$4 Per Day

That is how much interest i'm paying on my student loan. I called them because when I look at my history of payments, I've been paying interest only for almost 2 years now and it seems like I can't get out of paying interest. I know that I've acrued about $4000 worth of interest when I was laid off, but dag, when will it end. I've paid so much interest that I'm paying interest on top of the interest.  So the lady said that I have $477 left of back interest and I should be caught up and then there is about $135 a month of interest that I will be paying. I told her that my goal was to pay double so that I can pay the loan off ASAP. I think I'm gonna have to pay about $500 a month (actually more) to get rid of this debt. It's killing my finances. Especially since I've had this debt for over 10 years now. It's time for somebody to be amputated.  I need this CUT out of my life ASAP!!!

Children's Book Idea

Diary of a Smokefree Kid

Villian:  A cigarette that taunts and torments children. He hids in fancy clothes and shoes and has the lastest music, he has swag

Hero:  Smokefree kid who ....

Storyline:  TBD

I Stayed at That Motel

I went to the Dollar Tree the other day and there was security there.

WHAT?

Since when do you need security to shop at Dollar Tree. Then my roommate told me a day later that there was a shootout at the motel down the street from there.

WHAT??
Since when do people do shootouts.

She then went on to say that a man at the motel was in his room shooting out.  So I read the newspaper article and it said that the man shot out about 10 rounds and everyone was evacuted from the motel. 

OMG!!

I stayed at the motel.

What is this world coming to!!!!

He Doesn't Wear a Ring

I'm gonna need God to help me!!

God, help me, PLEASE??

I went to the office for the summer program and Redbone was there.

Background...

In 2010 I worked in an office in out of town. It was a temporary position until the end of June. There was this light-skinned yellow guy that worked upstairs. He looked familiar so one day I asked him and he said he was a friend of Musikbox and he was from my city. We chatted and that was that. I then saw that he was driving a car that had personalized plates. It looked like it was his wife's car. No biggie....

When I talked to Musikbox I let him know that I met him.

Fast forward to this week...

I'm volunteering with the summer camp. I have to take the teens to get signed up. I get there and right before leaving I see Redbone. We spoke and I left, but but but but...

When I left I was feeling some kind of way. I began to pray because I DON'T TOUCH nothing that belongs to someone else. That includes people. I prayed and prayed about it because seeing him was bothering me.

Well, today i went to the office again and he was there. This time I was tryna run from him because I didn't want to speak. Too late. He got me. We chatted about the summer program and I noticed that there was no ring. None, nada, nil, nane one on his finger.

OMG!!!

God, you gotta help me!!! Cause I didn't like the way he was looking at me, AT ALL!! And I don't want to be in the same room with him.

I NEED TO GET MY OWN PROPERTY.

Can't Partner with Everyone

I'm a little sad. I've been working and working on this summer program and things are not going well. I'm so tired, I don't feel like typing about it, but I feel like I need to process...
Anyway,

The people we are partnering with are ssssoooooo opposite us. There was a big sign on the wall that said, "It's all about the money."

WOW!!

That IS NOT our motto. Our motto is "Touching Hearts, Changing Lives" and that has nothing to do with us being paid. I understand that people need to make a living, but a huge poster, in your face that helps you to focus on the MONEY is not what we are about. It's horrible and I want to figure out a way to put the brakes on this whole summer, but I don't know how. UGH!!

I NEED God to intervene.

In other news.... I'm not liking rooming. Actually, I'm not really a roommate, I'm just living in someone's apartment. And it's only been a week and it's wearing on me.

I NEED God to intervene.

Also, I ran into a guy today. A cute guy. A cute guy who is married....I think.

I NEED God to intervene, RIGHT NOW!!!

LORD, I NEED YOU NOW!!!!

Here We Go Again

Thank God I have a roof over my head! I'm staying with my friend until I can find a place. Well, until August when the bank runs my credit again to see if I'm eligible for a loan. It's a little stressful not having my own place. I can't get comfortable. I gave all my furniture away--AGAIN because I needed to be out of my apartment in a hurry. I was happy to have given it to a young girl that I'm mentoring. She has her first apartment and it was bare. But thank God, now she has a sofa, dining room table, plants, a fish, cleaning supplies and toiletries. I'm going to go through storage to give her more of my stuff. I might as well. It's just sitting in storage. I have no use for it right now. When I get my new place, I will have all new furniture. THANK GOD!!

I am a little tired of sleeping on blow-up mattresses, but that's ok. I can endure. I've been checking my credit score and it's nuts. One score from one of the bureaus can have a range of 40 points. That's ludicrious. I tried to ask the bank lady what score they use, but she didn't understand me. I check at credit karma and it said 655, I check at another scoring website and it said 603. What do I believe?

It is YOU!!

I'm so THANKFUL!!

There was something really simple and seemingly small that reminded me how much God loves me and this reminder got me to thinking about this song and I've been singing it and crying all day.

God has rescued me and I'm grateful. I've been through a lot in my short lifespan, but God has rescued me through it all. It's only God who could have done this for me and I want to live for Him all the days of my life. I can NEVER repay Christ for what He has done, but I want my life to be a sacrifice for Him.

Because no matter what, He has been there....

Gotta Get Through This Week

My friend has agreed to let me stay with her. I'll offer her rent.  Not sure how much, but I'll pay it. Sleeping in the car is the pits. I went through all types of fits last night. I hardly slept. It was hot, then it was cold. I couldn't get comfortable. Boy....

