Thursday, September 30, 2010

So Amazing to Be Loved

3:30 came and it was time to leave work.  I was a little apprehensive.  I'm 45 miles away from my homeless home and I'm out of gas.  What am I gonna do??

During lunch time I said a small prayer and called a few social services that cater to homeless people.  I simply asked if they had any services that provided money for transportation to and from work.  Of the three places I called one place told me that they did, but was currently out of resources.  I teared up a little when I remembered that not long ago a man showed up at my job (at the nonprofit) asking if someone could help him with gas money because he had no way to get to the doctor.  I left the office, trailed the man to the gas station and got him some gas.  I told him if he needed food, to come back because we had a food pantry.  As I was remembering I was secretly asking God why no one would do that for me.  You reap what you sow right?  I was in need and I had no one to ask.

So, I left work and drove down the street to the university and as I parked my friend called me.  We chatted a little about work and at the end of the conversation I jokingly told her that I was stuck and I had written my last check and I had no way to get home.  She called her sister for me and asked her sister if she could come get me.  Her sister, who is also a friend of mine immediately called me to let me know that she would be there to bring me some money.  However, a half an hour later, she called me back to tell me she forgot she needed to be at work, but she reminded me that we had another friend that worked in the same city.

I text her and she called and back and I told her what was going on and she came with no questions asked to drive with me to the gas station to get me some gas.

I reaped what I sowed and I didn't have to beg and cry to social services.  As I was leaving, I just cried and thanked God because his word is still right, "...for whatever a man sows, that will he reap."

As I was driving and crying and thanking God, I passed by a couple standing by their van in a parking lot.  There was a huge sign that said, "Will do anything (almost) for gas and food...."  I cried some more because I realized that could have been me.  I wished I had something to help them, but I had nothing.

As I was driving over the highway to my homeless home (my friend that called her sister wanted me to attend a meeting with her, so I decided to go home) I began to think about how loved I am among my friends.  What friend will drive 90 miles to give me some money?  Not many people will do that, but she was willing to.  I then began to think about my family and how if I asked them none of them would have stepped up to help me.    I cried all the way home remembering the struggle growing up to gain support from my family.

It's sad that I don't have support from my natural family,  but I thank God that he has given me a church family that accepts me and helps me.  

Food or Gas

I decided on food, not realizing how close I was running out of gas.

I have two checking accounts and one was overdrawn last week due to a work screw up.  There other one I put $35 in and forgot about it.  So I'm in a different city about 40 miles away and I get to Walmart and try to use a check from one bank and it did't go through.  So, I decided to got Meijer and I was able to buy food.  However, because I was unsure if my check would go through, I only spend $5.00.  So I had one other check from each bank and realized that I needed gas.  I went to one station and they told me they wouldn't accept an out of town check, so I went to another station with my very last check from the bank that was overdrawn last week and sure enough after writing the check, I was told they wouldn't be able to take an out of town check.  Wow.  Now my tank is on nearly empty and I was too scared to try to drive back to the community college to shower and change, so instead I drove to work.  It's 7:30am and I'm in the parking lot of a college down the street from my job and I have no toiletries, and all my clothes are wrinkled cause they are in my trunk.  At least I have make-up to put on.  I'll look good and wrinkled.

I will be going to work quite wrinkled today.  Hopefully, my boss won't notice because I sit as a desk all day long.  I will take a wash up in the bathroom at work, but I have no deodorant.  What do I do?

I have no idea how I"m going to get back to my homeless home tomorrow.  I'm scared to panhandle, but all I need is about $10 to get back on the highway.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Homeless away from home

I'm adjusting to the new city.  I found the locker room to shower and change in.  It's actually nicer than the one in the other city.  It's also warm, however, the water doesn't get as hot, but that's ok.  I also found the lounge with a television and a refrigerator that I can keep my food in.  As long as my food is labeled with a date I can keep it in the fridge.  They clean the fridges every Friday and that's fine because I go back home on Fridays.

I'm applying for a position at a hotel.  I want to work part time in the evenings.  Working there would someone get a nice warm room to sleep in at night.  I think.  We'll see.

