Dinner Tonight

Tomatoe and Beet Salad...AWESOMENESS!!!

The Journey Up: Money Management

I've talked to a financial counselor and we found that without paying my student loan I have about $400 extra to put into savings. However, this pay period, I barely broke even. I'm not complaining, but I will stand on the word of God. The Bible says to give and it shall be given and I gave a lot at church. I don't have any thing left to do laundry or anything else. I pray that God watch over His word to perform it because I'm gonna be washing my underwear by hand tonight because I have none that are clean!! My car needs to be fixed and I can't afford to fix it. My sister has asked for me to help her financially but I have nothing to give her....I need someone to give to me.... In everything give thanks....THANK YOU GOD!!!! Despite my trials...THANKS YOU, GOD!!!!

The Journey Up: Weight management

I'm working on getting my life together.... I read this scripture that really made sense. Jeremiah 2:7 says, "I brought you into a fertile land to eat its fruit and rich produce. But you came and defiled my land and made my inheritance detestable." I feel like that's me. God has made a way for me to live for FREE. He blessed me with a job that I love and I have SO MUCH FAVOR with doing my job, but I still seem to get myself involved with things that are not right... For example, I have a LOT of FREEDOM on my job. I can come and go as I please, but because I was hanging out with COACH I found myself at his house instead of being in my office. I was still on the clock, but I wasn't working.... THAT'S NOT RIGHT. So, I made myself stay in my office all day today, even though I didn't have anything to do. I read about health stuff. But, I didn't leave. I don't want to mess this up, that's why I'm working on my character development. A person with a good character will not be paid for doing something that they did not do. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to lie and be a bad steward over my money. I want to earn what is mine. So, in addition to working on stuff like that, I'm also working on my weight. My job has supplied me with a Wellness Coach (free of charge) so that I can manage my weight. We meet every two weeks to talk about health and nutrition, diet and exercise. I'm SO HAPPY FOR THIS. Maggie (not her real name) has been wonderful so far. I explained to her my thyroid issues and how this has really compromised my weight. She gave me some tips on how I can manage what I eat, but she also encouraged me to take my medication (which I have not taken in almost a year). Little did she know I had already scheduled a time to see a specialist about my thyroid next month. We also talked about my mood eating....I have a problem eating when I'm bored. So, instead of eating snacks--cookies and chips, I will work on eating healthy stuff when I'm bored. That way I won't be filling up on empty calories. She also motivated me to work our more. My goal is 5 days a week for 30 minutes each day. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do when my YMCA membership is over next month!!! I can't afford a full membership. I'm gonna do something, but I'm not sure what just yet...

The Insurance Guy Made Me Cry

My car SUCKS!! Of course you know this because I've chronicled my issues before...but this time I have a NEW PROBLEM!! When I put my key into the ignition, it WON'T TURN!! I've bruised my finger trying to get that thing to turn. UGH!!! It's my cylinder lock--the cylinder thing you put the key in to to get it started. It has chipped away and chipped away at my key so much that now it won't turn. So I thought I'd get a NEW KEY made to see if that worked and it did....for about three days. Then on yesterday I was stranded at work..in the parking lot. UGH!! It took me an hour and a half before I finally called my insurance company to get my car towed home. I was irritated, upset, mad....and even though I was bothered I was still trying to keep my cool. So, I called the insurance agent for roadside assistance and the guy was SOOOOOO FUNNY!! I couldn't be mad anymore. He brightened my day!! I even told him so. When I got off the phone I was teary eyed because that was God's way of telling me, "I got you...." even when things are crazy and not going your way, "I still got you!" And I thank God for using the young man to cheer me up. So I went back outside to see if just maybe the car would start and when I got into the car, Coach called. I told him what happened and he asked me why I didn't call him. He then proceeded to tell me how to get my car started. It wasn't working and then after about a minute of talking to him, it started (not that anything he was telling me work, it just came on.) Of course he thinks it's because of him, but I KNOW THE TRUTH!! It's just finicky like that...it starts when it WANTS TOO. So, I cancelled the tow truck and since then, I have been leaving my keys in the ignition and locking my door. I hope no one looks in my car and sees the keys. I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY RIGHT NOW TO GET THAT FIXED. I know it's gonna cost me over a $100.

