Vacation in Puerto Rico

I was in a meeting with my boss yesterday.  She asked me how I was mentally. I told her that I need to rest, like I need a vacation. She then told me to take a few days off and go somewhere ON HER DIME!!

WOW, GOD IS GOOD!!

She went on to tell me that she "felt" me and she knew that I needed to rest, so she offered to pay for the hotel room and something to eat if I took a few days off. It was interesting that she was saying this because just yesterday I looked at how much time I had to take off and currently I don't have any vacation days because where I work, I don't get any vacation days until a year of service. My year doesn't mature until March, but I do have Flex Time...about 16 hours that I can use. I think I'm gonna take her up on that offer during our next holiday which is February 12. But, that's on a Tuesday, so maybe the next holiday which is February 18 which is a Monday. Maybe I'll take that Friday off so that I could have a 4 day weekend.  If I did have a 4 day weekend, I'd go to Puerto Rico or maybe Niagara Falls. I wonder what the weather is like this time of year down south. I know up north, it's cold, but think Puerto Rico maybe nice and balmy this time of year. Hmmmmm.....

I'm making all these plans and I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY. Grrrrr. I know she said she would take care of the hotel and food, but I need to cover transporation and any other "vacation stuff" I may need. I HATE BEING BROKE!!  How can I go on vacation when I don't even have money to wash my clothes or buy groceries or buy deordorant or, or, or....... *SIGH* 

So, maybe February is out of the questions....let's look at March. I may be able to save up a few dollars by then. The only holiday in March is on March 29 for Good Friday. Can I last that long??? I'm exhausted. Like, I don't need to be driving, exhausted. I doped up on caffeine this morning, but now the sleep is hitting me and I'm going to be working until 9 tonight on a project for work. UGH!!  What am I going to do??

I REALLY need to sleep. At least I'll have Saturday so that I can spend all day in bed. Which I WILL DO. I'm not gonna answer the phone or nothing. I will be MIA on Saturday....

So, I guess a Staycation it is...

Her Dream

A young girl that I mentor told me this dream...

She was 8 months pregnant and she got into a fight with another girl. She really beat the girl up and the girl got mad and decided to take a knife and and start to slice her up. She was protecting her belly and in the midst of it, she called me on the phone screaming about this girl that was slicing her up. I hurried to her rescue and took her to the emergency room and was screaming to them that she was pregnant and bleeding all over. They hurried to get her treatment.

As they were taking her back for treatment I saw the other girl that she was fighting. The girl had managed to write an account of the fight in a diary and I went to get it from her to go to the police. As the girl was getting ready to hand me the diary, she stabbed me in the stomach and proceeded to stab me, but I started praying and as the girl was stabbing me, nothing was harming me because I was praying....

Then she woke up.

Leave That Church Girl Alone....

....She WILL break your heart!!

I wish I could tell Mister that. And any other guy who is not saved and/or interested in a relationship with God.

I grew up in the church. I was taught to pray, I was taught to read scripture. I was taught to believe in God and the power of the Holy Spirit. All of this in engrained in me. The Bible says to train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old, he will not depart. I was trained in holiness and righteousness, so as an adult, I am not/will not depart from what I've learned. I will marry a man who has been trained as I have and we will train our children.

So, when I meet a man who is not interested on God or has been taught differently from me, I know that the relationship will not prosper. I tried to tell Mister this. When we first met, I let him know that I didn't think I was interested in a relationship with him because he didn't believe like I did. As a matter of fact we would have major disagreements about what we each individually believed. However, despite this, our emotions got in the way and he fell in love with me and I claimed that I loved him. In the end he was heartbroken and I was praying to God that I could move on with my life. I loved God MORE than I wanted to be with him!!  I'm still trying to tell him this now. Even though the lines of communiation are open between us, there is nothing, NOTHING, that will cause me to get back with him. There is no point...I will waste my time trying to have a relationship with him. He will be heartbroken again, if I decided to let my guards down and date him.

I tried to tell Coach this too. I remember telling him that I was a church girl. Basically, I was saying that no matter what, I love God and if you don't love Him like I love Him, then you are wasting your time.

We see how that went.

