How To Talk To Someone Without Offending Them

I sent Golfer a copy of this to read. I sent it to him on a defunct blog that I haven't used since 2012 because I'm not confident enough to share my thoughts with those close to me. He read the blogpost and was really offended. I assumed that he wouldn't like what I had to say. I also assumed that he would think that I was attacking him. My assumptions were correct. This is what he had to say:


The scorn teacher hiding behind the Aegis of her faith. Dear "teacher" I read your blog and my take away after reading it, is that you are going through UPS and downs like everybody on Earth, and probably feel like you have gotten the short end of the stick, concerning obtaining what you optimally want in a relationship (true God-fearing faithful loving husband). For starters the title of your blog could make you come off as a fatuous/scorn woman,(letter to the guy who wants to have sex with me) of which the title could be applied to any of the guys you listed based on what you wrote in this blog. You admit that you did not get a chance to elucidate some things with the golfer, because he had to get off the phone for whatever reason he told you, but instead of waiting and getting a better understanding from the golfer to some of your uncertainties that you had about him, you decided to post your thoughts on social media (blog). And recklessly used words (rapist) that could be on Letter To The Guy Who Wants to Have Sex With Me

No constructive criticism just appears you are taking the time to vent by assassinating the characters of the MEN that you have chosen to allow in your life (free will). Not sure why you felt compelled to explain to your reading audience and explained "No,Mr.Golfer is not a rapist and I believe that is he respectable when it comes to how he treats women". But yet your title of this blog alone contradicts your explanation on how you believe he is respectable to women (to you). But I will give you a little credit for using Alias to describes all of male encounters from somewhat protecting them for erroneously being infamous of a one-sided short story from you. if you were more assiduous in your thoughts I felt you could have came up with a more fair title but that's just my own personal opinion. Then you start listing off all what i felt like you were describing failed relationship with men that you have encountered over a period of time. Which in my opinion came off as male bashing on Letter To The Guy Who Wants to Have Sex With Me

They feel that they're doing all the right things and that there are entitled to meet a congenial person serendipity. A lot of people try to hide behind their belief system because of their insecurities of not wanting to face the music. I always find it interesting when someone says they are practicing celibacy after so many years of not practicing celibacy I had a lot more to post but it got lost when i was trying to upload it to your blog. This is just a summarization of my original thoughts that got lost. My advice to you is try to be sensible and careful what you post about a person that you had engagement with. try to gather as much factual understanding from that person before you post things on social media. I am sure you would appreciate the same if someone was posting something about you. you would want it to be factual as possible. Good luck to you on Letter To The Guy Who Wants to Have Sex With Me

So, am I a woman scorned? I admit I am in a little ..... because of my relationship status. Which I do say in the post (I say that I am still healing.) Am I hiding behind religion? No, I love God and NOTHING will change that!! Do I want to have an open dialog about sex and relationships so that the people that I meet can better understand who I am, Yes!!

I sent Mr Golfer and apology for offending him. I told him that I shared this information with him because I wanted to have an open dialog and that I thought I could talk to him about this. His tone was better and he agreed to have a conversation. 

Let's see how this goes......

For Your Glory

God has been so gracious to me. I thank Him for the grace and mercy shown towards me. I've learned some lessons in my life and that includes not taking God's glory. I was listening to Radiolab, a podcast, and the topic was, "Made in Marrow," which told the story of one man who's life was saved because of a bone marrow donor.

This man, I believe his name was Jim, had been a christian growing up, but along the way his faith was shaken. That is until he got his bone marrow donation. He shared his story and his renewed faith in God in his magic show. Also, during this time he encourages people to become a bone marrow donor. As his life was going on he was contacted by the person who donated marrow. From this meeting, he invited her to be apart of her show. Over time she has been apart of about a dozen of his shows. But she faced a dilemma....she was an atheist and she felt hypocritical in being apart of a show that promoted faith in God.

One of the things that struck me about the story was the fact that never once did they give glory to God. Yes, Jim acknowledged his faith, but it was always said that this women saved him. Which wasn't true. It was God that used the woman to save him. God always uses people when He wants to accomplish something in the earth and he uses whomever He will. In Joshua 2 God used a prostitute, Rahab, to save the spies from death. God even used Ruth, who was not a Jew to be in the lineage of Jesus. God uses people and we can't promote ourselves above God. The women, in the story was so frustrated with the situation that she tried to say that there was something bigger than God going on. When in fact, it was just bigger than her and because she didn't believe in God, she didn't know how to express this because no one was giving the glory to God. They were glorifying her.

