230 Big Ones

Well,  I was gonna get my hair done and a french mani pedi, but I don't think I can afford it.

My brakes began screeching and grinding on last Monday and I didn't have the money to get them fixed and I still needed to go to work and other places, so I drove.  Carefully, but I still drove.  The noise was aweful!!! The grinding was like nails on a chalk board.  So, what was I supposed to do?????

I knew I was gonna get paid on today, so I waited until today to go to the shop to get them looked at.  However, when I got there the service guy (who was a former student of mine) said he couldn't fit me into his schedule until Friday and maybe he could squeeze me in on Thursday.  I asked him to give me a rough estimate.  He quoted $250-$280.  WHAT????  Since when did brakes cost so much??!!!!

I mean, I know I needed to get my rotors done also, but that was only gonna cost about $100.  Brakes shouldn't cost more than $50-$60.

NOPE, that's not what he said.

The brake pads were gonna cost at least $35 each ($70) and the rotors was gonna cost at least $50 each ($100) and then I needed to pay for labor which totaled over $50.  WOW!!!

So of course I looked on the internet to see if the cost were different and I'm not sure why I need ceramic brake pads anyway.  Why can't I just use the regular kind?  My car is a 2004, I don't want to have it too much longer, so why am I buying these expensive parts?  The regular parts will do just fine.  DAG!!!

Now, I need to find a new mechanic.  I don't want to, but I can't afford to pay that much.  I was thinking about paying around $150 and no more.  UGH!!!!

I don't want to find some jack leg mechanic that works under the tree out front that is half drunk while he's working.  I want to find quality work, and I know it will cost, but ITS BRAKES.  How hard can that be??  Jack the car, take the wheel of and change it.  It's not like you have to go under the hood.

I wonder if the technical academy students can do if for me for a cheaper price.  I'm living on a budget!!!!!

I know, I know....

I was gonna use some of my money to get my nails and hair done, but that was only gonna cost me $12 for my hair and maybe $30 for a mani pedi?!

Anyway, while I was leaving the auto shop, I came to a stop, heard a pop and something metal dropped to the ground.  I was afraid because I was on an incline and my car seemed like it didn't want to stop.  So I said a prayer and it took me some time to ease out into traffic because I didn't know if my brakes were gonna give out of me or what.  So I got of my car and looked and sure enough my brake bad was on the ground.

How did that happen???  OH GOD!!!!!

Now I really need to get my brakes done.

We have a technical academy where students are learning how to work on cars.  I'm gonna call them to see if they can help a sister out.

Light & Darkness Has No Fellowship

I was itching a little.  Coach sent me the text and it was on my mind.  I didn't want to text him back, but he was in the back of my mind.

Another man was in the back of my mind also....

About 4 or 5 years ago I met Roy.  He was my friends brother (she didn't know that her brother and I were dating).  Well, he left me.  Everything was good and then he wouldn't return my calls.  For weeks I called and stopped by his house, but nothing.  Made me feel horrible.  Then just like that he called and wanted to pick things up just like nothing happened.  (That sounds like Coach, now that I think about it).  Well, I told him that I wasn't interested and I didn't look back.

Well, this guy has been trying to contact me on facebook.  He left me a message last year and again a few days ago.

IGNORE!!

Yep, I ignored him AND Coach.

But, I still had an itch.

However, that all changed when this morning at church.  My Apostle simply said to us who have been having issues with relationships, "If he is not save and you are, leave him along..."  "Light and Darkness has no fellowship."  PERIOD.  So be obedient to the word of God.

AND that's what I'm going to do.  I don't have the itch anymore.  THANK GOD!!!

The Worst Ever....What WAS I Thinking?

