Is He A Con Man?

I'm on blackplanet because I'm single and I want to meet someone, so this is like my singles network...and I get a few messages from a few people. Usually, if a man sends me a note and says something like, "Hey Sexy or hey baby...." usually I ignore him because I don't like that. I'm not your baby and I don't want "sexy" to be the first thing you think about me. I never really make the first move because I'm old fashioned like that....I have contacted a guy who lived in Indy because I wanted to find out a few good placed to eat.

Then, the other day I got a note from a nice looking guy in Austin. Really cute. He sent me an introductory note and then left his email and phone number. So, I texted him. Not from my real phone number (I don't know who he is) and we have been emailing each other.

But, I'm pretty cautious. Especially since he told me that he lives in Austin, but he is now in Nigeria taking care of his mom. Huh??

He told me that he is of mixed race: his mom is from Nigeria and his dad is from Mexico. What a combination? And how did that happen? I mean, anyone can get together, but you don't see too many Mexicans in mixed races.

Ok....

He said he had been there for a month and will be there for a few more weeks. Then he emailed me one time and asked me for my cell phone number and he gave me his email, like we hadn't been emailing.

WHAT??

Am I being scammed. Or I guess this would be catfishing...

7th Year

I was a little discouraged because of the turn of events this weekend. Actually this year, so far, has been discouraging, but I got a boost today while I was on the road to St. Louis....it was Pastor Joel Olsteen talking about the 7th year and how God promised the children of Israel that every seven years, they would be released from their bondages. So debts would be cancelled, slaves would be freed....there was a release from all of that in Deuteronomy 15.

I got to thinking and counting the years I've been with the non profit and this year is my 7th year. So I got excited.

At the beginning of the year our Apostle told us that this would be a year of breaking out. He referenced Tamar in Genesis 38 and how it seems that this woman should have been punished for what she did. But, the sons she had were in the lineage of Jesus.

So, I've been looking at my life....my meager life and I wanted to tell Mister this, but I couldn't, but everything that God made is good!!

So I'm good!!!

And this is my 7th year, so I thank God for the cancellation of all of the bondage in my life!!

Sin in the City

It's been 3 years.....3 years since I've felt the touch of a man's hands all over my body.

"Stolen sex never feels good," that's what the Elder told me and no I couldn't really enjoy it without pretending to be married.

Yep, me and Mister did the do and I pretended that he was the love of my life. I couldn't tell him that I loved him, though. Nope, I didn't want to tell that lie. Not while we were being that intimate.

I miss arms.

Yes, I think that's what I like most about a man...arms and hands...yes, strong hands touching me. I don't want to preserve that memory at all because it was so wrong, but it all started during my birthday weekend. Family dinner was cancelled and I had the rental car for another day so I zipped 150 miles away to spend the day with Mister. The problem was, I had just driven hundreds of miles and when I got there I was tired and facing a 3 hour drive home made me even more tired. So I asked to spend the night and he agreed. He let me know that he promptly gets up at 5:30am to get ready for work. I told him that I didn't mind, It was only 9:30pm so I'd get plenty of sleep.

The problem is, we NEVER got to sleep. At all. We didn't sleep at all and 5:30am came and we got up and I headed home thinking, "WTF" just happened.

I brushed it off. Oh GOD, HELP me!

Then I realized that I left my earrings and he flirted with me about coming back to get the. So memorial day weekend, I was back and this time I planned to spend the night....not to have sex, but stay the night. And well, he gave me the foot and back rub that he promised and again we didn't sleep. This time it was better. I mean orgasmically better, but still NOT right. In order to enjoy it I had to pretend that we were married and this was our wedding night.

The next day we went walking and bike riding all while I enjoyed the ache below from the night before. But, it had to come to an end and it did....when he told me that I could't stay the night again because GI didn't feel it was a good idea.

UGH!!

Slapped back into reality. Who is GI?  Good questions....but a long story for another time. Basically, Mister lives in her house. Yes, he pays rent and it is a separate apartment/mother-in-law suite, type of area, but it's still HER house.

