I have been in a spiritual slump. Like I'm sick or something. I've been in this state before and I HATE it. I mean, it's like the flu. You can't be productive when you have the flu. I mean, you can do a little, but not much. And you risk infecting others when you try to do stuff in the population. So, the best thing is to stay home and rest.
I've been spiritually sick lately and it's taking time for me to recover. The problem is, I've got more to do in my life than always recover or spiritual sickness.
I need to get out of the this state so that I can move on with my life!!
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Pulling Weeds is Hard and So is Changing a Life
I am an avid volunteer. I like being involved in stuff--new stuff. So, last year I volunteered to help in the neighborhood by weeding two of the 10 medians down the block. I don't know much about gardening, so I met with one of the other volunteers and she showed me the ropes. So, this summer I was tasked with using my free time to help keep them looking great. The problem is, there has been so much rain, and then there was a car accident, and my time had been limited....
But, there the weeds still needed to be pulled.
So, a few weeks ago, I went out and there were massive weeds. I couldn't pull them because they were too tall and they were the cactusy type of weeds that will stick you. So, I just started cutting with my massive shears. I cut and cut and filled up about 4 bags of tall weeds before my back couldn't take it anymore. Then my time was limited again I decided that I needed to get out there because we have a community wide celebration coming up and I want everything to be perfect. This time I got down on my hands and knees and started pulling.
OMG....
Some of those weeds had roots that were so thick. I had to use my shears to did around the roots in order to get them up. It took me about 1.5 hours, to finish about a third of one of the mediums. I'll get back out there, but I've been learning a lesson that can be applied to my life...
God tells us that we must walk in the spirit and in order to do that, the fruit of the spirit has to be operative in out lives.
But, fruit grows and must be cultivated. Fruit doesn't just happen. A seed has to be planted, it has to die in the ground and the rain must water it and the sun must shine upon it. As the seed is sprouting, the weeds have to be taken care of. The weeds can choke out the seedling if they aren't pulled up and when they are pulled, you can't just chop them off at the top, you have to take the root out.
But, when the roots are deep, you can't just use regular tools and it takes more time and effort.
It took me some time to pull those weeds. And my fingers hurt while doing it....
I am in a spiritual.....something.
I've got too many weeds growing in my life. And they must be pulled up. But, it's gonna take some time to get my life cleaned up. And it's gonna take so much effort. And it's gonna hurt...
God, help me through this, please!!!
I want to grow and be fruitful because I LOVE fruit. Fruit is great nourishment!!!
But, there the weeds still needed to be pulled.
So, a few weeks ago, I went out and there were massive weeds. I couldn't pull them because they were too tall and they were the cactusy type of weeds that will stick you. So, I just started cutting with my massive shears. I cut and cut and filled up about 4 bags of tall weeds before my back couldn't take it anymore. Then my time was limited again I decided that I needed to get out there because we have a community wide celebration coming up and I want everything to be perfect. This time I got down on my hands and knees and started pulling.
OMG....
Some of those weeds had roots that were so thick. I had to use my shears to did around the roots in order to get them up. It took me about 1.5 hours, to finish about a third of one of the mediums. I'll get back out there, but I've been learning a lesson that can be applied to my life...
God tells us that we must walk in the spirit and in order to do that, the fruit of the spirit has to be operative in out lives.
But, fruit grows and must be cultivated. Fruit doesn't just happen. A seed has to be planted, it has to die in the ground and the rain must water it and the sun must shine upon it. As the seed is sprouting, the weeds have to be taken care of. The weeds can choke out the seedling if they aren't pulled up and when they are pulled, you can't just chop them off at the top, you have to take the root out.
But, when the roots are deep, you can't just use regular tools and it takes more time and effort.
It took me some time to pull those weeds. And my fingers hurt while doing it....
I am in a spiritual.....something.
I've got too many weeds growing in my life. And they must be pulled up. But, it's gonna take some time to get my life cleaned up. And it's gonna take so much effort. And it's gonna hurt...
God, help me through this, please!!!
I want to grow and be fruitful because I LOVE fruit. Fruit is great nourishment!!!
Monday, July 20, 2015
It's An Order
I've GOT to live!!
I was a little down in the dumps because I didn't handle a disappointing situation appropriately. But, I was reminded that the scripture says that when I am in a battle...., "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done." Psalms 118:17. God is going to bring me out and he will get all the glory in my life!!
