When Doves Cry

I was really excited....until last night.

I received an invite in the mail to attend an awards ceremony for a former professor. I was so excited that he was being honored and I was so glad to be invited. I was a little trepidatious because if I was invited that means others from school would be invited too, right? And I haven't seen these people in over 10 years....but this didn't quell my excitement until....

I realized that Price might be there too.

OMG.

What am I going to do?

I really want to go but I don't want to see him, AT ALL!!!!

Price and I have a horrible history. It didn't start that way. We were friends in college. I actually couldn't stand him at first because he was so pompous, but he grew on me and then we graduated. He got married.

A few years later he calls me and we chat.

No big deal until he confides in me that he wanted to leave his wife. I confided some things in him about losing my daughter. Things get crazy after that and .... it turns ugly and I can't stand him. I've forgiven him for what he did to me and I've forgiven myself for allowing it, but it is not something that I want to deal with. It is the past and there is NOTHING that can be done about it, so I'm moving on. But he may be present this weekend and I'm apprehensive.

Other than that, I am excited.

I've booked a mini spa day at Okawville Hot Springs.

Then on Sunday I'm going home to visit and eat dinner with my family. So I guess this is my bday weekend.

Thank God for another year!!

20 Years Ago

20 years ago, I turned 18. I graduated from high school and was working my butt off during the summer to make some money to start college in the fall. This WAS THE TIME OF MY LIFE!!

I didn't have a whole  LOT of worries. Yes, I was concerned about school and the future, but my life has been on such a journey over the past 20 years. And I'm not worried, but I do have more concerns. I've been through so much that it has clouded me.

And the crazy thing is that for my first 18 years, I had been through so much, but what makes these past 20 years different is that I've learned so much. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I'm so much more aware of stuff now. I'm not gonna linger of the past 20 years and all of my failures, because it will profit me NOTHING, but I am going to use everything that I've learned to propel me forward.

All things work together for my good, according to the word of God. So the past 20 years and the past 18 years before then are going to make me the WOMAN OF GOD I AM!!!

Pride Plants The Seed

Pride is the root of all sin and Humility is the root of all virtue.

A couple of weeks ago, I made a declaration of "30 Days of Positive."

And from that moment, I was tested. Hard....And I failed HARD. But, I thank God for the failure because it showed me where I was in the spirit. The Bible says that if you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small. --Proverbs.

It showed me how weak I am in the spirit. I was hit hard and I wanted to give up. I didn't speak it out of my mouth, but in my heart, I wanted to just give up.

I Thank God that He hasn't given up on me, even when I want to give up. Thank you, Jesus!!

So, I'm going to start my 30 days of positive all over because I NEED to get through this. I NEED to increase my strength in Christ.

A lot of the thing that troubled me comes from the spirit of Pride.

Mister said something to me and I didn't agree with him. He wanted to know what I thought about this statement: "Women need men, like fish need a bike."

I told him that I didn't agree and that as a whole women need men. How could we procreate. And I told him that as an individual, I needed a man. I want to get married, I want to have children so I need a man to do that with. As I thought about that during church last night, I realized that if it is not God's will that I get married then a man is not what I need. A man is what I want, not need. So, I'm retracting and saying that I don't NEED a man. What I NEED is the will of God in my life.

So, in my 30 days of positive, I'm going to do these things:

1. Make a firm decision to think about, understand, and adopt Jesus' way of thinking. His values and attitudes must become mine. 

Phillipians 4:8 Fix your thoughs on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about.

I have to want the mind of Christ. 

I shouldn't be failing every test.

And I failed this past test. I also failed a major test last year.

2. I must earnestly and regularly pray for the Holy Spirit to change our hearts, for it is impossible to do it in our own strength. 

Jude 1:20 But you, dear friends, must build up your lives ever more strongly upon the foundation of our holy faith, learning to pray in the power and strength of the Holy Spirit. 

3. I must have a right view of myself before God and others. 

Humility is having a realistic sense of who I am to God and others. Pride is puffed up and sometimes false. I can't think of myself to highly and too lowly. When I understand who I am, I don't have to pretend.