655

I checked my credit score today and it said 655 from Experian. Then I tried to check trans union and I couldn't, so I checked Equifax and it said 598 which is 3 points higher than what it was a month ago. So I guess paying double on my student loan helped. I don't know what banks use as a factor when checking credit. All I know is that two of my scores are a little lower than 600 and one is higher and I only have my student loan. I am going to work on paying double and even triple over the next year or so so that I can get it paid off. Thank God. Still no news on my housing situation.

I Want to Cry, I NEED to Cry

No matter what, I still and will ALWAYS love and trust God.

I just don't understand what is going on with me.  Is it pride?  If so then this is surely humbling!!  Is it my past because that was the problem before, but I thought I let it all go...yeah, I still have the one issue, but we (me and God) are working it out. It won't be an issue soon.  And yeah I'm realizing I have another issue, but I think that's related to pride (I have a problem asking for help and letting people in to my life.)  But, I acknowledge that and we (me and God) are going to work on it. Or I guess that is one where I need others to help me seeing that the problem is just that--I always just want it to be me and God and I want God to give me a man to pick up the slack, but I'm wondering if that is the problem. I'm waiting on God to send me a man and a man is not going to help, I need to reach out to those who are there for me, but I won't because I don't want them to see me like this. I don't want them to see my nakedness. It's unattractive. I don't even like to see it. It's even dirty and filthy. And it stinks. And I'm ashamed of it. I'm ashamed of myself so I don't want anyone to see me like this...

***as the tears fall***

No Worries Here

I have 5 days to be out...

And

No where to live....The sad this is that this time, I'm not unemployed.  I'm fully employed and make over $34 an hour and I drive two cars. But I don't have a place to live.

But

I'm not worried.

I'm too tired to be worried. LOL. I'm actually exhausted. I've just come from out of town in Dayton helping my sister move into her PAID for home. I've got to be in Chicago on Wednesday and Fort Leonard Wood on Friday.

I'm not worried.

I know God will come through. Faith without works is dead. That is what the good book says and I've applied for a home loan. That did not go through. I've submitted an application for a rental house and so far no word from that. I've talked about a sublease with a person and he is now telling me that he will prolly not be out by June 1. I have done what I can.  Actually, I just submitted for information about a CFD house and I have not heard from that, but still...

I'm not worried.

I stand on the word of the Lord. Seek the Kingdom and all these things will be added.  I pay my tithes and give an offerring faithfully....

So, Lord, I'm praying for you to come through. I've been praying and praying for the will of God in my life. I want to fulfill my purpose more than anything.  I know that in my heart, but my reality hasn't caught up, but it will and as long as I'm seeking the Kingdom, God will take care of me. That's what His word says and He's not a liar.

So, something will come through by the time I need to be out of here!!!

In other news....

My sister's house is beautiful--4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms...Her master bedroom is the whole top floor. HUGE!!  I love it!! And I'm happy for her!!

I can't wait to have mine.  THANK YOU GOD!!

CFD

My housing plans are falling through. I thought I had a rental with a guy that was a really nice house, but he wanted a llllooooonnnngggggg term tenant.  Then I found a person who was looking to lease his place, but now he's telling me that he might not move by June 1.

So, I have to move by May 31 and I don't have any prospects.  I did find this contract for deed place and it sounds like a good deal...

In other news...

I'm cooking lamb chops for dinner!!!!

Jenkins Somebody

I had the dream again and it was different, but the name was Jenkins.

I don't know anyone named Jenkins.

J Somebody

I kept having this dream about some man with the first name that starts with J. Jackson, Jameson, something like that. I don't know what was happening in the dream, but I was tryna pray for him or something. It was strange....

My Mind is Made Up

No matter what, MY MIND IS MADE UP!!

So, I have to move in 20 days, but no matter what....MY MIND IS MADE UP!!!

I WILL serve the Lord all the days of my life!!

Lord, What Do I Do?

I've been bugging the landlord....EVERYDAY!!

He finally sent me a message today asking if I'm looking for a long term place. I told him that I'm looking to settle down and sent me another text saying that in the last 3 months he has had 3 tenants that who wanted to rent, but they were looking for something short term because the first time home buyer rates were low.  So he then said that he now has 3 tenants who are interested, but he doesn't know if they (we) want something long term.

Of course I want long term.

My own home long term, but I CAN NOT guarantee that I will be there for 2 years like he wants. I really only want 3-6 months.

I mean....who wants to rent forever. The rent would be $600 a month.  That would be over $14,000 in two years. I can have a house paid down in 5 years. Why do I want to give him $14,000.

GOD, GOD, GOD, I don't know what to do!!!!!

Happy Singles Day

I don't have a boo and I'm not a mother. So I have no one to buy me stuff for these special days. So I bought flowers and cards for everyone else.

But today I was at the store and saw these flowers.  They were only .89 so I had to buy me some for my single motherless self.

So Happy Single, Motherless Day to me!!

God Speaks

I must admit. I don't know when God speaks to me.

