Broken-Hearted

The Elder at church said something really interesting and it makes a lot of sense.  We were attending a singles class and she said when you are in a relationship with a person and you put confidence in that person and they leave you, you are brokenhearted. And that's true.  I was just thinking about all of the bad relationships I've been in that ended in heartbreak. I was thinking that the guy that I was with in that particular time was gonna be with me and me only. I was confident in that and when the relationship ended, my confidence was shattered which left me with a broken heart.  So, I began to think about that....in life, that's what we do....we trust people. I'm not saying that trusting people is wrong, but what we need to do more is trust GOD.  We need to put full confidence in GOD and less confidence in man. So, as we meet someone new, we pray that there is enough GOD in that person that they won't break your heart. And if there is God in that person, then we could trust the GOD in them and no that they may fail us, but God won't!!

Kind of deep....

In Due Season

Stop Looking at the Mountains!!

God knows exactly where I am and what I need. I was at church tonight and the Elder was teaching and she told a story about how in Jamaica people hike the Blue Mountains.  She went along with a group of people to hike.  They started at 3am.  By 6am, she was tired and she kept looking up and while looking up, she would notice how far they had to go and how long it would take them to get the.  She then began to look behind her and in her mind, she was so tired and overwhelmed that she felt like laying down and rolling back down because she couldn't imagine getting to the top. She correlated this with life.  A lot of times, we spend so much time looking at the mountain that we get tired and overwhelmed and it causes us to stop and go back.  When we get tired, we get weary and we start to faint and we stop.  But, the Bible say not to get weary in well doing because in due season you reap if you don't faint....Gal 6:9.  I've been fighting weariness and I thank God for my strength. The Bible says that the joy of the Lord is my strength. So I will rejoice in my God!!

Self Diagnosis

My age and my weight continues to elevate.  There is nothing I can do about my age, but I can do something about my weight. And I've been on a mission to figure out why I can't lose weight and by golly I think I've got it!!!

INSULIN RESISTANCE.

This may also be the cause of my enlarged thyroid, acne, facial hair, and belly fat.

When I gained 25lbs last year, I knew something was wrong. Especially since I've gained the weight mostly in my belly.  I was 180lbs for a long time and my belly was not fat, but when I gained the 25lbs that's where most of it settled.

When I went to the specialist and he told me that my thyroid was not an issue and I was frustrated, but now I realize that I just needed to check that off the list.  Actually my doctor should have been the one with the checklist, but I guess they don't have time for that.

So, I researched and researched and found that PCOS could have similar symptoms as thyroid issues and I begin to rule that out.  With PCOS there is often irregularities with menses and aunt flo has been flowing regularly.  So, more and more research was done and I came across Insulin Resistance as I was preparing for a training on Diabetes self management program. As I began studying insulin resistance, I found that this condition can cause an enlarged a person's thyroid and can lead to PCOS. WOW!!!!!!!!

I wish someone would have told me this BEFORE I had to go to all these different doctors and pay all these bills.  Actually I wish someone would have told me this about 10 years ago because I would have changed my diet back then and not have had to deal with all of this.

But, now I know what it is and the best way to deal with it now is with diet and exercise. A low carb diet is best for people with Insulin Resistance. When you lower your carbs, you lower the amount of glucose in your blood stream and the insulin can do that work that it needs to do because it's not overloaded.

I'm doing a lot of studying because I really need to tackle this because insulin resistance also leads to type 2 diabetes and that is not something that I want.

I want to be happy and healthy. So, here's to the new me!!

Oh My Hormones.....

I'm learning so much about hormones, I should become a nutritionist.  Why a nutritionist?  Well because your hormones regulate so much in your body and when some of those hormones screw up it can affect the metabolic reactions in your body which can lead to all types of problems such as heart disease, stroke, diabetes, etc.

The specific hormones I'm talking about include insulin and thyroid hormones.....

I'm finding out that Insulin Resistance, PCOS, and Thyroid disorders are all quite similar and can be managed with nutrition and diet therapy--specifically lowering the intake of carbohydrates.