It's an order and a declaration and it is so!!
I was a little down in the dumps because I didn't handle a disappointing situation appropriately. But, I was reminded that the scripture says that when I am in a battle...., "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done." Psalms 118:17. God is going to bring me out and he will get all the glory in my life!!
It's an order and a declaration and it is so!!
Microeconomics, Failure, and Why I Love God
I passed my midterm---Thank You, God!!
Microeconomics is hard for me and I'm taking this class for the second time around and it's online just as before, but at a different school--a more expensive school.
Actually, I have a little history with micro economics...
I took it my freshmen year and dropped it during the first week. Then I worked at a community college and signed up for the same class. Again, I dropped it during the first week. During these two times, I had no incentive to continue with the class. But, now that I'm on the road to Ph.d, I NEED the class as a prerequisite. So, I signed up last year at the community college and the teacher was a pompous butt-hole. I dropped the class before the final. I was not able to finish it with a passing grade. But, I still NEEDED the class. So I looked and found it online at U of I and I'm not taking it and right now I have a 78% after the midterm.
Thank God!!
During this past hectic week, not only did I take a midterm, I also helped with Vacation Bible School and I am reminded that I am NO WHERE near where I'm supposed to be spiritually. Actually, I skipped out on prayer because I was asked to do it after spending the night with Mister.
Yes, I spent the night with Mister on Thursday evening. He was in town to meet his daughter (those plans fell through) and I was exhausted and wanted some closeness so I stayed the night and physically, it was great. Spiritually, it was devastating....
Then on Friday I was asked to pray before VBS and I didn't answer.
UGH!!
I was so disappointed in myself. I still am....I let my situation get the best of me.
It is like everything was coming at once. I met a guy who said he would call me and he hasn't and then I met another guy who turned out to be married, and then another married guy was hitting on me and then I broke some $200 equipment (actually, I didn't break it a friend broke it and didn't offer to help fix it), so that burden fell on me and I was overwhelmed.
I needed relief and I sought physical relief instead of spiritual relief.
But, through it all.....I am reminded that everyday that I wake up is another day to get it right. This is why I still love God and I am going to constantly run back to Him.
Thank God for many many many many many chances of redemption.
Microeconomics is hard for me and I'm taking this class for the second time around and it's online just as before, but at a different school--a more expensive school.
Actually, I have a little history with micro economics...
I took it my freshmen year and dropped it during the first week. Then I worked at a community college and signed up for the same class. Again, I dropped it during the first week. During these two times, I had no incentive to continue with the class. But, now that I'm on the road to Ph.d, I NEED the class as a prerequisite. So, I signed up last year at the community college and the teacher was a pompous butt-hole. I dropped the class before the final. I was not able to finish it with a passing grade. But, I still NEEDED the class. So I looked and found it online at U of I and I'm not taking it and right now I have a 78% after the midterm.
Thank God!!
During this past hectic week, not only did I take a midterm, I also helped with Vacation Bible School and I am reminded that I am NO WHERE near where I'm supposed to be spiritually. Actually, I skipped out on prayer because I was asked to do it after spending the night with Mister.
Yes, I spent the night with Mister on Thursday evening. He was in town to meet his daughter (those plans fell through) and I was exhausted and wanted some closeness so I stayed the night and physically, it was great. Spiritually, it was devastating....
Then on Friday I was asked to pray before VBS and I didn't answer.
UGH!!
I was so disappointed in myself. I still am....I let my situation get the best of me.
It is like everything was coming at once. I met a guy who said he would call me and he hasn't and then I met another guy who turned out to be married, and then another married guy was hitting on me and then I broke some $200 equipment (actually, I didn't break it a friend broke it and didn't offer to help fix it), so that burden fell on me and I was overwhelmed.
I needed relief and I sought physical relief instead of spiritual relief.
But, through it all.....I am reminded that everyday that I wake up is another day to get it right. This is why I still love God and I am going to constantly run back to Him.
Thank God for many many many many many chances of redemption.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
The Sooner You Get Adjusted The Sooner You Can Get Healed
When you have been out of alignment for so long, you tend to think that it is right. You begin to call wrong right and right wrong.
But, when you begin to have adjustments, it may hurt at the beginning....
