So I've been substitute teaching since the last week in October. When I got the assignment I knew it was a month long assignment at an elementary school, but I didn't know what grade, subject, etc.
I was elated when I found out it was music. I'm not a musician, but I'm musical. The first week we sang songs from youtube and danced around the room. One of the little girls came up to me after school and said, "I love you music teacher....but not more than God and Jesus." That warmed my heart!! Watching the youtube videos got a little loud so this week I decided to let the students watch movies that were musical--Sing, Trolls, Moana, etc. All of these Disney, Dreamworks movies have cute singing scenes and the students seem to know all the words. I've never watched these movies (I've been meaning too, but since I have no children, I never get around to it), so I'm surprised at how much I love them. One movie in particular has really hit home.
Some background....
A few weeks ago I was at Bible student and the subject was "Being Battle Ready." Basically saying that as Christians we have to know that the enemy (the devil) hates that we have decided to believe and follow Jesus, so his agenda is to defeat us in every area of our lives. Therefore, we have to consciously arm ourselves and stay ready for the fight. As she was teaching us, she said that some of us have been so beaten down so much and have fought so much and have failed so much (my words, not hers) that we don't trust God, we don't believe what God has said. As she was speaking, the words hit me and I began to get a little emotional because she was reading my life. I mean I've worked hard and fought hard and prayed and made advances, but success (what I feel as being success) in certain areas of my life has eluded me. And this year has especially been hard because I was defeated so much that I didn't feel like getting back up again. But as she was speaking I was thanking God that He cared enough to let me know that He understands where I am in life and that He won't allow me to wallow in the spirit of rejection. Because that's what happens when you give up. You feel like God is not on your side, so why keep up the fight. And you give in to every thing that the enemy brings to you.
After the lesson she asked to pray for those who have been battling with the spirit of rejection and the rebellious side of me would not allow me to ask for prayer. As a matter of fact, my first thought was, "I ain't going up there...." Because I felt like, "what's the use?", which is another symptom of that spirit. I teetered tottered back and forth and I came up with the excuse that since I was working (I run the sound board) that I could just pray at my seat.
What I was going through at that moment reminded me of Naaman in 2 Kings 5. He was the commander of an army, but he had leprosy which was a death sentence (not literal death, but social death) in his day. He was told by the prophet to wash in the Jordan and his attitude was that of rejection. He felt like the prophet should have come down and conducted this grand gesture to heal him. He felt rejected so he didn't want to go. His servant had to talk some sense into him. What does it matter if it's the Jordan or some other river, if that's what it takes to be healed then why not do it? He came to his senses and was healed. There was another instance where lepers faced rejection in 2 Kings 7. There was famine in the land and they had two options--go into the city and risk imprisonment and death or sit at the gate and risk death. They chose to go into the city and found that no one was there. They were able to get everything they needed to survive.
So in that instance I allowed the spirit of rejection, along with rebellion and pride to overtake my mind. Yes, God can heal my heart anywhere, but this instance was about taking a bold stand against the enemy and saying that no matter what, "I won't give up" and at that moment I didn't have the strength to take a stand. Also, I was giving up on responsibility because when healing comes, you have to live and in living you have to fight. So I didn't want to make that decision to fight because "my arms are weak" and I've fought in the past and have lost. I mean I've fought a good fight and I've lost a lot of battles.
But, this is the thing....
I've got to change my mindset because I AM gonna lose some battles, but I WON'T lose the war!! That's if I can get past the spirit of rejection and believe God when He tells me that HE WILL FIGHT my battles. I don't have to fight. The ONLY thing I HAVE to fight for is MY FAITH (1 Tim 6:12) and just have the strength to STAND (Ex 14:13-14 & Eph 6:14-17). That's all I NEED strength for.....to stand and keep the faith. I was reminded of this as I was watching the movies with my elementary music students.
There is a scene in the movie Trolls, where Princess Poppy has fought hard to save her people. She gave it all she had facing death and destruction on every turn, but it was seemingly to no avail because all of her fighting caused her to have her entire tribe imprisoned. As they were all in captivity, waiting to be eaten, Poppy realized her failure and this darkness and sadness engulfed her. This darkness and sadness affected the entire tribe. Darkness spread everywhere.
OMG....I was sitting in the classroom holding back mega tears. I felt that sadness and darkness because that is what has gripped my heart over the past few months because I gave up the fight and compromised.....
As the scene unfolds Branch (who can be a representative of the Holy Spirit) comes to her aide and encourages her and gives her the strength to not give up. The scene was more dramatic because of the song being played....
In this scene God was showing me that I can't allow this spirit to continue in my life. The Holy Spirit is prompting me to hold on and fight for my faith. And that's what I'm doing!!
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