Why Am I Disappointed?

Coach and I have been hanging out...not dating, just hanging out. He needed help filling out paperwork for school and looking for a job, so I've been helping him. And because I've been helping him, we've been seeing each other almost daily this week. Well, I went to visit him during my lunch hour and as I was leaving, my car wouldn't start. GGGGRRRRRRR!! Yep, it was asking like it was cold outside and it wouldn't start. So I sat for 10 minutes, like normal before it started. However, as I was sitting, he got a visitor....another lady. REWIND... While I was visiting with him, we were sitting in the living room and he mentioned that he needed to pick up the children from the Y at 1:30, so I took that as a cue to leave. So we hugged (he gives the best hugs) and I went to my car, put the key in the ignition, and nothing happened. So I sat there....and sat there...and sat there. About 6 minutes passed and I see a car pull up behind his (my car was parked in front of his). A petite woman gets out and has a gallon of milk. She walks up to the porch, rings the doorbell and he opens it. I'm not sure who this women is, but I do know that he still communicates with several of his children's mothers (because he has to for the sake of the children). A couple of minutes later, he comes out of the house and now I'm embarrassed because I don't want to be sitting there looking at him with another women...So I began praying. God answered my prayers and my car started and I drove off. I'm not sure if he knows that I know that this woman was coming to visit him. But, it just let me know, confirmed that he's NOT the one for me! About an hour later, I went to Jimmy John's for $1 subs and sure enough, another ex-friend walks up with a girl and her children. I made sure to act like I didn't see them. He sent me a text for my bday and I totally ignored him!! I didn't want to be bothered...this was another confirmation--don't waste time thinking about him!! So, if I know these guys aren't for me, why am I disappointed? Why?? I guess I feel like I'm at a point where I WANT to be in a relationship and despite my finances, I feel like I'm ready! Yes, I need to get out of debt, but emotionally, mentally, I feel like I'm ready..... I just need to hold on and not become desperate!!!

Would You Like to Date My Husband?

I was working a fair for my job--sitting at a table passing out information about our programs and services and one of the ladies at the fair, who I've worked with before and have grown to like, comes to sit by me... We started talking about fashion and working out and then the conversation turned to dating. I mentioned something like, "If you know someone who is between the ages of 35-40 and is not mentally unstable, let me know..." We were laughing. And she goes, "I know someone...my husband." We were still laughing, so of course I'm not thinking that she is serious, but she continues to tell me that she's been married for 15 years and she and her husband are not right for each other. Neither of them are happy and she tells me, "he deserves to be happy." She continues to tell me that they were married young and have 3 children, but he's "not right for her." She says that she wants to make sure that he finds someone to be happy with and tells me that I would be perfect for her husband. She wants to introduce me to him!! WHAT??? HUH????? I said to her, "Why would I want him if you aren't happy with him?" DUH??? She continues to talk about how they are friends and he's a wonderful guy, just "not right for her." She even shows me a pic and I might say that he is really nice looking.... BUT...... I've NEVER been interested in married men!! Even if they have been separated for 10 years...I'm STILL NOT INTERESTED!!! Anything can happen and the couple may get back together. Did I hear Kobe and his wife are getting back together?? There are many people who separate and get back together. Why would I put myself in that situation. Especially when there are 3 children involved. WHAT???? So, the whole situation was a little awkward even though I was sitting there laughing and chatting with her.... How do I get myself into these situations????