So, if there is someone who you are interested in and that person loves God, but you don't. DON'T MESS WITH THEM because they WON'T LEAVE GOD to be with you. As a matter of fact, they might leave God for a little bit, but there is something about the love of GOD that always draws them back and if you aren't willing to go with them, then your heart will be broken!! 

Weekend Marathon

It's been a long time since I stayed in the bed to watch a marathon show on tv. By the way, this is my favorite past time....chilling in bed with my favorite foods watching show after show after show....aaashhhhh, good times.

This weekend I had the opportunity to do just that.

Of course I don't have a bed and I don't have money to buy my favorite foods, but curling up on the couch with chips and dip was just as good. And my show of choice....SCANDAL.

Yes!!  I've been hearing the buzz about this show and I'm partial to the oldies, but goodies....Law & Order, CSI, The Practice...I don't try to many new shows, but I was lured in and OMG am I glad. I literally stayed up to 4am Sunday morning finishing season 1. After church I got back home to get caught up on Season 2 and boy am I exhausted and exhilirated all in one. I can't wait to see how this plays out. That Olivia Pope has gotten herself into a bit of a pickle.....let's see how she will wiggle out of this one. Can't wait til the next show....

I BELIEVE

There is nothing like a miracle to reignite your faith and belief in God... Lately, I've been a little somber because of my financial situation. I found that it was too late to apply for the job that would increase my salary by $6000 and looking at two overdrafted bank accounts put me in a bit of a mood. Especially since I didn't have enough money to get gas to drive to work (I took the bus and walked home, in the cold). So, as I was patiently waiting (I had not choice but be patient) for payday to come, I prayed and continued to thank God for a roof over my head. The temperature has been below zero and I would not have wanted to be sleeping in my car in this weather....so despite the black hole of poverty that I've been facing, I'm still thankful and grateful to God!!

Payday came and as I was totally my debts, I realized that I didn't have enough to cover all of my bills and pay the overdraft charges in addition to getting food to eat, so I just sucked it up and went to the bank, got out the money I needed to cover my debts. I looked up at the clock and I was late. I was supposed to be at the high school to work on a project after school, so I rushed across town. When I got there, I was rushing so much that I didn' pay any attention to anything. An hour later I was back in my car headed back to work when I realized tha the $430 that I had gotten out of the bank was gone....dropped out of my wallet. Tears were starting to come, but for some reason they wouldn't fall. I just kept saying to God, "You know I need my money....I was gonna pay my tithes.....I need a miracle." When I got back to the school, I was scouring the parking lot, trying to back track. I got to the door and a young girl opened it for me, "are you T*******?" "Yes, I am," I replied. "They got your stuff in the office." I was happy, but not too much. What exactly did they have in the office, my money or just my ID? (The whole bank evelope was missing with my license and my $430. I got to the office and everyone was happy to see me, "You missing something, ain't you?" "YES, MY MONEY," I replied. The secretary started to joke with me by just giving me my ID. I then told her that there was $430 that was with my ID. For a milli second I got nervous and then she handed my the envelope. She said an older lady saw it on the parking lot and brought it in. She then looked me up in the phone book and called me......

**** SIGH*******

I was so happy, I was thanking God!!!!! I COULD NOT AFFORD to lose that much money!!!!! OMG. THANK YOU, JESUS for smiling on me!!!! If a teenager would have found that money, I'm sure it would not have been returned. Thank God for good people. I pray for the woman who found my money, I pray a blessing over her life, I pray that what she done for me will cause restoration to come to her life. The Bible says that we reap what we sow and I pray that just as she sowed kindness to me by returning what was lost, kindness will be shown to her and restoration come to her 100 fold. In Jesus name, Amen!!

#ObamaMLK

WOW....Inauguration Day and Martin Luther King, Jr Day. This is some kind of history!!! I just watched the Presidential Inauguration. It was exciting to watch the public inauguration on MLK Day. Sources say that the Bible used during the ceremony belong to Martin Luther King, Jr and Lincoln's Bible. I pray for the President as he takes his oath to provide the ultimate service to Americans and the world. I pray that God lead and guide him, I pray that angels watch over him and his family. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Shaking in His Boots

"Can I have a hug," I asked confidently.  He reaching for me...I put my arms around his neck and we squeezed each other as tightly as we could, standing there in the parking lot with oversized coats on.....The sun was shining brightly, the temperature was almost 60 degrees. An odd day for January.

