I don't fail. Quitters fail. Cowards fail. I do not fail and I'm not gonna start now.--Justin Talbot (Michael Ealy on Being Mary Jane)
When he said that, it hit my spirit. How many times have I quit? Quit on projects, quit on friends and relationships, quit on God...quit on myself.
I THANK GOD that He NEVER quit on me and because of that I square my shoulders, pick myself up and and keep going! God has been too good to me over these past 40 years and I want to show Him that appreciate His love by giving my life to him and NOT GIVING UP!!
So I may be down....but IT AIN'T OVER TIL IT'S OVER!!
Sunday, April 23, 2017
Nights Haunt Me....
I WILL BE 40 IN A FEW WEEKS....
And this is the first time I've been able to say it. I mean, 40 is REALLY young in the grand scheme of things, but facing 40 has been a challenge. I prayed to God to help me with the 40 anxiety and I was listening to S-Town, and John was talking about how he was 48 years old and he was living this blah life. He was saying how he felt like he was stuck in S-Town. As he was talking I realized that I understood where he was coming from. But this guy was over the top. I mean I listened to the entire first show with my mouth open. I was so shocked at this guy. Then....
***SPOILER ***
He kills himself.
WHAT??!!!!
I mean I felt that he was depressed, but really. REALLY.
So as I was listening I snapped out of my 40 anxiety because life is GREAT is GOD is GREAT and I THANK GOD for the 40 short years that I have been here and I'm looking forward to 40 more!!
Anyway.....
For about 37 years I've been having sex.
WHAT???!!!
Yes, I was molested by a cousin as a child and it wasn't a molestation where I was penetrated, but oral sex was involved and that lead me to having sex with my sister up until I was in the 4th grade. I had no idea what sex was, but we would do it at night because we slept in the same bed up until I was in the 8th grade. After we were caught I realized that it was wrong and we stopped, but that lead to masturbation.
Then when I was 15 I was introduced to sex with a boy and because I did not having the skills, knowledge, and courage, I just let it happen. Which led to promiscuity and a LOT of HEARTACHE. So this is has been something that has plagued me for most of my life.
Now I will be 40 and I want to live for Christ and I want control over my body, but the night haunts me. It's like I'm a different person, I don't even think about it, it just happens and I wake up in the morning and deal with the guilt of a lack of discipline and control over my body.
Huh....
I know God can do ANYTHING. And I'm going to work WITH the Holy Spirit to gain control over this part of my life.
And this is the first time I've been able to say it. I mean, 40 is REALLY young in the grand scheme of things, but facing 40 has been a challenge. I prayed to God to help me with the 40 anxiety and I was listening to S-Town, and John was talking about how he was 48 years old and he was living this blah life. He was saying how he felt like he was stuck in S-Town. As he was talking I realized that I understood where he was coming from. But this guy was over the top. I mean I listened to the entire first show with my mouth open. I was so shocked at this guy. Then....
***SPOILER ***
He kills himself.
WHAT??!!!!
I mean I felt that he was depressed, but really. REALLY.
So as I was listening I snapped out of my 40 anxiety because life is GREAT is GOD is GREAT and I THANK GOD for the 40 short years that I have been here and I'm looking forward to 40 more!!
Anyway.....
For about 37 years I've been having sex.
WHAT???!!!
Yes, I was molested by a cousin as a child and it wasn't a molestation where I was penetrated, but oral sex was involved and that lead me to having sex with my sister up until I was in the 4th grade. I had no idea what sex was, but we would do it at night because we slept in the same bed up until I was in the 8th grade. After we were caught I realized that it was wrong and we stopped, but that lead to masturbation.
Then when I was 15 I was introduced to sex with a boy and because I did not having the skills, knowledge, and courage, I just let it happen. Which led to promiscuity and a LOT of HEARTACHE. So this is has been something that has plagued me for most of my life.
Now I will be 40 and I want to live for Christ and I want control over my body, but the night haunts me. It's like I'm a different person, I don't even think about it, it just happens and I wake up in the morning and deal with the guilt of a lack of discipline and control over my body.
Huh....
I know God can do ANYTHING. And I'm going to work WITH the Holy Spirit to gain control over this part of my life.
Monday, April 3, 2017
Bullied His Whole Life
So I was listening to the Criminal Podcast and this story was so crazy...
A man in his 40s had been extorted for over $100k during a 25 year stint. He was extorted until the day he died.
