I have a confession of something that I do NOT do intentionally, but it's something that is sometimes in my heart, but is NOT right. And I HATE it!! The only thing I know to do is confess, ask God to forgive me and to change my heart. I have to use the scripture to guard my heart from this and it's not always easy....The Bible says, "Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth" Prov 24:17. I'm also not to rejoice when my brother falls. So, why do I think about my brother falling and am not terribly sad? I don't dare rejoice, but it doesn't bother me. It's almost like I'm okay with my brother falling when that is not right. It's like if they fall, I'm okay with it because I know that I'm gonna fall and I want someone to be okay with me. I know all of this sounds silly and I think I'm beating around the bush only because I DON'T want to be this way. I DON'T want to think ill of my brother. God, help me, in Jesus Name!!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
I'm Trying to Run, But I Lost My Way
I HATE IT....when I work so hard for somthing and it ends up NOWHERE!! I'm so sick of this. WOW!!
I have a confession of something that I do NOT do intentionally, but it's something that is sometimes in my heart, but is NOT right. And I HATE it!! The only thing I know to do is confess, ask God to forgive me and to change my heart. I have to use the scripture to guard my heart from this and it's not always easy....The Bible says, "Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth" Prov 24:17. I'm also not to rejoice when my brother falls. So, why do I think about my brother falling and am not terribly sad? I don't dare rejoice, but it doesn't bother me. It's almost like I'm okay with my brother falling when that is not right. It's like if they fall, I'm okay with it because I know that I'm gonna fall and I want someone to be okay with me. I know all of this sounds silly and I think I'm beating around the bush only because I DON'T want to be this way. I DON'T want to think ill of my brother. God, help me, in Jesus Name!!
I have a confession of something that I do NOT do intentionally, but it's something that is sometimes in my heart, but is NOT right. And I HATE it!! The only thing I know to do is confess, ask God to forgive me and to change my heart. I have to use the scripture to guard my heart from this and it's not always easy....The Bible says, "Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth" Prov 24:17. I'm also not to rejoice when my brother falls. So, why do I think about my brother falling and am not terribly sad? I don't dare rejoice, but it doesn't bother me. It's almost like I'm okay with my brother falling when that is not right. It's like if they fall, I'm okay with it because I know that I'm gonna fall and I want someone to be okay with me. I know all of this sounds silly and I think I'm beating around the bush only because I DON'T want to be this way. I DON'T want to think ill of my brother. God, help me, in Jesus Name!!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Tax Refund and Other Ramblings
I got my tax refund today. AND It went from one hand to another. I used $600 to pay for my car loan and I've got $1000 left to pay. I am SO HAPPY!! I will be paying about $400 on next week and then another $400-$500 on my next payday. I feel like I can breathe. This car has been the bane of me for a long time. Especially since I'm paying for something that is crap and it makes it even worse when I can't even park in my own parking lot. UGH!! I can't afford to buy a new car, so I will be saving up money to get this one fixed. I think it will cost about $1000. There is so much wrong with it....
Other repairs include:
1. New sway bars
2. New oxygen sensors
3. Something to do with the catylitic converter
4. New spark plugs
5. Oil change
6. New rear brakes
7. Car detailed (it is SO dirty)
8. Paint buffed (it's like the dirt is engrained in the paint, my car won't get clean)
All of this I can NOT afford. I can't even afford to get an oil change and that only cost about $30.
But, I'm gonna save up money and pray to God that my car don't go caputz before I have enough money to get it fixed.
In other news..... Mister has been MIA. I've been calling and calling and his phone goes straight to vmail. I'm concerned. I hope it's just a matter of his phone being off and not that there is something wrong. His last text to me was something about things have gotten worse and that he was doing much better here. He got into some financial issues when he moved there. The first was a $10,000 DUI case that he got right after he moved and his lawyer actually got it down to where he didn't have to pay that much, but he had to pay about $6000. From there he lost is motorcycle, got behind on some bills and he just wasn't doing well with managing his money. So, he's going through this funk where he wished he never moved. He hasn't made any friends and doesn't do anything beside work which is stressful for him with all of the deadlines. So, all of this going on, I'm concerned about him.
Work has been BORING. I'm finishing up a super fun project with teens and smoking and now I have to work on a diabetes program that is not as fun...Actually, I enjoy it, but I haven't gotten many people to sign up for it. So, that's a little stressful.
Spiritually....I don't know where I am. I ALWAYS know where I am, but for the past few years, it's like I've been in the middle of the ocean and there is nothing in sight. Like I don't know which way to swim--there is nothing around and I don't know which way to go. I'm just here, floating along. The Bible talks about being blown and tossed about by every wind of doctrine. I know that I love God and I want to live for Him and do His will, but I have no clear picture of where I am or where I'm going. It's very disenheartening. I've been VERY goal oriented and I've always had a plan to get to where I was going, but now since I don't know where I'm going, I have no plan.
What I do know is that I WANT to be married soon and I want to be a MOM SOON!!! I want to go back to school to get my PH.D. I want to run a marathon. I want to own my own business.
