Randomness

I've had a bad bad bad habit since I've been little (actually since teenage years), but it started as a little girl. And I need to get over it, ASAP. I need to work on my character....

Angel of Mine

As we were preparing for our "Plant Day" there were two grandparents of children who came to help put the plant boxes together. They were bringing their grandchild to school and I just started talking to them and told them what we were doing. I asked if they would like to help and they did. Well....we ran out of dirt and after calling the company they said they would deliver it to the school, but it was gonna be after school. I was concerned, but it didn't bother me. Mr J said he would have the students do it first thing Monday morning. Then it rained on Sunday. This is when I was concerned. The dirt would be mud....and it would be a lit heavier to dig and put into the planter boxes. Imagine my surprise when I get to the school on Monday morning and the dirt is already in the boxes....WHAT??? WHO???? Someone over the weekend had filled the boxes with the dirt. No one was asked...it was just done. Sure enough when the grandparents showed up I asked and they said that they saw the dirt and went ahead to fill the boxes. They were angels to do that!!! And I am grateful to God for placing it on their heart to do that!!! Our day would not have gone off without their help!!

A Smile From Heaven

I wasn't exactly nervous, but I was a little apprehensive.....

My job requires me to complete some GREAT task.  I have to pull off a AHA Teaching Garden plant day in a matter of weeks and I can truly say that GOD HAS SMILED ON ME!!!!

I didn't know how I was gonna do and what school would have actually been willing to partner, but it's done and the day was WONDERFUL.

I met with the school 4 times in the past 3 weeks and we had an amazing day.  I was a little apprehensive because the forecast called for rain on today....The weekend was great (hot 94 was the high) and on Sunday evening it started to rain.  It cooled it down just enough so that the weather today was PERFECT (70 degrees and, sunny and a cool breeze).

GOD IS GREAT!!!

SMH

All I could do is shake my head......

Last Saturday, I had a big dinner sponsored by the good folks at the American Heart Association.  It was black tie optional so that gives you an idea of the type of event.  Coming up to the event, we were charged with  inviting guest.  I invited my Chi town friend, but he didn't have a suit and at the last minute I was gonna invite Coach, but I didn't feel like reaching out....

Well, eventually he and I got to talking and I told him that I was gonna invite him at the last minute.  He said he would have gone with me and that left the door open for him to tell me that I owed him dinner since I didn't invite him :)  I went along with it and invited him to dinner and a movie today.

It started off great.  I picked him up (his son had his truck) and we were off.  We made small talk and then he asked what happened with us?

I told him that I didn't appreciate the way he talked to me and how he treated me.  Of course he said that he didn't remember the conversation that well....but we aired it out and were on our way.

I parked at the theater and as we were walking up.....he said, "what the hell?" and I didn't know what he was talking about and I looked up and his brother was walking up to the theater also.  His brother and his wife with a lot of children.  I spoke to his brother (because he held the door open for all of us) and it got kind of awkward.....his wife goes to the same gym as me and his brother and I were friends once....I don't even know if Coach knows, but it was kind of awkward.  Coach was making conversation with his brother and wasn't really ignoring me, but not really paying attention to me or inviting me into the conversation....it was kind of awkward.

Initially, we were gonna see Avengers in 2D, but since his brother and fam were watching it in 2D, I chose to watch the 3D  (even thought I didn't want to spend the extra money).  We cuddled in the movie and then went to dinner where he tried to ask me about "us" and what I like about him.  At that point, I wasn't really feeling it because when I saw his brother I was reminded that I just can't get with him.  It's WAY TOO WEIRD.

Eventually at the end of the night he was saying to me that he would marry me, blah, blah, blah...How do I get involved with a man when.......

Shaking My Head....

This is too much!!!