I need to make the necessary steps to get back on track. TODAY because I will move in the right direction or the wrong direction. The first way to go back is to look back. Don't look back--keep a forward focus. My focus is what I"m looking at. My life is based on forward movement. If my focus is always consumed by looking at the past, I am doomed. I can't get to my future by dwelling on my past.....
I'm willing to move forward so I have to walk and I can't walk backwards.
Matthew 7:13-14 (The Voice) There are two paths before you; you may take only one path. One doorway is narrow. And one door is wide. Go through the narrow door. For the wide door leads to a wide path, and the wide path is broad; the wide, broad path is easy, and the wide, broad, easy path has many, many people on it; but the wide, broad, easy, crowded path leads to death. 14 Now then that narrow door leads to a narrow road that in turn leads to life. It is hard to find that road. Not many people manage it.
But, when you begin to have adjustments, it may hurt at the beginning....
I need to make the necessary steps to get back on track. TODAY because I will move in the right direction or the wrong direction. The first way to go back is to look back. Don't look back--keep a forward focus. My focus is what I"m looking at. My life is based on forward movement. If my focus is always consumed by looking at the past, I am doomed. I can't get to my future by dwelling on my past.....
I'm willing to move forward so I have to walk and I can't walk backwards.
Matthew 7:13-14 (The Voice) There are two paths before you; you may take only one path. One doorway is narrow. And one door is wide. Go through the narrow door. For the wide door leads to a wide path, and the wide path is broad; the wide, broad path is easy, and the wide, broad, easy path has many, many people on it; but the wide, broad, easy, crowded path leads to death. 14 Now then that narrow door leads to a narrow road that in turn leads to life. It is hard to find that road. Not many people manage it.
Saturday, July 11, 2015
What Am I Supposed to Do?
I'm not even going there!
I just got back into town and I decided to text DJ. He's the guy who took charge of our class reunion and I went to see him to borrow some equipment for VBS. When I was in his shop, there was a cute guy flirting with me and I texted him to ask about him. This is the text convo:
Me: Who was the dude sitting next to me
Him: Do you like him
Me: He was cute...tryna flirt on the side
Him: Thats what he was sayn about you but he asked me "was we talkn b4 he tried to holla"
Me: Do u know him? Is he a good dude?
Him: Idk him like that. He comes n2 the shop and gt cut each week. Did u gt his nmbr or he got yours
Me: Nope
Him: So what now?
Me: U can tell him I asked about him :-)
Him: U jus dont kno how hard to hear that but i will
Him: I can get his numbr if u want
Me: Whaaaaaaaaatttttt
Me: I'm tryna do homework while texting u, so I may not be reading right
Him: What dnt u understand
Me: I got it. We cool :-)
Him: Y u add the we cool
Me: U just made me blush that's all. Actually I'm too dark to blush....lol
This was actually a lie. I was annoyed at him at this point.
Him: Beautiful but y u blush
Silence....I didn't answer. After and hour...
Him: Hello
Me: ;-)
Him: Y r u smiling
Silence for 10 minutes.
Him: R u still doing homework
Me: Finishing up now
Him: U answered that but not my other 2 questions
Me: I sent him Erykah Badu Next Lifetime
Him: I ges thats a hint
Silence....
Him: I asked if u want me to get his nmbr
Me: Give him my number
Him: (a whole bunch of teary eyed faces)
Me: You're a big boy :-)
Oh boy.....he's married.
What does he want from me? And I'm not going there, AT ALL!!!!!
I just got back into town and I decided to text DJ. He's the guy who took charge of our class reunion and I went to see him to borrow some equipment for VBS. When I was in his shop, there was a cute guy flirting with me and I texted him to ask about him. This is the text convo:
Me: Who was the dude sitting next to me
Him: Do you like him
Me: He was cute...tryna flirt on the side
Him: Thats what he was sayn about you but he asked me "was we talkn b4 he tried to holla"
Me: Do u know him? Is he a good dude?
Him: Idk him like that. He comes n2 the shop and gt cut each week. Did u gt his nmbr or he got yours
Me: Nope
Him: So what now?
