No matter what, I still and will ALWAYS love and trust God.
I just don't understand what is going on with me. Is it pride? If so then this is surely humbling!! Is it my past because that was the problem before, but I thought I let it all go...yeah, I still have the one issue, but we (me and God) are working it out. It won't be an issue soon. And yeah I'm realizing I have another issue, but I think that's related to pride (I have a problem asking for help and letting people in to my life.) But, I acknowledge that and we (me and God) are going to work on it. Or I guess that is one where I need others to help me seeing that the problem is just that--I always just want it to be me and God and I want God to give me a man to pick up the slack, but I'm wondering if that is the problem. I'm waiting on God to send me a man and a man is not going to help, I need to reach out to those who are there for me, but I won't because I don't want them to see me like this. I don't want them to see my nakedness. It's unattractive. I don't even like to see it. It's even dirty and filthy. And it stinks. And I'm ashamed of it. I'm ashamed of myself so I don't want anyone to see me like this...
***as the tears fall***
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