UGH!!!

Now I have to live with the shame and emptiness... The grand emptiness....

God, help me, PLEASE!!!

I Am Not A Gambler

I watched the movie, the Gambler, starring Mark Walburg. At first I didn't get it and I was making my mind up that it was a stupid movie. I mean the first part of the movie he blows all this money and then gets into more debt with people who will kill him. Then I started reading some of the background and I read the spoilers about the movie and realized that he wasn't stupid, he was just going through some things. Some major things that caused him to temporarily lose him mind....

I've been there before.

You get to an emotional place and you need something to wake you up from the numb monotonous being that you've spiraled in to. You are in so much pain that you feel nothing and as painful as life is at that moment, you feel nothing.

I cut my foot one time while I was mowing the lawn. My whole foot went under the mower and the blade was stopped by my toe. I didn't feel a thing. So I started the mower again and proceeded to finish. But then I looked down and began to scream. My shoe had been cut open. I hopped to the stairs and took my shoe off and began to scream even more when I saw my sock had been cut. I didn't see much blood because my socks we were black. But the sight of my shoe and sock freaked me out.

I ended up in the hospital over night because the doctor needed to know if my bone had been cut cuz if it was I was gonna need surgery.

the amazing thing about the whole situation is that at the beginning I was in so much shock that I didn't feel anything. I thought my foot had been cut off and that's why I didn't feel anything....but I had to look down at my foot, after I took off my shoe in order to feel the pain.

The body has a way of shielding you...

In the movie, he kept saying he wasn't a gambler. But yet and still he took his moms $260,000 and pissed it all away at the casino.

But he wasn't a gambler.....

No Sleep Causes Headaches

I've been having a tension headache for the past few weeks since about the last week in April. And I think its because I haven't slept much. I tried Z-quil, but that didn't work so I tried Benedryl, but that is not working either. But I NEED to get rid of this headache. Also, my massage over the weekend didn't work much either, and I need to find another masseuse and a 60 minute time slot. I'm also so hungry. We are fasting today, but I NEED something to eat.

In other news...I'm made an appointment with at a cosmetic place for laser hair removal. I'll chronicle my journey on youtube....

And So It Goes....

I just celebrated a wonderful birthday. My brother sent me this card and I just laughed and laughed. I love birthday cards and my brother came through. My sister bought me a cake and it was really good--strawberry cream.

But the shocker was the weekend I had before my bday....I had a spa day at the hot springs with a massage that was too jerky and not long enough. Then I went to Du Quoin to celebrate my former adviser as he was being awarded by his former school district. I was nervous about seeing Price there and sure enough, he was there. We half hugged and he laughed as we greeted each other. I took a pic with the Doc and then Price wanted a pic of all of us. UGH!! We took a pic and I slipped to the rest room and out the door without a goodbye.

As I was on my way home I got a call from my aunt canceling dinner. BUMMER!!

I had a rental car until Monday and nothing to do on Sunday after church, so I went to see Mister. MISTAKE. I had a foot massage on my mind, but Mister wasn't thinking that. I gave him all types of signals, but no bite. Then I had to leave at 9 so he could get to bed, but I was so tired from not sleeping and all the driving that I asked if I could stay the night. BIGGER MISTAKE.

We ended up not sleeping all night....without protection.

I haven't done that since July 2012. And I told him that.

I forgot how not sleeping felt.

And now I'm....I'm....

I don't know exactly how to feel or what to do. I tried to pray and then Mister texted me to ask "what happened?"  I just told him that our bodies took over, which is what happened. But, I know I didn't pray one bit. I mean, the last time I was praying for the Holy Spirit to help me and He did. I went home, spirit in tact. Now, I'm ..... I'm .....

At least I got a great bday card to lift my spirits.

The bad thing is that Mister still thinks there is a chance between us. He said in his text, "I wanted to show you that I could resist my wants and be the man that u needed."

The man that I NEED is a praying man who loves God. Mister doesn't live God and I'm praying that he changes.

Now I"m waiting....and waiting....a few more weeks and I will know and be able to breath....