Feelin' Him

During January my church does a corporate fast for 21 days starting Jan 1. I try to get my focus back during this time. Last year was super hard because of my relationship with Gov guy, so I was determined to make this year better, but Mr Ohio was an obstacle. I didn't want to see him during the fast. I mean we had sex on December 30 and I have a hard time telling him "no." So I needed to pull out all the stops to stay away from him. But, he called me in the middle of the fast and I bought him a cute label pin. He loves camo print so I saw a camo print lapel pin that was so cute and I wanted to get it for him so I ordered it and when he called on a Thursday I told him I was coming his way. 

"It's Thursday," he said. 

"So, what that mean?" was my answer. 

I mean who is the weekend chic? He tried to make me the side piece and he's single? 

But he's married to his job and everything else comes after that. So he's making me the weekend chic.

I went to see him and I took his box. He liked it and gave me a hug. He let me know his back was hurting and I could see the pain when he was walking.  We went to sleep and I got up the next morning and left. 

On the drive home my back started hurting. 

WHAT is going on?

I didn't sleep wrong AT ALL. I was feeling HIM!! OMG, we didn't have sex, but that spirit attacked me. DANG!!

Spirits are no joke, it's real. I know that I know that I know that my back wasn't hurting.

It reminded me of Football guy in college. I was fasting and I ended up sleeping with him. The problem is he injured his back while stretching. And he wasn't able to sit up, but he was able to have sex. so we did it and the next day I had the same pain he had. I had to lay flat on my back for a week. 

As a matter of fact I still have that pain after all these years. It only shows up when I've been sitting incorrectly for a long time or when I'm stressed.  God, I need you to deliver me!! These spirits can attach themselves to you and they don't want to let go. I've tried muscle relaxants, massage therapy and now I'm getting ready to try a chiropractor, but I know it won't work because this is a spirit that has attached itself to me because of a bad relationship. 

The day after leaving Mr Ohio's house I bent down and pulled a muscle hurting my back even more. DANG!! It took almost 2 weeks before my back stop hurting. I am SO glad I didn't have sex with him. I mean, he had a heart attack. I don't NEED that spirit!!!

I’ve Been Using The Wrong Scripture

I went to see the movie Molly’s Game and I don't know much about poker. As a matter of fact the poker aspect of the movie I didn't understand, but I was fascinated because of one thing.....MONEY.

Those people spent (wasted) so much money gambling. Millions and millions of dollars were exchanging hands. I was blown away.

The Bible tells us that the wealth of the wicked is laid up for those who are righteous. So I now know how to redirect my prayers.

We Broke Up....FRFR

I've been trying to get away from Mr Ohio. I mean it's just not a good situation. It's 2005-06 all over again with Mr. Simmons. How the heck did I get here?

It was a trick.

God, how in the world?

So I've been avoiding him lately, but my emotions get the best of me, so I told him that I was going to Chicago over the weekend. I actually presented it to him as an option: see him or go to Chicago.

He told me to go and have fun.

WHAT??

Then he text back, "Take me with you..."

WHAT??

I've tried forever to get out of town together and he's never obliged. So why in the world would this be different. So I went and got what I needed and came back home. I wasn't gonna see him at all, but I reached out on Saturday, "Wyd?"

He told me he was doing nothing, so we made plans for me to come over.

I showered and put of my fishnets and thigh boots and got my bag of tricks (toys) got on the road to head to his house. Yes, I had on clothes, a cute black cover up. I made it to his house and he liked what he saw, but not enough to WANT me. I mean who shows up at your door half naked and you don't get naked?  So we sat for two hours and watched a movie.

WOW!!!

He didn't want me to wear my boots in his bed. We get to his bed and he's not romantic at all. I mean, I am half naked and you don't want to unsnap my bra??????

"Take those clothes off....." is all he said.

Well, at that point I was sleepy and the fire was gone. I mean, I was ready two hours ago now I just wanna go to sleep. So I told him I was sleepy.

He was in bed naked. I didn't realize this.

He NEVER sleeps without a white t-shirt on. I didn't realize he was naked until he started slapping me on my leg with his small package.

It wasn't even hard. WTH??

Finally I asked about the back and got my toys out...so unromantic. so nonchalantly. I mean I didn't want to sleep with him anyway, but since I was there, I might as well. I asked him if I could use the nipple clamps. "Noooooo, I don't like pain?" I asked him if his nipples were sensitive and I reassured him that I wouldn't hurt him, but he still protested." Well, I really didn't reassure, but I did tell him it wouldn't hurt much....

OMG....a mood killer. I mean there was no mood anyway.

So, I just laid there in the bed silently. He started turning off the candles.. LOL and he got out the bed and put his t-shirt and underwear off.

I waited until he was snoring and I got my things and left. I was praying that he didn't wake up. I hope he didn't. It was so awkward. But this felt right. This felt like and open door to leave the relationship and I walked out of it.

I texted Music Camp and he was sleep, so I halfway cried on the way home. I did cry when I got home and I was sad all day on Sunday. My heart was broken again.....BUT IT'S OVER!!

God, I can't believe I'm here again!!!

Why Am I So Nice

So Mr Ohio hasn't left me alone. I keep trying to get away from him. How many times have I found myself in this situation?

The only reason I like him is because of his character, but that's also why I don't like him. But when he calls me I talk to him. It was funny the Golfer called me one time and asked me why a lady he talked to a year ago all of a sudden has called him. I told him, "She's trying to keep hope alive."

That's the way I feel with Mr Ohio. I talk to him because deep down I have this hope that he likes me enough to want to be with me.

Speaking of the Golfer. He stopped talking to me.  He started dating Maria. He didn't want to go on a date with her and he joked about me meeting him at the coffee shop to go meet her. We laughed about it. Apparently it was a good date because they went to a movie and then to Hooters to round out the night. They shut the restaurant down.  Since then he has been out with her and she has visited him abt his house.

Now the sexting has begun.

He forwarded me a video of a half naked video she sent him and then he recorded himself half naked and sent it to her. He showed me that video too. We chatted about it. I can say it was a little awkward at and not because I was jealous--I was truly happy for him and I knew that he was going to start dating her. I just knew it, but what made it awkward was the fact that he was a guy and I'm a girl. If this was a girl friend forwarding me a video from a guy half naked, I would have commented on the guy and how he looked. Something like, "Ooooooohhhh girl, he is HOT." And then I would we would have talked about her sleeping with him. But this was a guy sending me a vid of a half naked girl. Yea she was cute, but not in a, "she's hot, I wish I was getting with her," type of thing. I mean, how do you comment on a half naked girl if you aren't into girls.

So I asked an awkward question, "Are you gonna sleep with her?" Which is what I would have asked a girl friend in this situation, but it would have been in a giddy way, not in an awkward, "soooo aaareee you.....gonna sleeeeeppp with her?"

We muddled through the situation like we always do.

After that we talked the next day and then nothing. I texted him 4 times over the next 10 days and got nothing.

I miss my friend.

I know he was only friends with me because he wanted me, but I didn't have the capacity for more. I enjoyed our time and I loved the fact that I could talk to him about anything. I mean anything. I mean who beside him knows that I've been a prostitute and still was friends with me? He didn't judge. He just listened.

I miss that.