Me: U can tell him I asked about him :-)
Him: U jus dont kno how hard to hear that but i will
Him: I can get his numbr if u want
Me: Whaaaaaaaaatttttt
Me: I'm tryna do homework while texting u, so I may not be reading right
Him: What dnt u understand
Me: I got it. We cool :-)
Him: Y u add the we cool
Me: U just made me blush that's all. Actually I'm too dark to blush....lol
This was actually a lie. I was annoyed at him at this point.
Him: Beautiful but y u blush
Silence....I didn't answer. After and hour...
Him: Hello
Me: ;-)
Him: Y r u smiling
Silence for 10 minutes.
Him: R u still doing homework
Me: Finishing up now
Him: U answered that but not my other 2 questions
Me: I sent him Erykah Badu Next Lifetime
Him: I ges thats a hint
Silence....
Him: I asked if u want me to get his nmbr
Me: Give him my number
Him: (a whole bunch of teary eyed faces)
Me: You're a big boy :-)
Oh boy.....he's married.
What does he want from me? And I'm not going there, AT ALL!!!!!
Monday, July 6, 2015
I Want My Life So Bad
I've made a decision....
No more Mister. That relationship is dead. It's not going anywhere at all.
A little background...
I've been heading to Indy to spend time with him. Not because I wanna be with him, but because he is the one that is there. He is the one man that is available in my life right now and I'm comfortable with him, The problem is, we've crossed the line--twice and now my insides are a little dead. And I don't wanna be here.
I guess the last time I was there visiting him on the 27th, we had too much fun because his house mate got jealous and told him that she didn't want me coming to visit. He asked her if it was me or if it was any woman and apparently she just doesn't want to see him happy. It's the classic, misery loves company concept. She sees him happily hanging out with someone and she's unhappy with her life so she doesn't want him to be happy.
I texted him one morning and he texted me back, but then he said he plugged his phone in and it went crazy. I told him that maybe it was hacked. He hadn't thought about that. Then he realized that maybe she hacked his phone because they got into a yelling match and she said she was just waiting to die. I empathize with her, but...
Dang....
Of course I had to ask Mister if he felt that way too. He didn't answer. I guess I know the answer. He is depressed. And I hate depression. I wish he wasn't.
But, he tried to cheer her up by having her go to the block party on the 4th, but she refused. She basically wanted to hang out with him and no one else.
He ended up frustrated, angry, and irritated at her.
On top of all that...the house was invaded by bed bugs
OMG....
I can't deal with all of that. AT ALL.
So I give up...
I want to live happy and I can't do it with him!!
No more Mister. That relationship is dead. It's not going anywhere at all.
A little background...
I've been heading to Indy to spend time with him. Not because I wanna be with him, but because he is the one that is there. He is the one man that is available in my life right now and I'm comfortable with him, The problem is, we've crossed the line--twice and now my insides are a little dead. And I don't wanna be here.
I guess the last time I was there visiting him on the 27th, we had too much fun because his house mate got jealous and told him that she didn't want me coming to visit. He asked her if it was me or if it was any woman and apparently she just doesn't want to see him happy. It's the classic, misery loves company concept. She sees him happily hanging out with someone and she's unhappy with her life so she doesn't want him to be happy.
I texted him one morning and he texted me back, but then he said he plugged his phone in and it went crazy. I told him that maybe it was hacked. He hadn't thought about that. Then he realized that maybe she hacked his phone because they got into a yelling match and she said she was just waiting to die. I empathize with her, but...
Dang....
Of course I had to ask Mister if he felt that way too. He didn't answer. I guess I know the answer. He is depressed. And I hate depression. I wish he wasn't.
But, he tried to cheer her up by having her go to the block party on the 4th, but she refused. She basically wanted to hang out with him and no one else.
He ended up frustrated, angry, and irritated at her.
On top of all that...the house was invaded by bed bugs
OMG....
I can't deal with all of that. AT ALL.
So I give up...
I want to live happy and I can't do it with him!!
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Not This Weekend
I went to see Mister this past weekend and we had a good time--yep, I stayed the night. Not my proudest...
I'm supposed to see him again this weekend, but I've received news that his housemate is not thrilled about me being there, so I'm cancelling my trip.
Thank God!!
I haven't recuperated from last weekend....
God, help me!!
I'm supposed to see him again this weekend, but I've received news that his housemate is not thrilled about me being there, so I'm cancelling my trip.
Thank God!!
I haven't recuperated from last weekend....
God, help me!!
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