There are things that I WANT to do, but what am I SUPPOSED to be doing is the questions???
*Sigh*
Other repairs include:
1. New sway bars
2. New oxygen sensors
3. Something to do with the catylitic converter
4. New spark plugs
5. Oil change
6. New rear brakes
7. Car detailed (it is SO dirty)
8. Paint buffed (it's like the dirt is engrained in the paint, my car won't get clean)
All of this I can NOT afford. I can't even afford to get an oil change and that only cost about $30.
But, I'm gonna save up money and pray to God that my car don't go caputz before I have enough money to get it fixed.
In other news..... Mister has been MIA. I've been calling and calling and his phone goes straight to vmail. I'm concerned. I hope it's just a matter of his phone being off and not that there is something wrong. His last text to me was something about things have gotten worse and that he was doing much better here. He got into some financial issues when he moved there. The first was a $10,000 DUI case that he got right after he moved and his lawyer actually got it down to where he didn't have to pay that much, but he had to pay about $6000. From there he lost is motorcycle, got behind on some bills and he just wasn't doing well with managing his money. So, he's going through this funk where he wished he never moved. He hasn't made any friends and doesn't do anything beside work which is stressful for him with all of the deadlines. So, all of this going on, I'm concerned about him.
Work has been BORING. I'm finishing up a super fun project with teens and smoking and now I have to work on a diabetes program that is not as fun...Actually, I enjoy it, but I haven't gotten many people to sign up for it. So, that's a little stressful.
Spiritually....I don't know where I am. I ALWAYS know where I am, but for the past few years, it's like I've been in the middle of the ocean and there is nothing in sight. Like I don't know which way to swim--there is nothing around and I don't know which way to go. I'm just here, floating along. The Bible talks about being blown and tossed about by every wind of doctrine. I know that I love God and I want to live for Him and do His will, but I have no clear picture of where I am or where I'm going. It's very disenheartening. I've been VERY goal oriented and I've always had a plan to get to where I was going, but now since I don't know where I'm going, I have no plan.
What I do know is that I WANT to be married soon and I want to be a MOM SOON!!! I want to go back to school to get my PH.D. I want to run a marathon. I want to own my own business.
There are things that I WANT to do, but what am I SUPPOSED to be doing is the questions???
*Sigh*
Friday, February 22, 2013
I Don't Ask for Much
Dear God,
When I pray, I usually don't ask for much. I pray for my family. I pray that I can do the will of God, but I don't pray a whole lot for material things or for things for myself. But, now I'm coming "standing in the need" of prayer (as the old folks used to say). I really like my job. I like the flexibility, I enjoy meeting new people, I really enjoy what I do, when I'm doing what I do, but I NEED more money. I've been doing an assessment and over the past years, I've contributed upwards of 15% of my income to the church. I love my church and I love my church family and I love God. I love giving to my church, but I'm finding it hard with my financial situation.
I NEED an increase and I NEED that increase to be in something that I love to do.
There is a job that I applied for that would double my salary and it is doing something that I love to do--teach. I would really like to have that job. I know that technically I'm not qualified because my teaching certificate lapsed, but You are God! You can do ANYTHING!! I pray that if it's YOUR will, give me the job!! I use your word...."seek and you shall find, ask and the door will be opened," "you have not because you ask now and when you ask, you ask amiss."
I'm not asking amiss. I don't want this job out greed or selfish gain. I really do need to make more money so that I can live and be a blessing to others. I cannot do you will when I am broke because my mind is on the money that I don't have and how I'm gonna make ends meet. Your word says to give and it shall be given to me...some 30, 60, or 100 fold. I've given over the years and you have blessed me, but I ask to you honor Your word and reward me with a blessing of this new job.
In Jesus's name. Amen.
When I pray, I usually don't ask for much. I pray for my family. I pray that I can do the will of God, but I don't pray a whole lot for material things or for things for myself. But, now I'm coming "standing in the need" of prayer (as the old folks used to say). I really like my job. I like the flexibility, I enjoy meeting new people, I really enjoy what I do, when I'm doing what I do, but I NEED more money. I've been doing an assessment and over the past years, I've contributed upwards of 15% of my income to the church. I love my church and I love my church family and I love God. I love giving to my church, but I'm finding it hard with my financial situation.
I NEED an increase and I NEED that increase to be in something that I love to do.
There is a job that I applied for that would double my salary and it is doing something that I love to do--teach. I would really like to have that job. I know that technically I'm not qualified because my teaching certificate lapsed, but You are God! You can do ANYTHING!! I pray that if it's YOUR will, give me the job!! I use your word...."seek and you shall find, ask and the door will be opened," "you have not because you ask now and when you ask, you ask amiss."
I'm not asking amiss. I don't want this job out greed or selfish gain. I really do need to make more money so that I can live and be a blessing to others. I cannot do you will when I am broke because my mind is on the money that I don't have and how I'm gonna make ends meet. Your word says to give and it shall be given to me...some 30, 60, or 100 fold. I've given over the years and you have blessed me, but I ask to you honor Your word and reward me with a blessing of this new job.