I wanted to hold on longer, but I was surprised. He was shaking. At first I thoutht it was the cold, but I realized it was nervousness. I really really wanted to hold on to him until he stopped shaking, but we were out in public and it was kind of awkward....I let go and he did the same.

*REWIND to a day before*

My car was stolen and I had to get a rental. So I took advantage of that and decided to drive 3 hours to see Mister. I texted him that evening asking if he was busy on that Saturday. I then told him that I would be coming his way. He texted me back saying how EXCITED he was that I was gonna be coming to see him. He even said that he was shaking and apologized if he was spelling words incorrectly, but he really REALLY wanted to see me, so he couldn't contain his excitement. I was happy that he was excited, but cautious also, in which I told him. He said he understood.

I told him that I did NOT want to see his girlfriend, so I WAS NOT going to come into his apartment. He agreed to that and texted me this really REALLY long message that I did not get. Then he text me something about "where's my droid" app that I didn't understand until the next day....

Anyway, I got on the highway around 7:30am with the hopes of being in town around 10am. I texted him before I left and asked for his address. No response. I texted an hour later, "What is your address?" Again no response. A half and hour later, I called...Voicemail.  WHAT???? I became concerned. I wasn't going to keep driving if plans had changed. So I called again and again no answer. So, I turned around. I had been driving for an hour and half and I didn't know if he still wanted to see me...So after driving back 45 miles, I stopped and got a call from him. He was sleep. I was livid.

WOW...some excitement. I mean, if I was excited to see someone, I'd be up at the crack of dawn getting prepared.

But, not Mister. He was sleep. He stayed up to 4am. I told him that I just turned back to go home. We talked a little while longer. I got a text from my boss asking me to come to work. OMG. I'm 45 miles from home, over 100 miles from Mister. What do I do....

I decided to forgo money to see him. Besides I handn't seen him in 5 years.

When I finally got to his place (3 hours later because I got lost and I stopped twice). I was happy to see him. He came down to my car and we both started talking at once.....*Smile*. I guess I was nervous too. I wanted to get out of the car and go to hug him, but I didn't want his girlfriend to see me. Plus, he smelled like smoke. I HATE the smell of cigarette smoke. He knows I HATE the smell of smoke.....I guess he was even more nervous when I was late getting there. I kidded him about not being awake. He showed me the super long text that he sent me detailing where he lived and then he explained the "where's my droid," text. Basically, if I didn't respond to him, I was supposed to text, "where's my droid" to his phone and it would send this shrilling sound for about 5 minutes. That would wake him up. In his super long text he also mentioned that it would be nice to have "sexual relations." WHAT?????

I was shocked!!!!!!

Did he think I was coming to have sex with him??????  Who said anything about sex. I wanted to walk around downtown. Sex was the last thing on my mind.

We decided to go to the art museum and when we got out the car, that's when we hugged. A good hug, a nervous hug, a "I miss you" hug.... He was shaking violently as we hugged which made me pull away. I wanted to hug the nerves away, but I didn't think I could, so I let go....not really wanting to....but I did.

As we walked to the door, his hand brushed mine and just like second nature, he grabbed mine and we walked hand in hand through the museum. I HAD A BLAST!!!!  It was THE BEST DATE I've had in a LONG time...since, since, since.....

The last good date I had was January 2010 with Coach, which was not really a date, but kind of was....

Anyway, we spend the next 6 hours walking around the museum....We walked up to the LOVE sign and he asked for kiss. I wanted to kiss him, but the smoke....the cigarette smoke was horrible. We kissed anyway, but I couldn't enjoy it because the taste of cigarettes were still lingering on his tongue. Curse those cigarettes. My heart and my body wanted to enjoy it, but my brain couldn't get past the taste. Bleh.....

We would have spent more time together, but it started raining really really hard. My signal to leave. Thank God he sent the rain because I'm not sure if I would have been able to just leave on my own accord. I dropped him back off and walked him to the door. We hugged and kissed again. This time the cigarettes were gone, but I told him NOT to smoke if I see him again. He agreed. I ran back to the car and forgot......

