Sin in the City

It's been 3 years.....3 years since I've felt the touch of a man's hands all over my body.

"Stolen sex never feels good," that's what the Elder told me and no I couldn't really enjoy it without pretending to be married.

Yep, me and Mister did the do and I pretended that he was the love of my life. I couldn't tell him that I loved him, though. Nope, I didn't want to tell that lie. Not while we were being that intimate.

I miss arms.

Yes, I think that's what I like most about a man...arms and hands...yes, strong hands touching me. I don't want to preserve that memory at all because it was so wrong, but it all started during my birthday weekend. Family dinner was cancelled and I had the rental car for another day so I zipped 150 miles away to spend the day with Mister. The problem was, I had just driven hundreds of miles and when I got there I was tired and facing a 3 hour drive home made me even more tired. So I asked to spend the night and he agreed. He let me know that he promptly gets up at 5:30am to get ready for work. I told him that I didn't mind, It was only 9:30pm so I'd get plenty of sleep.

The problem is, we NEVER got to sleep. At all. We didn't sleep at all and 5:30am came and we got up and I headed home thinking, "WTF" just happened.

I brushed it off. Oh GOD, HELP me!

Then I realized that I left my earrings and he flirted with me about coming back to get the. So memorial day weekend, I was back and this time I planned to spend the night....not to have sex, but stay the night. And well, he gave me the foot and back rub that he promised and again we didn't sleep. This time it was better. I mean orgasmically better, but still NOT right. In order to enjoy it I had to pretend that we were married and this was our wedding night.

The next day we went walking and bike riding all while I enjoyed the ache below from the night before. But, it had to come to an end and it did....when he told me that I could't stay the night again because GI didn't feel it was a good idea.

UGH!!

Slapped back into reality. Who is GI?  Good questions....but a long story for another time. Basically, Mister lives in her house. Yes, he pays rent and it is a separate apartment/mother-in-law suite, type of area, but it's still HER house.

UGH!!!

Now I have to live with the shame and emptiness... The grand emptiness....

God, help me, PLEASE!!!