In Jesus's name. Amen.
I'm Really Happy for You
Valentine's Day was rough for me this year....I think my age is catching up with me. However, I got over it and am moving on.
I got a call from my uncle last night. He stated the he's looking to get married. He said that he was praying and fasting about it because he wanted to make a good decision. WOW. That was unexpected. But, he said that if it does happen, he's looking at next August. WOW. I was really happy for him. I was happy that he found someone who he wants to be with. It made my heart glad.
So, despite my V-Day funk....I can't wait to hear if there indeed will be wedding bells!!!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Vegence is Mine....I will repay....
Last night I had a dream that I bought a stun gun--two stun guns--and I hid in the backseat of my car. When the two teens came to steal my car, I stunned them, pushed them out of the car and drove off with my keys that they stole from me.
The dream scared me because it was playing over and over in my head and at one point, I went to stun them and another guy was waiting outside the car....then I went to stun them and another guy got into the back seat of the car...
I have no idea why I was dreaming this scenario over and over again. it was like I was planning it and thinking of every possible scenario that could happen so that I could be safe. In my dreams I was panicky--especially when there were more than two who were trying to steal the car. Then my dream switched to the teens trying to get back at me by breaking into my apartment. In those scenarios I would hide underneath the sofa or hid in the coat closet with my phone and call the police. Those scenarios were really scary and I felt the anxiety while I was sleeping. Then I was dreaming about being attacked. I HATE THOSE DREAMS!! I started praying and praying until I fell back to sleep.
I don't know why, but them stealing my car has really bothered me, especially since I thougth I saw the two punks in someone else's car and the fact that I can't park in my own parking lot really "grinds my gears". GRRR. It's like I'm being punished for what they did to me. $1300 worth of my stuff--GONE!! I'm gonna call the court to see what is being done. There is no information online because they are juveniles and technically their case is sealed, but I was told that I can call to see what is being done.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Don't Trouble the Water
My brother called me to tell me that my stepdad--his dad--has been sexually harrassing his wife. Sending he inappropriate messages on facebook, making inappropriate comments on her pictures....He's had it...my brother is fed up with his father. He was hurt by it, mad at him for what he was doing and he vowed that he didn't want anything to do with him, ever again.
This made me sad....
Basically because it took my brother a long time to forgive his father for leaving when he was little. He was just getting over the hurt of the abandonment and his dad--the man that he is named after--goes and tries to flirt with his wife. WOW!!
I didn't know what to say to console him. I prayed for him and talked to him about forgiving his dad and he was moving in the right direction...but not this......
This along with the scandal with my dad, has been alot. I just found out that my mom and my brother and sister's mom were good friends which is one of the reasons that I didn't grow up with my dad. My mother was mad because her good friend was screwing her boyfriend--her children's father. WOW!!!
I was gonna call my mom to ask questions about my dad, especially in light of the craziness going on with my grandmother's death, but for some reason, I wanted to hear Aretha Franklin and I've been listening to Bridge Over Troubled Water for the past hour or so. "Don't trouble the water," is what she's saying. Maybe I should just leave it alone. Let sleeping dogs lie.....But, I am so bothered. I don't know what to do.....
I'm troubled, but I don't think I should trouble the waters....I need a bridge.
This made me sad....
Basically because it took my brother a long time to forgive his father for leaving when he was little. He was just getting over the hurt of the abandonment and his dad--the man that he is named after--goes and tries to flirt with his wife. WOW!!
I didn't know what to say to console him. I prayed for him and talked to him about forgiving his dad and he was moving in the right direction...but not this......
This along with the scandal with my dad, has been alot. I just found out that my mom and my brother and sister's mom were good friends which is one of the reasons that I didn't grow up with my dad. My mother was mad because her good friend was screwing her boyfriend--her children's father. WOW!!!
I was gonna call my mom to ask questions about my dad, especially in light of the craziness going on with my grandmother's death, but for some reason, I wanted to hear Aretha Franklin and I've been listening to Bridge Over Troubled Water for the past hour or so. "Don't trouble the water," is what she's saying. Maybe I should just leave it alone. Let sleeping dogs lie.....But, I am so bothered. I don't know what to do.....
I'm troubled, but I don't think I should trouble the waters....I need a bridge.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Getting High, High, High
"Somebody smoking marijuana, a LOT of it!"
That was what the girl said on the phone. I went to the building to check it out. Nothing...I didn't smell anything. I kept walking--up the stairs, down the hall, to the other side and BAM.....It hit me in the face. Marijuana...think and funky. It was horrible. I walked down the stairs and through the other hallways....nothing. It was only in the stairways. Somebody was smart. They knew NOT to smoke it in their apartment. Hmmm.....Who could it be.
I called my boss. She sent someone over. I tried to tell her that it was only int he stairways. She didn't believe me until she walked through herself.
Somebody was getting HIGH for valentine's day. I guess they couldn't take it either. LOL.