I used to hate cooking when I was little.  I am the eldest of 7 children.  My stepfather was an alcoholic so, he wasn't able to care for us well.  I always thought of myself as the second mama because my responsibility was to keep the house clean, make sure that my bros and sis took their bath and had on clean clothes, and most importantly make sure they ate.  So, I spend hours in the kitchen cooking.  Then, during Thanksgiving and Christmas I had to help my mother in the kitchen and we would spend hours after hours in the kitchen cooking. I used to hate it.  So when I became and adult, I didn't want to cook.  I wanted to be an independent woman who didn't have to cook for anyone.  But, as I got older, I realized that men loved a woman who could cook and that it is a great skill to have.  I mean, you spend less money cooking your own food than trying to go out all the time to eat good food, right?  So, for the past 5 or 6 years, I've been developing my craft and I can say (if I may) that there are some things that I've gotten pretty good at cooking.  No, I have not become an expert in fried chicken, but my cornbread dressing IS TO DIE FOR.

I first attempted cornbread dressing when Mister and I were together Thanksgiving 2004.  It wasn't that bad, I just put too much sage in the dressing.  And the bread crumbs had not absorbed the stock....Well, it wasn't so good, but I it was a good effort.  Well, I learned not to use sage and I learned some other techniques that have me craving for a good batch of the stuff.  Which is what I did this weekend.

I set out to make some dressing, but I didn't have any cornbread mix.  I know, I know, I use a mix, but it makes it taste good!!  So, looked up a recipe and realized that I had all the ingredients except baking powder.  Hmmm.  I also didn't have any gas or minutes for my prepaid cell phone, so I humbled myself and asked a friend to borrow some money. Well, it was two friends that I asked.  So, I put gas in my car, bought a prepaid phone card and headed to the grocers for baking powder.  I got back home and was excited.  My mouth was watering.  I couldn't wait for my fantastic cornbread dressing with a side of cranberry sauce (even though it needs no cranberry sauce or gravy).

After about 25 minutes in the oven, it was still not done.  Hmmm.  5 more minutes in the oven and it was still kind of odd and something was wrong.  It didn't look nice and fluffy.  It actually looked hard and crusty, but the center wasn't done.  Huh??  What???  WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY CORNBREAD??

It was finally done, but it was very dense.  Like pound cake instead of light and moist like regular cake.  Hmmm.  I mixed the cornbread with my bread crumbs, sauteed the onions and celery and cooked and crumbled the italian turkey sausage.  I mixed it all together and UGH!!!!  IT WAS HORRIBLE!!!!!  Even cranberry sauce couldn't make it taste good.  UGH!!!!

I've never made dressing this gross.  I can't remember ever making anything THAT gross.  But, you know what???  I ate it.  HAHAHA.  Yep, I ate it because we dont' throw away good food.  That's the way I was taught.  If it's not rotten, you eat it.

So, I'm stuck with a pan of gross dressing and a craving for GOOD dressing.

Then I got to thinking....Why didn't I just by cornbread mix instead of baking powder???  What was I thinking??  Cornbread mix cost .45.  Baking Powder cost $1.55????  I could have gotten 3 boxes instead of the baking powder.  I have no idea what I was thinking!!!!!!  LOLOLOLOLOL

So, when I get paid on Tuesday, my first thing will be to buy cornbread mix and more sausage and celery so that I can make my awesome cornbread dressing  I might even add pears to it!

Sometimes I feel like a fatherless child...

On Monday at prayer our Apostle challenged us.  He said to pray for someone and after praying for that person contact them to speak the mind, will, purpose, and plan of God in his/her life.  

I called everyone in my family with the exception of my dad.  When I called my brother he called me back about 15 minutes later.  

We talked for almost an hour and during our conversation we talked about our dad.  My brother told me how hurt he was for dad to leave and not come back.  Then to show up ten years later with an apology.  My brother was so hurt and bitter that he said he couldn't forgive him.  I told him how God healed me and how he needed for forgive him--not that it would be easy, but he NEEDED to find a way to forgive.  He told me that he heard me and that he would think about it.  I pray that he does.  I've met so many people who have been consumed with unforgiveness--even myself and how that unforgiveness can cause such turmoil and torment in a person's life.  

Coach is riddled with unforgiveness.  He's riddled with hurt from the painful childhood.  I don't want to be sucked into that pain.  I don't want my brother to be consumed by pain.  I don't want it to ruin his life by causing bad decisions.....

And now it begins....

My church was on  a 21 day fast staring January 1.  So, we just finished last Saturday.  I was happy during the fast--reading my Bible, praying, and most of all I wasn't talking to Coach or anyone else from my past.

