I'm not even sure why this is embarrassing. It's like I have too much pride.....
I had made plans to rent a car to go out of town to visit my cousin in Freeport for her 50th birthday. I got to the rental car place and was turned down. I was upset and disappointed. I don't have a major credit card, so in order to rent a car, I have to go through so much protocol which, I'm not sure why because I can have a major credit card that has a low limit. I don't get it, but there is so much red tape. The only thing they don't as for is a blood or dna sample.....
Jeesh....
So, I had to make the call.
I had to call cousin Lana and tell her that I would not be able to make it. Sure, I really didn't have the money to rent the car and drive all that way, but I was gonna sacrifice to do it.
The same thing happened this past weekend when I was supposed to go to my brother's wedding.
Again, I was gonna rent a car, but I decided not to go because of the expense. I didn't call my brother, but I'm gonna send him a nice gift. And I'm gonna send my cousin Lana a nice gift too.
Now, I have to play for my baby brother's graduation festivities....prom, senior luncheon, and graduation.
Lord, please give me enough money so that I can celebrate with him!!
This is a special time and everyone wants to be celebrated and I want to show him some major LOVE!!!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
This is Why I don't Like FB
I keep checking it....like all day long, I've been checking my FB page. UGH!!! There are times when I just deactivate my account because I can't take it.....OMG. I need a GGGGGOOOOODDDDD book to read.
Lose to Win
Mister is out of jail.....He made bail $4000.
Now begins the journey. He told me the other day that the girl that put him in jail is now in Wisconsin. She's supposed to show up for preliminary stuff before the actual trial on April. When we talked on Wednesday he didn't know if if she would had gone through any of the preliminary stuff...I can't remember what he called it, but he's also not sure if she's gonna take the time to spend money to get all the way from Wis to Indiana. I pray she doens't. All of this is just plain CRAZY! And it doesn't look good for Mister. I mean here is is in an open BDSM relationship with a CRAZY woman!! The open part is enough by itself, but the BSDM stuff just makes it even more suspect, but I know Mister. He doesn't do ANYTHING to a woman that is not CONSENTUAL. And I told him that. He said that his family is majorly embarassed by all of this. I told him that that is understandable. Not everyone understands and open relationship, let along an open relationship where a women agrees to be a slave?!! So, if this goes to trial that is what he is gonna have to contend with. And the fact that this is an interracial relationship. He is a black man....And despite what anyone says, there is still a DIVIDE among blacks and whites. He told me that when she first came to live with him, he picked her up from the airport and as they were leaving someone yelled to them, to him, "Get a black girl....." He's talked about hearing other people comment negatively about their relationship......
So, add that to the mix.
I continue to pray for his mind and for his relationship with Christ. He NEEDS Christ right now!!
Sometimes it takes losing everything to bring a person back to Christ. Sometimes have to lose to win.
Now begins the journey. He told me the other day that the girl that put him in jail is now in Wisconsin. She's supposed to show up for preliminary stuff before the actual trial on April. When we talked on Wednesday he didn't know if if she would had gone through any of the preliminary stuff...I can't remember what he called it, but he's also not sure if she's gonna take the time to spend money to get all the way from Wis to Indiana. I pray she doens't. All of this is just plain CRAZY! And it doesn't look good for Mister. I mean here is is in an open BDSM relationship with a CRAZY woman!! The open part is enough by itself, but the BSDM stuff just makes it even more suspect, but I know Mister. He doesn't do ANYTHING to a woman that is not CONSENTUAL. And I told him that. He said that his family is majorly embarassed by all of this. I told him that that is understandable. Not everyone understands and open relationship, let along an open relationship where a women agrees to be a slave?!! So, if this goes to trial that is what he is gonna have to contend with. And the fact that this is an interracial relationship. He is a black man....And despite what anyone says, there is still a DIVIDE among blacks and whites. He told me that when she first came to live with him, he picked her up from the airport and as they were leaving someone yelled to them, to him, "Get a black girl....." He's talked about hearing other people comment negatively about their relationship......
So, add that to the mix.
I continue to pray for his mind and for his relationship with Christ. He NEEDS Christ right now!!
Sometimes it takes losing everything to bring a person back to Christ. Sometimes have to lose to win.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Satan Marks Your Steps
I prayed for Mister and others on my prayer list before I went to bed. I was a little jittery after talking to Mister. I always am. I think he causes me pressure to rise or something, but sometimes I can't wind down after talking to him. It's like my spirit is disrupted, but not in a bad way, just different. I guess it's a little anxiety, but this time it's not just from talking to him, but from talking to behind bars.
I listened to my book on tape while I fell asleep.
I'm not sure what time I woke up but it was well before my alarm at 6am, but there was this gripping in my chest and I heard, "Satan marks your steps."
I had heard this from my Apostle at church when he talks about how people fall into the hands of satan. I'm not sure I understand it fully, but I looked it up in the Bible and I couldn' t find a reference. But, there was this "thing" in my chest. Kind of like anxiety, but kind of like a stabbing and my heart was beating different. I began to pray in my sleep, "The blood of Jesus...." I prayed for my family, for Mister, for others...I prayed that the angels would protect them. I don't know what was going on, but after praying I started having a dream about my car being stolen again, but this time instead of two thugs, there were four and another one that was helping....The dream went like this:
I was at home getting dressed and there was someone that was in my apartment with me...I think it was my sister, but it wasn't clear who it was. As I was getting dressed I was running late-really late for work. I think about 30 minutes late. When I got outside it was bright and sunny. I looked up and my car was missing. I turned to go back inside with my bag flung over my shoulder and cell phone in hand calling the police. I looked to the side of the building and there was my car with two young black boys standing outside of it, two black guys in the back seats and another guy parked behind them in what seemed like a tow truck. My car was covered in dirt and mud like it went through a drag racing course. Instintively I pointed to the group as if I was saying, "Hey that's my car," but nothing came out of my mouth and I quickly realized that I didn't want to be noticed, but I was too late. They noticed me and somehow knew it was my car. I don' t know why, but I was standing closer to them and they were mocking me because they had the spare keys to my car. I told one of the boys that I needed my keys and he began mocking me again and started taking my a key off the key ring. I was gonna tell him to give me all the keys, but I didn't want to cause any more trouble, I just needed to get out of there. I then saw one of the guys in the back seat pull out a gun and point it to me. I think there was some type of threatening going on, but my goal ws to "get out of dodge."