His name was Robert. It all started with a traffic jam in California. He was some sort of engineer on his way home from work and to avoid the dreaded traffic he decided to get off on the nearest exit to drive through town. But, the exit he got off on was the worst exit. He landed in Compton, CA. As he was driving he saw his surroundings and was quickly trying to find his way back to the highway, but he made one wrong turn after another and was driving deeper and deeper into slum neighborhoods. He got spooked when he saw a gang of young men chasing his car through the neighborhood and trying to speed away he side swiped a vehicle. He nervously slowed down because you can't hit someone's car and not stop.
As he stopped he saw the guys nearing him in his rear view mirror. Suddenly, his car door wrenched open and a man scooted him over and got into the driver's seat. He was frantic.
The year was 1979 and his car had a bench seat and no one wore seatbelts during that time. He was a thin white man about 5ft tall. There was no way he was getting out of that neighborhood unharmed with those boys chasing his car.
The man that got into his car told him that he was saving his life. And he drove him to the highway. During the drive the man told Robert that the car he hit was his mom's. Robert gave the man his name, phone number and address. And told him that he would pay for the damages.
The next day the man came over to collect payment. He told him the estimate was over $4k. Robert thought it was an inflated number, but he was grateful that the man got him out of the neighborhood. He was relieved. But that's not where the story ends. The man kept coming back time after time and year after year--asking Robert for money. Extorting him. Telling him that if he didn't pay him he would harm his family. Robert lived near his parents. He never married and had no children. So, he did what the man told him. Even when the man was in prison, Robert still payed.
WHAT????
It wasn't until over 20 years later, Robert was told that the man was going to kill his girlfriend and flee the country so he needed $8k, that he went to the police. Robert kept meticulous notes and check stubs totaling the extortion. The state had a case against the man...but right before the case went to trial, Robert died.
WHAT???????
He was quite embarrased by the whole thing and NEVER told a soul. He just suffered and endured in silence.
God, help me!!
The devil will bully people and they will just suffer in silence....I don't want to be that way!! God HELP!!
https://soundcloud.com/criminalshow/ep-11-im-about-to-save-your-life
A man in his 40s had been extorted for over $100k during a 25 year stint. He was extorted until the day he died.
His name was Robert. It all started with a traffic jam in California. He was some sort of engineer on his way home from work and to avoid the dreaded traffic he decided to get off on the nearest exit to drive through town. But, the exit he got off on was the worst exit. He landed in Compton, CA. As he was driving he saw his surroundings and was quickly trying to find his way back to the highway, but he made one wrong turn after another and was driving deeper and deeper into slum neighborhoods. He got spooked when he saw a gang of young men chasing his car through the neighborhood and trying to speed away he side swiped a vehicle. He nervously slowed down because you can't hit someone's car and not stop.
As he stopped he saw the guys nearing him in his rear view mirror. Suddenly, his car door wrenched open and a man scooted him over and got into the driver's seat. He was frantic.
The year was 1979 and his car had a bench seat and no one wore seatbelts during that time. He was a thin white man about 5ft tall. There was no way he was getting out of that neighborhood unharmed with those boys chasing his car.
The man that got into his car told him that he was saving his life. And he drove him to the highway. During the drive the man told Robert that the car he hit was his mom's. Robert gave the man his name, phone number and address. And told him that he would pay for the damages.
The next day the man came over to collect payment. He told him the estimate was over $4k. Robert thought it was an inflated number, but he was grateful that the man got him out of the neighborhood. He was relieved. But that's not where the story ends. The man kept coming back time after time and year after year--asking Robert for money. Extorting him. Telling him that if he didn't pay him he would harm his family. Robert lived near his parents. He never married and had no children. So, he did what the man told him. Even when the man was in prison, Robert still payed.
WHAT????
It wasn't until over 20 years later, Robert was told that the man was going to kill his girlfriend and flee the country so he needed $8k, that he went to the police. Robert kept meticulous notes and check stubs totaling the extortion. The state had a case against the man...but right before the case went to trial, Robert died.
WHAT???????
He was quite embarrased by the whole thing and NEVER told a soul. He just suffered and endured in silence.
God, help me!!
The devil will bully people and they will just suffer in silence....I don't want to be that way!! God HELP!!
https://soundcloud.com/criminalshow/ep-11-im-about-to-save-your-life
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