Not This Time

Yes, I thought that maybe he was the one...

He's educated...working on going back to college to get a Ph.d. He loves God, but I think God gives us the wisdom to choose who we want to share our lives with. There are those people who say that they saw someone and just knew that they were going to marry them and it was everlasting love.

There are those people who say that, "God told me that you are my spouse," and sometimes they are right...sometimes they aren't. I had a guy tell me that and he was already married to someone else.

WOW!!

When I first saw Mister, the only thing I thought was, "Who is he?" I was smitten by him. But, it wasn't love at first sight. It was simply my spirit connecting with his spirit, but the thing is...I had to wrong spirit at that time. He told me that that was the same thing he thought about me when he first saw me.

I want that again, but I don't want it to be the wrong spirit!

I can't afford...at this age to meet someone who is not the right one. So, all the butterflies in my stomach and the giddy behavior when I meet a man doesn't mean that he's the one for me.

When Ro and I talked, he said he wanted his children to go to boarding school. At first I thought he was joking, but he was for real. So that let me know right there. He's not the one for me because my children aren't going to boarding school. I guess I should ask him why he wants that, but really if that is something he wants, then I respect that and I just know that he's not it.

So, I guess I'm expressing all this because I have two friends who have lost mothers in the past two weeks. Both are a few years older than me...one has been married and has 4 chldren, but one is single and has never been married, and does not have children. At the funeral for my single friend everyone kept talking about how her mother wanted her to get married. Then at the other funeral the preacher talked about TIME and how God has given us this time, but what are we gonna do with it and how relationships are so important. He then mentioned that everyone wants to have someone to share their life with and that touched me because it is so true.

I want so badly for someone to share my life with. Not to replace God or the Holy Spirit, but when I want to go to the movies, I don't want to always have to go by myself or when I want to go on vacation, I don't want to always have to be alone. I spend so much time alone and I'm tired of it.

I'm not looking for someone to be my everything, just someone to share this life with and to procreate with!!

Hear my cry oh Lord!!