Tax Refund and Other Ramblings

I got my tax refund today. AND It went from one hand to another. I used $600 to pay for my car loan and I've got $1000 left to pay. I am SO HAPPY!! I will be paying about $400 on next week and then another $400-$500 on my next payday. I feel like I can breathe. This car has been the bane of me for a long time. Especially since I'm paying for something that is crap and it makes it even worse when I can't even park in my own parking lot. UGH!! I can't afford to buy a new car, so I will be saving up money to get this one fixed. I think it will cost about $1000. There is so much wrong with it....

Other repairs include:
1. New sway bars
2. New oxygen sensors
3. Something to do with the catylitic converter
4. New spark plugs
5. Oil change
6. New rear brakes
7. Car detailed (it is SO dirty)
8. Paint buffed (it's like the dirt is engrained in the paint, my car won't get clean)

All of this I can NOT afford. I can't even afford to get an oil change and that only cost about $30.

But, I'm gonna save up money and pray to God that my car don't go caputz before I have enough money to get it fixed.

In other news..... Mister has been MIA. I've been calling and calling and his phone goes straight to vmail. I'm concerned. I hope it's just a matter of his phone being off and not that there is something wrong. His last text to me was something about things have gotten worse and that he was doing much better here. He got into some financial issues when he moved there. The first was a $10,000 DUI case that he got right after he moved and his lawyer actually got it down to where he didn't have to pay that much, but he had to pay about $6000. From there he lost is motorcycle, got behind on some bills and he just wasn't doing well with managing his money. So, he's going through this funk where he wished he never moved. He hasn't made any friends and doesn't do anything beside work which is stressful for him with all of the deadlines. So, all of this going on, I'm concerned about him.

Work has been BORING. I'm finishing up a super fun project with teens and smoking and now I have to work on a diabetes program that is not as fun...Actually, I enjoy it, but I haven't gotten many people to sign up for it. So, that's a little stressful.

Spiritually....I don't know where I am. I ALWAYS know where I am, but for the past few years, it's like I've been in the middle of the ocean and there is nothing in sight. Like I don't know which way to swim--there is nothing around and I don't know which way to go. I'm just here, floating along. The Bible talks about being blown and tossed about by every wind of doctrine. I know that I love God and I want to live for Him and do His will, but I have no clear picture of where I am or where I'm going. It's very disenheartening. I've been VERY goal oriented and I've always had a plan to get to where I was going, but now since I don't know where I'm going, I have no plan.

What I do know is that I WANT to be married soon and I want to be a MOM SOON!!! I want to go back to school to get my PH.D. I want to run a marathon. I want to own my own business.

There are things that I WANT to do, but what am I SUPPOSED to be doing is the questions???

*Sigh*