It's easy sometimes to lose sight of the big picture when people are involved. And I've done that before, I've taken the shine instead of shining it back on God. And that's something that I don't every want to do again. All the glory belongs to God because without His breath I wouldn't be living.

I Love You But Not More Than God & Jesus

So I've been substitute teaching since the last week in October. When I got the assignment I knew it was a month long assignment at an elementary school, but I didn't know what grade, subject, etc.

I was elated when I found out it was music. I'm not a musician, but I'm musical. The first week we sang songs from youtube and danced around the room. One of the little girls came up to me after school and said, "I love you music teacher....but not more than God and Jesus." That warmed my heart!!  Watching the youtube videos got a little loud so this week I decided to let the students watch movies that were musical--Sing, Trolls, Moana, etc. All of these Disney, Dreamworks movies have cute singing scenes and the students seem to know all the words.  I've never watched these movies (I've been meaning too, but since I have no children, I never get around to it), so I'm surprised at how much I love them. One movie in particular has really hit home.

Some background....

A few weeks ago I was at Bible student and the subject was "Being Battle Ready." Basically saying that as Christians we have to know that the enemy (the devil) hates that we have decided to believe and follow Jesus, so his agenda is to defeat us in every area of our lives. Therefore, we have to consciously arm ourselves and stay ready for the fight. As she was teaching us, she said that some of us have been so beaten down so much and have fought so much and have failed so much (my words, not hers) that we don't trust God, we don't believe what God has said. As she was speaking, the words hit me and I began to get a little emotional because she was reading my life. I mean I've worked hard and fought hard and prayed and made advances, but success (what I feel as being success) in certain areas of my life has eluded me. And this year has especially been hard because I was defeated so much that I didn't feel like getting back up again. But as she was speaking I was thanking God that He cared enough to let me know that He understands where I am in life and that He won't allow me to wallow in the spirit of rejection. Because that's what happens when you give up.  You feel like God is not on your side, so why keep up the fight. And you give in to every thing that the enemy brings to you.

After the lesson she asked to pray for those who have been battling with the spirit of rejection and the rebellious side of me would not allow me to ask for prayer. As a matter of fact, my first thought was, "I ain't going up there...." Because I felt like, "what's the use?", which is another symptom of that spirit. I teetered tottered back and forth and I came up with the excuse that since I was working (I run the sound board) that I could just pray at my seat.

What I was going through at that moment reminded me of Naaman in 2 Kings 5. He was the commander of an army, but he had leprosy which was a death sentence (not literal death, but social death) in his day. He was told by the prophet to wash in the Jordan and his attitude was that of rejection. He felt like the prophet should have come down and conducted this grand gesture to heal him. He felt rejected so he didn't want to go. His servant had to talk some sense into him. What does it matter if it's the Jordan or some other river, if that's what it takes to be healed then why not do it? He came to his senses and was healed. There was another instance where lepers faced rejection in 2 Kings 7. There was famine in the land and they had two options--go into the city and risk imprisonment and death or sit at the gate and risk death. They chose to go into the city and found that no one was there. They were able to get everything they needed to survive.

So in that instance I allowed the spirit of rejection, along with rebellion and pride to overtake my mind. Yes, God can heal my heart anywhere, but this instance was about taking a bold stand against the enemy and saying that no matter what, "I won't give up" and at that moment I didn't have the strength to take a stand. Also, I was giving up on responsibility because when healing comes, you have to live and in living you have to fight. So I didn't want to make that decision to fight because "my arms are weak" and I've fought in the past and have lost. I mean I've fought a good fight and I've lost a lot of battles.

But, this is the thing....

I've got to change my mindset because I AM gonna lose some battles, but I WON'T lose the war!! That's if I can get past the spirit of rejection and believe God when He tells me that HE WILL FIGHT my battles. I don't have to fight. The ONLY thing I HAVE to fight for is MY FAITH (1 Tim 6:12) and just have the strength to STAND (Ex 14:13-14 & Eph 6:14-17). That's all I NEED strength for.....to stand and keep the faith. I was reminded of this as I was watching the movies with my elementary music students.