I called him back to the car. He jumped back in and I gave him his present.....He would be celebrating a birthday in a few days and I wanted him to know that I didn't forget. After all these years...I still remembered. He girlfriend was looking out the window. He ran back in. As he went inside another woman was leaving. He hugged her...I pulled off.....

I'm glad I went. Now I realize that even though I love him, I'm not IN LOVE with him. I don't think I was ever IN LOVE with him. As a matter of fact visiting him helped me to realize that we acutally have nothing in common except for maybe....sex. Even though we had a good time hanging out...we still don't have much in common. He only went to the museum with me because that's what I wanted to do. He's not into that kind of thing at all....So, even though I wish the past was different between us, there is definitely no future.

What To Do?

My car being stolen put me in a financial bind. Actually, it wasn't just that...it's acutally me not paying my car note for six months have put me in a bind, but I couldn't afford the $100 I had to pay to rent a car that I needed last weekend. So, now I"m strapped. UGH!!!!!!!

I'm so SICK of blogging about money problems. I'm SO SICK of money problems.

Something HAS GOT TO CHANGE!!!! I KNOW I SCREWED MYSELF UP. BUT SOMETHING HAS GOT TO CHANGE.

I still have faith...I'm just venting that I am TIRED OF LIVING LIKE THIS....

I Have to HIDE my Car

My car was stolen.....AGAIN!!!! I took a day off work on Friday because I was invited to go to Clinton. I got up, got dressed and went down to my car....AND IT WAS GONE!!!!

I was shaken...in disbelief. Almost in tears..

I called the police, called my insurance company, made a report and headed to the rental car place. I was VERY upset and slightly annoyed that this was happening to me again. I found out that since the two boys that stole my car before were teens, they were not held in jail. They were arrested, booked, charged, and let go to wait on a court date. WOW!!!! There was no bail set, nothing...because they were juveniles. The police went to the house of the two boys and found my car there Monday evening. Yep, it had stopped on them. LOL!!! The temperature here over the weekend was awesome...in the 60s, but by Saturday night it was in the 30s and overnight on Sunday, it was in the teens, so I was sure it wouldn't start. And sure enough, it didn't start and they had no choice, but to leave it sitting there, in THEIR YARD!!! I was so upset!! Here I am sitting in the driveway of the people who stole my car, my laptop, camera, backup drive, all of my stuff...Even the food from the food pantry was in my car this time. They still had my keys and I couldn't do anything, but pick up my car.

One police officer was kind of hostile towards me...."You have to pay the money to get the ignition changed, otherwise this is going to continue to happen," he exclaimed.

WHERE AM I GONNA GET $350 FROM?? I can barely pay for the car, let along to get it fixed!!!!

So now my car is in hiding. Yep, when I come home, I don't park in my parking lot I hide my car. It's not even on the street. I'm gonna get a cover for it too...If I can afford it. UGH!!!

Criminals....THEY NEED TO GO TO JAIL!!!

Cautiously Excited

I'm applying for a new job. Yep, I'm gonna do it.

Financially, I'm in a bind and I need to dig myself out of this red dirt. So, that means I not only need to use my money more wisely, but I also need to make more money. Right now I'm making about $32,000, and the job I'm applying for make about $38,000. I can use an extra $6000 in my life. The only drawback is that my boss is VERY supportive of me and she is very encouraging and I'm apprehensive about leaving her. Of course the new position is with the same company, so I will still work with her, but not in the same capacity. Actually, I will be coordinating a program so it would be a "step up" from where I am now.

*sigh*

But, she has to understand. I mean, when she first started working her, she was simply a case manager and now she's a director. I sure she will understand. I just need to know how to do this tactfully. So, I'm excited, but at the same time I'm cautious because what if I apply for the program and I don't get it?? How will I feel?? I've never been in that position before where I work with the same people who reject me.... But, I have to go for it. I have to move up financially. I wonder if there are other people in the building who want to apply for the job too? I don't know how to handle that either. What if someone else in the builidng applies, gets the job and I don't?? I'm going to go for it!!

I Still Got It!!

There comes a point in a woman's life when she's unsure of herself--especially if she's not married and in her mid thirties and have wanted to be married by now. This woman, in her self-consciousness, can do some damaging things to herself all in the name of gaining that confidence back.