Thank God for Pop Tops

I found out that I had $35 in my other checking account.  So I went to the Kmart.  In the food aisle, I found that Campbells Soup makes their cans with the pop tops.  So does Chef Boyardee ravioli and my old childhood favorite--Vienna Sausages.  This is wonderful since I don't carry my personal can opener. Actually, I used to have one, but my sister broke it.

It was cold again last night, but not as cold as the other day.  I slept, but it wasn't very comfortable being buried under two blankets and a long fur-lined suede coat. I managed.  Thank God.

Monday, September 27, 2010

47°

I could barely sleep last night.  It was so cold.  My toes were cold and I just couldn't get comfortable because every time I moved the covers would move which would let cold air in.  I finally got up at 5:30 so that I could go to prayer.  I turned the car on and the temperature registered at 47°.  It was freezing.  I was so frustrated because when I went to my storage yesterday, I couldn't find the bin with my coats.  It's buried under mountains of stuff and I don't want to have to take all that stuff out to find it.  But of course I'm going to have to.  I have no choice.  I went to the salvation army to look for a new jacket and they had some really cute ones, but after looking at my bank account, it looks like I"m overdrawn again so I don't have any money to buy a new coat, even though the one I wanted cost less than $5.  So I"m going to have to layer my clothes until I can get back to get my coats.  

I'm working in a different city all this week and to save on gas, I"m not going back home.  Not that I have a home to go back to, but I"m not going back to my home city which is about 45 miles away.  When I worked in this city this past spring, it cost me about $200 a month to drive back and forth everyday.  Gas was a bill in itself and I just don't have that money to do that, so I"m going to be sleeping at Walmart this week.

Work was extremely busy.  We got a new contract that kept me on the phone all day.  I"m not a phone person, but that's my job.  I hate to hear the phone ring sometimes.  Late in the day our district manager called and my supervisor talked to him.  Apparently she's looking for a new job.  She's applied to be transferred to another city, another state even.  So, this may open the door for me to work full time, however, I'm not sure if I want to.  If I do want my original terms--$16-18 an hour.  

I did get a letter from a university that I applied for asking me to send them my college transcript.  I put it in the mail today.  I'm applying to two other colleges/universities.  We'll see as time goes by.  


Btw, I have no idea how to make the ° symbol.  I had to copy and paste it.  There are instructions to type 0176 while holding the Alt key, but apparently this doesn't work for laptops.  


Any ideas??

Thanks Be to God...

I read a blog by a woman who has AIDS and every time I read her blog, I'm encouraged.  She explained today how she's been behind so much that she didn't think she could afford to move, but she trusted God.  It made me think of a Scripture:

2 Corinthians 2:14

Thanks be to God who always causes us to triumph.  

As I read her blog, I kept thinking about my situation and how I"m going to triumphantly come out of this.  I can only thank God.  

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Difficulties

Remember that check I bounced because I didn't get paid like I was supposed to?  Well, it's came back to bite me.  I went to Walmart to buy food I wanted to write my check for over the amount because I have money in my account, I just don't have an atm card to get my money and my bank is only open Mon - Fri, 9 - 4:30.  So, if I don't get my money then, I won't be getting any.  Walmart wouldn't honor my check.  So, I go online to check which check bounced and sure enough it was Walmart.  Man, now I have to figure out how to pay for it so that won't haunt me.  I wanted to spend today relaxing, but I couldn't because after finding out that I couldn't buy anything, I just wanted to go to the university lounge, sit in front of the TV and chill.  However, when I got there, the door was locked.  It was only 2pm. Why is the door locked?  Ugh.  My next stop was the computer lab and sure enough when I got there, the door was locked also.  Never mind that it was really cold today and I had no jacket.  Finally, I asked two girls walking by to let me in and I was able to lounge and eat microwaved cheese sandwiches for a few hours.  It started to get really cold in the computer lab, so I went to my storage to see if I could get a jacket since the weather is turning really fast.  I could not find the bin with all of my jackets and coats in them.  But the bin with my blankets was right in the front and I was able to grab another blanket and some sweaters to wear to work this week.  After leaving the storage facility, I headed to the hotel which is where I am now, chilling in a lounge area, listening to bad 80s music.  There are two TVs here, but I'd have to stand in a chair to turn them on.  I wonder how long I can sit here?