There is a scene in the movie Trolls, where Princess Poppy has fought hard to save her people. She gave it all she had facing death and destruction on every turn, but it was seemingly to no avail because all of her fighting caused her to have her entire tribe imprisoned. As they were all in captivity, waiting to be eaten, Poppy realized her failure and this darkness and sadness engulfed her. This darkness and sadness affected the entire tribe. Darkness spread everywhere.

OMG....I was sitting in the classroom holding back mega tears. I felt that sadness and darkness because that is what has gripped my heart over the past few months because I gave up the fight and compromised.....

As the scene unfolds Branch (who can be a representative of the Holy Spirit) comes to her aide and encourages her and gives her the strength to not give up. The scene was more dramatic because of the song being played....

In this scene God was showing me that I can't allow this spirit to continue in my life. The Holy Spirit is prompting me to hold on and fight for my faith. And that's what I'm doing!!

Here Comes The Bride

I had the cutest dream..... My sister and her husband were getting married....

Actually, my sister that I was dreaming about got married in Buffalo, NY in August, so I don't know why she was in my dreams, but this was the dream...

Pastor Riley was marrying my sister and her boyfriend. It was a small ceremony in his office. There were a few of us there to witness it and my nephew was there. That's why I think it's my other sister that is getting married because she and her boyfriend have a son. Anyway it was cute and I woke up smiling. I wish it was me!!

Why You Gotta Be a P*$$y

I met Mr. Ohio at the end of July. We went out for tacos at Applebees. He was cool. I do not remember what we talked about, but he was nice. Afterwards, I was feeling some kinda way. I mean I didn't know anything about this guy, but I was in my feelings and he was too. So naturally we made plans to spend time together over a weekend and it was great until he told me that he wasn't looking for a relationship.

WHAT?

That was a slap in the face. But, he was way into having sex with me.

WHAT??

How does that happen? I mean, I am not into the whole "hookup" so what exactly do you want?

"I don't know what I want," is what he told me.

WOW???

I was duped...not by him, but the devil got me. So I broke it off. But, my heart and my body was captivated so I called him back. UGH!! But, thank God for prayer because I saw myself going down the same rabbit hole I found myself in with Mister. I needed a diversion FAST. God came through I met another guy....

But, I was still pissed. I mean how are you gonna have sex with me and not tell me that you don't want to see me anymore. Especially after you've said some of the things you've said.

"I wanna marry you"
"I'm tryna make you mine"
"Don't you wanna get pregnant?"

How can you say those things and NOT mean any of it?  WHO DOES THAT?

And then when I try to see you, you blow me off????

You, Mr. Ohio are a coward and a pussy. You aren't man enough to break it off....Thank God I have the strength to move on!!!

I Won't Do That Again

I'm seeing a pattern... You know the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me?" What happens after a third time?

Well, I've got it and I WILL NOT be tricked again!!

When I met Mister, it was love at first sight, as they say. I saw him and he saw me and we were both hit by the love bug. I'll never forget that feeling. It's intoxicating. But, we didn't get together until a year later. And that relationship turned out to not be good (I don't think...I'll explain later).

Then a year later I met Coach and it was the same thing...the butterflies, the hearts in my eyes. It took 8 years for us to get together and I KNOW that he wasn't the one for me.

So 15 years later when I meet Mr. Ohio. I should have known better. Right?  I guess time can make you forget some things. But, not again.

I met Mr. Ohio and after our first meeting I was floating to the clouds. And he was too. He was a little more level headed than me. I mean, he had been married and engaged and raised a family....so his experiences guarded his heart. I, on the other hand, fell face first into his hands.

And just like falling before, I hit the ground hard. Heart break hotel. But, I understand now. Just because you feel butterflies and cupid keeps knocking on your heart, it doesn't mean that that person is the ONE. You still have to evaluate the situation. So, I won't fall like that again. Thank God for grace and mercy and His love to bind up my broken heart so that I could move along.....

I'm learning to keep boundaries when I meet men. Captain is the new guy that I'm talking to and he's nice, but I'm just using him to move on from Ohio. Basically, Captain doesn't want children and he's not interested in God. So, I'm just enjoying his company and it's nice. But the walls will stay up.