The Journey Up: Money Management

I've been trying to work on my budget. I'd get a budget going, but not follow it. So, I enlisted help! There is a program through my job that helps with budgeting and money management. I found out that without paying my student loan I have about $390 of discretionary money. So, I want to use that money to pay my debts that are in collections which includes about $4500. I also want to use more money to pay off my car, so I'm I have to figure out if I'm gonna pay off my car first or my debts. If I pay off my car, I will be in good standing with my bank, then I can look at paying off my debts. Since my debts are in collections, I can work out a deal with them to not pay the entire thing since they didn't "buy" it for that amount. But, I do want to pay most of it!!  Especially before they decide to come after me and sue me!!  I really don't want that to happen.  So, I'm gonna make a poster to keep track of every penny.  Also, the debt counselor told me how to use the "envelop system". Basically, I can use it for stuff like fast food, or snacks...stuff that's not bills. And I can say that I want to spend $20 a month on fast food and snacks.  I put $20 in the envelop and once it's gone for the month, it's gone!!  No more snacks or fast food.  I think I wanna start small with just that and see how it goes.

Here's to the journey UP!!

Stepped Right In

My friend Robert came to town on Sunday evening.  He called me in despair and hopeless, stating that he was contemplating suicide. He then asked me if he could come here to look for a job. I agreed, but that was before I realized that I didn't have a lot of money left over from my bills. We weren't sure how long he would be staying and after he got here, I prayed to God that he wouldn't stay longer than a day and God stepped right in. As I was going to pay for another day at the hotel he told me that he could go home.

Whew....

I thought I was gonna have to borrow some money to keep him here. I didn't want to stress him out more by telling him that I couldn't help him, especially since the purpose for him coming here was for me to help him. So, in the nick of time, God helped!!  THANK YOU, LORD!!

He's now back in Chicago. But, on the way to take him to the train station, I asked him if he needed anything and he asked if I had a few dollars. Without thinking I told him that the only money I had was for gas to get back home. However, on the way I remembered that I had money on my prepaid visa card that I could use for gas, so I gave him that cash I had which was about $11. He was happy because now he didn't have to walk all the way home from downtown Chicago!!  THANK GOD!!

I haven't heard from him, but I'm keeping him in my prayers. There was a seed of love from God planting while he was here and I pray that the seed grows!!

The Journey Up: The Little White Ones....

I've been working on me. Actually, I haven't been working, I've just been available and ready for God to work on me and my life is changing. I don't think the same, I don't act the same and I DON'T FEEL THE SAME!  It's like the air is different and I keep wondering what it is? And I think it's CHANGE!!

I prayed to God that my character needs to be developed....and that includes my integrity....

So, I've been noticing the "little white lies" that I've been telling.

"Hey, how was dance practice?" my boss asked.
"Oh, it was fun....," I said before I could think about it.  The problem is, there WAS NO DANCE PRACTICE.  I forgot that practices was tomorrow and NOT today, but I came dressed and ready for practice.

Why couldn't I just say it wasn't today. My brain didn't even automatically tell my mouth to tell the truth, it just told a lie. That needs to change and I NEED GOD to help me change that because even "little white ones" are still LIES. AND I DON'T WANT TO BE A LIAR!!!!

So, God, work on my mouth. I don't want to automatically lie. That compromised my integrity and I want to have an upstanding character. I believe my character is partly the reason I "fell so hard."

Thank GOD that He loves me enough to work on me!!!

Thank GOD that I will speak truth!!

No Hope = No Faith

Sometimes life can get so bad that you end up hopeless....hopelessness is dangerous.  The Bible says that the just shall live by faith and without faith it's impossible to please God.  The Bible also that "Faith" is the substance of things HOPED for...

If you have no HOPE, you have no FAITH!! If you have no FAITH, you can't believe.  If you don't believe, you can't receive God or His word....

So, you have to fight for your FAITH, so that you can keep HOPE....

Fight the good fight of FAITH!!!! So that you can keep you HOPE.

This is a Test

To be continued from here...

For some reason that last quasi-serious relationships I've been in have involved men who were mentally/emotionally unstable.  About a month ago, I met "Robert."  You can read about him here and here.

