Laser Hair Removal and Second Chances

So it's almost November in an election year. I've already voted (I always vote early) and this year is just flying by. 

I started laser hair removal the first week of June. I bought two groupons for two different places because I knew that the hair on my chiny chin chin was going to be difficult. My hormones are screwy so I knew that it was going to take more than just the suggested 5-6 sessions. So far I'm on my 6th treatment this week and I've only lost about a small patch of hair. I've got 5 more sessions and if those don't go well, I'm going to see about this place in Chicago that looks promising. 

I've been doing all of this-laser hair removal, weight loss, therapy because I declared that this year was going to be a year of recovery for me!!

I heard the word from God in January and I grabbed and held on to it, but the last few weeks have been trying. I've been reverting a little and I don't want to go backwards. So far I've lost about 30 lbs and I'm happy about that, but I did it with a certain motivation. Now that motivation is waning and I need a boost. I joined a 6 month dietbet to help with my motivation, but it's not helping this month. I actually lost money this month and that bothered me. 

But, this is the thing about God....He sees me and knows what I need!!

For the month of September I fasted and prayed (more fasting than prayer) because I was working on two grants for a nonprofit. These two grants were kind of like a redemption because one of the grants was for an after school program that I failed to turn in on time back in 2009. That was a devastating failure. I stayed in the bed for days, I was so hurt. Especially since I worked so hard.

But, this time we got it turned in a day early.

Those two grants kind of kept me on my toes. But, then I started eating like crap and I've contacted Mister because I was feeling lonely. I've also reverted in my mind to pervertido ways which made me sad. So, the only thing that I could do is pray to God for help because I don't have the .... to help myself.  

So, I was in church yesterday and I decided to just look up another grant that I failed to turn in in 2011. Yep, the RFP is available and it's due November 28. Redemption!!

Thank You God for second chances and do overs!!  I feel a motivation!!

Not This Time

Yes, I thought that maybe he was the one...

He's educated...working on going back to college to get a Ph.d. He loves God, but I think God gives us the wisdom to choose who we want to share our lives with. There are those people who say that they saw someone and just knew that they were going to marry them and it was everlasting love.

There are those people who say that, "God told me that you are my spouse," and sometimes they are right...sometimes they aren't. I had a guy tell me that and he was already married to someone else.

WOW!!

When I first saw Mister, the only thing I thought was, "Who is he?" I was smitten by him. But, it wasn't love at first sight. It was simply my spirit connecting with his spirit, but the thing is...I had to wrong spirit at that time. He told me that that was the same thing he thought about me when he first saw me.

I want that again, but I don't want it to be the wrong spirit!

I can't afford...at this age to meet someone who is not the right one. So, all the butterflies in my stomach and the giddy behavior when I meet a man doesn't mean that he's the one for me.

When Ro and I talked, he said he wanted his children to go to boarding school. At first I thought he was joking, but he was for real. So that let me know right there. He's not the one for me because my children aren't going to boarding school. I guess I should ask him why he wants that, but really if that is something he wants, then I respect that and I just know that he's not it.

So, I guess I'm expressing all this because I have two friends who have lost mothers in the past two weeks. Both are a few years older than me...one has been married and has 4 chldren, but one is single and has never been married, and does not have children. At the funeral for my single friend everyone kept talking about how her mother wanted her to get married. Then at the other funeral the preacher talked about TIME and how God has given us this time, but what are we gonna do with it and how relationships are so important. He then mentioned that everyone wants to have someone to share their life with and that touched me because it is so true.

I want so badly for someone to share my life with. Not to replace God or the Holy Spirit, but when I want to go to the movies, I don't want to always have to go by myself or when I want to go on vacation, I don't want to always have to be alone. I spend so much time alone and I'm tired of it.

I'm not looking for someone to be my everything, just someone to share this life with and to procreate with!!

Hear my cry oh Lord!!

Upgrade You

"Don't ever marry down," is what my spiritual father said as he was teaching us one Tuesday night. That has stuck with me! I have never heard anyone say that. I mean, I know that I don't want no scrub, but the way he put it really hit my spirit. And I've been evaluating things as I'm dating and meeting new guys.

I met this one guy, Ro, who says he's a Pastor. I will say that I did question that, not in a judgmental way, but in a way that God says we have to know them that labor among us. As the weeks were going by with us getting to know each other, I just saw some things in him that I didn't like about myself. I know that sounds strange, but have you ever met someone who is a mirror image of you? His behavior was showing me, me and it wasn't that I doubted his call, I just didn't like what I saw--the spirit he carried. It wasn't that he didn't have the spirit of God, but sometimes we can be prideful and we can be insecure and that's what I saw in him which showed me, me.

Last year God dealt with me about pride and I thought that I had humbled myself, but when I saw the way he was behaving and how the way he was behaving was the way I was, it really showed me the spirit of pride. And I thank God for showing me that!! Then the insecurity was that he named himself as a Pastor, but when he was advertised he was advertised as Overseer. I don't know all the church terminology, and again I'm not being judgmental, just venting somethings....but when a person is a Pastor, they have a church, I think. But, I asked him about his church. He said he didn't have a church. Then I asked him what church he belonged to and he said he didn't belong to a church, but that he was a Pastor over an interdenominational fellowship. Ok. It took me a while to understand. But as I was questioning him it started reminding me of myself when I was unsure of my place at my job. I work at a job that is confidential and I was highly unsure of myself, so I would say things to try to justify myself, but really I was insecure. So, that is what he reminded me of.

He may quite well be secure in himself, but when I looked at him and how he even behaved around my family, I felt embarrassed because of his behavior.

Taking him around my family was a mistake, but God needed me to see me and my pride.

Anyway, this post is not about him, but about how as God is still working on my, I am looking for someone who can upgrade me. I don't know someone who is just like me. I don't need someone who is behind me, I need a confident man of God who is in front of me and can speak somethings to me.

Pastor Myles Monroe talks about how the man is supposed to cultivate the woman.