"This is my confidence, you've never failed me yet...." (Do It Again-Elevation Worship)
I met this guy on POF....Let's call him Mr. Ohio. Went went to tacos at Applebees on July 30. I was actually gonna travel to go see him, but I was so tired that he came to Decatur. He looked different from his pics, but he was still attractive. After I left, I text him that I liked him. Not sure why and I was trying and trying to figure it out. Well anyway. we talked on the phone and made plans to hang out over the weekend. I was gonna see him on my way to Ohio, but he convinced me to come see him before and we had a wonderful time. Yes, we did the do and it was sweet. He made me a full breakfast and we made dinner together. As we were talking and getting to know each other, he revealed that he had a vasectomy.
Oh boy....not good. Especially since the night before, he said to me (while trying to convince me to have sex with him) "don't you wanna get pregnant?" What??? Why would you say that to me? Of course I wanna get pregnant!!!! But, that's not why we gonna have sex. OMG.
So, when he said that, I was kind of baffled....like why in the world would he say that if it was not just a ploy to have sex.
Anyway, times goes on and I'm thinking about him and I can't get him off my mind. But, I don't know why. I mean, he's not all that. I kept wondering if I was desperate. I mean, I am 40. God help me. On Friday we hung out again. I was thoroughly exhausted, but I wanted to see him. So I packed up and drove to see him. We had a nice night watching movies. Then off to bed where I refused to have sex with him, but gave in because I was so turned of.
Why did I do that?
He flipped the script and had me singing......
I don't think anyone has made me sing before?!
The next morning I was saying to him that I couldn't be with him and that he was gonna break my heart. Well, he agreed that he was a heart breaker and I told him I believe him. I mean, why say it if you don't mean it. I mean, you did say the thing about pregnancy when you know good and well, you can't reproduce. So I made it up in my mind that I wouldn't see him again.
I need a man who needs me and he doesn't need me. I mean, he's been married. His ex-wife has 3 children and he still looks at them as his children. What do you want me for? And he's spoiled. He thinks he can get everything he wants.
So, when he called me today I just told him that I thought we wanted two different things and that I don't think it would work out between us. He didn't do much to convince me otherwise. so I broke up with him.
And now my heart is hurt because I was really into him. I mean, he is the guy that I want to love. My dad says to marry up and he's up. I mean...he's way up there and he would upgrade me and I would want to meet his standards, but I don't right now which makes me so insecure. I mean...I am a wreck right now and if I showed him who I was, he wouldn't want me anyway, so it's better this way.
OMG....God help me, please!!!