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Heavenly Father

God, I having a hard time adjusting.  I know that this is a test of my faith and I"m going to keep moving forward, but in order to move forward, I need to not trip over the stumbling blocks.  Father, give me strength and understanding to keep going.  In Jesus Name,

Amen.

Routines

I've been trying to establish a new set of routines to keep some normalcy in my like.  However, being homeless makes establishing them a little tricky.  I have no control over what time doors are locked.

I woke up this morning at about 7:30am.  My feet were freezing, but I thanked God that I made it through the night safely.  I really needed to pee badly, so I went inside to the restroom.  Since it was so early I decided to lounge around a hidden hotel lobby area.  I laid on the couch and briefly closed my eyes.  Of course my mind is always reeling with ideas for work, so laying down didn't last long.  I was up on the computer typing out some ideas for a mega project at work.  At about 8:20, I decided to head to the gym, but not before I stopped at McD's for a dollar menu breakfast burrito and sausage mcmuffin.  I got to the gym and the instructor was amazing.  I love aerobics and step aerobics, but she was doing a highly skilled routine that involved two steps.  I managed to hang on for a while before I got a little dizzy and had to slow it down.  I'm not in the best of shape (I need to lose at least 20lbs), so I can't keep up with the class like I used to, but at least I'm going.

Class was over at 9:50 and I headed to the community college to go to the locker room the shower and change. Why didn't I shower at the gym?  That's a good questions.  I would, however, I don't have a membership and to get to the showers, I have to show and ID card.  To take the aerobics classes I don't, so I just go to aerobics.  Exercise is a stress reliever and I've spent many months paying for a membership that I didn't use, so this just makes up for it.

On the way to the community college, I stopped to check my mail--a past due cell phone bill and some other political flyer from the state telling me about something I need to vote on in the November elections.

I get to the locker room at 10:20 and it's locked.  I'm amazed and puzzled.  I thought the gym didn't close until 11am on Saturday.  I get to the gym door and see that the times for Saturday have been changed from 8am - 11am to 8am - 10am.  Crap.  I'm sweaty, itchy, stinky and tired.  Going down the hall was the security guard and I race after her to let me in.  When I finally caught up with her and ask if she could let me in she ask why?  "Because I need to change my clothes and get my stuff out of there, " I replied.  It was like she did't want to open the door.  Here I am standing with gym clothes on and jeans in my hand, doesn't it look like I just finished working out?  You may ask why I don't work out at the community college?  My answer would be because I don't have a membership there either and to go in I have to sign in with a name and an ID number, which I don't have.  So how do I get the locker in the locker room.  Well, there are tons of people who go to the locker room and you don't have to have a gym membership to get changed in there, so that was easy.  I simply used a name of a person that I knew who goes to the school.  I left the ID number blank because I knew they weren't going to check.

So we get back to the locker room and she ask how long I"m going to be.  I tell her half and hour and she's shocked.  I told her that I needed to change clothes and that I'd be out of there in a jiffy.  She left me alone.

That was the first time I was locked out today.

I stayed late at work today because I was trying to fix the printer and it took me an hour talking to someone on chat help line to try to fix it.  It's still not fixed because my computer froze up.

I finally left work a little after 5 and went to the university to sit in the lounge, watch tv and work online.  I got there and the door was locked.  WHAT???  Security told me that the doors aren't locked until 7pm.  So  instead of going to the lounge I ended up in the computer lab which is ok, except there are more people and I can' t lounge on the couch and watch what I want on tv.

So now to adjust my routine, I need to get to the community college before 10 to shower on the weekends and leave around 3 to make sure that I"m not locked out of the lounge.

I'm really tired.  I want my bed!!!

Friday, September 24, 2010

Just Got Paid....