In other news....I do feel better. The day is almost over. I talked to Mister and told her that it was hard today listening to all the women getting flowers. I even sort of mentioned that I wished the person who I sent a card to would have gotten me flowers. I hope he didn't think I was talking about him, even though I was....But, I blew off the steam and I feel better. Even though he did fall asleep on me. Actually, I'm not sure if he's fallen asleep or just "tied up with Trish."
But, oh well. Thank God for today!! I made it through today.
BTW, I've got more free time on the weekends. I'm happy. I'm gonna sleep and sleep and sleep some more. Then I'm gonna get my hair done!
That was what the girl said on the phone. I went to the building to check it out. Nothing...I didn't smell anything. I kept walking--up the stairs, down the hall, to the other side and BAM.....It hit me in the face. Marijuana...think and funky. It was horrible. I walked down the stairs and through the other hallways....nothing. It was only in the stairways. Somebody was smart. They knew NOT to smoke it in their apartment. Hmmm.....Who could it be.
I called my boss. She sent someone over. I tried to tell her that it was only int he stairways. She didn't believe me until she walked through herself.
Somebody was getting HIGH for valentine's day. I guess they couldn't take it either. LOL.
In other news....I do feel better. The day is almost over. I talked to Mister and told her that it was hard today listening to all the women getting flowers. I even sort of mentioned that I wished the person who I sent a card to would have gotten me flowers. I hope he didn't think I was talking about him, even though I was....But, I blew off the steam and I feel better. Even though he did fall asleep on me. Actually, I'm not sure if he's fallen asleep or just "tied up with Trish."
But, oh well. Thank God for today!! I made it through today.
BTW, I've got more free time on the weekends. I'm happy. I'm gonna sleep and sleep and sleep some more. Then I'm gonna get my hair done!
BREATHE--Take a deep breathe in and let it out....
It's only 9:30am and I'm fighting anxiety already....Oh boy. I've never felt this way on Valentine's Day.
NEVER!!! But, I'm having anxiety. I've never seen so many women get flowers (only 2 so far). Why am I SSSSSOOOOO bothered???? OMG!!!!
For some reason, I was thinking that Mister would surprise me with flowers. I mean, I surprised him with a card before his b-day, which was a BIG DEAL. Why didn't he get the hint and send me something?? I mean, I DROVE for hours to see him. Not just hours, but I even rented a car (not really to see him, but since I had the car, it was a good idea).
Ugh!!!
Why was I even wanting him to send me something anyway? We aren't together!! Huh????
I can't wait for today to be over!!
PS....My job had a Valentine's brunch and the food was amazing. I'm stuffed!!!
PSS....A friend of mine just told me her boyfriend proposed to her *sigh*. I'm happy. I promise I am.....5 people with flowers delivered to work.
PPS....I just got this in my email.....Thanks to my co-worker :-)
Also, I just got my some Valentines earrings courtesy of my sister's store credit at the pawn shop. I'll add a pic later. They are cute!! Thanks, God!
NEVER!!! But, I'm having anxiety. I've never seen so many women get flowers (only 2 so far). Why am I SSSSSOOOOO bothered???? OMG!!!!
For some reason, I was thinking that Mister would surprise me with flowers. I mean, I surprised him with a card before his b-day, which was a BIG DEAL. Why didn't he get the hint and send me something?? I mean, I DROVE for hours to see him. Not just hours, but I even rented a car (not really to see him, but since I had the car, it was a good idea).
Ugh!!!
Why was I even wanting him to send me something anyway? We aren't together!! Huh????
I can't wait for today to be over!!
PS....My job had a Valentine's brunch and the food was amazing. I'm stuffed!!!
PSS....A friend of mine just told me her boyfriend proposed to her *sigh*. I'm happy. I promise I am.....5 people with flowers delivered to work.
PPS....I just got this in my email.....Thanks to my co-worker :-)
Also, I just got my some Valentines earrings courtesy of my sister's store credit at the pawn shop. I'll add a pic later. They are cute!! Thanks, God!
Monday, February 11, 2013
Monday - Friday
Sugarfree Monday
Fatfree Tuesday
Low Carb Wednesday (less than 50 carbs all day)
Fruit and Veggie Thursday
Fasting Friday
This is my new diet.....
I made it all day with no intentional sugars (I did have a little jelly on my breakfast sandwich and I'm sure there was some sugar in the salad dressing I ate, but no sweets, cookies, cakes, pies, etc).
I can't wait until tomorrow....
Fatfree Tuesday
Low Carb Wednesday (less than 50 carbs all day)
Fruit and Veggie Thursday
Fasting Friday
This is my new diet.....
I made it all day with no intentional sugars (I did have a little jelly on my breakfast sandwich and I'm sure there was some sugar in the salad dressing I ate, but no sweets, cookies, cakes, pies, etc).
I can't wait until tomorrow....
Sunday, February 10, 2013
I WILL NOT LIE
It is said that Abraham Lincoln could not lie. I wish I was like that! It's not that my goal is to lie, but sometimes it just slips out. "What are you doing?" My immediate response is simply to say, "Nothing," even when I am doing something. Well, it's a lie, if I"m actually doing something and I say I'm doing nothing.
