Don't Wanna be a FREAK

I'm pretty much a loner....

Not by choice, but by action. All my live, I've had one friend. In elementary school it was Kim; in junior high school it was Dawn, and in high school it was Tenelle. When I got to college, it was my roommate until she made friends and had more in common with Shay, so I was alone in the group. Yes, I had a few friends, but not a BEST FRIEND. I wanted a BEST FRIEND. I thought Mister was my BEST FRIEND at one time but he said I wasn't his BEST FRIEND, so that changed. Well, and the fact that we broke up.

Since then, I've been longing for a BEST FRIEND. Yes, I have a few friends that I hang out with, but not one that I hang out with and talk to all the time!! I haven't found a person that I want to talk everyday. As a matter of fact, I want to be friends with someone who is BETTER than me!! 

One of the issues is that a lot of people are married now and when my friends get married, I feel like I need to step aside and that 'Best Friend' will go to someone else. I've tried to make friends, but I've been picky, I must admit which I'm finding is not a good thing. I can't be picky.

Huh,

So, I've been a loner and have felt like a loner for a long time. I've always known that being a loner was normal. I mean, the Bible says that two are better than one and there are many reasons why....

When one falls the other will pick him up, when it's cold two can become warmer faster laying together......

The Bible alwasy says to make friends.

But, making friends is and has not been easy for me. Socially I've been awkward. I've learned that from experience. I actually don't like hanging out in large groups. I'm not sure. I'm uncomfortable and I don't know why.

What do you talk about with people? You can only talk about the weather so much!! I don't have any children....I'm not married....What do I talk about?

It makes me a freak!! Being a loner makes me a freak because God didn't make me that way. If he made me that way, I'd be OK with myself being that way, but I'm NOT OK being by myself. I've never been OK being by myself.

God, I don't wanna be a freak. I want to be enriched with people!!!