On Friday nights, I used to have a routine.  Leave work, go shopping, rent a couple of movies, get take-out, go home.  Once home, I'd settle into my comfy bed, turn on the DVD and relax watching movies.  I loved it. The only time that routine changed was when I was dating.

I want to get back into my routine, but It's beginning to be not so easy.  I have no money to shop (not that shopping is the first thing on my mind), and I have no bed.  Not one.  I gave my comfy full size bed away because it would not fit into my storage with all the rest of my life.  Yes, my whole life fits into a 5x10 box.  Well, except for the clothes, shoes, blanket and pillow that I keep in my trunk.  In addition to having to give away my bed, I had to give away my 27 inch tv that I used to watch my movies on.  Actually, I was going to give away my tv anyway to get a new flat screen, but of course I have no where to put a flat screen.

Well, it's Friday night and even though I haven't shopped, I did rent a few movies from Redbox.  Can't beat $1 movies.  The problem is where do I watch the movies.  My laptop battery only last for about an hour, so I'd never get through the movie which is a bummer to go through the whole movie and not be able to watch the end until I can charge my laptop.  So, I decided to stay at work after my meeting to watch the movie.  Thank God for my office!!

Plan B

I've always had a Plan B.  I've had money in the bank, savings (over $25,000), friends that I could borrow money from, friends who would be there to help me out, etc.  That's the way I lived my life.  Always have a backup plan.  However, I've exhausted all of my resources--savings is gone, money in the bank overdrawn, no friends that I can comfortably lean on, and definitely no family to call on.  Despite all of this, I still have a Plan B and I'm confident in this plan.  It's the most solid thing that I can think of.  It's the last of the last resources.

My Plan B is This:

Always have FAITH in God.

I can't have faith in my money because I have none.
I can't have faith in my friends because they are overextended themselves.
I can't have faith in myself even, because I can't will myself to get another job paying me over $50,000 (yes, I used to command a salary of over $50,000)

So my only faith is in God.

One of my old school favorite gospel songs is by John P. Kee, We walk by faith.  I'll try to upload a youtube vidoe of the song

The Bible say, "without faith, it's impossible to please the Lord."

This is Hebrews 11:6 from The Message Bible:

 It's impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him. 



Think it not strange

I received a message from my spiritual mom.  She was asking about the organization.

I'm not sure if I explained this, but I work for a non-profit, but I don't get paid.  Basically, because they don't have the money to pay me right now, but I still put in hours to do the work that is needed.

The executive director is on vacation and she happens to be my spiritual mom--she prays for me, teaches me the word of God, etc.  She emailed to ask how the organization is going.  I gave her an update.  She also asked me how I was doing.  I really didn't respond simply because I'm not comfortable with those who are close to me knowing that I'm homeless.  Her reply to me was really encouraging:

As you are working things out for the ministry God is working things out for
you.

Think it not strange as things began to fall in place for you concerning your
life (mentally, physically, financially, spiritually). God loves you like that.

Kingdom Blessings



I don't take those words lightly. I trust and fully rely on God.  That's all I can do.  I have no one else to turn to.  

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Someone Watching Over Me

I don't know why this won't post, but it's a youtube video of Yolanda Adams, Someone Watching Over You!!

It speaks to my situation and I love God for it.


One day's pay and blessings from God!!!

