Have you done something so embarrassing (or was embarrassed) like going to the bathroom to fix your underwear and someone walks in and sees you in your skivvies? Or maybe it was a moment where you saw a cute guy and you thought he was looking at you because he thought you were cute, but it was really because you had something in your teeth? Or maybe it was an embarrassing moment where you walked out of the bathroom and noticed that the temperature had dropped, but didn't realize it wasn't because of the weather, but because your dress was tucked into your granny panties with the whole in it?
These are all funny embarrassing moments that people go through. It's happened to so many people that it's really not as embarrassing when you think about it.....
However, there are some times when I've been UBER embarrassed. Take this past week.....
I was called into the office by my boss. Not at the health department, but my boss who runs the program where I'm hired to be a resident manager. I'm thinking it's just a random meeting since I haven't been able to attend any of the meetings. Imagine my surprise when she pulls up pictures of my apartment......TRASHED!
Yep, my apartment was so messy....clothes EVERYWHERE. So many shoes greeted you at the door, you couldn't walk in. My recycle bin had spilled over and I had not done the dishes (there were only a few). My bathroom sink was CLUTTERED with make-up and other toiletries. My laundry was in the hallway....The dining room table was filled with STUFF. STUFF WAS EVERYWHERE. Last night's dinner plates were on the living room floor and because I sleep on the couch my there were my blankets and pillow with no pillow case. Yep, it was a HUGE MESS......
I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. I can tell she was embarrassed by having to talk to me to AND she had another person in the office also as a witness who was gonna follow up behind me to make sure that I cleaned up. UGH!!!
In my defense.....
I'm not always this messy. I just had the most crazy week and stuff just piled up, but I didn't want to explain that to her because then I'd have to confess that I have not been home to manage the building that I'm supposed to manage in the evenings. The first week in May I worked so much that I was extremely exhausted (I got a cold sore to prove it :(
So, I was embarrassed, but I didn't dwell on it long. I just had to figure out how and why I can't keep my place clean.
I started to reminiscence about my old apartment. It was almost twice the size of this apartment and instead of living in my living room, I lived in my bedroom, so the only way a person saw my mess was if they ventured to the back of the apartment to my room. Also, in my old apartment, I had a front door and an back door. I didn't use the front door often, so my shoes and clothes didn't get a chance to be piled up. Also, my closet space was literally 4 times the space I have now. I had no need for a dresser or armoir. All of my clothes hung up in over 30 feet of closet space. Yes, one walk in closet was about 16 feet long and the other was about 12 feet long, so everything I owned was on a hanger and my shoes was on the the top shelf.
I have NOT adjusted to and transitioned to a smaller space. I DON'T FEEL LIKE THIS IS WHERE I WILL BE IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS. So I don't want to get comfortable here. Yes, I want a new bed (I declined the offer of a second hand bed and used furniture, that my boss offered. I have a deep seated fear of bed bugs AND I feel buying cheap stuff is a waste of money because it will need to be replaced sooner than later.)
I have not transitioned here. I got to think about how long it took me to settle into my old apartment. I was there for 6 years (almost 7) and it took me about 3 years to get settled and decorate. It took me about 3 years to buy new dining room furniture. It took almost the same time to buy a fullsize bed (I still had my twin bed from college).
So, here I am in a place a lot smaller and not as nice and I'm having issues. Plus, I can't really get comfortable because I have SO MUCH STUFF! Despite giving away a bed, TV, and other furniture, I still have STUFF that I have no where to put. So because I'm living in the the living room the two bedrooms are used as storage for boxes and suit cases and stuff piled up in the closets (in addition to my sister's stuff).
I'm still embarrassed that they got to see this part of me. I feel like my dirty underwear has been exposed, However, I'm more sad than embarrassed because no one wants to be thought of as being nasty or .....(I can't think of another word.)
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