She Gone Again

I was so stressed at the beginning of the month. There was a lot going on. Then I got sick and I'm still at the tail end of this cold and Aunt Flo must be tired, cause she is no where in sight. I was anticipating her monthly return and all the signs and symptoms were there: crampy, achy, boobs heavy and sore. But it will be September in a few days and she's usually here by now. I guess I'm not complaining. I've been having trouble with my soft cup the last few months. It hasn't been very easy to remove and a few times I've ended up squirting blood everywhere. NOT PRETTY!!

I can say that I have gotten my rest and I've been rejuvenated. My spiritual mom called me the other day and she gave me some words of wisdom and I am SO GRATEFUL because I felt like I was dying and I needed to be revived.

Basically, I told her that I haven't felt motivated to do anything...I just wanted to lay in the bed and watch TV forever. Some days I didn't even want to get up and shower. She let me know that I have no motivation and passion because I'm not doing the will of the Father. I'm fatigued and weary and the only way I'll get my motivation back is when I'm fulfilling my purpose. She reminded me of what God was just telling me a few days ago....

A few days ago, I was just thinking about myself and my purpose and how there are so many women who have experienced abuse and it had cause them to be fragmented in their life. They aren't whole and the heart break causes them to live sub par and unhappy. God was reminding me that my purpose is to help them to see the God who heals ALL hurts. And this is what my spiritual mother reminded me of. I've been dwelling so much on my failures that it was sucking the life out of me. When I mess up, it plagued me so that it was like a cloak of failure that I was wearing. It got so that I didn't want to acknowledge the spiritual part of me. I put that part of me on the shelf. But, the problem with that is, that's the real me. Who I am spiritually is who I am. So I can't separate that part of me. So, I am grateful for the revival in my life!!

You Ain't Gonna Miss 'Em Both

We've been learning about the fruit of the spirit at church and the works of the flesh. I need the Holy Spirit to help me with love, gentleness, patience...and I guess all of 'em cause I wasn't so nice on Monday in the meeting that we had. God, forgive me. If I'm not walking in the spirit and producing the fruit of the spirit, I'm operating and producing the works of the flesh. I ain't gonna miss 'em both. It's either one or the other.

Dating Online

I signed up for a dating sight. I was pretty excited when I signed up...going through all of the profiles, sending flirts and replying to inbox messages. There were a few guys that I talked to outside of the website. One guy lives about 30 miles away from me, which I think is not bad. He's a school administrator so we had that in common, but he ruined it when he asked me to send him pics of my when I got out the shower. Dag. Then I talked to a guy who lived near Chicago. He works for the correctional facility. I liked his personality, but then he asked me for suggestive pics. Then a 68 year old guy kept inboxing me. I've ignored so many messages from him. Then there is the guy that I chatted with that was supposed to call me, but never did. Then there was the guy that I knew from church over 10 years ago. He initiated the convo with me, and I gave him my number and he never called.

*Sigh*

I got tired of the site. Especially after I logged in and found out that it said I had viewed guys that I had NEVER viewed. Then it said I had flirted with guys I had NEVER flirted with. What is going on? I think the last straw was the guy I met who was a videographer who made a documentary about honorable celebrities.... OMG. That spooked me. So, I'm not dating online anymore. As a matter of fact, I have deactivated my facebook page. The internet tires me out....

I Gotta Be Patient

When I go through long suffering, I have to stay patient; and if I can, I will become complete and mature and I won't lack anything....1 James 1:4

After I suffer awhile...1 Peter 5

I got a text from my good friend Mere...."Had a dream you eloped and had an intimate ceremony later..." I texted her back, "Amen!!!!" Then I asked what he looked like?

"Tall, brown skinned, bald, shaven head," she responded.

I almost got excited!! But, I'm not desperate at all. I thank God because my times are in His hand and I want to be FULLY ready for the man who will come to enhance me life. I'm already complete, so he will only add to, not finish....

Thank God for the fruit of PATIENCE working in my life!!

Work Makes Us Tired

Fruit nourishes our body and is good to the taste. But when we work and work, we get tired. It's the same way in the spirit. The bible tells is that we are to walk in the spirit and in order to do that we must have the fruit of the spirit in operation in our life. But the Bible warns us of the works of the flesh. These thing help to destroy us. So, the kingdom of God is not in works, it's in the fruit.

Felt Like I Was Dying--Renew

This has been a rough year. So rough that I've almost given up. I was wavering between wanting to die and wanting to hold on. The depression was so great. I even added a new life insurance policy because I wanted to make sure that I was covered just in case my time was up.

It was almost like Elijah when he just laid out and wanted to die. I could relate. I spent all of last week in the bed. I just didn't feel like getting up. I just didn't feel like going on.

But, thanks be to God who always causes us to triumph!! 2 Corinthians 2:14

I am a victor and an overcomer and I shall NOT die, but LIVE and DECLARE the works of the Lord. Psalms 118:17.

Our Apostle was in town on today and he prayed for us and he encouraged us. He helped to refresh and revive us. I repented for my slothfulness and laziness and declared that I would never be the same again after this day. I won't allow the enemy to bombard me so much and wear me down so much that I want to give up. God has been so good to me and I have to glorify God with this life in this body.

So, I thank God for renewing me and I thank God for the Holy Spirit!!


Who stood up for me against the wicked? Who took my side against evil workers? If God hadn’t been there for me, I never would have made it. The minute I said, “I’m slipping, I’m falling,” your love, God, took hold and held me fast. When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up. Psalm 94:18-19 MSG

Robert Van Winkle and This Darn Cold

I am exhausted. My head is all cloudy, my throat is scratchy and my eyeballs hurt, I'm hungry but don't feel like eating. Yes, it's a summer cold brought on by too much work, too much stress, and not enough sleep.

In addition to my day job and school work, I am volunteering my time to a fundraiser that has had me on my feet and out in the hot sun for the past three days for 8-9 hours a day.

On Thursday night, I volunteered for bingo. Our organization gets $50 for each person who helps with bingo from 5-9pm. Seems easy, right? WRONG!! We have to walk around for 4 hours with no break selling pull-tabs. Essentially, they are just lottery tickets (we can't call them lottery tickets) that we are selling, but not one break--AT ALL. I could have swore that the woman told us we can get a break, but someone my brain got the message confused. I mean...I think employment laws dictate that if you work for 4 hours, you get one 15 minute break!? I'm gonna look that up, cuz even though I'm not "employed" I am still working. They are getting paid for this, so it's okay for you to stand and walk around for 4 hours, but I'm just a volunteer.

Well, after that, I got home and was restless and couldn't sleep. Actually, I haven't been able to sleep all week long. But, I got up on Friday and went to the second fundraiser where we have to guard barricades at a huge street fair. The barricades are used for the vendors and entertainment to come through, but not the common people who are just looking for a parking spot. We needed about 60 people to volunteer, but we only had about a third of that. So that meant that I would be there round the clock. And it has taken it's toll. My body is done.

However, in the midst of all of that I did get to see Vanilla Ice bka Robert Van Winkle. Well, I didn't see him, see him. He just drove through the gate I was guarding. I waved, he waved back. It was cool. Last year I got to meet Ruben Studdard and I spoke to him.

But now I'm sick and I've gotta work sixty hours in 4 days.

How am I gonna do that?

My Treadmill Desk