On my way out the door, he tried to introduce us. She didn't want to speak. I was simply being cordial. When I got home I was a little crushed, but I didn't let it bother me. Then about an hour later I got a phone call from him. WHAT???? UGH???? This is when the night turned bad.....
Anyway, for about two weeks we talked. During that time he asked me to marry him and out of the same breathe he was telling me about how he and his ex-gf were so tied together. I was so hurt and confused. So, I took my bruised heart and just like any other mistake, I got over it.... He contacted me a couple of times throughout the year and each time he was telling me how he was gonna marry me. Blah, Blah, Blah. I never responded. Well, after Thanksgiving we ran into each other and at first I was a little put off. He was yelling at me from his car as I was walking into the YMCA. WHAT?? Who does that?? What man does that???? So, when he got the picture that I wasn't going to come over to him, he got out of the car to talk to me. We exchanged numbers and it started again. This time it was a little different. He and his ex-gf were done.
Over a period of about a month he told me about how he was telling her about me and she didn't like it, so eventually they got into a physical fight and he hurt her badly. This snowballed into epic craziness....he tried to kill himself by cutting himself and taking a gun to his head. He was charged with two felonies--aggravated battery and unlawful use of a weapon and unlawful restraint. He lost everything--two cars, a motorcycle, his home and a $70,000 job. He was committed to the psychiatric ward of a hospital....EPIC MADNESS. Still every time I saw him he was saying how much he wanted to be with me. WOW!!! So as he was telling me all this stuff, my heart was aching. 2010 was one of his worst years. I just didn't feel comfortable telling him how horrible my 2010 was. I mean, my stuff was not nearly as crazy. I just slept in the cold for four months....
As we were talking--having our heart to heart--he told me that he was embarrassed by all this. Tears came to my eyes because here he had gone through hell on earth and he didn't even realize that I was embarrassed too. I didn't think he was gonna like me if he knew that I had slept in my car and he was thinking the same about me. Everything was going well (well, as well as it could be going, we both have trust issues) then one day I cancelled our lunch date and everything fell apart. Yep, a lunch date did it.
Okay, back-up...as we were having our heart to heart, he asked me if I could see myself marrying him. He told me about all of his children and possible children. They are numerous....I think he knows about 8 or 9, but there are several that he suspect are his, but the mom's won't cooperate. EPIC CHILDREN.
It's a fact that hurt people, hurt people. If you don't get healed in your heart, mind, spirit, and soul, you will eventually affect and damage those around you. This is one of the reasons why I kept him at arms length. I guarded my heart when I was with him. And sure enough it was a cancelled lunch date that caused him to lash out at me.
On Thursday, December 29 I called him to say hello around 11am. He asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I told him that I would a little after noon. I agreed to take him to lunch at McGory's. However, when it got closer to noon, I realized that I was supposed to take Steph to the doctor at 1pm, so having lunch and then picking her up was gonna be cutting it close especially since McGory's wasn't fast food. So I called him to ask him if he could pick me up to drop my car off at Steph's. He stated that his car was currently in the shop and he was waiting on it to be done so picking me up was not ideal. He just told me to call him when I was done. I agreed. Well, I picked up Step at one and he called me around 1:15 to ask where I was because his car was done. I told him I was waiting on Steph and that it would be about a half an hour. Well, a half an hour came and went and I was still waiting on Steph. So I text him to tell him that I didn't want him to wait on me and that I wasn't sure what time I was gonna be done. My actual text was, "Hey not sure wen im gonna b done. I dnt want u 2 have 2 wait on me." He text me back, "Oh...Don't worry about..have a blessed day." From that message, I knew he was a little ticked, but I didn't think this was gonna lead to a two day argument. Later on that evening, I texted him, "U busy?" I was working on some grants and I was quite melancholy about the new year coming in and I wanted to talk. He called me back a couple hours later going off about how I didn't care about him and that I should not have sent him that text I sent him, blah, blah, blah. I was shocked. I knew from his text that I ticked him off, but WOW! He just kept telling me that I wasn't considerate and he wanted to spend time with me, but I didn't care about spending time with him. He stated that I felt like he was doo doo. WHAT????? WOW???? I couldn't get a word in edgewise. The argument was so stupid that I don't even remember everything he said. It was all so absurd. Here I was considering marrying this man and having a baby by him *cringe* and he was telling me that I didn't care about him. WOW!!!! So we ended the call with him saying that he would never bother me again. When we got off the phone, I was so confused. Like what just happened??? I prayed and I cried for him. I felt sorry for him. He was so emotionally damaged that something simple as a cancelled lunch date caused Mount St. Helens to erupt! WOW. So after I finished crying and praying for him, I called him to apologize for offending him. Yep, I told him I was sorry. I guess I did it more because I really wasn't interested in going to lunch--not because I didn't want to, but because I knew that I was finding myself getting more and more attached which was not the right thing to do. So, instead of me having to "break up" with him, our little lunch date did it.
The next morning he called me to tell me that he had gotten my message and it spawned into another argument about how I don't understand his pain--how I don't understand how he tried to kill himself twice and all the pain that he had gone through losing everything. I tried to explain to him that he wasn't the only one going through pain. I even confessed to him how I tried to take a bottle of pills and drink vodka because I didn't want to wake up. He wasn't hearing me. At ALL! His pain was his pain and I didn't get it. But, the problem was I got it and I understood him more than he understood himself--he NEEDED to be HEALED--MIND,SOUL,SPIRIT,and BODY!!!! The Bible says that healing is the children's bread. Until he get's healed from all that stuff and forgive those women and even his mother for abusing him as a child, he will continue to be damaged and he will damage other people along with his children. His children will have to deal with all of that pain if he doesn't get help!!! That's why I cried and he didn't understand that when I was talking to him. He thought I was saying that I was crying because he broke up with me. NO NO!!!! That is a headache I don't want or NEED!!! I'm not a fool. I"m too old to be a fool. Yes, I was contemplating marrying him, but I told God that I didn't want to--there is WAY TOO MUCH BAGGAGE, GARBAGE, TRASH, SLIME, etc and I'm not talking about his children. All of that hurt and pain can become like a cancer. It's a scientific fact that heartache and unforgiveness have killed people. I text him the next morning, but he didn't respond. I wasn't mad. I guess I was giving him the opportunity and the chance to know that I wasn't mad. I then text him Happy New Year. Again, no response. THANK GOD!!!!
So I free from Coach!!! It's over!!!! Now, I'm looking to my new beau in 2012. I've been telling God that I want to get married in 2012. I know, I know. I can't tell God what I want to do, but the Bible does say ask. So as I'm saying it to Him, it's more of an asking not telling. So, heavenly father, can you please send me a Godly man to marry in 2012? In Jesus Name. Amen!!