When he gave me the key I bolted for the apartment building and ran up the stairs. For some reason they ran behind me up the stairs. I managed to get through the security door because it wasn't locked and I struggled to lock it while bangin on my door for my sister to let me in before they got up the stairs. I think they saw me going inside my apartment and I was panicked and called the police crying about them stealing my car, pointing a gun at me and chasing me up the stairs. Then I called my job, balling crying.....
By then, my alarm went off and I was fading in and out of dream state.....
My chest was still tight and my heart still felt kind of funny.
I listened to my book on tape while I fell asleep.
I'm not sure what time I woke up but it was well before my alarm at 6am, but there was this gripping in my chest and I heard, "Satan marks your steps."
I had heard this from my Apostle at church when he talks about how people fall into the hands of satan. I'm not sure I understand it fully, but I looked it up in the Bible and I couldn' t find a reference. But, there was this "thing" in my chest. Kind of like anxiety, but kind of like a stabbing and my heart was beating different. I began to pray in my sleep, "The blood of Jesus...." I prayed for my family, for Mister, for others...I prayed that the angels would protect them. I don't know what was going on, but after praying I started having a dream about my car being stolen again, but this time instead of two thugs, there were four and another one that was helping....The dream went like this:
I was at home getting dressed and there was someone that was in my apartment with me...I think it was my sister, but it wasn't clear who it was. As I was getting dressed I was running late-really late for work. I think about 30 minutes late. When I got outside it was bright and sunny. I looked up and my car was missing. I turned to go back inside with my bag flung over my shoulder and cell phone in hand calling the police. I looked to the side of the building and there was my car with two young black boys standing outside of it, two black guys in the back seats and another guy parked behind them in what seemed like a tow truck. My car was covered in dirt and mud like it went through a drag racing course. Instintively I pointed to the group as if I was saying, "Hey that's my car," but nothing came out of my mouth and I quickly realized that I didn't want to be noticed, but I was too late. They noticed me and somehow knew it was my car. I don' t know why, but I was standing closer to them and they were mocking me because they had the spare keys to my car. I told one of the boys that I needed my keys and he began mocking me again and started taking my a key off the key ring. I was gonna tell him to give me all the keys, but I didn't want to cause any more trouble, I just needed to get out of there. I then saw one of the guys in the back seat pull out a gun and point it to me. I think there was some type of threatening going on, but my goal ws to "get out of dodge."
When he gave me the key I bolted for the apartment building and ran up the stairs. For some reason they ran behind me up the stairs. I managed to get through the security door because it wasn't locked and I struggled to lock it while bangin on my door for my sister to let me in before they got up the stairs. I think they saw me going inside my apartment and I was panicked and called the police crying about them stealing my car, pointing a gun at me and chasing me up the stairs. Then I called my job, balling crying.....
By then, my alarm went off and I was fading in and out of dream state.....
My chest was still tight and my heart still felt kind of funny.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
10th Times the Charm
I just got finished talking to Mister on the phone after 9 missed calls. It was good talking to him. He explained to me again how he still can't believe that she would do this to him. I told him that a woman is a woman...and jealousy and jealousy....We had an interesting talk about the games women play when they are mad and they say they aren't mad.
Then he wanted to get off the subject, so we talked about my job and my brother wanting to be a rapper.
Oh and when talked about the book too......
His spirits sounded good. He said his bond is posted, but he has to be fitted for a tracking device, so he's not sure when he will be getting out. He hopes it would be before Friday because the office are closed on Friday and he would have to wait until next week.
He also said that his accuser is in Wisconsin and that he's not sure if she will be back.....I pray she doesn't come back because if she's not there then she can't accuse him of the lies.....I also pray that the will of God be done in his life. Everyone goes through things for a reason and hopefully through this he can come to know Christ.
Then he wanted to get off the subject, so we talked about my job and my brother wanting to be a rapper.
Oh and when talked about the book too......
His spirits sounded good. He said his bond is posted, but he has to be fitted for a tracking device, so he's not sure when he will be getting out. He hopes it would be before Friday because the office are closed on Friday and he would have to wait until next week.
He also said that his accuser is in Wisconsin and that he's not sure if she will be back.....I pray she doesn't come back because if she's not there then she can't accuse him of the lies.....I also pray that the will of God be done in his life. Everyone goes through things for a reason and hopefully through this he can come to know Christ.
Missed Calls
Mister has called me 9 times and I've missed each call.
Ugh...I'm agitated!!
The first 3 calls I missed was when I was headed out the door to go to church on yesterday. He kept calling back and I couldn't answer because I needed to pick someone up for church. He didn't call back.
The second 3 calls came today at 3:40pm (4:40 his time) and my phone was on silent. I didn't know he would call me so early....so I didn't even think to check my phone to make sure it was on so I could hear it.
The 7th time he called I was leaving from class and my phone was down in my bag. I couldn't reach it fast enough. It was around 7:10pm.
The 8th time he called at 7:30pm, I answered and because the phone calls are managed by some outside type of calling service I have to prepay using my bank card. I only prepayed $5 because I was gonna have him call me collect on my home phone number. However, the calling service hangs him up so that I can go through the prepay process and he has be call me back. So I waited and waited for him to call me back.
The 9th time he called, was at 8:30pm. I answered the phone expecting it to go through, but it didn't. I guess I needed more money for the call to go through. UGH!! So, now I"m waiting for him to call me again to see if I can prepay for $15 and maybe the call will go through. UGH!! I hate all this waiting. It's causing me some anxiety. I don't even know why??? I guess because I just want him to be okay!! I want him to be okay so much!!!
Ugh...I'm agitated!!
The first 3 calls I missed was when I was headed out the door to go to church on yesterday. He kept calling back and I couldn't answer because I needed to pick someone up for church. He didn't call back.
The second 3 calls came today at 3:40pm (4:40 his time) and my phone was on silent. I didn't know he would call me so early....so I didn't even think to check my phone to make sure it was on so I could hear it.
