I Don't Like This Game

Ugh....so I'm looking for a house again.

I don't like this game at all. I want to find a house, do an appraisal and pay that price and move on. I don't want to try to figure out what the house is worth, then make and offer, then have the offer be countered then decide if I want to go with that offer. Geez. Can we cut the crap? Who came up with these rules?

It is so much easier to know what a house is appraised at then make an offer from there. Why do we have to play these games.

The seller did not accept my offer of $48,500 so I started looking elsewhere. Now I'm looking at a house listed at $64,000. I want to offer $55,000 and not pay more than $58,000. The estimated appraisal is $59,000. So how do they list it at $64,000? Also, the house has no hook ups for laundry. So that means I have to hire a plumber and an electrician to get my house laundry ready. Also, the back yard is CRAP. There are two trees that definitely need to come down. One bad ice storm and those power lines are coming down. So I need to avoid that. And there is no grass in the back yard. Just crappy weeds. It is not a bbq friendly back yard.

Lord, what am I gonna do. I really really really want a home for Christmas.

God, help me!!

In other news....

I'm dating again. And guess who has contacted me? This guy. And I was grinning ear to ear until I reread this post. I can't remember what I called him, so I will call him John Deere guy because he works for John Deere. Well, we are making plans to go to dinner on Saturday night. But, after reading this post I remember why it didn't go any further. It is nice to go out with a guy, but I don't think it will go anywhere. Dang it.

I also met another guy who lives in my city. He's a personal trainer and boy is he something!! I want him to train me in a lot of ways!!!

Willing To Walk Away

Walking away is hard....

When I went on my first date with Mister in 2003, I knew that he was not the guy for me. I was sitting in Steak-n-Shake and we were talking. I think I said something like, 'I love God," and he replied. I believe in God, but it's Jesus that I have a problem with. At that moment my only thought was to get up and leave.

But, I didn't have the courage.

Courage is something that I NEED in my life.

One thing that I can say that molestation and sexual abuse has caused me is this inferiority and cowardice. No one likes a coward. No one likes to be labeled a coward, but I deal with that often. I have had a hard time standing up for myself and standing up for what is right. I didn't walk away and it caused hell in my life. There were quite a few times in my life when I needed the fortitude to stand and I crumbled and I suffered immensely.

Well, courage is staring me in the face now.

I made an offer of $48,500 on the house that I want and I had a contractor come look at it with me. He said that was a good offer and that I shouldn't go any higher. He then encouraged me and told me that everything that I want to do in the house will cost about $5000. That is exciting!!

So, I'm going to use my courage and stick to my offer and I'm going to walk away if she doesn't want to accept it.

Thank God for the fortitude!!

$500 Earnest Money

What a journey I'm on. No one really tells you specifics about things like buying a home. I just had to drop off $500 of what's called earnest money to the realtor. I made and offer on the house that I want, but I'm second guessing that offer. I have no idea what I'm doing and I don't like this game. When I researched the house, it was sold in 2000 for about $26,000. I know homes are supposed to appreciate, so when I saw that she wanted $56,000 for the house, I was thinking that I could offer about $40,000. But the realtor did some numbers and he wasn't supposed to tell me what to offer, but when we looked at the market in the area, we estimated that the house would appraise at around $48,000, so I offered $48,500. The seller has countered with $53,000. I don't want to to pay that amount because after talking to a few people I should have offered $40,000 and then went up from there and settled around $45 or $48. Now I'm stuck.

God, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm taking a contractor with me from church tomorrow to see the house again and I think I"m going to stick with my offer of $48,500 and if she doesn't want it I want to move on. I found another house, the the taxes are double what I would pay for the house I want.

I don't like this game and I haven't found anything else that I really like.

What do I like?

I want something kind of small, but not big, with a smallish yard in a quiet area. That's what I want. And I don't want to pay more than $50,000 for it.

Father, help me!!

Speak To Me, PLEASE!!

I am on a journey....I've NEVER been here before and I have no experience on this road. I have no idea what I'm going to encounter and I have no idea if I'll make it.