Well, I've come to realize that this is a test and I can't fail this test!!  I just can't fail!! If I fail, then I'm gonna have to take this test over and I'm determined to pass this test. As much as I want companionship right now and I want to be married and to be intimate with someone, this is not the time.  He is not the guy....

Rewind....

Robert is coming to town. After talking to him on the phone on Saturday night and then talking to him in the afternoon he asked me about the job market here in town. Actually that morning I had thought about him getting a job here in town because I thought he could get a job in his field here, but I wasn't gonna mention that to him and we were in agreement, so he asked me if he could come here today. So, I'm helping him out by letting him come here, but he's not staying with me. I'm gonna get him a hotel room because I don't feel comfortable with him in my apt.

But anyway, as I was thinking about him....we have great conversation on the phone and I'm sure we will have a good time hanging out, but he's not the one for me. I believe I've supposed to help him by bringing Christ and the word of God into his life, but I KNOW I'm not supposed to date him.  I KNOW THAT!!  I'm not even interested in dating him, so since I know that and I know that in the past, I've met these type of guys who have gotten me tied up into mess I'm gonna keep my distance. I'm gonna keep my professionalism (not get so comfortable with him). I CAN'T!!  Getting "involved" with him is NOT the purpose. I have to KEEP the purpose. If I don't I will be right back where I was and I'm determined to move FORWARD!!

I refuse to be trapped in the past....

THANK GOD FOR FAITH, SELF-CONTROL, and DISCIPLINE!!

I HAVE DISCIPLINE AND SELF-CONTROL

The flesh does not have what it takes to stop sinning. The flesh doesn't have the power to crucify the flesh. Understanding the consequences of sin...can help me not walk in the flesh. We have the seed of self-control in us, the fruit just needs to grow. I can do ALL things through Christ that strengthens me...

Why Do I Always Attract These Type of Men?

I believe that there is a reason that certain people gravitate to us. The old saying goes, "Birds of a feather....." So, why is it that I attract men who have such deep rooted mental issues? About 10 years ago, I met a really cute guy. I was attracted to him and pursued him. I didn't pursue him to date him, but to see if I could "pull" a cute guy like that. Well, I got him alright and found out that he was married. UGH!! Well, he didn't tell me he was married until after dating for about 2 years.... But, during that time that we dated he tried to commit suicide. I had to stay on the phone with him all night to talk him out of it. I used scripture and I prayed...."You shall live and not die, but declare the works of the Lord..." was one scripture I used.

Then, not too long ago, I met a guy in Jan 2010 who had mental issues that he tried to commit suicide. He literally tried to shoot himself in the head and he was a cutter. He's 40 years old and he's a cutter. His arms are so scarred with....He would tell me often that he was an emotional wreck. This was the same guy that yelled at me in December for no GOOD reason.

Now, I met the guy about a month ago...He's the guy I invited to my dinner at work. Well, one night he was talking to me crazily and I found out the next morning how he was having troubles with an ex-girlfriend. I had a conversation with this same guy and last night and he was talking about killing himself. WHAT????? HUH??????? He was then telling me that he prayed to God and God told him to call me. HUH?????? WHAT????? And he kept asking me what he needed to do. HUH???? WHAT?????

Basically he has been out of work for about 2 years and he's destitute and has NOTHING!! He didn't want to hear me tell him scripture, which is what I knew...I didn't know anything else to tell him. Saying, "Everything will be okay...." was not something that I wanted to say because how do I know that? So, I mainly stayed quiet, prayed and searched for scripture....close to the end the conversation he started really talking crazy, so I got off the phone. When I got off the phone my heart was fluttering. I was having anxiety. When he called me this morning I didn't answer the phone, but called him back about an hour later. And he simply talked to me like there was nothing wrong, like he never told me he wanted to blow his brains out or take a rope and hang myself and he never told me that he wanted to have sex with me regardless of if I wanted it or not....WOW!!!!!!

I was disturbed and bothered!! I was truly disturbed and majorly bothered!!

To be continued....