The 7th time he called I was leaving from class and my phone was down in my bag. I couldn't reach it fast enough. It was around 7:10pm.
The 8th time he called at 7:30pm, I answered and because the phone calls are managed by some outside type of calling service I have to prepay using my bank card. I only prepayed $5 because I was gonna have him call me collect on my home phone number. However, the calling service hangs him up so that I can go through the prepay process and he has be call me back. So I waited and waited for him to call me back.
The 9th time he called, was at 8:30pm. I answered the phone expecting it to go through, but it didn't. I guess I needed more money for the call to go through. UGH!! So, now I"m waiting for him to call me again to see if I can prepay for $15 and maybe the call will go through. UGH!! I hate all this waiting. It's causing me some anxiety. I don't even know why??? I guess because I just want him to be okay!! I want him to be okay so much!!!
Monday, March 25, 2013
Deja Vu
I'm a little shaken up right now. My stomach is quesy, my nerves are tingly.....
About an hour ago, I get a phone call on my old cell phone from a 712 area code. I answer the phone and it's a call service annoucing that I have a phone call from an inmate in Marion County Jail II.
It's Mister....
My hands start to shake....I accept the call and go through what they tell me to go through to become connected.
He immediately starts talking....I'm not sure what all he's saying, but he says there are two things he wants to tell me.
There is loud noise in the background so I can't hardly hear number 1, but number 2 is about a book the he recently read called The Shack. He says that this book has changed him..."I supposed that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing...." is quote from the forward in the book. He tells me that I should read it. He gives a brief synopsis and says that he was in tears reading it and it has helped him come to terms with the death of our daughter. He then proceeds to tell me what happened...why he's in jail.
After he tells the story I ask him what her motivation for lying was. He said he didn't know. He said that he trusted her completely and was shocked to read her statement from the police about him beating her. I told her that woman will always be a woman no matter what the arrangement is. And he agreed. He said that maybe she was jealous because he had gotten back with an ex-girlfriend and he had also been talking to another woman.
When I got off the phone with him...I was sick to my stomach. I was almost in tears talking to him.
Overall he sounded good...positive and upbeat.
The only thing I could think about was Coach.
Am I experiencing deja vu??
About an hour ago, I get a phone call on my old cell phone from a 712 area code. I answer the phone and it's a call service annoucing that I have a phone call from an inmate in Marion County Jail II.
It's Mister....
My hands start to shake....I accept the call and go through what they tell me to go through to become connected.
He immediately starts talking....I'm not sure what all he's saying, but he says there are two things he wants to tell me.
There is loud noise in the background so I can't hardly hear number 1, but number 2 is about a book the he recently read called The Shack. He says that this book has changed him..."I supposed that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing...." is quote from the forward in the book. He tells me that I should read it. He gives a brief synopsis and says that he was in tears reading it and it has helped him come to terms with the death of our daughter. He then proceeds to tell me what happened...why he's in jail.
After he tells the story I ask him what her motivation for lying was. He said he didn't know. He said that he trusted her completely and was shocked to read her statement from the police about him beating her. I told her that woman will always be a woman no matter what the arrangement is. And he agreed. He said that maybe she was jealous because he had gotten back with an ex-girlfriend and he had also been talking to another woman.
When I got off the phone with him...I was sick to my stomach. I was almost in tears talking to him.
Overall he sounded good...positive and upbeat.
The only thing I could think about was Coach.
Am I experiencing deja vu??
Friday, March 22, 2013
My Favorite Sound
I just spent 20 minutes going through old messages on in my vmail and I was reminded of the sound I miss......
THE SOUND OF A MAN'S VOICE CALLING MY NAME!
WOW....
I don't know how to explain it, but listening to Rick on my vmail reminded me that I really miss....a relationship, a hug, a kiss....I miss the hands, a strong back and strong legs of a man. The best thing that God made for a woman is a man...Well, actually, it's the other way around, but I really miss that and I really want to talk to a man right now. A nice, handsome, sweet talking man.....
THE SOUND OF A MAN'S VOICE CALLING MY NAME!
WOW....
I don't know how to explain it, but listening to Rick on my vmail reminded me that I really miss....a relationship, a hug, a kiss....I miss the hands, a strong back and strong legs of a man. The best thing that God made for a woman is a man...Well, actually, it's the other way around, but I really miss that and I really want to talk to a man right now. A nice, handsome, sweet talking man.....
Sad AND Agitated
My plans were to be in Freeport, IL this weekend (well on Saturday). I reserved a rental car about two weeks ago. I get a call from Enterprise at my home asking me to call them back to get information on what to bring in. I don't call them back because the documents that I was bring in where the same documents that I used in January 2013 to rent a car. I go to the place with my documents and the women says, we can't use this.
Huh?? What???
She says that my check stub does not have my physical address on it, so they can't take that as a means of address. I tell her that she took it before and she says that she made a mistake and would have gotten in trouble if her manager found out that she took my information like that.
I politely thanked her and left.
I got home, got on the internet to get information from my home phone number (landline) to see if there was any record of my physical address. There was....on my profile, but not on the bill. I call Enterprise and the women tells me that this should be fine. I call the local office and she tells me that because it's not on the bill it can't be used. I ask her if the manager could help me. She tells me that since they all have the same rules, there is nothing that can be done.
WOW....so I emailed Enterprise this response:
Back story.....
My car was stolen in December 2012. My insurance covered a rental car from Enterprise. I was happy with the service Enterprise offered me.
My car was stolen again in January 2013 (I know... CRAZY). Again Enterprise offered really good service, however, I was a little agitated because of the time it took to go through all of the paperwork since my insurance had not had a chance to set up the rental.....but no complaints. My experience was good.
Early March 2013. I reserved a car for the weekend of March 22 and March 29 because I had some family things to attend to. I bring in my information--the SAME type of information used in January 2013 and was told that I COULD NOT rent a car because there was no physical address on my check stub.
I use my P.O. Box as my mailing address (have for the past 10 years) because I've had issues with my mail coming to where I live. I have a home phone (landline) and internet, but the bill does not come to my home. Everything goes to my P.O. Box and the service address is not on the bill. However, I pulled up my profile from ATT (my home and internet service) and it gives my SERVICE ADDRESS. But Enterprise told me that they could not use this information.