Caught W/My Pants Around My Ankles

Have you done something so embarrassing (or was embarrassed) like going to the bathroom to fix your underwear and someone walks in and sees you in your skivvies?  Or maybe it was a moment where you saw a cute guy and you thought he was looking at you because he thought you were cute, but it was really because you had something in your teeth?  Or maybe it was an embarrassing moment where you walked out of the bathroom and noticed that the temperature had dropped, but didn't realize it wasn't because of the weather, but because your dress was tucked into your granny panties with the whole in it?

These are all funny embarrassing moments that people go through.  It's happened to so many people that it's really not as embarrassing when you think about it.....

However, there are some times when I've been UBER embarrassed.  Take this past week.....

I was called into the office by my boss.  Not at the health department, but my boss who runs the program where I'm hired to be a resident manager.  I'm thinking it's just a random meeting since I haven't been able to attend any of the meetings.  Imagine my surprise when she pulls up pictures of my apartment......TRASHED!

Yep, my apartment was so messy....clothes EVERYWHERE.  So many shoes greeted you at the door, you couldn't walk in.  My recycle bin had spilled over and I had not done the dishes (there were only a few).  My bathroom sink was CLUTTERED with make-up and other toiletries.  My laundry was in the hallway....The dining room table was filled with STUFF.  STUFF WAS EVERYWHERE.  Last night's dinner plates were on the living room floor and because I sleep on the couch my there were my blankets and pillow with no pillow case.  Yep, it was a HUGE MESS......

I WAS SO EMBARRASSED.  I can tell she was embarrassed by having to talk to me to AND she had another person in the office also as a witness who was gonna follow up behind me to make sure that I cleaned up.  UGH!!!

In my defense.....

I'm not always this messy.  I just had the most crazy week and stuff just piled up, but I didn't want to explain that to her because then I'd have to confess that I have not been home to manage the building that I'm supposed to manage in the evenings.  The first week in May I worked so much that I was extremely exhausted (I got a cold sore to prove it :(

So, I was embarrassed, but I didn't dwell on it long.  I just had to figure out how and why I can't keep my place clean.

I started to reminiscence about my old apartment. It was almost twice the size of this apartment and instead of living in my living room, I lived in my bedroom, so the only way a person saw my mess was if they ventured to the back of the apartment to my room.  Also, in my old apartment, I had a front door and an back door.  I didn't use the front door often, so my shoes and clothes didn't get a chance to be piled up. Also, my closet space was literally 4 times the space I have now.  I had no need for a dresser or armoir. All of my clothes hung up in over 30 feet of closet space.  Yes, one walk in closet was about 16 feet long and the other was about 12 feet long, so everything I owned was on a hanger and my shoes was on the the top shelf.

I have NOT adjusted to and transitioned to a smaller space.  I DON'T FEEL LIKE THIS IS WHERE I WILL BE IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS. So I don't want to get comfortable here.  Yes, I want a new bed (I declined the offer of a second hand bed and used furniture, that my boss offered.  I have a deep seated fear of bed bugs AND I feel buying cheap stuff is a waste of money because it will need to be replaced sooner than later.)

I have not transitioned here.  I got to think about how long it took me to settle into my old apartment.  I was there for 6 years (almost 7) and it took me about 3 years to get settled and decorate.  It took me about 3 years to buy new dining room furniture.  It took almost the same time to buy a fullsize bed (I still had my twin bed from college).

So, here I am in a place a lot smaller and not as nice and I'm having issues.  Plus, I can't really get comfortable because I have SO MUCH STUFF!  Despite giving away a bed, TV, and other furniture, I still have STUFF that I have no where to put.  So because I'm living in the the living room the two bedrooms are used as storage for boxes and suit cases and stuff piled up in the closets (in addition to my sister's stuff).

I'm still embarrassed that they got to see this part of me.  I feel like my dirty underwear has been exposed,  However, I'm more sad than embarrassed because no one wants to be thought of as being nasty or .....(I can't think of another word.)

$4000 Bank Account

I went to the bank today to deposit $5.  I had written a check for $3 the night before and I wanted to make sure that I didn't overdraft....