The job that I have was supposed to be part-time to full-time, depending on the need.  Two weeks ago, I worked full-time, minus Labor Day.  Last week, I worked 1pm - 5pm.  This week, my boss said that she only needed me two days-Monday and Tuesday.  A full 16 hours.  Not only that, but I get paid weekly--on a Friday.  Imagine my surprise when on last Friday, I was expecting to be paid for 34 hours and I only got paid for 6.5 hours--one day.  Basically, $75.  There was a screw-up in my paycheck I didn't realize I had only been paid $75 until after I loaned $15 to someone, bought gas, and bought food and paid my tithes at church.  I overdraft a check and was charged $29.  Ugh!!!!  I told my manager, that I wasn't paid and she hurried to send my time in and I was assuming I would get paid the next day--I have direct deposit and that's what we tell all of our employees--Payroll will process it ASAP and you should get it in a day or two.  Well, I didn't get paid until a whole week later which is today and I needed to buy gas to drive 90 miles (roundtrip) to turn in some work that I was contracted to do on yesterday.  And I needed to buy something to eat.  However, I had no money, so I was forced to write a check for $10 in gas--that was going to get me to my destination and I was going to pray fervently to get back home without running out of gas.  I wasn't going to worry about food because I could go a day or two without, but I was fortunate.  Instead of having to drive to take the contract, my colleague told me to send it with someone who was already going.  So, I didn't have to waste the $10 I paid to get gas.  Also, I was asked to attend a committee meeting and there were loads of food.  I got me a full plate to go, enough food for breakfast the next day (and I didn't look out of place because everyone was taking food to go).  I was hoping that the $10 check didn't turn into $39 because of another overdraft.  However, that wasn't my biggest concern at the time because I got a call from a temp agency offering me 16 hours of work and I needed the gas to get across town to the company.  So, my 16 hours of work turned into 32 hours for this week.  I thanked God!!!!
My temp job was interesting.  I was called in to help stuff 18,000 scholarship letter, applications and brochures.  That was 18,000 pieces of mail that could have been put on the internet for people to get the information from, but despite my greenness, I was happy to have the job.  After sitting for 8 hours stuffing envelopes, the group realized that we worked pretty efficiently.  The company said that it usually takes 3 days to complete the task, however, we got done with 15,000 in one day.  So we were all wondering if we would have work for the next day.  I was sure they were going to tell us not to come in, but they said they would see us tomorrow.  Thank God, again!!!!

As I was leaving the job, I stopped at the community college to change clothes and I quickly checked my email.  My boss had emailed me and text me to say they needed me for the next two weeks.  Praise Jesus, because I wasn't sure if I would have a pay check after next week.   So, I will be working fulltime for the next two weeks. Thank you, Jesus!!!

So, I'm grateful.  It reminds me of a song that gives me hope.  The video for this was made by a woman who obviously loves her daughter, but it's appropriate for my situation because "even when it rains outside, there's still light":

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Sunday, September 19, 2010

How I eat

Eating as a homeless person takes some planning.  I usually like to eat healthy, (except for the the times where I was working so much that I was to tired to cook and simply at fast food).  However, as a homeless person with not a lot of money, I have to take what I can get.  My favorite is JIF peanut butter.  I didn't realize how full a person can get just by eating peanut butter.  On a good day I go to Walmart, get a pre-baked chicken, two packs of Uncle Ben's pre-cooked rice that you only have to put in the microwave for 90 seconds, a can of cream of mushroom soup and another can of vegetables--corn or peas, and I mix it all together, put it in the microwave after church, eat dinner a church on Sunday and leave the rest in the church's refrigerator to eat the rest of the week.  Going to church makes it convenient.  On Monday's I attend prayer in the morning.  After prayer, I go the frig, get a bowl of my microwaved chicken casserole and save it for lunch.  I attend church on Tuesday's also, but in the evening, so I may eat fruit or peanut butter during the day and then before church I heat up a bowl of casserole to eat for dinner.  Before I go home for church at night I go to get a bowl to take for lunch on Wednesday.  I don't attend church on Thursday, but there is a secretary that is at the church most days, so I can get into the building to heat up some of my famous chicken casserole and the same goes for Friday.  The chicken casserole last a week and it cost under $10.

Chicken and rice casserole is not the only meal that I have, but it's quick and simple.  I also love to eat smoked turkey legs and canned beans.  Sometimes Walmart sales pre-cooked smoked turkey legs.  I buy one or two ($3 each) and get a can of black eyed peas or two and microwave it all and eat it for the week.  Sometimes I add canned tomatoes and okra.

There are sometimes when I don't have $10 to get the food I want so I get a package of bologna and a loaf of bread.  Simple.

The nonprofit I work for has a food pantry and because I work there I have access to get canned fruits or other snacks that I may want.