I told the women that I did NOT have this issue in January 2013 when I rented the car. She was the same woman who helped me in January 2013 and took my pay stub that had my P.O. Box address on it...... She said that she had made a mistake and would have gotten in trouble....
My DRIVERS LICENSE is the only thing that has my actually address on it (the same address as my service address on my ATT profile account) and she would not take this.
She stated that this could easily be an incorrect address on my drivers license.
I stated to her that I could easily have phone or electric bill in my name at someone else's house too....
WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO HARD???!!
So, I can't visit my sick father because I CAN'T pay to get a car to go see him.....I have to find alternative transporation because I CAN'T PAY MY MONEY to rent a car to go see my baby brother get married.
I understand what she says about people stealing cars.....There are bad people who make things hard for everyone, but just like she calls the insurance company to verify my insurance, can't she call ATT to verify my SERVICE address, especially since the flaw in this policy is that I CAN HAVE MY NAME ON SOMEONE ELSE'S BILL AT SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE??
WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO HARD.
I understand, I work in social service (with people coming out of prison who will try to scheme, plot and plan) but come on.....
I even told her that I just renewed my car registration and that has my physical address on it (I did not get it in the mail, I got it from the DMV when it was renewed), but she would not take that.
I'm not saying change the policy for one person, but because this policy is FLAWED, there must be some type of exceptions.......
Huh?? What???
She says that my check stub does not have my physical address on it, so they can't take that as a means of address. I tell her that she took it before and she says that she made a mistake and would have gotten in trouble if her manager found out that she took my information like that.
I politely thanked her and left.
I got home, got on the internet to get information from my home phone number (landline) to see if there was any record of my physical address. There was....on my profile, but not on the bill. I call Enterprise and the women tells me that this should be fine. I call the local office and she tells me that because it's not on the bill it can't be used. I ask her if the manager could help me. She tells me that since they all have the same rules, there is nothing that can be done.
WOW....so I emailed Enterprise this response:
Back story.....
My car was stolen in December 2012. My insurance covered a rental car from Enterprise. I was happy with the service Enterprise offered me.
My car was stolen again in January 2013 (I know... CRAZY). Again Enterprise offered really good service, however, I was a little agitated because of the time it took to go through all of the paperwork since my insurance had not had a chance to set up the rental.....but no complaints. My experience was good.
Early March 2013. I reserved a car for the weekend of March 22 and March 29 because I had some family things to attend to. I bring in my information--the SAME type of information used in January 2013 and was told that I COULD NOT rent a car because there was no physical address on my check stub.
I use my P.O. Box as my mailing address (have for the past 10 years) because I've had issues with my mail coming to where I live. I have a home phone (landline) and internet, but the bill does not come to my home. Everything goes to my P.O. Box and the service address is not on the bill. However, I pulled up my profile from ATT (my home and internet service) and it gives my SERVICE ADDRESS. But Enterprise told me that they could not use this information.
I told the women that I did NOT have this issue in January 2013 when I rented the car. She was the same woman who helped me in January 2013 and took my pay stub that had my P.O. Box address on it...... She said that she had made a mistake and would have gotten in trouble....
My DRIVERS LICENSE is the only thing that has my actually address on it (the same address as my service address on my ATT profile account) and she would not take this.
She stated that this could easily be an incorrect address on my drivers license.
I stated to her that I could easily have phone or electric bill in my name at someone else's house too....
WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO HARD???!!
So, I can't visit my sick father because I CAN'T pay to get a car to go see him.....I have to find alternative transporation because I CAN'T PAY MY MONEY to rent a car to go see my baby brother get married.
I understand what she says about people stealing cars.....There are bad people who make things hard for everyone, but just like she calls the insurance company to verify my insurance, can't she call ATT to verify my SERVICE address, especially since the flaw in this policy is that I CAN HAVE MY NAME ON SOMEONE ELSE'S BILL AT SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE??
WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO HARD.
I understand, I work in social service (with people coming out of prison who will try to scheme, plot and plan) but come on.....
I even told her that I just renewed my car registration and that has my physical address on it (I did not get it in the mail, I got it from the DMV when it was renewed), but she would not take that.
I'm not saying change the policy for one person, but because this policy is FLAWED, there must be some type of exceptions.......
"I'm the Strongest Person I know"
That's what, ********* said to me when I texted her about helping Mister. Basically, I said to her that I'm praying for her strength. "Thank You. I'm the strongest person I know," she responded.
That got me to thinking about my strength and the strength of a person in general. The Bible says, if you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small. There have been times when I've fainted...not literally, but I've given up and not pressed forward. The Bible also says, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and I now use that as a mantra when I'm faced with issues. The "through Christ" part of that verse is key because He is the one that provides strength.
Her statement was bold to me. I'm not saying that one shouldn't be confident in their strength (and I have no issue whatsoever with her because I don't know her at all), but I think that most people are too confident in their OWN strength. I know that in the past, that had been my issue. I HAD to be strong so much that I didn't fully rely on God. I HAD to do everything myself. I'm not naive anymore. I CAN'T do anything WITHOUT Christ. I can't. Other people think they can, but I CAN'T. He gives me the strength and the times that I have fainted was because I wasn't relying on Him. I was trying to do it myself....
Amongst the mental strains that I've been faced with lately, I can say that my strength isn't small anymore. I'm not fainting because I continue to use the word of God. Psalms 121 says:
That got me to thinking about my strength and the strength of a person in general. The Bible says, if you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small. There have been times when I've fainted...not literally, but I've given up and not pressed forward. The Bible also says, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and I now use that as a mantra when I'm faced with issues. The "through Christ" part of that verse is key because He is the one that provides strength.
Her statement was bold to me. I'm not saying that one shouldn't be confident in their strength (and I have no issue whatsoever with her because I don't know her at all), but I think that most people are too confident in their OWN strength. I know that in the past, that had been my issue. I HAD to be strong so much that I didn't fully rely on God. I HAD to do everything myself. I'm not naive anymore. I CAN'T do anything WITHOUT Christ. I can't. Other people think they can, but I CAN'T. He gives me the strength and the times that I have fainted was because I wasn't relying on Him. I was trying to do it myself....