That can cause anxiety and fear. But, I'm not going to fear. We've been learning about the Holy Spirit at church and on Tuesday night, the man of God talked about fear and anxiety.

I will not fear!!

But, I am concerned. NOT worried, just concerned.

I'm buying a house. Yep, I applied to two banks and to Quicken Loans and I've been pre-approved. My landlord told me two weeks ago that she's selling her share of the business so she will not be my landlord anymore and she told me that the owners would probably want me to sign a new lease. I DO NOT want to do that. So, I started the home buying experience by applying for a loan.

My bank pre approved me, but said that I would need about $8000 at closing. I applied at another bank that does a first time home buyer program that loans up to $5000 for a down payment. I don't qualify because of my income. So I applied to Quicken Loans and they said I would need about 3% as a down payment. They didn't say anything else about closing cost. But, I know that is needed.

So I went to see two houses....I didn't LOVE either, but I could see myself in both. But, one house needs some cosmetic work. Nothing big...new carpets, paint on the walls, updated cabinetry in the kitchen, etc. The other house is move in ready. Both houses were list around the same price $57,000.

I will be getting an inspection to determine if there is anything wrong.

I made an offer $48,500 on the house that needs cosmetic.

My lender doesn't want me to go with Quicken Loans. I'm gonna be bold and ask why not. So, I'm not going to go with my bank because I dont' have $8000. But, I do have $2700 and I get paid on the 28th. In my contract it says that I need a good faith amoung of $500. I have that.

The bank hasn't did the final approval yet because they didn't have my paperwork, but I sent what I could today.

So my overall concern is how much money I need. I was told that I can't use mattress money. LOL unless I can explain where the money came from. My bank wants $8000 that I don't have, so it looks like I'm going with the other bank if they can get me a lower cash amount. I can do about $4000 total.

Father, I need help with this....

The Latter House

I have lived for 39 years in bondage. Yes, I have been saved by faith through grace, but my eyes were not opened. I was blind to the word of God.

I thank God for opening my blind eyes.

The Bible talks about the glory of the latter house being greater than the glory of the former house. It says that because when Solomon built the first temple, he had tons of money and the temple was so beautiful. But, when he built the second temple, it wasn't as beautiful, but the spirit of God was there. So the glory was greater.

God, I pray that my latter years are GREATER than my former years. Now that I understand my freedom and my authority. I want to walk in EVERY blessing that God has promised to me, personally. I want to walk in the blessings of my forefathers...my great great great great great grandfather. He was a wonderful business man and he amassed over 600 acres of land in Tennessee and he passed that land down to his children.

Today, we only have about 100 acres of land left, but I know who God is. I want to bring Him glory with this life.

My BODY

The light bulb turned on today as I was in services. My Apostle said, "out bodies are a shack before Christ, but with Christ it becomes a cathedral," and when I heard this it made sense.

I have been struggling with my body for a long time!! 

I was molested at age 3 and that led to incest up until I was in the 4 grade. I had no idea or rather, I had no concept of what sex was, but I was doing it and my body felt good doing it. I also had no concept that it was wrong until we were caught. As I got to be a teenager, I discovered masturbation and again didn't understand how it affected my body. This led to a promiscuous lifestyle for a long time which led to me having a hard time controlling my body.

As I decided to give my life over to Christ I felt an enormous weight of guilt because Christ came to make me free, but I was a slave to what my body wanted to do. How can I be free and a slave at the same time. There was a great incongruence and this causes me great anxiety. I would pray and pray and pray to God and I would tell God that I wanted my body to bring him glory. 

The Bible tells us that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Ghost. But, because of my sexual sin I couldn't keep my temple clean. Unlawful sex keeps the temple dirty. And I was so guilt ridden. But, I would just pray and stand on the word of God and fall and pray and fall and pray and fall and pray again. 

But, the thing about is this...I kept getting up!! A righteous mans falls 7 times....

So, this is encouragement!!

As the year is coming to a close I was fretting because this was a year of BREAKTHROUGH for me, but my breakthrough in the spirit had not come...

