I had a dream that I was doing an undercover inspections at a shady store, one that I normally wouldn't shop at. It was an Arab owned store. I was buying loosies. I bought a handful and they guy put them in a sandwich bag. I asked how much and he said, "You know how much." I don't think I did, but he said it in a funny ways so I thought that I was busted. I told him I didn't want them and walked out. He walked out behind me with a black guy. As he was walking behind me he was telling me to stop. And for some reason he was sending the black guy to beat me up. I ended up on the ground and right before the black guy was getting ready to stomp/kick me I woke up.
WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT??????
Sunday, May 19, 2019
1st Quarter
This has been a rough year. We've just finished the first quarter and it's not over yet!!
January started with a new addition to the family--my sister had her daughter--Ella Marie and it was such a beautiful thing. I was so happy and honored to be there. She did such a good job!!
But, while I was at the hospital with her my left leg started hurting--my calf. It hurt so bad I could hardly walk. I didn't want to bother my sister so I just took a Tylenol and helped her push (coached her) that baby out. About an hour after Ella was born I left the hospital and went to my doctors office.
My doctor sent me to the hospital to get an ultra sound. Acute deep vein thrombosis. Yep, blood clot in my calf. I went back to her office and she prescribed Xarelto. I went to the pharmacy to pick it up--$800 was the charge.
WTF!!!
Of course I couldn't pay that so the pharmacist signed me up for a prescription card, but before doing that I had to spend about 3 hours on the phone with my insurance company because I hadn't paid my bill and my insurance wasn't going to cover it because it was the beginning of the year. They finally figured out my billing and I had my blood thinner for $10.
My doctor sent me to a specialist--hematologist. He wanted to convince me that my condition was chronic. I refused to accept it so he did tons a test and one was positive-Lupus Anticoagulant. There is a protein in my blood that is causing it to clot abnormally. I seem to think that all of this is because of my dire situation over the holiday season. I was depressed and in the bed constantly and I ate constantly. I was a MESS. I gained 15lbs and I felt like crap. But here I was, now in a medical mess.
After that diagnosis I needed a "come to Jesus meeting." I contacted a counselor and started trying to get myself together.
At the beginning of March I decided that I needed to start back working out. So I did and a few days later my heart was just palpitating constantly. I wasn't having a panic attack. I wasn't stressed any different from before, but it wouldn't stop palpitating. I called the hematologist and he told me, emphatically, "Go to the ER!"
WHAT? WHY? I feel fine.
I went and when I walked through the doors it was filled with sick people. This didn't look good. While sitting in the ER I started having all types of symptoms--I started belching and farting, hot flashes so bad that I wanted to come out of my clothes, then chills so bad that I couldn't stop shaking. I almost passed out twice. It was bad and I WAS SCARED. I called a friend and she sat with me. The did an EKG, despite my shaking chills, the was normal. Everything was normal. There was no explanation for my symptoms. They sent me home.
I made an appointment with my dr and she sent me to a cardiologist. He scheduled a stress echo and a holter monitor which both came back with nothing wrong with my heart.
That was the first quarter of the year.
January started with a new addition to the family--my sister had her daughter--Ella Marie and it was such a beautiful thing. I was so happy and honored to be there. She did such a good job!!
But, while I was at the hospital with her my left leg started hurting--my calf. It hurt so bad I could hardly walk. I didn't want to bother my sister so I just took a Tylenol and helped her push (coached her) that baby out. About an hour after Ella was born I left the hospital and went to my doctors office.
My doctor sent me to the hospital to get an ultra sound. Acute deep vein thrombosis. Yep, blood clot in my calf. I went back to her office and she prescribed Xarelto. I went to the pharmacy to pick it up--$800 was the charge.
WTF!!!
Of course I couldn't pay that so the pharmacist signed me up for a prescription card, but before doing that I had to spend about 3 hours on the phone with my insurance company because I hadn't paid my bill and my insurance wasn't going to cover it because it was the beginning of the year. They finally figured out my billing and I had my blood thinner for $10.
My doctor sent me to a specialist--hematologist. He wanted to convince me that my condition was chronic. I refused to accept it so he did tons a test and one was positive-Lupus Anticoagulant. There is a protein in my blood that is causing it to clot abnormally. I seem to think that all of this is because of my dire situation over the holiday season. I was depressed and in the bed constantly and I ate constantly. I was a MESS. I gained 15lbs and I felt like crap. But here I was, now in a medical mess.
After that diagnosis I needed a "come to Jesus meeting." I contacted a counselor and started trying to get myself together.
At the beginning of March I decided that I needed to start back working out. So I did and a few days later my heart was just palpitating constantly. I wasn't having a panic attack. I wasn't stressed any different from before, but it wouldn't stop palpitating. I called the hematologist and he told me, emphatically, "Go to the ER!"
WHAT? WHY? I feel fine.