Remember, Coach was the guy from this blog post.  

I got a text from him today something about why I'm not speaking to him.  WHAT????  Is he delusional?????

God, I really don't want to go through this with him again.  Please GOD!!!!  What is he doing????  What is wrong with him????  I yelled at me because I cancelled lunch.  Then he got mad at me because I told him that he wasn't the only one who was in so much pain that they wanted to "check out of here."

He acted like I didn't matter.  Like I didn't understand.  Of course, I wasn't in his specific situation, but I understand pain.  I've been there and it was real.  More importantly I understand WHO healed me from the pain.  It took GOD to heal me!!  I couldn't do it alone!!

So, why is he contacting me???

Interview News

I had my interview at the health department on Wednesday.

I made it home from work around noon to prepare for my interview at 2:30.  I got my best suit out and ironed it.  I needed to be dry cleaned, but since my funds were low, I wasn't able to get it cleaned.  So I did my best with ironing it.  Around 1:45 I began getting dressed which including making sure my hair was neat (I hated my hairstyle, but there was nothing I could do about it.)  I got my clothes on and put my suit jacket on and was nervous because it was still wrinkled.  GRRRR!!!  I steamed ironed it, but it still didn't get all the wrinkles out.  So, I had to use a back-up jacket that didn't quite match my pants.  When I looked in the mirror, I didn't see a business woman, I saw a woman who was dressed to go to work.  You know what I mean....

I looked like this:






instead of like this:


Also, I had on brown socks that showed when I sat down.  I wasn't as confident as I would have liked to be, but it was after 2pm and I needed to be heading out the door.

I arrived at the health department at 2:20pm and sat and waited, and waited, and waited some more.  Finally, a woman walked out the door.  I assumed this lady had just completed her interview because she walked right past me and, not even speaking.  She was a nice looking, older woman.  She also didn't have on a matching suit jacket and pants, but she was well dressed.

A few minutes later B came to get my.  I fumbled a bit with the handshake because I had my coat, a scarf and a portfolio with me.

The interview went smoothly....

Tell me about a time you had conflict at work?

I told her about the time when I got offended because my co-workers didn't want me to train them.

Tell me about a time when you failed on a project?

I told her about the time I planned a trip for some students to go to dinner and the theatre.  We went to see the Lion King and afterwards to an Ethipopian restaurant.  The students HATED the restaurant and complained and asked if they could stop at McDonalds on the way home.  I was so embarrassed, but I told her that I learned that I should have prepared them better for the restaurant--you had to eat with your hands that these were students who weren't that adventurous.

Tell me about and advertisement that was the best and worst that you've seen?
I told her about the Quiznos commercial that had a singing mouse--not a mouse like Mickey or Chucky Cheese, but a small, furry rodent.  That was not very appetizing for Quiznos.

I then told her that there is something about Taco Bell commercials that just compel me to get some Taco Bell.  I'm not even a huge fan of Taco Bell, but their commercials have the food looking so delicious.

There were quite a few other questions.  The interview lasted over and hour.  Then I asked her some questions:

What type of training/staff development is available?

Where does she see the position going in 5 years?
I found out that this was a newly created position that was grant funded until December.  Therefore, the person in the position would need to help in seeking to sustain the position.

What are her thoughts on going from a "one woman" department to not inviting a team member?

What do you like most and least bout the job that she is doing?

There were a few other questions, but it was overall a good interview.  B told me that they would be calling for 2nd interviews in two weeks.  So, I'm hopefull.

I just did a google search of B and I knew I recognized her from somewhere.  She was the president of HSAC and I went to the HSAC banquet this summer because the NP that I volunteer with was receiving an award.  If I get hired, I'm gonna send her the picture of herself that I have.  Small world!!

Learning to balance a checkbook

I got my first checking acount when I was 18 in college.  During that time no one had taught me how to balance a checkbook, so I fumbled through it.  I was never really consistant with keeping the records, therefore, it became a tedious task that I never quite mastered.  Yep, I'm almost 35 and I have struggled with balancing my checkbook because of poor record keeping. 