Amongst the mental strains that I've been faced with lately, I can say that my strength isn't small anymore. I'm not fainting because I continue to use the word of God. Psalms 121 says:
121 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. 2 My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. 3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. 4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. 5 The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand. 6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. 7 The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul. 8 The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
As the World Turns
The drama keeps unfolding....
I got a letter in the mail today from the lawyers handling my grandmother's estate. The numbers have changed. Instead of just $220, I'm now getting close to $1000 which is what my grandmother wanted me to get. Why the change??
Well, for one, my brother and sister have been taken out of the will. They were to get the largest amount at $15,000 a piece. But, for some reason they are now getting -0- dollars and -0- cent.
Why the change?
I have absolutely no idea especially since I'm not going to court, but I'm sure I will find out when I viist my cousins on this weekend.
Then next weekend I'm supposed to be at my brother's wedding. I pray that nothing is awkward. I mean, I feel like I'm in the middle. I'm not on anyone's side but I communicate with both of the opposing sides of the family. I hope and pray they don't make me choose because I just want to be on the side that is right......
We shall see!!!!
I got a letter in the mail today from the lawyers handling my grandmother's estate. The numbers have changed. Instead of just $220, I'm now getting close to $1000 which is what my grandmother wanted me to get. Why the change??
Well, for one, my brother and sister have been taken out of the will. They were to get the largest amount at $15,000 a piece. But, for some reason they are now getting -0- dollars and -0- cent.
Why the change?
I have absolutely no idea especially since I'm not going to court, but I'm sure I will find out when I viist my cousins on this weekend.
Then next weekend I'm supposed to be at my brother's wedding. I pray that nothing is awkward. I mean, I feel like I'm in the middle. I'm not on anyone's side but I communicate with both of the opposing sides of the family. I hope and pray they don't make me choose because I just want to be on the side that is right......
We shall see!!!!
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Not Gone Cry
I just came from M******** University. I was invited to attend an Elite Women's Expo sponsored by the ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority. I wasn't so sure what I was doing there, but I thought it had something to do with me helping them with their health fair last year. The event was business attire, but it was after 7pm, so I wanted to not just wear business attire, I wanted to be cute in a "business after hours" sort of way, especially since I knew the ladies were gonna be cute.
When I arrived, I was welcomed and I immediately went to talk to some of the women who were there at the booths. The advisor came over and we chatted and I mentioned to her that I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing there. "Well, you are being honored," one of the other ladies said.
"WHAT, ME? What am I being honored for??" I was shocked, but I thought she was playing so I was still kind of confused and I kept talking.
The program started and there was a slide show of the "Elite" women who had been invited to speak on the panel. As the slides were shown and their bios were read, I thought, "Hmm, maybe I'm supposed to be on the panel." I mean, they didn't ask for my bio, but they did ask for a picture and some fun facts about myself. But, nope. My name wasn't in the slides to be on the panel.
There was networking and I chatted with the "Elite" women and I thought to myself, "why am I not on the panel? am I not "Elite"?" But, I took it in stride. The women on the panel were all well accomplished in their careers and i'm not that old so...I guess my "elitism" will come when I'm more stable. I just brushed the thought off. The panel discussion was really good. And I had a few pointers that I wanted to add, but I wasn't on the panel, so again I brushed it off. At one point I was gonna leave because I didn't know that I was gonna be there for two hours. Man, this was considered work and I didn't tell my boss that I was gonna be there that long....
The program came to an end, "Before we close, we want to honor and recognize and elite woman who has provided a great service to the community," the MC said.
"What, is she talking about me?" I became a little uncomfortable and she went on to explain the health program that we did and the success of the program.
WOW, I was speechless!!
They awarded me with flowers and a certificate as an elite women in the community.
WOW!! I was happy and surprised at the same time. I didn't think I did that much to be honore, but WOW!!
After the event there were pictures and I left a little giddy. I was still shocked. This was such a sweet gesture.
I got home and walked in the door and wanted to share this with someone....
No one was there.....
The only person I thought about was Mister.....
In situations like this, I would call him. He would be happy for me and I would enjoy sharing this with him.....
But.....
He's not here. I wanted to be mad at him for not being there. Which is crazy because I'm not his girlfriends. We aren't together.....which made me feel even more lonely.
Is this what my life is going to be like?
Happy events, but no one to share it with??
I became teary eyed...
*SIGH*
But, I'm not gonna cry!!
When I arrived, I was welcomed and I immediately went to talk to some of the women who were there at the booths. The advisor came over and we chatted and I mentioned to her that I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing there. "Well, you are being honored," one of the other ladies said.
"WHAT, ME? What am I being honored for??" I was shocked, but I thought she was playing so I was still kind of confused and I kept talking.
The program started and there was a slide show of the "Elite" women who had been invited to speak on the panel. As the slides were shown and their bios were read, I thought, "Hmm, maybe I'm supposed to be on the panel." I mean, they didn't ask for my bio, but they did ask for a picture and some fun facts about myself. But, nope. My name wasn't in the slides to be on the panel.
There was networking and I chatted with the "Elite" women and I thought to myself, "why am I not on the panel? am I not "Elite"?" But, I took it in stride. The women on the panel were all well accomplished in their careers and i'm not that old so...I guess my "elitism" will come when I'm more stable. I just brushed the thought off. The panel discussion was really good. And I had a few pointers that I wanted to add, but I wasn't on the panel, so again I brushed it off. At one point I was gonna leave because I didn't know that I was gonna be there for two hours. Man, this was considered work and I didn't tell my boss that I was gonna be there that long....
The program came to an end, "Before we close, we want to honor and recognize and elite woman who has provided a great service to the community," the MC said.
"What, is she talking about me?" I became a little uncomfortable and she went on to explain the health program that we did and the success of the program.
WOW, I was speechless!!
They awarded me with flowers and a certificate as an elite women in the community.
WOW!! I was happy and surprised at the same time. I didn't think I did that much to be honore, but WOW!!
After the event there were pictures and I left a little giddy. I was still shocked. This was such a sweet gesture.