I gave the teller my ID and the $5 bill.  He gave me back a receipt and my ID.  I buckled my seatbelt and drove off.

When I got to the intersection, I glanced at the receipt and had to do a double take....there were too many numbers on that receipt.  I mean, there was over $4000 in the account.  For a quick second I thought there was a miracle....then I looked at the name on the receipt.  Somebody named Vickie and she had my same last name.  Oh DARN!!

No miracle today :(

I drove all the way back around for them to fix the mistake they made.  Of course Vickie didn't need my $5. And I needed it badly.....

*Sigh*

NOT AGAIN!!

I want to cry, but it's not worth it!!!

About a week ago (almost two weeks) I met a dude online.  We hit it off and we were up and running--staying on the phone late, calling each other in the morning for breakfast, trying to make arrangements to see each other (he lives in Chicago).  I invited him to be my guest (on my dime) at a Heart Gala that I'm attending this weekend....I really thought that he had potential to be someone that I took seriously.  Then the screeching halt came last week and then ...... the crash.  Of course since I've been through this very thing (different person) two years ago, I knew what to expect and I protected myself and wasn't hurt (only a few bruises).

It all started last week. My phone calls weren't returned, he wasn't answering his phone at night, he wasn't answering his fb messages....nothing.  The "red flags" were blazin' and I knew something was going on.  So, I stopped calling him.  I made it up in my mind that i wasn't gonna dwell on him.....it wasn't easy, but I didn't call and I deactivated my FB page.

Well, the crash came last night....

I got a call around 11pm from him.  We weren't really talking so I decided to play music and we were listening to music, but he kept clicking over to talk to someone else.  I wasn't really sure what was going on and then he asked me to call someone....Veronic.  HUH?  WHAT?  WHO?  I called thinking it was his daughter, but then after Veronica hung up I remembered that this was his ex-wife. WHAT???  So this was weird.  I kept asking him what the purpose of this was.  He just kept saying that he wanted to talk to both of us.  HUH!!!  She wasn't obliging this activity, so he asked me to call Denise.  OK??????  Denise hung up!!!  Then he tried to convince me that "this" was gonna work.  Whatever "this" was.  So, he proceeded to try to get Denise to talk and I hung up (he was on ther other line with her).

He calls me back and we have the CRAZIEST argument.  He's telling me that I need to marry someone German and leave black men along and that I will kill a black man....he was talking CRAZINESS.  Eventually, I had to hang up on him and he called me back all night.

Finally, this morning I took his call, after not being able to sleep all night.  The gist of our conversation was that his ex-girl came back into his life and she's telling him that she wants to work it out with him and that she loves him, but he's stalking her on FB and sees how she's losing weight and getting fit, blah, blah, blah.....He tells me how much he LOVES this woman and wanted to marry her, but she won't trust him.  He wanted to know what I thought?????  WHAT???? I DON'T KNOW THIS WOMAN, I BARELY KNOW HIM!!!!  How can I tell him what I THINK????  WHAT I THINK IS THAT HE IS CRAZY AND THIS RELATIONSHIP HAS MADE HIM CRAZY!!!!  That's not what I think, that's what I KNOW!!!

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT two years ago and I wasn't gonna go back into it with HIM!!!

AS THE WORLD TURNS....I'm finding myself back in the same script, different cast.  So, I'm praying to GOD!!!!
I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS AGAIN!!!!!  I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN!!!!!!

So, what is my lesson here?  I'm convinced that I'm going through this because I didn't learn the lesson that I needed to learn back then.

Romans 8: 26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. --The Message Bible

Companionship

I have not been on a date in AGES...Coach doesn't count.  Actually, now that I think about it, he does because we've gone bowling and out to eat several times, but I guess I say he doesn't count because I wasn't really interested in him like that.  So....I haven't been on a date with a HOT guy that I was interested in, in a long time.  And I don't like being desperate, so I don't put myself "out there" to date. (not sure if I'm making sense).  But, I met a guy....online. It's kind of corny meeting someone online, but it happens...right??