Sometimes these are unconscious lies, it's just habit to lie, but there are somethings that are blatant and it takes a conscious effort to not tell the truth. But, during these times, there must be a conscious effort TO TELL THE TRUTH. And that's what I did.
I applied for a job with the state of Illinois. In order to apply, I must have a VALID teaching certificate. Well, my certificate was valid as of July 2012 and then it expired. I did not have the means for it to be renewed, so I let it lapse. I called the ROE to ask what I needed to do to reinstate my license and she said I needed to pay $500 or present 9 credit hours of course work. I have NEITHER. So I thought that I simply tell them on the application that my license was valid and I would figure out how to get it renewed, but that would be a lie. And I didn't want to blow my chance. So, I told the truth. I told them that my license expired in 2012, but I am in the process of getting it renewed.
I pray that I find favor with God and man to get an interview so that I can get the job!
Sometimes these are unconscious lies, it's just habit to lie, but there are somethings that are blatant and it takes a conscious effort to not tell the truth. But, during these times, there must be a conscious effort TO TELL THE TRUTH. And that's what I did.
I applied for a job with the state of Illinois. In order to apply, I must have a VALID teaching certificate. Well, my certificate was valid as of July 2012 and then it expired. I did not have the means for it to be renewed, so I let it lapse. I called the ROE to ask what I needed to do to reinstate my license and she said I needed to pay $500 or present 9 credit hours of course work. I have NEITHER. So I thought that I simply tell them on the application that my license was valid and I would figure out how to get it renewed, but that would be a lie. And I didn't want to blow my chance. So, I told the truth. I told them that my license expired in 2012, but I am in the process of getting it renewed.
I pray that I find favor with God and man to get an interview so that I can get the job!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
I'm Not Gonna Be a Party Pooper
I was a little bummed abour Valentine's Day....I mean, I CAN'T think of a time when I actually had a Valentine.
But, today, I've got a little more "pep" and I think I'm gonna celebrate Valentines by treating myself. At first I was going to go about my day being grumpy, but what's the point? I AM LOVED!! Not by a man, but by GOD--my CREATOR. HE is actually my true love and I will be more than happy to honor GOD, who is LOVE, on the day of LOVE!!!
So, that's what I"m going to do!!
I will celebrate the LOVE that I have on that day!!!
Thank God for LOVE!!!
But, today, I've got a little more "pep" and I think I'm gonna celebrate Valentines by treating myself. At first I was going to go about my day being grumpy, but what's the point? I AM LOVED!! Not by a man, but by GOD--my CREATOR. HE is actually my true love and I will be more than happy to honor GOD, who is LOVE, on the day of LOVE!!!
So, that's what I"m going to do!!
I will celebrate the LOVE that I have on that day!!!
Thank God for LOVE!!!
Scandal Timeline
My family is going through a scandal and it's ugly.....
Timeline:
1997(98)--I met my dad, T. Shaw Sr. I had prayed for a year to meet my dad. I'm not absolutely sure why I was praying to meet him, but I'm sure it had something to do with the fact that my stepdad was an alcoholic and he couldn't take care of my family. So I was searching for a real father and a friend. So I prayed to God and He answered my prayers.
It was during the summer when I was home from college. My aunt asked me if I wanted to go with her and her children on a school fieldtrip to a carnival way out past Jefferson Barracks (St. Louis area). I just said yeah, not thinking much about it. I got there and there were children everywhere. Then a man came up to me, "Do you know who I am?" I told him that I didn't know who he was. "I'm your father," he said. For a minute I didn't know what to say, so he called two children over and introduced me to them as my brother and sister. I guess that broke the ice because I started telling him that I was in college and my other sister was going to the military. My aunt was watching me the whole time. She knew who he was.
He gave me his address and phone number and I told him that I would come to see him. When I got home I told my sister and we went to see him. When he opened the door, it was like looking in a mirror. I saw my sister (my sister and I look like twins, so it was like looking at myself). He could not deny that we were his. We looked just like him. We hung out with him, his wife (girlfriend, they never formally got married). He called his mom--my grandmother and we talked to her. I made plans to visit her that summer.
Summer 1997(98)--I met my grandmother B. Manning. I had to work that summer at a summer camp on campus. I was supposed to be there on Sunday, but I told my family that I was going a few days earlier. Instead of going to campus, I drove right past to Freeport, IL. Where my grandmother lived. I spent the weekend with her. It was great except for the fact that she was a chain smoker. We played dress up. It was like I was a little girl and my grandmother was dressing me up, except I was 19. She dressed me in her clothes, dresses, and even fur coats. We made plans to see each other again later that year.