I can't focus. I've got work to do. I've got bills to pay and being homeless makes it hard to focus. I can't rest at all. And my job requires me to be focused. God help me get though this week. In Jesus name, Amen!

The Dreamer

God works in my life to produce a destiny-desired result....God does certain things to make sure it becomes a reality. The process is critical. I can't become depressed, stagnated because of the process.

Psalms 105:19--Until the time came to fulfill his dreams, the Lord tested Joseph's character.

God gave Joseph two dreams. God was showing him his future. But he was sold into slavery, accused falsely....

Joseph had to go through a kingdom process.

To and for...When God speaks TO me, He's not speaking TO me, He's speaking FOR someone else!! When God is speaking TO me, I am not the person he is speaking TO. He is speaking FOR me in the future. I am not me in the future. I am who God is forming me to be.

Isaiah 9:8 The Lord sent a word into Jacob, and it hath lighted upon Israel.

When God speaks to me, it's not for me, but it is for me that is in me because the me now can't handle it.

Isaiah 43:1 But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called them by thy name; though art mine.

Jacob was born, but Israel was formed by God.

Genesis 12. God spoke to Abram, but it was Abraham. The manifestation is for Abraham.

Greatness is never the individual I am, but the one who is emerging from me. My greatness won't come to past without going through kingdom process.

I can never become the picture of the promisses of God unless I am willing to go through the process that makes it happen.  This is the way God works. How he trains me.

A person can be anointed for the throne, but not have the capacity to handle it. So, the person has to be formed for the throne. The capacity has to become into direct proportion for the inheritance.  God makes the dreamer first before He ever makes the dream.

God first processes the visionaire before He ever processes the vision. The vision is easy. The dreamer can destroy the dream if they aren't processed. I can derail the anointing on my life if I'm not processed.

Thank You, GOD!!!

I am my greatest hindrance. But, I am not walking away from the dream of God!! So, God build in me what needs to be built.

Matthew 4:18-20 God want me to become fishers of men. God, make me so that I can become fishers of men.

Jacob wrestled with God. I believed God!! I can't have my way!! So, I believe you, God!!

GOD. JESUS!  JESUSSSSSSSS!!

Thank You God, for being submission!!

Yes, God!! Yes, God!!! Yes, God!!! Yes, God!!! Yes, God!!!

I am no more Jacob!!! I am Israel!!! I am Greatness. My Greatness is ALIVE!!!

God Has Smiled on Me

My friend called me to let me know that I can stay with her for a while.  Of course I will be paying her rent, but I thank God for that because I'm not sure if I can do the car thing. I was concerned about the neighborhoods where the two houses were located and if I'm going to spend my money I want to be some place where I can be comfortable.  I really didn't want to rush and I was feeling rushed.

Thank God for GRACE & MERCY!!

I've Been Approved

There is a house renting for $600. I've been approved to rent the home. It is a small, 2 bedroom home. I looked it up and the brothers just bought it for about $18,000. WOW. So if I rent for a year, I will be paying their mortgage and nearly paying it off. OMG!!!

I hate the bind that I'm in. I want to buy my own home!!!

I don't have time to be living in my car, so if the other house doesn't come through, I'm gonna take this one. I need somewhere to live.

He Wants to Sleep with You

I've been in tears the last few days...

Yep, I'm homeless again. How does this happen? I guess I'd rather go through this than have to suffer some other type of tragedy. But, I'm dealing with it.

The first night I slept (not really slept) in my car and it was grueling. I didn't get any sleep at all. There was a bad storm and I was just not comfortable. I have no idea how I managed to do it before. I booked a cheap motel for the last night and I will be there tonight also. It's not cheap enough because it's $40 a night and I'm running out of cash.

I've applied for another home to rent and I haven't heard anything yet. When I was filling out the application there was another couple who was looking at the place. They said they liked the house, but not the neighborhood. We'll see how that goes. I have no idea what i'm going to do for the weekend. I don't' have enough money to stay too much longer.

As I was going through my work yesterday I checked my FB page (now deactivated) and I saw an email from an old friend--Price. He said he misses me, blah, blah, blah. This frustrated me because this is not a good time. I want to be surrounded by people who are spiritual right now because i'm going through some things. My heart was tinged though because I could really use a shoulder to lean on. I wanted to talk about it to my friend, but she talked and talked about other stuff, but then I got a call from another friend and I confided in her and she helped me so much. She basically said that this wasn't good. This was wicked and he wants to sleep with me to defile me. He wants to destroy me. And it wasn't that she was just talking about him, but the enemy--the devil. The Bible tells me that the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but God comes that that I might have an abundant life.

Thank you God for that encouragement because I needed that during this time. This also got me to thinking about Mister. We've been chatty lately and he was really flirting with me when I was in Ohio. I was going to head to Indy to see him, but I got tired and he really laid it on thick. I was picqued, but not enough to get in the car to drive to see him. Of course I told him that I was only interested in friendship. And he reassured me that he didn't want to jeopardize our friendship, but I think the chattiness with him needs to cease and desist because it's not conducive to me right now.

Anyway, Today I feel better. The room is not all that great, but I've lived in worst and so far no bed bugs.
THANK GOD!!

We'll see how this weekend goes.