I got home and walked in the door and wanted to share this with someone....
No one was there.....
The only person I thought about was Mister.....
In situations like this, I would call him. He would be happy for me and I would enjoy sharing this with him.....
But.....
He's not here. I wanted to be mad at him for not being there. Which is crazy because I'm not his girlfriends. We aren't together.....which made me feel even more lonely.
Is this what my life is going to be like?
Happy events, but no one to share it with??
I became teary eyed...
*SIGH*
But, I'm not gonna cry!!
Prayer List
There is a lot of my prayer list.....
1. My family--they all need to be saved and delivered
2. My grandmother's estate situation....and all the mess tied to that
3. My baby brother graduating this year, he needs direction
4. Mister needs salvation and deliverance
5. I need a financial blessing
6. My car needs to be fixed
7. I need strength and rest
All of this is just a list, but there is so much tied to all of this.....
1. My family--they all need to be saved and delivered
2. My grandmother's estate situation....and all the mess tied to that
3. My baby brother graduating this year, he needs direction
4. Mister needs salvation and deliverance
5. I need a financial blessing
6. My car needs to be fixed
7. I need strength and rest
All of this is just a list, but there is so much tied to all of this.....
Friday, March 15, 2013
I LOVE These People
I will be traveling this spring....
I know, I know. I CAN'T afford it, but I LOVE these people.
March 23...Cousin L******* is turing 50. Her celebration is in Freeport. I have to drive 200 miles to visit my my family as they celebrate and I WANT to be there. I also want to see my dad. I LOVE these people. They are my family and I've never had family just drive to hang out and celebrate me.
March 30....My baby brother is getting married. I want to celebrate him. I want to show him that this is what family does. We show up and we celebrate.
April 12....My other baby brother is going to prom. I want to be there to show him the love the he needs. I want to take pictures and fawn all over him. I want to celebrate with him. I can't wait
May 3.....My baby brother's senior luncheon. He can invite two people. My mom is not going and I'm not sure if any other family member will show up, so I will. Cause I LOVE him and I want to be there WITH him as he celebrate his graduation from high school.
May 11....My oldest sister is having her wedding. Yes, I know, I know, she's already married and this is her second wedding, but I LOVE these people. I want to be there to celebrate her.
May 22....My baby brother is graduating from high school!!!!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!! I want to go to Sweetie Pie's for lunch on that day. Graduation is that night.
So, all of these spring trips will be my celebration for my birthday.
I know, I know. I CAN'T afford it, but I LOVE these people.
March 23...Cousin L******* is turing 50. Her celebration is in Freeport. I have to drive 200 miles to visit my my family as they celebrate and I WANT to be there. I also want to see my dad. I LOVE these people. They are my family and I've never had family just drive to hang out and celebrate me.
March 30....My baby brother is getting married. I want to celebrate him. I want to show him that this is what family does. We show up and we celebrate.
April 12....My other baby brother is going to prom. I want to be there to show him the love the he needs. I want to take pictures and fawn all over him. I want to celebrate with him. I can't wait
May 3.....My baby brother's senior luncheon. He can invite two people. My mom is not going and I'm not sure if any other family member will show up, so I will. Cause I LOVE him and I want to be there WITH him as he celebrate his graduation from high school.
May 11....My oldest sister is having her wedding. Yes, I know, I know, she's already married and this is her second wedding, but I LOVE these people. I want to be there to celebrate her.
May 22....My baby brother is graduating from high school!!!!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!! I want to go to Sweetie Pie's for lunch on that day. Graduation is that night.
So, all of these spring trips will be my celebration for my birthday.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Two Years
I celebrated my two year anniversary of being in this apartment a few weeks ago (February 28). WOW, does time fly. It doesn't seem that long ago I was sleeping in the back seat of my car. Now, I have a two bedroom apartment. Thank God!!
I don't know what else to say, but Thank God for no rent and no Ameren bill. Thank You, Jesus!!
I was just reading a blog post about some of the things I needed two years ago. Here is the updated list.
1. Fix my car for under $200
2. Semi-new tires
3. New carpet for my apartment
4. Living Room Sofa and Accent Chair
5. Full-size bed and Accent Chair for bedroom (DO NOT HAVE)
6. New desk and sofa bed for guest room (DO NOT HAVE)
1. New job paying at least $1600 per month until school starts in August (My job pays me exactly $1626 a month)
2. Acceptance into Public Administration Ph.d program (NADA)
3. Acceptance into the fellowship program that takes care of my tuition and pays a monthly stipend (NOPE)
My new list is as follows:
1. New job paying at least $2500 a month (net). I'll take a job that nets $2000 a month.
2. New bed, preferably the Urban Loft bed
3. New carpet for the bedrooms
4. New car (not new new, but new used car that runs excellent)
I don't know what else to say, but Thank God for no rent and no Ameren bill. Thank You, Jesus!!
I was just reading a blog post about some of the things I needed two years ago. Here is the updated list.
5. Full-size bed and Accent Chair for bedroom (DO NOT HAVE)
6. New desk and sofa bed for guest room (DO NOT HAVE)
2. Acceptance into Public Administration Ph.d program (NADA)
3. Acceptance into the fellowship program that takes care of my tuition and pays a monthly stipend (NOPE)
My new list is as follows:
1. New job paying at least $2500 a month (net). I'll take a job that nets $2000 a month.
2. New bed, preferably the Urban Loft bed
3. New carpet for the bedrooms
4. New car (not new new, but new used car that runs excellent)
Deeply Disturbed
I knew something was wrong. I just didn't know what. I mean, I hoped nothing was wrong, but why else would he be ignoring me. I called and called and then I texted and NOTHING.
So I prayed.
And then I got a friend request on FB.
It was Mister, but i wasn't. I mean, it was his picture, but he would NEVER put a picture up that looked like this. Who is this??
Then I read the post on the page and it really is NOT him. So, who is this writing as him.
Then I read further:
So I prayed.
And then I got a friend request on FB.
It was Mister, but i wasn't. I mean, it was his picture, but he would NEVER put a picture up that looked like this. Who is this??
Then I read the post on the page and it really is NOT him. So, who is this writing as him.