So, I am embarking on a lower carbohydrates diet.  My goal is to not eat more than 150 grams of carbohydrates in a day (excluding special occasions).

I'm also gonna work on lowering my intake of wheat and gluten products.  I'm learning that wheat has been know to increase blood sugar which increases insulin and if my body is insulin resistant, then I don't need to increase the insulin, I need to lower it.

WOW, my brain is on overload. What am I gonna do?  What am I gonna eat?

I have to change my thinking about food. I wish I had my own house, I would really start growing my own food because at least I would know what's in in.

4 Weeks Until the Holiday Season

In about 4 weeks we will be celebrating Thanksgiving and I'm beginning to get excited....not just because of the season, but because of the food.....

I'm making my plans for what to cook.

Of course I have to have my turkey and dressing which I have in the freezer now, but I'm thinking about making lobster Mac and Cheese also. I've been craving Mac and cheese for a few days now and I was gonna make some, but I think I'll wait. I have to figure out where I can buy some good lobster from, but my mac and cheese will be stuff with lobster and will also include broccoli because I love broccoli with my mac and cheese.

So the main course will be:

Turkey
Dressing
Lobster Mac & Cheese
Broccoli
Tomato Basil Salad


I think I wanna make some Lobster Ravioli for Christmas.  Maybe i'll make some asparagus with it....hmmm. And of course I have to make my rum cake.  Delicious.

Or maybe I'll do lobster lasagna instead of ravioli.

I"m not sure why I have a taste for lobster, but I do....

Correspondence from Inmate

.....So in my waiting, I've been praying to get married.  Not something that I've done before, but while praying, I've been expecting it to happen.

But, imagine my surprise when I get a letter from a man in prison.

YES...Graham Correctional Center in Hillsboro, IL.

He said that he saw me on the news and decided he wanted to write me a letter.  HUH???  WHAT????  Who does that??  I guess inmates do.  I wonder how many news anchorpeople have gotten letters from inmates.  Of course he sent the letter to my job because the news story was about a program I was doing for my job. WOW.  I had to take a breath.

I simply wrote Mr. Jenkins a letter back. This is what it said:

Dear Mr. Jenkins,

I just received a letter from you.  I will say that I was quite SURPRISED!! I’ve never received such a letter before.

Currently, I am involved and not interested in meeting anyone new.

I pray that you remain strong as you finish your time. Make sure that when you leave, you connect yourself with a good Bible based ministry that can help lead and guide you to rebuild you life.

At this time, I am not interested in any additional correspondence from you, but I will keep you in my prayers.

Sincerely,

I put it in the mail. Hopefully he gets it soon and gets the picture. I AM NOT INTERESTED. I included his letter and envelop in with my letter. I should have copied it first.....

So, I am not desperate to get married. I'm just gonna wait and wait and if nothing happens by the end of the year, I will still be waiting.....

Desperation

des·per·a·tion (d s p-r sh n) n. 1. The condition of being desperate. 2. Recklessness arising from despair.
--thefreedictionary.com

I've been desperate a time or two in my life and in my desperation I've made some rash decisions that led to even more despair.

Sometimes when you wait and wait and wait and wait and wait some more, you can find yourself getting desperate. Which is NOT GOOD!!

I just read an article on Yahoo News about two brothers who won 5 million dollars on a scratch off ticket in 2006.  They  waited 5 years to cash it in.... WHY???  Because they wanted to make plans. They were patient and for 5 years they planned their lives. One man was getting married and wanted to make sure that the money would not change his relationship with his fiancee, so he didn't tell her.  They both waited and waited and waited.  The article stated that they cashed the ticket in 11 days before it was to expire.  WOW!!

I'm in a period of waiting right now and I DON"T want to get desperate.  Desperate people do desperate things which often end up being the wrong thing to do.

I'm waiting to get out of debt, I'm waiting to move to a better place, I'm waiting to make more money, I'm waiting for a husband.....I'm in a holding pattern and I'm waiting, but I don't want to panic and get desperate.

