That's the Way I Feel

in·ad·e·quate

inˈadikwət/

adjective

1. lacking the quality or quantity required; insufficient for a purpose.

   "these labels prove to be wholly inadequate"

   synonyms:

   insufficient, deficient, poor, scant, scanty, scarce, sparse, in short supply; More

   • (of a person) unable to deal with a situation or with life.

     "a sad, solitary, inadequate man"

Yep, that's the way I feel. God help me!!

Piecing It All Together

I have been dealing with my health issues for 6 months now and it's time to take a pulse. I know nothing happens overnight and I can't rush this, but to recap. I have been dealing with the following physical issues...

1) Hashimoto disease
2) Uterine fibroids
3) Weight gain
4) Thinning hair
5) Acne
6) Fatigue

Additionally I've been wanting to focus on my "whole person" which includes my relationship with Christ and even my financial habits. So I need to fix my...

1) Lack of prayer time
2) Lack of devotion in the word of God
3) Debt management

I can go on and on and on about my issues.

However, recently in church I was listening to a sermon and something interesting was said. The speaker was talking about the man who was healed by the pool of Bethesda. Basically every year those who were lame and disabled went to the pool because an angel would come down and stir the water. Whoever was the first to get in was healed of their diseases. The lame man was laying on his bed and Jesus came by and asked him if he wanted to be made whole. The man then said that he didn't have anyone to put him in the water when the angel came.

Jesus didn't ask him that, He asked him if wanted to be made whole? Jesus told the man to take up his bed and walk and he did. He was healed of his diseases. The man didn't even know who Jesus was because when the people saw that he was healed they asked who healed him and he couldn't tell him that it was Jesus.

Later Jesus saw him in the temple and Jesus said this to him, "See you have been made well. Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you." John 5:14 NKJV

When I heard that I began to think about my health problems. In 2011 I believe that God healed me of my fibroids. I would wake up in the middle of the night with excruciating pain and I prayed to God (because I didn't have any health insurance back then) and for 3 months this would happen. One evening at church the speaker was speaking and he said, "Some of you all are popping pills because you don't believe the Lord will heal you..." At that point I listed up my hands and said, "God I receive your healing." and that was that. No more pain or issues. So why am I dealing with a uterus filled with fibroids now?

A few years later the speaker was praying for us and he prayed for people with thyroid issues. I had not told anyone that I was dealing with thyroid issues. I believe that God had healed me then. So why am I dealing with autoimmune thyroid issues now?

I believe in the word of God and God's word is true. It doesn't fall to the ground.

I believe that because I haven't kept my relationship with Christ and have went back and done things contrary to what God has told me....I believe that's why I am suffering. God told the man not to sin again....and He told him what would happen if he did...."something worse would happen." I have sinned against God and have gone back on my promises to God and now my life if filled with these sicknesses. When God makes you whole, you are whole. No one can change that but you.

But, this is my prayer to God....Hezekiah asked God for one more chance. Samson asked God for one more chance....God is a God of grace and mercy. He is a fair God, but He is merciful. I pray that as I make these changes in my life He will see my heart and my desire to serve Him and give me another chance to fulfill my destiny!!

In Jesus name...Amen!

13 Hours in the Car and My Missing Brother

I have had THE BEST 4th of July holiday....

My mother has 7 children and we all haven't been together in one place since my grand mother's Woburn, IL. I was really tired because I've been getting up at 6am to take my friend's daughter to work (she lives right across the street from me) And when I'm up most days I go work out. However, I haven't been working out lately. Anyway...I got on the road to pick my niece up in Dayton. I stopped to have dinner with Mister (I know) in Indy and then stayed the night in Dayton. We got up early on Saturday morning and headed to Chicago where we feasted on Harold's chicken and went kayaking. Kayaking was hard, but fun. We got home around midnight and I got up early to head to church Sunday.
funeral in 2002. We all touched down at my Uncle's log cabin house in

After church we headed to my uncle's where we stayed up really late. I camped in a tent for the first time and I didn't sleep a wink. I got up at 6am and was exhausted. After shooting fireworks, we all tried to sleep and I was up and at em again at 6am on Tuesday.

It was a long tiring week, but I was so happy to see all of my brother's and sisters. We decided that we wanted to recreate pics of when we were younger. We had a blast!! I got to see my Uncle Kenneth whom I haven't seen since my cousin died in 2006. He's 85 years young and looks really good. They barbecued, and popped fireworks. It was overall a great time together. There was one glitch when my brother decided to bring up a sensitive topic. He didn't know that he was hitting a nerve, but he asked my baby sis why she felt like she couldn't talk to us about anything. She got emotional and that started an argument between her and my other sister. They've had beef before, but we were able to squash it and move along with the festivities.

I got up Tuesday morning and went home at 6am to get the rental car back. My niece didn't want to get up that early so she decided to stay with my mom until Friday.

So I was going to drive her back to Dayton on Friday, but I needed to pick her up in Fairview Heights--120 miles away. Then I drove her to Dayton--320 miles and from Dayton, Oh, I drove home--300 miles. I was in the car for 13 hours on Friday. OMG!! I told my mom I needed a plane and I mean that. I'm so sick of driving in the car. Me and God gonna have to work this out!!

On my way home I got a call from my sister, She wanted to know if I had heard from my brother in San Diego. I had talked to him on the previous day...then she said that he was missing. WHAT? How does a grown 30 year old man end up missing? She tells me that his wife called her because she got a call from him around 4:30 and he was talking jibberish and then the call dropped. She called and called him back, but it went straight to vmail. And now she's home from work and he's no where to be found.

I immediately panicked because with everything that's going on in the world today, you have no idea what may happen to you. I started praying and tried not to think the worst. When I got home around midnight I called my sister in law. She said that she finally got a call from the police saying that he had been arrested. OMG!! What for? She didn't know and they didn't have any information. She I just continued to pray. I got a text around 3am saying that she found him in the hospital and that he was heavily sedated. OMG, WHAT IS GOING ON?

I was exhausted from being up trying not to worry. Finally I was able to talk to him around noon and he said he was in a car accident and he went a little crazy. The police showed up and he thought the police was attacking him and he began to take his clothes off to show the police that he was unarmed. The police just sees this belligerent man-they don't know if he's high, hurt, or what? They just were called because of the accident and he sees the police and fears for his life. What all happened in between is a mystery.

But, I was relieved to talk to him!!

This has been a long exhaustive week!!