'T WANT HIM. Yes, I want somebody, NOT anybody, but somebody, but It's NOT HIM!!

It's NOT HIM.

So, I need to CUT THIS OFF!!

All the flirting has to go. It does nothing for me!!

U Can't Afford Me Pt2

U see me...u want to impress me, so u flash the Benjamins.
But, when I look in my wallet I have more than u.

U see me...u want to impress me, so u work many hours to bring home the bacon.
But, when I look the bills, I've taken care of that.

U see me...u want to impress me, so u try to look and smell like fresh rain.
But, when I see u I see desperation for a love that is needed inside.

U see me...u want to impress me, so u take me to the best restaurant and on the best trips.
But, I can do that when I want.

What I NEED, u can't afford.

I NEED a man of God.

I NEED a praying man.

I NEED a man who reads and stands on what God said.

I NEED a stability that can speak to my mind when I am down.

I NEED a strenght that can hold me up when I'm falling.

I NEED a peace that quiets all the inner storms.

Can u pay for that? Can u afford that?

U Can't Afford Me

I've never been impressed by money. In a relationship, that is. Not that I've ever had someone who just showered and showered me with gifts, but I have had a few guys buy me stuff, but money never impressed me. Of course I didn't grow up with money, so maybe my view is skewed, but I've learning to work hard to get what I need and want and if  guy comes along and wants to, out of the goodness of his hard, or to try to impress me, then that's fine. I'll take it.

Actually, I might not, depending on the circumstances.

I have given away or gotten rid of things that men have given me over the years, except for two items...a set of ottomans in my living room and a silver link necklace, that I have not worn in a long time. These two items were bought by a guy who was my friend, but he wanted to date me.

I'll be getting rid of them soon.

Other than that, I don't have anything that any other man has purchased for me. And if a man wants to purchase something for me now, I'd be hesitant. It means something to have someone buy something for you. They took the time to think about what to get. That means something.

So, I don't take that lightly.

Mister and I was talking about this briefly. As a matter of fact, I told him he couldn't afford me. He didn't understand.

Mister had never been one to have a lot of money and he said to me that he would do what he could to afford me. He even said he'd skip a student loan payment for me. LOL. Then he said that he would think about skipping two, but that might not be likely. I LOL. What he didn't understand was that money is not what it cost to get me!

I have my own money, I can buy what I need and want and God has blessed me to work to get out of debt, so it's not the money....it's who you are and what you stand for.

I left Mister because we didn't have the same values. We didn't value the same things that make life what it is.

I value a Christ-centered life. I HIGHLY value that and I left (sacrificed) that relationship and told God that I wanted Him more than a man who didn't love if. It cost me to leave him. I mean, Mister was the man that I was comfortable with. Not that God can't bring me an even better man, but during that time in my life, I had not had a relationship like that with any man and it was refreshing, it was eye opening. I LOVED IT!,

But, I LOVE GOD MORE and I hope that God sees that. I mean, there are people in my church who have gotten married, under varying circumstances and I'm not the one to judge them, but I put God first because I want to be obedient. If God tells me to not to marry someone who has the same values as I do, then that is what I'm going to do, I'm going to NOT marry someone who has the same values. My life will be better when I am obedient.

So, when I told Mister he could't afford me and that he wouldn't pay the cost to have me, that's what I meant. Not some purse or necklace that I could get for myself. I DON'T NEED that. I NEED  a man of God and cost and the men that I've met are not willing to pay that cost.

And I'm not sad because God's love is GREATER that what ANY man can do for me!!

I am and will continue to pay the cost to stay with Christ!!