I have not had to go hungry.  Thank God!!!  

My First Weekend

I had managed to make it through the week, but I was unsure how to navigate the weekend.  That Saturday morning, I made my way to my storage unit to put the last of my things that were cluttering my car.  My storage was locked by the owners and searched and searched for the key they had given me.  Racking my brain to remember the last time I had it, I realized that on Wednesday morning, I tried to turn it in before work, but realized that they didn't open until 9am and I needed to be on the highway to get the work by 9am.  So I tossed the keys in my back and got on the road.  That was the last time I saw the keys.  I searched and searched my bag, car, clothes, everything, but didn't have those keys.

Where in the world could they be?  I guessed they would be in my locker at the community college because that was the only other place that housed my other belongings.  I searched and searched and couldn't find them, so I had to drive around with all of this stuff still in my car--an ironing board, a camping cot that I slept on in my apartment because I put my bed in storage, and a bunch of clothes, shoes and non-perishable food.  My small compact car was crowded and I needed to take the ironing board out of my car at night to sleep.  So after searching and searching with no luck, I decided to head to the college to take a shower, but realized that the locker room closed at 11.  It was almost 11.  I realized I wouldn't make it so I went to my office at the nonprofit that I work for (for free) and took a wash up in the bathroom.

I spent most of my day in that office and at night headed back to the hotel parking lot.  It wasn't a bad set-up, however, I needed to be at church at 9:30am.  Hmmm, the locker room is closed on Sundays.  The only choice I had was to take a wash up in the bathroom at the hotel and take my clothes to church to get dressed.   I was a little embarrassed going into church in my sweats, carrying an iron and a hand full of clothes, but I had no other choice.  I headed to the basement to the office, ironed, got dressed and by 9:30 was at my post of service.  That night, I headed back to the hotel to sleep.

I made it through my first weekend as a homeless person.  

Saturday, September 18, 2010

My First Week

It was Tuesday, September 7.  I had a plan.  I would park in the lot of the local community college.  That way, I could shower in the locker room in the morning.  Before I left my apartment, I ironed a weeks worth of clothes and made sure that all my laundry was done.  I neatly sorted and packed my clothes in boxes in my truck.  I bagged my shoes and kept my toiletry bag stocked.

On my way to the community college, I remembered there was park that was not far away where a lot of trailers would park.  An ex-boyfriend told me that the homeless would park there.  I decided to try to find it to check it out.  I drove and drove, but could not find it.  So I got to the parking lot at the community college and realized how empty it was.  Naively I parked in the back and settled in under my blanket in the back seat.  I was fine until around 6am, I heard this motor coming towards me.  The blanket was over me head and suddenly I heard it stop.  I was sure someone was at my car looking in.  After I heard it leave, I slowly peaked up and saw that the maintenance guys were on a golf cart driving around the college.  Ugh,  I think I'd been found out.  By the time I got up it was 7am and I decided to drive around the college to the door that leads to the fitness center.  As I parked, I saw the golf cart coming towards me.  Oh, no, I just knew that they were coming to tell me that I had to leave, so I just sat in the car.  As the maintenance men passed me by they looked at me.  I was shamed.  I knew that they knew that I had slept in my car.  I waited until they went inside, got my clothes and shamefully went to the locker room.  Once inside there was another woman who had obviously just finished working out.  I tried to be as normal as possible.  From there I went to work.

The next night, I was working in the office in a different city, so I decided to try the community college in that city.  However, there was one problem.   I didn't know where the fitness center was.  I found the gymnasium, but not the fitness center.  Shouldn't it have been in the same building? I couldn't find it, so I headed for the nearest Walmart.  The problem was I was running out of gas and it was two days until payday.  I prayed that I make it between the big trucks that was passing me by on the highway and right after I turned the corner to head to Walmart, my car ran out of juice.  I put my flashers on, ran to Walmart to get a gas can and some food and ran back to my car.  The gas station was in the opposite direction, so I dashed to the gas station.  By the time I got back to my car the battery had died.  Now I had gas, I still couldn't make go anywhere.  I raised the hood on my car, partially emptied my trunk (the battery is in my trunk) and waited.  A nice guy came to help me.  Finally, I made it to the parking lot.  I bought a sun shield parked on the side of the store and blended in wonderfully.  I got up the next morning and decided that since I couldn't find a locker room at the community college then maybe there was one I could use at the university.   I got there and couldn't fined it, so I washed up in the bathroom, got dressed and made to work 10 minutes late.  UGH.  That night I was headed back home (not really home, but to my home city because I was working in that office.)

