Con Artist: I'm Tired of Trying to Buy Love

Characteristics of Self-Hate:

Self-sacrificing

Putting yourself last

Over giving

Doing more that you are paid for

Under charging

Giving and throwing yourself under the bus

These are all things that Dr Venus Opal is saying in her series, "Hot Mess Millionaire."

I'm built for more!!! is what she says and I felt that!!!

I met the Con three years ago on POF. He was attractive and there was something about him....On his page he talked about where he worked and how he was debt free....I was intrigued, but I was also (don't know the word)....So we didn't move forward. 

Then in September I was on POF for a hot minute and we chatted. I'm not sure if he remembered me, but we exchanged numbers and friended each other on FB and started chatting. Things really got to rolling when we FaceTimed dated in October and then I sent him a full body pic of myself. About 10 days later I was in his house, in his bed....

It wasn't good. It was ok, not good. So we moved on. He left to work out of town and about 10 days later I got a FaceTime from him. He said he was stranded in Indiana and didn't have money to get home. He wanted to know if I could wire him some money. I sent him $250. He said he was gonna give me half my money back when he got back to town and the other half when he got paid. He got back to town, I didn't hear from him. Three days later I called him and he was down and out about not having money to travel back to Indiana for work. I loaned him $175. He was supposed to go to work at 3am, but the next day he was still in town. I was confused, but I didn't say anything. Four days later I texted him and he said he was depressed. He was supposed to get paid and give me back my money, but according to him he hadn't gotten his check yet. I told him to come over. He said he didn't have gas money and money to get groceries. Me in my self-hatred (trying to buy love) I offered him gas money so I gave him money for gas ($35) and $160 for food and he agreed to pay me back when he got his checks. 

That was almost a month ago. So far I've only seen $200 of the $620 that he owes me and he didn't want to pay me the $200. So now here I am looking stupid. 

He gets mad at me when I don't want to have sex with him. He gets mad at me when I say he's acting like a shyster. 

But I'm done. Yes, I NEED my $420, but I don't care if he gives it back to me. I just want to be emotionally free, spiritually free, mentally free. I want to quit getting with con men. 

Dr Venus and Apostle William Rogers, Jr says, "The real measure of success is how many times you get back up!!"

So I'm getting back up and walking away from this foolishness. 

Four Dreams

 1. I was holding my niece who is currently 22 months old. She started repeating the words that I was saying--bus, red, etc. Right now my niece is not saying words. She's saying sounds, but no actual words. Usually, by this age toddlers will be saying a lot of words. At her 18 month check up, the doctor wanted to get her speech therapy. But my sister was reluctant. She called my mom and my mom kinda steered her away from it, saying that my niece would talk when she wants to talk. I think my sister should have gotten her the appointments. My niece shows signs of being on the spectrum. True these signs can be benign and any toddler could exhibit them, but the signs along with the speech delay may tell us something. But I had the dream and in the past sometimes my dreams have meant something and sometimes they have meant nothing--they were just dreams. 

2. I can't remember fully what I was doing, but my aunt who is obese and on dialysis was climbing a ladder or stairs and as she was going up, somehow she slipped and fell flat on her back with her eyes wide open. I was horrified. Blood started coming from her midsection.  I woke up. I love my aunt, she is the matriarch of the family now. But she's sick. I want her to live a long life because she's sort of a rock for me. I pray that God grant her grace for longevity.

3. The third dream I can't remember where I was--my house I think and Apostle was praying in the house. Then he came up to me really close and touch the left side of my belly and said something like, "I had that same pain, it was my appendix."  Then I woke up. Before going to bed I had a dull pain on the left side fo my belly. Of course I googled after I woke up and found that the appendix is on right side. So, again, was this God trying to warn me about something? IDK. It was weird. I need to get back on my diet. I've gained 8lbs and it's not comfortable. 

4. Last night I had a dream that I was in the location--kinda like a mall and I was walking by and you know how you see someone, but don't necessarily want to speak to them. My Apostle saw me and was going to walk by, but I yelled to speak to him and Prophetess. I started to walk towards the, but remembered COVID and did an air hug. They air hugged me back. Then I woke up.

I don't know what all this means. I do know that I need to get my life right. Things started getting bad right after we had communion at church on September 19. I was so excited about it--honoring the Lord and what He's done for me, for the body of Christ. It was like satan just unleashed on my after that. I met Boiler Guy and things have gone to crap for me...Not totally, but my heart has been divided and I can't seem to get it together.....