November 1997(98)--I went to see my grandmother after Thanksgiving. It was CCCOOOLLLDDD outside and the chain smoking was killing me. But, I suffered through it. I remember riding in the car with her and cracking the window so that I could breathe some fresh air. While visiting her I gave her some pictures of my sister and me. She then told me that my grandfather left and inheritance and that she wanted to make sure that me and my sister's name was in the will. I just told her okay and when the time came, I left and went back to school. I would call her periodically and we'd chitchat. Time went on and we lost touch. I moved, my dad moved, and she stopped answering her phone (darn caller ID, she didn't know my new number, so I don't think she was answering my calls because of it).
2000-2006--I would periodically use the internet to look my dad up. Whenever I would go home I would drive around to a few places that I knew my dad would hang out at. I also would go by their old place and ask around if anyone knew him. I had no luck.
August 2010--I continued to do a search on the internet using my dad's name and I came up a hit on facebook. It was my brother. I explained to him who I was and we connected. When he called me told me the bad news...grandmother died in a house fire, his mom died of a stroke a few years later, then dad when crazy, left and no one knows where he is. WOW. I was so shocked and overwhelmed with all the information I didn't know what to think or ask. We stayed in touch and I went to visit him a few months later.
August 2012--I get a call from my brother. He tells me that there is an inheritance that was left for the grandchildren. He asks for our addresses and he lets us know that the lawyer would be sending us some paperwork soon.
December 2012--I get a letter in the mail from a lawyer with information about an estate that grandmother had and a court date. The court date was in a week or so, I didn't get the letter in time because my address was wrong. I call the law firm to correct my address.
January 2013--I get another letter in the mail, but this time it has someone else's information in it. It also has my grandmother's will and some other documents. I call the law firm, tell them that I think I was given the wrong information. They said to either disregard or send it back. I copied it and mailed the paperwork back to them. I was sent information with the correct paperwork.
February 1, 2013--I decide to write a letter to my other family members that was listed as a beneficiary. I didn't know who this person was and I wanted to reach out to my family. In addition to the letter I sent two pictures of myself.
February 5, 2013--I recieve a call from my cousin as a result of the letter. I call her back and leave her a message.
February 6, 2013--I call my cousin back and she returns my call. All of the information that she gave me is a little jumbled in my head and I'm trying to make since of it all, but this is what she told me.... The house fire that grandmother died in was started in the garage (whew, I though maybe the house fire was from her smoking and falling asleep with a cigarette). My brother was possibly there at the time the fire started. The neighbors say that they saw him there, but when the police and fire department arrived he wasn't there. After the funeral, my dad too his family and left town....didn't stay around to hang out with other family members....just took his $50,000 from the insurance settlement and left town and didn't talk to the family again until years later when he moved up there. When he did move up there, he lost his mind and ended up in a psychiatric hospital. My cousin went on to tell me that my grandmother had over $200,000 in her estate and the executor of the estate (my aunt) had a gambling problem and my dad had a drinking problem. She believes that there something is being covered up and she wants the truth. She has nothing financially to gain because she's not in the will, but she said to me that my grandmother took care of her from the time she was 15 when her mother died, so she knows that there is money somewhere and someone is hiding it.
WOW
I didn't know what to say.
I told her that I would come to visit her soon. She said that there is another court date tomorrow.
I was a little rattled and shaken....
I've been planning a trip to Rockford anyway to visit a friend of mine, but I guess it's gonna be sooner than later.
Timeline:
1997(98)--I met my dad, T. Shaw Sr. I had prayed for a year to meet my dad. I'm not absolutely sure why I was praying to meet him, but I'm sure it had something to do with the fact that my stepdad was an alcoholic and he couldn't take care of my family. So I was searching for a real father and a friend. So I prayed to God and He answered my prayers.
It was during the summer when I was home from college. My aunt asked me if I wanted to go with her and her children on a school fieldtrip to a carnival way out past Jefferson Barracks (St. Louis area). I just said yeah, not thinking much about it. I got there and there were children everywhere. Then a man came up to me, "Do you know who I am?" I told him that I didn't know who he was. "I'm your father," he said. For a minute I didn't know what to say, so he called two children over and introduced me to them as my brother and sister. I guess that broke the ice because I started telling him that I was in college and my other sister was going to the military. My aunt was watching me the whole time. She knew who he was.
He gave me his address and phone number and I told him that I would come to see him. When I got home I told my sister and we went to see him. When he opened the door, it was like looking in a mirror. I saw my sister (my sister and I look like twins, so it was like looking at myself). He could not deny that we were his. We looked just like him. We hung out with him, his wife (girlfriend, they never formally got married). He called his mom--my grandmother and we talked to her. I made plans to visit her that summer.
Summer 1997(98)--I met my grandmother B. Manning. I had to work that summer at a summer camp on campus. I was supposed to be there on Sunday, but I told my family that I was going a few days earlier. Instead of going to campus, I drove right past to Freeport, IL. Where my grandmother lived. I spent the weekend with her. It was great except for the fact that she was a chain smoker. We played dress up. It was like I was a little girl and my grandmother was dressing me up, except I was 19. She dressed me in her clothes, dresses, and even fur coats. We made plans to see each other again later that year.