I couldn't bear going back to the community college to sleep, so I decided to head to the local Walmart parking lot.  Walmart was buzzing with actions, so I left there and went to a hotel not far away.  That would have been fine, but there was this guy outside yapping away on his phone.  I didn't get out of my car.  I went back to the Walmart and settled in the for the night.  That morning I got up and headed to the community college at 7am.  Darn, there goes the maintenance men again.  The looks were horrible.  They recognized my car from before.  I shamefully went to shower and went to work.

A didn't want to go back to the Walmart, so on Friday, I decided to got to a different hotel.  It was bustling also with action, so I was nervous.  However, I settled in under my blanket in the back seat of my small car.

My First Blog Post

The purpose of this blog is to detail my journey going from being a professional woman to sleeping in my car.

It all began......

In August 2009, I screwed up.  I found myself behind in my bills because instead of managing my money appropriately I spent without keeping track of what I was doing.  To keep up I visited my local payday cash advance place and borrowed $1000.  My bills for the month of August totaled more than that, so I went to another payday cash advance place and borrowed $500.  I didn't realize how much in the hole this borrowing would put me until my first payment in September.

In September 2009, I was only paid for one week in August--that's the way our school district paid us.  However, the problem was that I needed to pay one payday cash place $400 and the other one $150.  This left me with barely enough money to survived.  I wouldn't be paid a full bi-weekly check until the end of September, therefore, for the month of September my bills weren't paid.  So I pawned $2000 worth of diamond rings for about $200 (I just put it on loan).  

At the end of September I was paid a full check of approximately $1200 (gross).  From this money I needed to pay all the month's bills that totaled about $1300.

Seeing that I didn't have enough money to pay my bills and buy groceries, gas, and other misc necessities, I simply went without paying my rent and my student loan.  Because my job was so stressful instead of going to the grocery store I lived off fast food--about $15 a day.  My landlord was a nice man, I told him that I would pay him as soon as I got it which would be mid-October.  However, by mid-October, I needed to pay the payday loan people and I needed to roll over my pawn shop loan.  This cycle went on and one until finally in December I had paid off all of my payday loans but I still needed to get my rings from the pawn shop.  I still hadn't paid rent because I didn't have enough money to pay my rent.

In December, a new job prospect presented itself.  The money was the same as my current position, but it would alleviate all of the stress and I could actually go home at 5pm instead of 9pm (I went to work at 8am).  I took the job offer.

In January, I gave my 2 week notice, started my new job and at the end of January went to a budget meeting and was told that our payments would be 6-months out.  I wouldn't be paid for 6 months.  WHAT???  How does it happen.  Well, the lovely state of Illinois was so behind in paying companies that it took at least 6 months to be paid.  The company I worked for only had a small amount of money to pay me up front because the state hadn't paid them $50,000 from FY 2009.  They they were banking on that money to take care of my salary and then be reimbursed.  HUH!!!!!

So, I was laid off after working for 2 months with no pay.

I lived off my savings and still had not paid my rent.  Actually, I hadn't paid rent and my power bill because now I was living from January until April on $4000 I had saved.  By the time April came, I was broke.  Why didn't I get unemployment?  Because I worked for a nonprofit who was not subject to pay UI and since the state was so behind they didn't have the money to pay UI.

Financially, I was in shambles.  Mentally, I was even worse.  Not because of my financial situation, but because of a man.  You know when they say it rains, it pours.  Well, sometimes that true and I was in a hail storm.