I was at home, bored out of my mind (and tired)...needing companionship with the opposite sex.  I just wanted to talk to somebody.  So,  I logged on to blackplanet just to see who was on and I logged into their chat room.  It was crazy....there was so many people from Africa, Dominica, and other foreign countries...I got frustrated and logged out.  Then I received an IM from RobertScropio....at first I thought it was gonna be more of the same....some foreign guy. But, we had a great chat online which lead to us talking on the phone the next day...Yep, we talked on the phone ALL NIGHT.  Like teenagers!!  It was so cool.  I was uber tired the next day at work, but I was on "cloud 9".  Hmmmmm...this seems familiar.......

We continued to have great communication until Tuesday when I invited him to dinner.  Yes, I stepped out there and invited him to dinner.  He lives in Chi so that means he would had to travel, but I was gonna make arrangements because this was a dinner I was having with my job and since he was gonna be my guest, I wanted to make sure to accommodate him well.  Well, everything fell apart.  We ended up not being able to talk on the phone, internet or anything.  All communication came to a screeching hault.  Of course this was after he told me he didn't have a job....which didn't bother me as much as the fact that he just got out of a two year relationship in Oct 2011 with a woman that he WANTED TO MARRY.  *SIGH*

So, as the communication began to break down, I started to remember the last relationship that I was in.... COACH.  Yes, this is how it started with us.  The first week we were on "cloud 9" and after that everything came to a screeching hault.  WOW, AS THE WORLD TURNS....  Yes, my world was turning...right back around to the same spot I was.  All of these cycles.  The only thing I can wonder is, there must be something that I have got to learn from this to move on.....otherwise, why am I right back where I was.  My mindset HAS changed.  As I was listening to RobertScorpio, I wasn't hearing what I would have liked to hear from a man.  I would like to hear a man speak the word of God.  I would like for him to tell me how he was praying for something and God answered him.  That's what I want to hear.  Not how he thinks all women think that men are dogs and just because he doesn't have a job doesn't mean that he's a bad person and blah, blah, blah....all these theories that he created to make "sense" of the world.  That's not what I want to hear and I'm grateful that God has blessed me with the patience to just sit and listen. Another thing that I learned about myself is that I have to be BOLD in my stance about my faith.  Many people have their own theories, but I'm not one to argue which is why I didn't get into an argument when him when I told him that I only believe in half of what he was saying.  Aparently, it didn't matter to him what I believed because he had already made it up in his mind what I believed.  Sounds familiar......YEP, that's exactly what happened between me and Coach.

So, now here I am sitting here alone...in need of companionship and I'm alone....I'm not really lonely....just alone for now...

Happy Birth Day to ME!!

I am 35 year's old TODAY!!

I'm happy.  This time last year I was just getting "settled" into my new apartment after living in my car for 4 months and then living with a friend for almost 3 months.  I'm still settling in.  I still don't have a bed to sleep in, but I'm  happy.  Yes, my apartment is a bit of a mess today (loooonnnngggg, busy work week), but GOD is good to me.  I'm gonna enjoy today!!!!

Last year I spend my b-day with some very important friends....This year I think I'm just gonna hang out with me--I am my own best friend.....

When Did That Started Happening?

I had my first "annual" exam since 2009. Doc did the regulars...breast and pelvic exam and pap smear...She then said, "Let me check your bottom." I just said okay because I wasn't sure what she meant. Then she is a rectal exam???? It was quick and over in a second....and then she said, "Everything seems normal..." I was too dumbfounded to say anything. We finished the it was the usual, you may sit up....blah, blah, blah.... But I had never had a rectal exam before, so I didn't know how to respond. It wasn't weird or anything, just different. I mean, we women are used to things being poked inside us...so it wasn't abnormal, just unexpected. So later on, I searched the web to see how common this was and apparently it's a normal part of the exam. Who new?? Well, I guess a lot of people knew....but not me. LOL