Then I read further:
I am currently incarcerated. The "s" of a D/s relationship has put me here. Rest assured that nothing done was unrequested! I was attacked by another inmate a few days ago and maimed (no, I won't post the picture). Friends and family are most generous and loving yet justice moves slowly and I want out ASAP. If anyone cares to contribute any amount to my release fund, click the following link. Donations are being taken through PayPal. Any amount will helps. I need $4000. That seems like a lot but with many friends to assist, no one need carry too heavy a burden. Anything is appreciated, along with your thoughts and prayers.
Of course everyone is asking questions and wondering what is going on. So I began my search. I searched the jail records online and found nothing. I search some more and still found nothing, but a phone number. So I called the jail and was sent to another number to call where they asked for either the person's birthdate or name. I entered Mister's birthdate and they pulled his record. He is incarcerated. I didn't know what to think. I sent a message to the FB Mister asking what was going on. No response.
What am I to think?
At first I was thinking that maybe this was a scam, but no. He is really in jail. But why??
I told him about those *&^&*%& girls. The would get you in trouble all the time. Especially with the stories he was telling me about Indianapolis. Oh boy....
What to do, what to do??
I Walk Down Another Street
I:
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…
I am helpless.
It is not my fault.
It takes forever to find my way out.
II:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in…It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V:I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…
I am helpless.
It is not my fault.
It takes forever to find my way out.
II:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in…It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street.
- Portia Nelson
Monday, March 11, 2013
What happened??
I woke up this morning and got dressed for spring. I walked outside, "Hmm, it's a little nippy," I thought to myself. I went out for lunch around noon expecting the sun to be shining. "BRRRRRRRR," It was freezing outside. Here I was in short sleeves and a spring jacket and it was winter time.
What happened to the spring?? I thought we were done with the cold days??
I had to go home to get my winter coat, my gloves, and my scarf. It was too to cold outside. I hear it's gonna be nicer later on in the week. I hope so.
Lord, know I love the cold, but I love the spring even better :-)
What happened to the spring?? I thought we were done with the cold days??
I had to go home to get my winter coat, my gloves, and my scarf. It was too to cold outside. I hear it's gonna be nicer later on in the week. I hope so.
Lord, know I love the cold, but I love the spring even better :-)
Saturday, March 9, 2013
The Spring Air
It is finally feeling like spring. We've had a rollar coaster winter--one week it would be 60 degrees outside and the next week it would be so frigid, I'd have to wear layers and layers of clothing. Just last week it was below 20 degrees and spring is officially in about 10 days and today is the first day that it has felt like it. Everyone is complaining about the weather.
But today, I feel like opening up the windows and doing some spring cleaning. The sun is shining brightly and the air is fresh. Aaahhh, Spring time is a time for such a renewal. I feel newness in the air. Thank God for newness.
I just got news that my brother is getting married. That put a smile on my face. And then I remembered the drama. I was happy for him and I am making plans to go, but I still have all of "this stuff" running through my head. He's getting married on March 30. So, I looked at my calendar to plan my mini vacation and I'm gonna go ahead and plan to go to Okawville that weekend and then head to his wedding on that Saturday. I've got to buy a nice gift too. I'm gonna buy a nice picture frame for him.
After looking at my calendar I also started thinking about all of my trips that I want to take this spring-- My youngest brother is graduating this year and his prom is April 12. The graduation is May 22. Then my sister is getting married on May 11 and I"m supposed to go see my family in Freeport.
Boy, my spring time schedule is BUSY. Hmmm, this is gonna take some planning and some MOULA.
So, if I had my way, this would be my spring travel plans:
March 29-30 Okawville Spa and brother's wedding
April 5-6 Rockford and Freeport to visit cousin and friends
April 12-13 Home for Prom and hanging out with fam
May 10-12 Memphis, Blytheville, Oseola for sister's wedding
May 22 Home for brother's graduation
I would say that I need at least $200 for each weekend visit because I would be staying overnight. Actually the Memphis trip may be more expensive because I'm staying two nights, so that means it would probably be about $400 (especially since I will be traveling a longer distance. WOW.
I need to make more money!!!
But today, I feel like opening up the windows and doing some spring cleaning. The sun is shining brightly and the air is fresh. Aaahhh, Spring time is a time for such a renewal. I feel newness in the air. Thank God for newness.
I just got news that my brother is getting married. That put a smile on my face. And then I remembered the drama. I was happy for him and I am making plans to go, but I still have all of "this stuff" running through my head. He's getting married on March 30. So, I looked at my calendar to plan my mini vacation and I'm gonna go ahead and plan to go to Okawville that weekend and then head to his wedding on that Saturday. I've got to buy a nice gift too. I'm gonna buy a nice picture frame for him.
After looking at my calendar I also started thinking about all of my trips that I want to take this spring-- My youngest brother is graduating this year and his prom is April 12. The graduation is May 22. Then my sister is getting married on May 11 and I"m supposed to go see my family in Freeport.
Boy, my spring time schedule is BUSY. Hmmm, this is gonna take some planning and some MOULA.
So, if I had my way, this would be my spring travel plans:
March 29-30 Okawville Spa and brother's wedding
April 5-6 Rockford and Freeport to visit cousin and friends
April 12-13 Home for Prom and hanging out with fam
May 10-12 Memphis, Blytheville, Oseola for sister's wedding
May 22 Home for brother's graduation
I would say that I need at least $200 for each weekend visit because I would be staying overnight. Actually the Memphis trip may be more expensive because I'm staying two nights, so that means it would probably be about $400 (especially since I will be traveling a longer distance. WOW.
I need to make more money!!!
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Bad News
My stomach hurts. I'm feeling some anxiety. I'm nervous. I'm even shaking and I need to calm down....
I HATE how bad news has a way of affected me physically. I just got a call from G***** Alliance. They were calling to collect a debt. A debt that I've had since 2006. However, I did not remember this debt because there is a funny story of how I got t his debt....