November 1997(98)--I went to see my grandmother after Thanksgiving. It was CCCOOOLLLDDD outside and the chain smoking was killing me. But, I suffered through it. I remember riding in the car with her and cracking the window so that I could breathe some fresh air. While visiting her I gave her some pictures of my sister and me. She then told me that my grandfather left and inheritance and that she wanted to make sure that me and my sister's name was in the will. I just told her okay and when the time came, I left and went back to school. I would call her periodically and we'd chitchat. Time went on and we lost touch. I moved, my dad moved, and she stopped answering her phone (darn caller ID, she didn't know my new number, so I don't think she was answering my calls because of it).
2000-2006--I would periodically use the internet to look my dad up. Whenever I would go home I would drive around to a few places that I knew my dad would hang out at. I also would go by their old place and ask around if anyone knew him. I had no luck.
August 2010--I continued to do a search on the internet using my dad's name and I came up a hit on facebook. It was my brother. I explained to him who I was and we connected. When he called me told me the bad news...grandmother died in a house fire, his mom died of a stroke a few years later, then dad when crazy, left and no one knows where he is. WOW. I was so shocked and overwhelmed with all the information I didn't know what to think or ask. We stayed in touch and I went to visit him a few months later.
August 2012--I get a call from my brother. He tells me that there is an inheritance that was left for the grandchildren. He asks for our addresses and he lets us know that the lawyer would be sending us some paperwork soon.
December 2012--I get a letter in the mail from a lawyer with information about an estate that grandmother had and a court date. The court date was in a week or so, I didn't get the letter in time because my address was wrong. I call the law firm to correct my address.
January 2013--I get another letter in the mail, but this time it has someone else's information in it. It also has my grandmother's will and some other documents. I call the law firm, tell them that I think I was given the wrong information. They said to either disregard or send it back. I copied it and mailed the paperwork back to them. I was sent information with the correct paperwork.
February 1, 2013--I decide to write a letter to my other family members that was listed as a beneficiary. I didn't know who this person was and I wanted to reach out to my family. In addition to the letter I sent two pictures of myself.
February 5, 2013--I recieve a call from my cousin as a result of the letter. I call her back and leave her a message.
February 6, 2013--I call my cousin back and she returns my call. All of the information that she gave me is a little jumbled in my head and I'm trying to make since of it all, but this is what she told me.... The house fire that grandmother died in was started in the garage (whew, I though maybe the house fire was from her smoking and falling asleep with a cigarette). My brother was possibly there at the time the fire started. The neighbors say that they saw him there, but when the police and fire department arrived he wasn't there. After the funeral, my dad too his family and left town....didn't stay around to hang out with other family members....just took his $50,000 from the insurance settlement and left town and didn't talk to the family again until years later when he moved up there. When he did move up there, he lost his mind and ended up in a psychiatric hospital. My cousin went on to tell me that my grandmother had over $200,000 in her estate and the executor of the estate (my aunt) had a gambling problem and my dad had a drinking problem. She believes that there something is being covered up and she wants the truth. She has nothing financially to gain because she's not in the will, but she said to me that my grandmother took care of her from the time she was 15 when her mother died, so she knows that there is money somewhere and someone is hiding it.
WOW
I didn't know what to say.
I told her that I would come to visit her soon. She said that there is another court date tomorrow.
I was a little rattled and shaken....
I've been planning a trip to Rockford anyway to visit a friend of mine, but I guess it's gonna be sooner than later.
I WILL NOT DEFRAUD THE IRS
What is wrong with people??
A young girl that I mentor said that she claimed her boyfriend as a dependent on her taxes last year. She said that she told the tax preparer that he was her cousin and that she took care of him. This man was older than her. WHAT????
What tax preparer, in their right mind, would file a return for a person who made less than $3000 and that person said that they took care of all of the expenses for a grown man who was locked up for part of the year?? Who does that??
OMG, I am amazed at what people will do. I know people lie and cheat and there are bonafide thieves. But, do you realize that lying on your taxes is stealing.
Okay, Okay....
As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about how I itemized my deductions and forgot to file a certain form for my charitable deductions (it was property that I donated to local charities and I was supposed to file a certain form for property over a certain amount and I didn't realize I had to until AFTER I filed and I didn't feel like doing an amended return). I donated all of the property to lower my tax liability, but I did that legit. Of course I approximated the fair market value. I mean, how do you find out the value of a computer, two sofas and a desk and chair and television and bed?? So, I guessed and it lowered my tax liability.
But, to blatantly claim someone who is clearly NOT related to you and who WAS IN JAIL for most or part of the year is BOLD.
I say all this because I just had another girl that I mentor ask me if I could claim her. WHAT???
She's white and she just got out of jail in October. AM I A FOOL??? How in the world can I prove that she lived with me?? As a matter of fact I CAN'T have anyone live with me because of my contract as a resident manager. And spending most of the year in jail doesn't constitute you taking care of a person for more than half the year.
Yes, it would lower my tax liability, but I'M NOT STUPID!!