I'm reminded of Saul in 1 Samuel 13. Saul was told by Samuel to wait 7 days and he would come to offer the burnt offering. The 7th day came and Samuel didn't show up.  So Saul took it upon himself to offer the sacrifice.  Right after he offered it, Samuel came and rebuked him.  That started the descent of Saul as king. He was not patient. Yes, the 7 days were up, but not over. Samuel gave him explicit instructions to wait. Just wait. Saul became desperate when he saw the people began to desert him. I'm sure the people were mumbling and groaning and maybe even being unruly, but his instructions were simple. Wait. 

Desperation made him do what he wasn't supposed to do!! 

I don't want to make that mistake.

Especially when it comes to marriage!!

I've been thinking about marriage lately.  A LOT!!  And I even prayed that God send me the right man. I even set a date (not officially) for when I want to be married. So, I'm expecting to meet someone soon, but I don't want it to be the WRONG someone.

So, I will wait....I don't care what man comes to me, if he is not right, I'm not going to get impatient and desperate.

I got a letter in the mail at my job.....AT MY JOB from a man in prison.  YES, here I am expecting to meet someone new and this man writes me a letter out the blue. He explained that he saw me on the news and saw where I worked and decided to write me....

WHAT!!!!

To be continued...

10 Years Ago

Time surely flies.....

I've been going through some boxes of old paperwork, books, mementos, etc. that I had been hoarding.  It feels good to purge and get rid of old stuff.  However, while going through all my old stuff, I came across a file of old check stubs from 10 years ago...I started to get a little melancholy reminiscencing about my life over the last 10 years.......

I'm not gonna dwell on it or anything, but I made a lot of mistakes over the past 10 years.  I know, I know....that's what life is about....you live, you learn. But, some people don't learn and they find themselves back at the starting line.....Well, I'm not going back there, I'm going up, not around!!

Ten years ago, I was 25 and was hired to work at a community college. A year later I dated a guy who I was not supposed to date. I went through a pregnancy and a break up that was enough to make me lose it, but by the grace of God I made it through.  From there, I shuffled from man to man.....looking for love and finding EMPTINESS.  At the end of the 10 year cycle before my 35th birthday, I learned that I can't find love until I first KNOW love!!  And I began to learn what LOVE is all about.

God is LOVE!!

And over this past year, He has been showing me over and over again His love and it's AMAZING!!

Sometimes it's just the little things....

Like the other day, I needed some body wash.  I had nothing to shower with and I didn't want to spend a lot of money and I prayed and went to the store.  Sure enough I found body wash on sale.  I know to some that may be silly, but to me, that's God showing me His LOVE!!

And I'm grateful.

So, this next 10 years.....as I begin again.....I'm gonna learn not to fall for the same traps that captured me and held me hostage mentally and emotionally.  This time, I'm going up!!!!

  

I Know It...

There was a song that we used to sing in church when I was growing up....

I know it was the blood, I know it was the blood, I know it was the blood for me.
One day when I was lost, He died upon the cross.
I know it was the blood for me.

Every time I need Him, He's there.

I was in so much pain on yesterday that I was poppin pills like an addict. For some reason I rubbed the area with blessed oil and said a simple prayer for God to heal me. I didn't really expect anything, but I have not taken any pills since about 9pm yesterday!!!

THANK GOD the He shed his blood for me.  His word says by His stripes I am healed and I thank God for His blood!!!

Popping Pills

For some reason I have been having EXCRUCIATING, DEBILITATING cramps. I don't even know why.  I've always had minor cramping, but nothing like this. This is the second month.  They hurt so bad that I was awakened from my sleep.  So, I've been popping ibuprofin like an addict.  Every 4-6 years I pop two.  My next round would be in a half and hour.  I've never taken this may pills in my life.  I've tried to look up conditions associated, but I am confused.  I don't want to go to the doctor because I already have bills that I need to pay and I don't want to incur anymore at this time.....I don't know what to do. The cramping only happens a week or so before my period and not much during which is weird because I thought the reason women get cramps was because the uterus was contracting to shed the excess lining....so why am I getting them before my period....

I see I'm gonna have to do some researching....