The Bible says that in all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy path.  So when I acknowledge God, I feel that I'm led by Him, but there are times when God actually speaks.

But, then there are times when He simply leads and guides.

I was sitting on the sofa yesterday finishing up my paper and I just had a thought. It was raining outside and it just came to me...the electricity goes out and it's dark while I'm sitting here and someone breaks in.  I immediately dismissed the thought because it was silly.

But, as I sat, I heard a pop and looked up and one of the lights blew out.

I just sat and I told God that I have no idea how He speaks or when He is speaking to me.....

God, I want to do your will, but I NEED to know when you speak. I've been told that God is always speaking. I know He speaks through His word, but I never know when I'm just sitting if He's speaking or if I'm just imagining things.

My sheep hear my voice...and they follow me. --John 10:27.

Documentation

Last week my body was experiencing some anxiety. I don't know why. I just felt panicky. I laid down to go to sleep and my body was shaking. My mind was okay. I wasn't stressing about anything, but there was something going on with my body. So I just was paying attending to it. Then on Thursday I was feeling panicky, so I looked up heart attack symptoms.

I let it go.

Then as I was driving to Rockford on Friday, I was experiencing this pain in my back when I breath. It was on my right side. Whenever I breathe in deeply I would feel this pain. Not sure what it was, but I ignored it and when I went to bed on Friday night I was so sleepy but it was snoring so much that I kept waking myself up. I couldn't get a good night sleep. I'm not sure if I snore, but I've been told that I don't, but this night I was snoring so badly.

Now I'm feeling okay, but this was weird. So I just wanna document it.

Told Me That

I talked a little bit before about fantasizing and dreaming.....

On yesterday I drove a lot (over 700 miles) and I was just thinking about sitting at a stop light and a car hitting me in the back. I briefly thought about that and I started praying for  traveling mercy and that the angels protect me.

I got home safely and this morning I came to church and the preacher started ministering and she said that she was in a car accident.

She said on yesterday she as sitting at a stop light and a car hit her in the back.....

WOW!!  GOD tells me stuff and I simply think that it's nothing or I imagine it being me.

I remember another time when I was thinking about myself. I was thinking about how I wasn't married and I don't have any children and I thought to myself, "a mother in the spirit," and I just was thanking God for being a mother in the spirit even though I was also thinking about how I want my own children. A week later I was in service and the preacher called out one of my friends and said she was a mother in the spirit. That's why she's not married now.

Then I was in service and the preacher was preaching and she said to there were specific people who had the gift of healing and she called out a few names and she stopped and I heard within me another name and right after I heard it, she said it.

WOW!!!

That always happens to me.

I thank God, so I need to nurture that gift!!

It's Back

I was at Hobby Lobby and I saw my little sofa again. Actually this one is different, but it's still cute. I want this so badly.

The House Guy Called

Actually he texted me. I was shocked.

I was texting Mister back and forth and I got this text from this strange number. And it asked when I was available to see the house. I texted back, "Now."  So I headed right to the house right as I was getting off the highway from work.  I thought he had it rented. He took the sign down.  It is such a cute house and the colors on the inside are great!! The bedrooms are small, but that's okay. There is a basement and a washer and dryer. I LOVE IT!!

I can use the basement as storage and a laundry room!!

The guy said that there was a couple who was interested in it long term--like two years. I didn't respond. I don't know if I;m gonna be there for 2 years. I mean I want to buy a house!! Not rent forever.

I completed the application and gave it to him. I don't know if he's gonna run my credit. At this point I'm just leaving it in God's hands. He knows I need a place to stay and searching and searching is not going to work right now.

I'm not desperate, but I do want to get this over with and start moving my stuff.

I'm 25 Today

That's what I've been telling everyone.  LOL.  Actually, my baby sis sent me a FB message saying that I"m the besti looking 26 year old. So, I've been running with it and and saying that I'm 25 today. I got a mani-pedi and I really really wanted mango curry, but I couldn't find a good thai food restaurant, so I settled for blackened salmon curry.  It was okay. Ima try to find some this weekend when I head to the graduation.

On the home front....the house that I wanted has been rented. So, I've got to look for a new place to stay. OMG!!  God help me!!

Happy Bday from Google

Thank God for making it to see 37 years. Even though I'm telling people it's 35. I mean I feel 35 so why not say how I feel? LOL.

My mom sent me a Happy Bday text this morning.

And I logged into the computer and I got this from google:

It is cute. My own personal Google image for my Bday.  Today is gonna be a good day!!

37 Years: Your Life Saved My Life

I will be 37 on Monday. I was a little apprehensive. Getting older is a blessing, but it's not always easy. I mean, I'm closer to 40 than I am to 30 and I loved 30!!

My apprehension is only because of where I am.

I'm single, I have no children, and I'm being evicted. AGAIN!

Why am I going though this at THIS age?  My life should be settled now. And because it's not, I don't feel like I should be aging because of my instability.

Anyway, I AM Happy and I thank God.. I'm going to just take it one day at a time.  God has blessed me and I am grateful!! There are some people who have not made it this far.

So, forever me and YOU, LORD!!!