Dating the WRONG guy, sleeping with the WRONG guy, hanging onto and around the WRONG guy, revisting old lovers....all to her detriment.

But, women need to know and declare to themselves, "I Still Got It!"

That's what I need to keep saying to myself, "I Still Got It!" I don't need a man to affirm me. I don't need a relationship to affirm me. I'm still beautiful!!! So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm gonna tell myself and keep telling myself, "I Still Got It," and I'm not gonna just give it away to just anyone. I'm gonna hold on to it until the RIGHT man comes along.

He hung up on me. Hahahaha

I get these calls all the time and most people are okay with it and just say that they are sorry they can't help me. It goes like this.... "Hello, my name is Tom and I'm calling on behalf of AT&T. I want to know if I can get you a good rate on your current service." "OK," I reply. "I just want to tell you this call will be monitored and recorded for quality purposes. How much are you paying for your current cable service." "I don't own a TV," is always my reply. Silence.......It's like I can hear that white noise you hear when you turn to a station that is not in service. "What type of programs do you watch?" "Well, I rent movies and I watch the news," I replied. Silence........ Click. I looked at the phone. Agggghahahahha. He didn't know what to say. He just hung up. WOW. Now I know how to get them. Actually this is like the 4th call I've had from AT&T trying to sell me cable service. One time a guy called me in early December and when I told him I didn't have a TV, he just jumped right in, "Well, you are really in for a treat because not only can we get you into a good cable service, if you sign up today, we will give you a $100 prepaid Visa card, so you can go buy you a TV." I just laughed. He had me there.....

My. Office. Stinks.

I'm embarrassed and I don't want anyone to come in, but P U, it is rank in here. I have a glade plugin that I took out of the wall because I didn't want to waste my smell good in such a funky room. LOL. So, what has brought on the funk? Me,hehehehe Yep, me not following instructions. We started out corporate fast at church and our instructions were to eat baked chicken and veggies (salad, stirfry veggies, etc). Well, since I had leftover beans in the refrigerator, I ate that. Then we were allowed to eat nuts throughout the day. Another bad mistake. Instead of just eating a handful, I ate the whole tin. Then later in the week I made chicken soup with broccoli and weggies. I had THE WORST CASE OF FLATULANCE in history. It smelled so BAD and I had to go to church so that means I had to hold it in. Now, I'm sitting in my office and instead of holding it in, I"m just letting it go and it is downright PUTRID. I left my office and came back and the smell is hung up in the air. I know they say that cigarette smoke is heavy and has the ability to just hang around in the air, but I didn't know that bodily gas does that also. I'm also experiencing great diarrhea. My poo looks like dark brown peanut butter thanks to the 3 cases of nuts I ate over the weekend. I can't do that anymore. No more nuts for me on this fast. Usually, I enjoy when my body disposes properly when I eat enough fiber, but this is way too much. My poo is horrid and it just flows. I'm now eating applesauce because they say that it helps to bind you. I don't have any bananas or white rice. I wish I could eat some mac and cheese. That would bind me up really well. UGH!! **Post Script** It's not a good idea to be eating beets now. I wiped and there was a read tinge. I started to panic, then I remembered the beets. Now my poo is brownish red. Ay yi yi!!