You see, balancing a checkbook is easiest when you write the information down as soon as you write the check.  Otherwise you have to backtrack and going backwards was hard for me, so I would always mess it up.  Eventually over time, with the advent of the internet and online banking I learning that it was easier (for me) to constantly look up records online.  However, that still didn't work fully because sometimes I would not be near the internet or I'd forget about a check that I had written that hadn't cleared yet, etc. And every year I'd still owe the bank money because of my lack of consistency and my cavalier attitude towards banking.  However, because I'm strapped for cash, I've been more meticulous.  Not in balancing my checkbook, because I decided to work smarter and not harder.  Instead of writing checks or going to the ATM, I would simply go to the bank and write a check for "CASH" if I needed to buy something.  If I didn't have any money, I didn't buy it.  No overdrafts, no worries, right???  WRONG!!

Well, I eventually ran out of checks and began writing counter checks or as the bank calls it a debit transaction to my account.  It was the same as writing a check for "CASH" with the exception of me filling out a little more information--name, account number and drivers license number, etc.  So, instead of having the computer read my account number from a check, the computer would read the account number I had written.  I didn't think this was a big deal until yesterday.

I went to the bank to get $10 for gas and was told my account was overdrawn $103.  WHAT???  HOW????  SOMETHING HAS GONE TERRIBLY WRONG!! 

After work I went in and asked how is it possible for me to write a debit for "CASH" and a teller give me the money if it's not in my account.  Apparently it's simple.   The computer couldn't read my hand writting.  So, my cash transaction wasn't entered into the computer until after i wrote another cash debit for more than what I had in the bank.  WHAT!!! 

I expressed to customer service that I did not understand this.  Fortunately, by the grace of GOD I was refunded the $75 bank fees and my account was only overdrawn the $28 that I had written for over the amount.  I came to the conclusion, with the help of the Melissa, the customer service rep, that I needed a bank register and that I can make a mistake and that bank can also make a mistake, so it's better to keep meticulous records!!!

I left uplighted with my bank register in hand.......

Why Oh Why

I thank God for my trials.  The Bible says that in this world we will have tribulation and test and trials, but man when they come, I just have to ask the questions, WHY???  Am I supposed to learning something from this???  What is the purpose of this????

In the past I have had a hard time with banks.  I never learned to be studious when it comes to balancing a checkbook.  I could do it, but I never took the time too, so I would always experience overdraft fees.  Well, I decided that to combat that and to keep my money in my pocket instead of it going to the bank, I would simply do cash transactions at the bank.  Each time I needed money, I would simply go to the bank, write  check for "Cash" and they would give me what was in my account.  Well, I eventually ran out of check so, I would simply write a "debit" transaction that was similar to writing a check for cash.  If there is no money in the bank, I would not be able to write the check or the debit, right?  WRONG!!!  There was a computer glitch and it has caused my account to be overdrawn over $100.  I CAN"T AFFORD TO BE OVERDRAWN THAT MONEY!!  I made a commitment to PAY ALL MY BILLS ON TIME THIS YEAR AND TO GET OUT OF DEBT.  THIS YEAR!!!  So, how am I supposed to do that when the bank is taking MY MONEY!!!  I checked my account and it stated that I had about $11 and some change, but really I had no money because something screwed up with the computer.  Now I have to go to the bank to get this figured out.  WHAT????  I know this is simply a test and a trial, because there is absolutely no reason why this should be happening.  But, I'm gonna deal with it because they CAN'T TAKE MY MONEY!!!

The only reason I know that this has even happened is because I went to the bank this morning to get $10 to get some gas to go to work and the teller let me know this.  I was confused at first so she printed out the transaction record and according to the record, I had $421.26 in the bank and I wrote a debit for $450 and they GAVE ME THE MONEY.  WHAT SENSE DOES THAT MAKE??  Why would I be given more money than I have?  WHY??  Well, since there is a glitch then they should fix it!!!!