Back when I was in college, there were credit card companies on campus. The companies would even give money to student organizations who would have signing events for other college students to sign up. This is when my debt started because I didn't know anything about money and debt, but I was signing up for these cards that I had no way of paying back. So, I got tired of them asking me to sign up, so the last card I signed up for I didn't use my correct social security number. I was thinking that they would not give me the card because it was a phony social security number. But, I got a card in the mail. And I didn't even remember it was the card with the phony social security number until a few years later when I looked at my credit report. Now I was stuck because I was paying on this card with a phony social security number.
Well, as time went on the card was in default and I forgot about it. Especially since it was no longer on my credit report. So, I get this call today and they tell me that I have a citibank card that has been in default for over 6 years. As the man was talking I told him that I never had a citibank card, which is true. The card with the phony social security number was not citibank, it was some other company, but he's saying it's citibank. Then he tells me the phony social security number and things are coming back to my remembrance, but I'm still confused because it was NOT citibank. As a matter of fact it was an ATT Universal card. NOT citibank. So what is this man talking about.
After the call, I check my credit report and sure enough it is NOT on there. This man told me that it was, but it is NOT. As a matter of fact the only card that was on there was the one that I had in fact paid off.
Any, this call rattled me. I was nervous, anxious, shaky....I was messed up. This bothered me. I guess because I'm so much in debt that this is just one more thing that I can't pay and he's telling me that I can pay 35% of the debt and have it wiped out. I don't even have that. He doesn't realize that I'm almost $60,000 in debt and I only make about $32,000 a year. There are some months that I can't afford food. I have a mountain of laundry that I can not do because I don't have any excess cash.....
What am I to do??
I HATE how bad news has a way of affected me physically. I just got a call from G***** Alliance. They were calling to collect a debt. A debt that I've had since 2006. However, I did not remember this debt because there is a funny story of how I got t his debt....
Back when I was in college, there were credit card companies on campus. The companies would even give money to student organizations who would have signing events for other college students to sign up. This is when my debt started because I didn't know anything about money and debt, but I was signing up for these cards that I had no way of paying back. So, I got tired of them asking me to sign up, so the last card I signed up for I didn't use my correct social security number. I was thinking that they would not give me the card because it was a phony social security number. But, I got a card in the mail. And I didn't even remember it was the card with the phony social security number until a few years later when I looked at my credit report. Now I was stuck because I was paying on this card with a phony social security number.
Well, as time went on the card was in default and I forgot about it. Especially since it was no longer on my credit report. So, I get this call today and they tell me that I have a citibank card that has been in default for over 6 years. As the man was talking I told him that I never had a citibank card, which is true. The card with the phony social security number was not citibank, it was some other company, but he's saying it's citibank. Then he tells me the phony social security number and things are coming back to my remembrance, but I'm still confused because it was NOT citibank. As a matter of fact it was an ATT Universal card. NOT citibank. So what is this man talking about.
After the call, I check my credit report and sure enough it is NOT on there. This man told me that it was, but it is NOT. As a matter of fact the only card that was on there was the one that I had in fact paid off.
Any, this call rattled me. I was nervous, anxious, shaky....I was messed up. This bothered me. I guess because I'm so much in debt that this is just one more thing that I can't pay and he's telling me that I can pay 35% of the debt and have it wiped out. I don't even have that. He doesn't realize that I'm almost $60,000 in debt and I only make about $32,000 a year. There are some months that I can't afford food. I have a mountain of laundry that I can not do because I don't have any excess cash.....
What am I to do??
Sunday, March 3, 2013
The Value
I've been down in a funk. I haven't had any desire to work, be involved in anything...I've just been down. This spirit has caused me to feel bitterness and passive aggressiveness towards people. I've been in sin through sex and lust...I've just not been doing well mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Why am I feeling this way?
I have not understood my full value. That's why I'm feeling this way. I'm so valuable because God created me. He didn't create me to live a debased life, He created me to live out my life as a child of God. I am supposed to rule, I am supposed to reign, I am supposed to use my gifts to conquer the enemy of this world. I am supposed to be a light and salt to those in darkness. That is my value and the enemy knows my value, so he uses devises to that causes me to devalue myself. WOW!!!
I place a lower value on myself, so I involve myself in things that are destructive and I don't take authority over the enemy that is trying to rule my life.
Well, I'm taking authority. I will NOT lose my life to the enemy. The Bible says, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy.....BUT JESUS came that I might have life....
So, I shall live and NOT DIE and declare the works of the Lord. I will walk in my gifting and calling. I will be what God has called me to be. In Jesus Name!!
I have not understood my full value. That's why I'm feeling this way. I'm so valuable because God created me. He didn't create me to live a debased life, He created me to live out my life as a child of God. I am supposed to rule, I am supposed to reign, I am supposed to use my gifts to conquer the enemy of this world. I am supposed to be a light and salt to those in darkness. That is my value and the enemy knows my value, so he uses devises to that causes me to devalue myself. WOW!!!
I place a lower value on myself, so I involve myself in things that are destructive and I don't take authority over the enemy that is trying to rule my life.
Well, I'm taking authority. I will NOT lose my life to the enemy. The Bible says, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy.....BUT JESUS came that I might have life....
So, I shall live and NOT DIE and declare the works of the Lord. I will walk in my gifting and calling. I will be what God has called me to be. In Jesus Name!!
God Heard My Prayer
I LOVE THE LORD so much!! Whenever I need Him to make a change in my life, God shows up. I was saddened by some things that were trying to creep into my heart and I confessed it and prayed to God to change my heart.
During a leadership meeting at church today, my Apostle preached about the exact spirit I was dealing with...the spirit of Cain. As a matter of fact on Friday after I wrote the post about my confession I was praying in my heart that I didn't want to have the spirit of Cain. So when he preached about this spirit, I was just in awe of God. God heard me and sent me some help!! Thank You, Jesus!!!
I will not allow this spirit to rule in my heart, I will acknowledge it, confess it, and pray that God continue to heal me......
During a leadership meeting at church today, my Apostle preached about the exact spirit I was dealing with...the spirit of Cain. As a matter of fact on Friday after I wrote the post about my confession I was praying in my heart that I didn't want to have the spirit of Cain. So when he preached about this spirit, I was just in awe of God. God heard me and sent me some help!! Thank You, Jesus!!!
I will not allow this spirit to rule in my heart, I will acknowledge it, confess it, and pray that God continue to heal me......
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