As a matter of fact, I AM certified by the IRS to do taxes. I will go to JAIL if I did something like this. Another thing...I was just reading over the weekend about how tax preparers are abusing the power and authority and spending years in jail and paying hundreds of thousands of dollars in restitution to the IRS and federal government.
These people are crazy!!!
A young girl that I mentor said that she claimed her boyfriend as a dependent on her taxes last year. She said that she told the tax preparer that he was her cousin and that she took care of him. This man was older than her. WHAT????
What tax preparer, in their right mind, would file a return for a person who made less than $3000 and that person said that they took care of all of the expenses for a grown man who was locked up for part of the year?? Who does that??
OMG, I am amazed at what people will do. I know people lie and cheat and there are bonafide thieves. But, do you realize that lying on your taxes is stealing.
Okay, Okay....
As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about how I itemized my deductions and forgot to file a certain form for my charitable deductions (it was property that I donated to local charities and I was supposed to file a certain form for property over a certain amount and I didn't realize I had to until AFTER I filed and I didn't feel like doing an amended return). I donated all of the property to lower my tax liability, but I did that legit. Of course I approximated the fair market value. I mean, how do you find out the value of a computer, two sofas and a desk and chair and television and bed?? So, I guessed and it lowered my tax liability.
But, to blatantly claim someone who is clearly NOT related to you and who WAS IN JAIL for most or part of the year is BOLD.
I say all this because I just had another girl that I mentor ask me if I could claim her. WHAT???
She's white and she just got out of jail in October. AM I A FOOL??? How in the world can I prove that she lived with me?? As a matter of fact I CAN'T have anyone live with me because of my contract as a resident manager. And spending most of the year in jail doesn't constitute you taking care of a person for more than half the year.
Yes, it would lower my tax liability, but I'M NOT STUPID!!
As a matter of fact, I AM certified by the IRS to do taxes. I will go to JAIL if I did something like this. Another thing...I was just reading over the weekend about how tax preparers are abusing the power and authority and spending years in jail and paying hundreds of thousands of dollars in restitution to the IRS and federal government.
These people are crazy!!!
Monday, February 4, 2013
Job Searching
I'm strapped for cash....Bills are not going anywhere and my income is not increasing to meet my needs.
Clothes are piled up because I don't have enough money to do laundry, my cupboards are slowly emptying, and my car is on it's last leg if I don't get some money to get it fixed. So, I've been looking for a new job. I want to stay where I am because I like it, but it's not enough money. So, I found a teaching job that will pay about double of what I make. The only problem is that my teaching certificate is expired and I have to pay $500 to get it reinstated and I have to have it reinstated before I can apply for the job. Even if I did have the money to pay for the reinstatement, it would take up to 10 days and the application states that I have to have my license expiration date. *SIGH*
Clothes are piled up because I don't have enough money to do laundry, my cupboards are slowly emptying, and my car is on it's last leg if I don't get some money to get it fixed. So, I've been looking for a new job. I want to stay where I am because I like it, but it's not enough money. So, I found a teaching job that will pay about double of what I make. The only problem is that my teaching certificate is expired and I have to pay $500 to get it reinstated and I have to have it reinstated before I can apply for the job. Even if I did have the money to pay for the reinstatement, it would take up to 10 days and the application states that I have to have my license expiration date. *SIGH*
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Pink and Red Puke
IT'S EVERY WHERE!!!
I can't go any where and not see it....all the PINK and RED PUKE!!!
In about 10 days it will be Valentine's Day and for some reason, this year I am sick of it all ready. Usually for Valentine's Day, I treat myself (as with my Bday, Christmas, or any other gift giving day) but I'm sick of it. As a matter of fact I can't remember a time when I've had an actual Valentine ON Valentine's Day. Even when me and Mister were together, we seemed to miss THAT DAY (we got together in March 2003 and was broken up before Valentine's Day 2004). UGH!!!
What in the world am I going to do? I'm NOT desperate, just a little lonely. And I want a nice date for Valentine's Day!! I don't want to look at all of the pink and red puke and be disgusted, I want to see all of the big giant stuffed gorillas and bears and be in love with LOVE!!
God, WHERE IS MY VALENTINE? WHERE IS THE MAN THAT LOVES ME?
I can't go any where and not see it....all the PINK and RED PUKE!!!
In about 10 days it will be Valentine's Day and for some reason, this year I am sick of it all ready. Usually for Valentine's Day, I treat myself (as with my Bday, Christmas, or any other gift giving day) but I'm sick of it. As a matter of fact I can't remember a time when I've had an actual Valentine ON Valentine's Day. Even when me and Mister were together, we seemed to miss THAT DAY (we got together in March 2003 and was broken up before Valentine's Day 2004). UGH!!!
What in the world am I going to do? I'm NOT desperate, just a little lonely. And I want a nice date for Valentine's Day!! I don't want to look at all of the pink and red puke and be disgusted, I want to see all of the big giant stuffed gorillas and bears and be in love with LOVE!!
God, WHERE IS MY VALENTINE? WHERE IS THE MAN THAT LOVES ME?
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