I went and when I walked through the doors it was filled with sick people. This didn't look good. While sitting in the ER I started having all types of symptoms--I started belching and farting, hot flashes so bad that I wanted to come out of my clothes, then chills so bad that I couldn't stop shaking. I almost passed out twice. It was bad and I WAS SCARED. I called a friend and she sat with me. The did an EKG, despite my shaking chills, the was normal. Everything was normal. There was no explanation for my symptoms. They sent me home.
I made an appointment with my dr and she sent me to a cardiologist. He scheduled a stress echo and a holter monitor which both came back with nothing wrong with my heart.
That was the first quarter of the year.
Tuesday, April 9, 2019
The House Is Falling
I had this dream back in February about my granny house and it rained really hard and my aunt T's bedroom starts falling in under the rain. Water started coming in from the lights and we needed to shut power off. It was a crazy dream. I don't remember the rest of it.
I pray for everyone in that house. I pray that they be covered in Jesus name, Amen.
Other dreams...
Last week I had a dream about me getting married. I was in a white dress and there were white flowers hanging from the ceiling.
I had a dream that I was substitute teaching and I was teaching the children a jump rope game at recess.
I had a dream that I had a baby and it was raining so hard outside, but I protected that baby enough that it didn't get wet one bit in the rain. IDK if it was my baby or not.
Then I had a dream that I was on a field trip with RS and I had a group of people with me. I hadn't been to any of the meetings for the field trip, but here I was with this group at this underground water park. We ventured off into an area that was restricted, but we didn't know it was restricted. I didn't find out it was restricted until we found our way back and was told that we couldn't go that way. I woke up telling myself, "that's what you get for not attending the meeting. " LOL
I used to think my dreams meant something....God, are you talking to me?
I pray for everyone in that house. I pray that they be covered in Jesus name, Amen.
Other dreams...
Last week I had a dream about me getting married. I was in a white dress and there were white flowers hanging from the ceiling.
I had a dream that I was substitute teaching and I was teaching the children a jump rope game at recess.
I had a dream that I had a baby and it was raining so hard outside, but I protected that baby enough that it didn't get wet one bit in the rain. IDK if it was my baby or not.
Then I had a dream that I was on a field trip with RS and I had a group of people with me. I hadn't been to any of the meetings for the field trip, but here I was with this group at this underground water park. We ventured off into an area that was restricted, but we didn't know it was restricted. I didn't find out it was restricted until we found our way back and was told that we couldn't go that way. I woke up telling myself, "that's what you get for not attending the meeting. " LOL
I used to think my dreams meant something....God, are you talking to me?
We Can't Be Friends Unless We are Lovers
I met Carle Guy a month after I broke up with CB. I started a new POF page and while perusing the prospectives I found that CB still had his page active. WOW, he never really loved me!! He tried to explain to me that he's never taken his page down. WOW and WOW. You mean to tell me that you are saying that you want to marry me in one breath, but still have an active dating app on your phone. REALLY?! And I'm supposed to trust you. WOW
So I met Carle Guy and we began chatting. I told him that I was celibate and he said he understood. Then CB left for SC so Carle Guy and I started chatting more and more. My heart was broken from CB leaving and I knew I needed to move on so Carle Guy was it for now. However, he really didn't understand. I mean he said he understood me being celibate, but he would pressure me whenever we hung out. Dang...I guess Netflix and Chill is not really Netflix and Chill. So I was tryna explain to him that right now is not the time for me to be physical with ANYONE...PERIOD!! He kept saying he didn't understand. What part of celibate is hard to understand? He said we can do other things besides have sex.
Uhhhhh, please explain. Because kissing, for me, leads to touching and touching, for me, leads to more touching and more touching, for me, leads to clothes being taken off and clothes being taking off, for me, leads to body parts uniting. And if my body parts are going to unite with anyone else's it better be worth it and it hasn't been for a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY long time. So why waste my time. Yes, I"m celibate because I love God and I don't wanna sin, but I'm also celibate because I don't want to waste my time, energy, or emotional well being. Why is that so hard to understand!!
Golf guy gets it...I wish others did too.
So we've (unspokenly) decided that we can't be friends because we can't be lovers. WOW.
So I met Carle Guy and we began chatting. I told him that I was celibate and he said he understood. Then CB left for SC so Carle Guy and I started chatting more and more. My heart was broken from CB leaving and I knew I needed to move on so Carle Guy was it for now. However, he really didn't understand. I mean he said he understood me being celibate, but he would pressure me whenever we hung out. Dang...I guess Netflix and Chill is not really Netflix and Chill. So I was tryna explain to him that right now is not the time for me to be physical with ANYONE...PERIOD!! He kept saying he didn't understand. What part of celibate is hard to understand? He said we can do other things besides have sex.
Uhhhhh, please explain. Because kissing, for me, leads to touching and touching, for me, leads to more touching and more touching, for me, leads to clothes being taken off and clothes being taking off, for me, leads to body parts uniting. And if my body parts are going to unite with anyone else's it better be worth it and it hasn't been for a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY long time. So why waste my time. Yes, I"m celibate because I love God and I don't wanna sin, but I'm also celibate because I don't want to waste my time, energy, or emotional well being. Why is that so hard to understand!!
