NOT AGAIN!!

I want to cry, but it's not worth it!!!

About a week ago (almost two weeks) I met a dude online.  We hit it off and we were up and running--staying on the phone late, calling each other in the morning for breakfast, trying to make arrangements to see each other (he lives in Chicago).  I invited him to be my guest (on my dime) at a Heart Gala that I'm attending this weekend....I really thought that he had potential to be someone that I took seriously.  Then the screeching halt came last week and then ...... the crash.  Of course since I've been through this very thing (different person) two years ago, I knew what to expect and I protected myself and wasn't hurt (only a few bruises).

It all started last week. My phone calls weren't returned, he wasn't answering his phone at night, he wasn't answering his fb messages....nothing.  The "red flags" were blazin' and I knew something was going on.  So, I stopped calling him.  I made it up in my mind that i wasn't gonna dwell on him.....it wasn't easy, but I didn't call and I deactivated my FB page.

Well, the crash came last night....

I got a call around 11pm from him.  We weren't really talking so I decided to play music and we were listening to music, but he kept clicking over to talk to someone else.  I wasn't really sure what was going on and then he asked me to call someone....Veronic.  HUH?  WHAT?  WHO?  I called thinking it was his daughter, but then after Veronica hung up I remembered that this was his ex-wife. WHAT???  So this was weird.  I kept asking him what the purpose of this was.  He just kept saying that he wanted to talk to both of us.  HUH!!!  She wasn't obliging this activity, so he asked me to call Denise.  OK??????  Denise hung up!!!  Then he tried to convince me that "this" was gonna work.  Whatever "this" was.  So, he proceeded to try to get Denise to talk and I hung up (he was on ther other line with her).

He calls me back and we have the CRAZIEST argument.  He's telling me that I need to marry someone German and leave black men along and that I will kill a black man....he was talking CRAZINESS.  Eventually, I had to hang up on him and he called me back all night.

Finally, this morning I took his call, after not being able to sleep all night.  The gist of our conversation was that his ex-girl came back into his life and she's telling him that she wants to work it out with him and that she loves him, but he's stalking her on FB and sees how she's losing weight and getting fit, blah, blah, blah.....He tells me how much he LOVES this woman and wanted to marry her, but she won't trust him.  He wanted to know what I thought?????  WHAT???? I DON'T KNOW THIS WOMAN, I BARELY KNOW HIM!!!!  How can I tell him what I THINK????  WHAT I THINK IS THAT HE IS CRAZY AND THIS RELATIONSHIP HAS MADE HIM CRAZY!!!!  That's not what I think, that's what I KNOW!!!

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT two years ago and I wasn't gonna go back into it with HIM!!!

AS THE WORLD TURNS....I'm finding myself back in the same script, different cast.  So, I'm praying to GOD!!!!
I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS AGAIN!!!!!  I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN!!!!!!

So, what is my lesson here?  I'm convinced that I'm going through this because I didn't learn the lesson that I needed to learn back then.

Romans 8: 26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. --The Message Bible