12 + 1

13 is an interesting number. In the Bible there were 12 tribes of Israel, 12 disciples--the number 12 symbolized the government of God. 13 is 12 + 1=God and Man. This was the first Sunday of the year and in church, our Apostle explained about 13. It can symbolize rebellion. According to Genesis when the 4 kings went to battle with the 5 kings...the people had submitted for 12 years. In the 13th year they rebelled. 13 can also symbolize a blessing. It was 13 years from the time that Ismael was born when Abraham's frustration ended. God had promised him a son from him and Sarah. In that 13th year God told him again and made a covenant with him. Then Issac came. When Joseph went into captivity, he was 17. It was 13 years later that he was placed as the king's man in charge over all of Egypt. I began to think about this.... For the past few days I have been feeling, "Blah." Very disinterested, very withdrawn (I didn't want to answer the phone or talk to anyone really). This also caused me to feel very uncertain about my life--very self-conscious. I even texted Mister and told him that I was in a funk in which he replied, "I can't help you, I'm always down. I talked to you to cheer me up." WOW. That spoke volumes to me!! RED FLAG, RED FLAG, RED FLAG!! That reminded me of the time when I had the dream about me drowning in the lake and I was reaching for him to save me and he told me he couldn't swim, so he was drowning too. SOMEBODY NEEDS to be up. We both can't be down at the same time....who's gonna pick who up?? Who's gonna pass around the smelling sauce?? The Bible says, "Two are better than one...." basically because when one is down the other one can help him get up. But, the revelation with me and Mister is that I can't be in a relationship with him because if he's always down then what am I gonna do when I get down. He's useless. I can't get into a boat with him, we'd both drown. Anyway, while I was in my funk, I was praying to God that I needed something to pull me up out of this slump and the word of God did it today. I have hope again!! Then I realized that it was about 13 years ago that moved to this city. I was 22 and now I am 35. God, if your word is true and the man of God is right, then that means that this is gonna be a GOOD YEAR for me. I moved in in August 2009, so I'm in my 13th year being here and I need a blessing. I want to make a covenant with God. I want to be obedient and do what He wants me to do. I want to dream again. I want to have a dream again. 13 years ago I sat down and planned my life and God has been good to me because most of what I planned has come to past. However, I've felt like I haven't really had a plan. I've felt like I've been drifting for the past few years. I'm tired of drifting. I want to be stable and I want to GROW!!! If I don't grow I will die. Jesus cursed the fig tree because it would not produce--it would not grow. I want to produce. After God made the covenant with Abraham in the 13th year. Abraham and Sarah produced--they had Issac. I WANT MY ISSAC!!

Case Dismissed

I went to speak to the State's Atty on Wednesday about my traffic ticket. He agreed to dismissed the charges pending the police report from my car being stolen. I dropped the report off and went to see him again on Friday morning. He reassured me that the case would be dropped, but that I would still need to attend court. So, there I was among the other 100 cases in traffic court. I was happy that my case was a petty offense because offenses go first. I was in and out. The day before I was supposed to be in court for a small claims matter with the bank who financed my car. Thankfully, I didn't have to go. The bank canceled the case pending my agreement to pay them by March 2013 which is my goal. I'm gonna do all I can to get it paid. I wish I could get a part time job....

I'm Such a Chicken

I was scared to make the call. Why was I scared? Why do people frighten me? What is wrong with me? Why can't I confront issues in my life? I was being sued for my car loan and I talked to the manager at least 3 times and he never mentioned it to me. So, imagine my surprise when I looked myself up and found that I was being sued. I went to the courthouse to get more information because I never got any notice. Basically, I was supposed to be in court tomorrow morning at 9am and I wasn't told anything. So, I wanted to call.... But, I was afraid to.... But, I did anyway.... The manager was really REALLY nice, but I was almost in tears. He basically said that the papers were never served because of my address and that he canceled the suit and that unless I hear from him, I do not need to show up to court. Why was I so afraid to call him? Will I ever NOT be afraid to do something?

Dismissed

I went to talk to the Asst State's Atty today about my ticket that I got when my car was stolen. I told him the story and he was a little shocked....I'm noticing a lot of people are shocked when I tell them my car was stolen. I was the most shocked, but he asked me about three times, "your car was stolen?" and I had to tell him yes, yes, yes. He then said that if I could corrobarte the information I could have the ticket dismissed. Whew!!! Thank, you God!! I don't have another bill that I can pay. I still got doctor bills and my god awful car loan and I still need to go to the dentist which I'm holding off because I can't pay for it. So, thank God for the dismissal. I will go tomorrow morning to make sure that that is the deal. I mean, he wrote it down, but I just want to make sure that I don't need to show up to court on Friday. In other news.... I still have to show up to court tomorrow, I supposed, for being sued. I can't believe the manager has still not said anything about it. WOW. I wonder if he's banking on me now showing up so that a judgement can be submitted against me. I don't understand how this works...If I make a deal with him to pay the loan, why am I still being sued? Why does it have to go to court and incur attorney fees if we made a deal? I'm gonna call him today and ask him about this court thing.... Man, I hate confrontation!!!