Golf guy gets it...I wish others did too.
So we've (unspokenly) decided that we can't be friends because we can't be lovers. WOW.
Trying Not To Smile
I started dated CB in September when he came home, but I quickly realized that it was a mistake. Since then I have been messing with him. For example, he called me to ask what I was doing. I told him that I as free for the day. He asked if I wanted to help him paint and I agree and we made arrangements to meet at Lowes. When I got to Lowe's he wasn't there, but he said that his dad and nephew were. I didn't want to just go up to them so I just browsed around the store until CB called to ask me where I was. I found them in the store and as I was walking up he says, "What are you doing?" as in "What are you doing here?" I just smiled. Basically, he didn't tell his dad that I was going to be there and instead of just saying that he pretended that I wasn't supposed to be there. I just smiled because this was classic CB. For some reason he has a problem with communication and actually I think he hasn't told his parents that we were dating so it presents an awkward situation when I show up.
Why does he do that?
I mean, I used to do that sort of thing when I was younger because I didn't know how to communicate with my family and I felt insecure about different situations. So I would present like I did'nt know what was going on when the whole time I just didn't want to call it what it was.
While shopping, it was painful to watch CB. He was running around the store like he was confused. At one point he said to me, while going to look for this list of things he's had in his head that we needed, "When are we going bowling, we are supposed to be going bowling?"
WHAT?
We are at Lowes and I'm trying to help you remember what all we need to paint and you are talking about bowling?! WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT HEAD OF YOURS?!
I simply told him that he was all over the place and needed to get it together. It was so painful to watch. He agreed. Then we went to the house to paint.
Why do I love this guy?
This is one of the reasons I broke up with him. He's not confident in what he's doing around me. Then he wonders why I don't trust him?! He knows I don't trust him but he pretends (or tells himself) that it's my fault.
Another reason I don't trust him is because I went through his phone and saw the pics from the other women he's talking to. My heart sank. I mean I did break up with him, but really? You are still talking to me and telling me that you want to marry me in one breath and telling other women that you want to see them too.
WHAT??
This man is all types of crae!!
(Post from December 2018)
Why does he do that?
I mean, I used to do that sort of thing when I was younger because I didn't know how to communicate with my family and I felt insecure about different situations. So I would present like I did'nt know what was going on when the whole time I just didn't want to call it what it was.
While shopping, it was painful to watch CB. He was running around the store like he was confused. At one point he said to me, while going to look for this list of things he's had in his head that we needed, "When are we going bowling, we are supposed to be going bowling?"
WHAT?
We are at Lowes and I'm trying to help you remember what all we need to paint and you are talking about bowling?! WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT HEAD OF YOURS?!
I simply told him that he was all over the place and needed to get it together. It was so painful to watch. He agreed. Then we went to the house to paint.
Why do I love this guy?
This is one of the reasons I broke up with him. He's not confident in what he's doing around me. Then he wonders why I don't trust him?! He knows I don't trust him but he pretends (or tells himself) that it's my fault.
Another reason I don't trust him is because I went through his phone and saw the pics from the other women he's talking to. My heart sank. I mean I did break up with him, but really? You are still talking to me and telling me that you want to marry me in one breath and telling other women that you want to see them too.
WHAT??
This man is all types of crae!!
(Post from December 2018)
Wednesday, January 2, 2019
HAPPY NEW YEAR
It's January 1, 2019 and I am happy and blessed to see a new year.....
So why am I in a funk?
OMG....
I'm grateful to see a new year, but there is this heaviness that is looming around me....let's evaluate 2018.
I started 2018 with Mr Ohio. I had a hard time keeping my head focused. So I struggled to deal with him. Things began to stabilize at the end of May....stabilize relationship wise, but work was CRAZY. We have to scramble to complete 12 mos of work in 5 months. It was bananas and I screwed some stuff up, but I don't work well under pressure.
Anyway, I worked three jobs to help pay for my home remodel. And it EXHAUSTED ME!!
But, I met CB in July and it's been a rollar coaster ride with him.
As a matter of fact he just left here and I'm so unsettled. OMG....
To be continued....
So why am I in a funk?
OMG....
I'm grateful to see a new year, but there is this heaviness that is looming around me....let's evaluate 2018.
I started 2018 with Mr Ohio. I had a hard time keeping my head focused. So I struggled to deal with him. Things began to stabilize at the end of May....stabilize relationship wise, but work was CRAZY. We have to scramble to complete 12 mos of work in 5 months. It was bananas and I screwed some stuff up, but I don't work well under pressure.
Anyway, I worked three jobs to help pay for my home remodel. And it EXHAUSTED ME!!
But, I met CB in July and it's been a rollar coaster ride with him.
As a matter of fact he just left here and I'm so unsettled. OMG....
To be continued....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)