The old saints used to say we have to wait on our change to come. My change had not come until today!!

As the man of God was teaching on the Holy Ghost, I began to understand who God is and how He has given me the Holy Ghost to help me and this spirit of God lives on the inside of me--my temple--God's temple. I know, I know, I know....I read the scripture over and over about how when we participate in unlawful sex, we sin against our bodies. But the revelation is this....my body is not my own. God gave it to me to live on this earth. So, since I accepted Christ then I belong to Him. I'm just a steward over this body. I have to treat it like a temple. I can't treat it like a shack.

WOW!!

Now as the year is coming to a close, I feel like I have my strength to FINISH STRONG and to walk in my newness!!

FINISH STRONG!!

I started feeling a little down because I declared this year to be a year of revolution for me and I began to have these negative thoughts about how the revolution is not happening...I mean, yes, I lost about 30 pounds and I feel better in my body and I attended counseling to deal with sexual abuse in my past...but spiritually, I wasn't really seeing a change. I am a spirit....but I live in this body and my spirit needed to be changed and I wasn't seeing that change. As a matter of fact I was confused about my spirit. But, God is such a faithful God. The Bible says in Job 22:28, "You will decide and decree a thing, and it will be established...." I made the decision that my life would change this year, but I got to November and I was slipping back into depression. I wasn't doing well with maintaining my weight loss and I was feeling the weight of my past. It was like the devil was gripping my heart and mind again. But God is a God of BREAKTHROUGH and this year I'm going to FINISH STRONG!!

As the song says, "I feel like I can make it..."

Surprisingly, I'm Good!

I shouldn't be surprised at all because God is just GOOD LIKE THAT!!!

I say that because I was bummed on yesterday because I tried a business idea and it was crap. Really crap and I kept telling myself it was all good and the Holy Spirit did the rest and I'm not bothered by the failure.  Thank God!! In times past, I would let it depress me, but God is good. As a matter of fact, I'm glad I failed at that-it was a new popcorn flavor idea-because it lets me know what I'm NOT good at.

LEAVE THE FOOD IDEAS TO THE COOKS!

I can cook, but I'm NOT a cook. There is a difference!! So THANKS BE UNTO GOD WHO ALWAYS CAUSES ME TO TRIUMPH!!

Why Do We Judge?

The Bible tells us not to judge. I've always understood, but I really get it now. I'm in Nashville, TN attending the Business Boutique and I have been doused with information and love from God. I thought I was just here to get some information and inspiration to get this business off the ground. I didn't know God was going use this venue to "get me out of myself."

You see, I get anxious and a little depressed when I'm stuck. Especially when I see people moving all around me. Dave Ramsey told us that we are what we think. And sometimes I just don't think right and it get's me stuck in the mud. But, God knows me and He loves me and He always has a way to get me UNSTUCK.

So, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed at this conference.

The BIG QUESTION and statement running through my head was, "How am I going to do this?" and "I can't do this."

I went to my breakout session with Crystal Paine. When she started I was feeling like, "oh boy...here we go...." I wasn't really feeling her at first. I don't know why, but I judge her from the moment she started talking. As a matter of fact, I was thinking that I needed to leave because I didn't think she had anything that she could say to me that I would benefit from. One of the reason I was thinking that was because I didn't really want to sign up for her class. I mean, I want to make money, but I didn't think that her topic was going to help me, but I was forced to sign up.

I WAS WRONG!!

THIS CHICK is AMAZING!!!!

Not only did she tell us how she did it. She gave the glory to God!! Then at the end she told her testimony of the great fear God helped her overcome!!

WOW!!

At the end of the conference I was a little tired. I mean I drove all the way from central IL to Nashville, then to Boliver and back to Nashville, all in one day. So the day was getting long. I was thinking that the last session of the day was going to be a waste.

NOPE!!!

Cristine Caine from A21 preached to us!!  OMG, I wanted to just sit there and cry. She ministered to us so.

Now I'm in this quandary because I've heard God and when we hear, we have to respond and be obedient.

Thank You God for being obedient!!