I met this guy in January.  Actually, I had known him for almost 8 years, but we had never actually met.  We proceeded to date and after 2 weeks he was asking me to marry him.  I was on cloud 9 and in hell at the same time.  This is a man that I was interested for about 8 years however, despite the fact that he asked me to marry him, he was still seeing his baby mama.  After about a month of us seeing each other, I couldn't take it anymore.  My heart was broken and I was sinking.  I was living off of my savings, working for free, and in love with a man that didn't know how to love me back.  I was slowly going crazy.

In February, I was robbed at gun point while sitting in my car.  There was still snow on the ground so my windows were foggy when this guy came up and knocked on the window.  I thought it was some crackhead asking for money, so I waved him away.  He knocked again.  I rolled down the window to see a guy pointed at my face.  I screamed, he asked for my wallet and I cried to him that I didn't have it, which was true.  I had just come back from my storage--loading things--and I was on my way back home.  The only thing I had with me was my laptop.  I handed it to him and he still asked for my wallet.  "I promise, I don't have one with me," I cried.  He clicked the gun and I lifted my hands, closed my eyes and started praying, "Father, in the name of Jesus..."  By the time I said Jesus, he had run away.  I figured that if I was gonna die, then I'd like to die praying and not pleading for my life.  I was so shaken up that it took me a minute to drive away.  I got home and found that I was locked out.  I had put the slip lock on the front door.  I was so scared to walk around the back to the back door, that I called a friend crying.  I didn't tell her what happened, but I asked her to pray for me.  After she got off the phone, I prayed to got that he protect me as I ran around the back.  Right after I prayed my neighbor came home and that gave me enough courage to run around the back to get in.  I cried and cried.      

In March, the company that I worked for got a new contract.  Yay,  I could get paid, right?  Well, my co-workers and I had some disagreements and instead of it being a wonderful assignment that would expand the company into 4 additional cities, it became stressful because of the disagreements.

By the time April came, I was completely broke and trying to hang on to my sanity.  The only thing I knew to do was recite the scripture, "I've never seen the righteous forsaken...."  A job came my way without me applying.  I got the job, but it was in a city that was about 45 mile away.  I had to borrow money from a friend to drive back and forth.  By this time, the power in my apartment was out, all of my furniture was gone (I told my landlord that I would be moving because I didn't have the money to pay him) and I was sleeping on the floor.  I broke down and told my friend, the one I called to pray for me.  She let me stay in her house.  The problem was that she had 4 children and lived in a 2-bedroom house.  She was so nice that she let me sleep in her bed while she took the couch.  What a friend!!!!!  This was also the friend that loaned me $200 to drive back and forth until I got paid.

Now I'm working a fulltime job, but I didn't get paid until 3 weeks after I started.  So, I paid my friend, paid a few bills and caught up on some things.  After about a month, I got tired of seeing my friend sleep on the couch, so I lied to her and told her that I had enough money to get a new apartment and I moved out of her place.

In May, I got my check from my retirement fund almost $15,000.  However, with taxes and penalties, I was only given $10,000.  My bank was overdrawn $1000 so there went that.  I paid my car up to 4 months which was over $1000, paid my power bill which was over $1000, paid a few other bills and was left with a few thousand dollars.  The job that I had gotten was only temporary--June 30 was my last day unless they found enough money to keep me.

Close to the end of my job I found out that they did n't have enough money to keep me so I began my job search.  By the end of July my funds were dwindling again.  I got notice from my landlord that he sold the building.  I had until August 30 to vacate.

One week before my dooms day, I found a job.  $16 and hour and up to 40 hours a week.  My first day was August 24.  I would be working between two offices 45 mile apart.  When I arrived for my first day of work, the boss called me in to tell me that I would not be making $16 an hour, but only $13 an hour and that I would not be working 40 a week, but probably up to 30 hours a week.  After working for 3 weeks, I'm only working 20 hours or less.  My pay for the month has been about $800.

I was supposed to move out August 30, but I still had no miracle, so I stayed another week.  The new landlord allowed me to stay, but the day after labor day was my absolute last day there.

On my first day


    

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