Another Job Interview

On last week I applied for a job as a Health Educator for the local health department.  I was optomistic and hopeful and on yesterday I was called for a job interview for next Wednesday at 2:30pm.  I'm excited.  I prayed to God that I would get a job because I got my credit report and outside of my student loan, I have over $7,000 in debt that I NEED TO PAY!!!  This debt includes a $3,500 car loan that is supposed to be paid by March and a $3,500 debt that I owe my old landlord.  The others are hospital bills that I need to pay and I believe there are three of them, all over $300.  I also prayed for a fulltime job because I NEED SOME HEALTH INSURANCE!!  I need to go to the doctor.  I haven't had my annual exam since 2009.  And I need to go to the dentist!!  I'm not sure when my unemployment benefits will run out, but right now I'm getting extended benefits.  I'm not allowed to get food stamps anymore because I make too much money with my part time job, so I need money to buy food!!  So, I pray that the will of God be done as I go for my interview on Wednesday, In JESUS name, Amen!!

Healing is the Children's Bread

At the first of the year at my church, we fast for 21 days.  When we fast, we don't simply go without food, we limit what we eat until 7pm and then we eat baked fish (chicken for those who are allergic) and steamed veggies, brown rice, etc.  We also deny ourselves of television and anything that is unnecessary.

So, I've been fasting and on last week, I was sitting on the sofa reading.  This was right before 7pm, so I had food in the oven baking...

All of a sudden I was experiencing shortness of breath.  It was like my lungs couldn't get enough air, my throat felt like it was being blocked and I started scratching my neck and I stood up to put my hands over my head to get more air into my lungs.  It was like I was having some type of attack.  I've never had asthma, but in the past I've had allergies, but this was different.  This was a sudden onset of an attack.  I grabbed my blessed oil, said a little prayer and told God that I didn't have any money to go to the emergency room.

A short time later (maybe 10 minutes) the attack was over.  God answered my prayers!!!

It's little miracles like that that makes me want to live for Christ!!  So, I thank God for the miracle of healing!!!  I thank God that He loves me enough to show me kindness by healing me from that attack!!

Dreamin

I had a dream other day...

In the dream I was at my grandmother's house with my two of my brothers.  My brothers were teenagers.  We were in my aunt's room playing games.  I got up to look out the window and I saw a police car.  When I saw the police car, I went to the front door because someone was at the door.  I looked through the glass door and saw a police officer.  I opened door to a tall, woman officer.  She had long hair and she was a pretty woman.  I asked her if I could help her and she stated that she needed a bottle of water, so I invited her into the kitchen.  As we got into the kitchen the woman began to attack me and we began fighting.  My brothers were in the other room and one of them called someone on the phone for help.  The fight ensued into the bedroom where my brother's were.  The woman told me she had a gun and I began wrestling with her to make sure that she didn't have any hidden weapons.  As the fight was going on, she pulled out a pocket knife.  Somehow, I looked out the window and saw some guys removing the police car and bringing her real car, which was an older modeled car.  At this point, I realized she was an impersonator.  My brother's and I began to overtake her.  We began to break her legs.  I'm not sure when we killed her, but we did.  After killing her, we took her body, cut her head off and threw it in the yard.  I'm not sure when, but we also mangled her face, so she was unrecognizable.  She was in a heap in the yard, but it didn't look like a body.  Surprisingly, there was no blood from us killing her.

God was letting me know how easily I was deceived.  She looked like a police officer, she dressed in the uniform and even drove the car, but he goal was to attack.

For the past two years, I was deceived by a man who looked like he was supposed to be with me, he sounded like and even told me over and over again how he was gonna marry me, but he was an impostor--a fake!! And I opened the door for him to come in and I was attacked mentally and emotionally.

One thing about God is that he loves me and even though I went though that, I didn't lose my life.  The enemy attacked me, but THANKS BE TO GOD, that I have killed the enemy in my mind.  I'm not subject to that deception any longer.  THANKS BE TO GOD who always causes me to triumph!!! 2 Corinthians 2:14

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

I am so grateful to God for having a place to live for Christmas. This time last year, I was living with my friend Jenny. Not that I didn't enjoy it, but it's nothing like having your own place to lay your head. I thank God for unemployment. I thank God for my part-time teaching job. I thank God for my church family!!! I'm looking forward to this new year and all that it will bring!!!