I Said "YES" to Jesus!!

I have been in and out, up and down in my faith. Well, not really my faith, because I always believe God no matter what. I guess it's more in my relationship with Christ. I've never been good with relationships and for a long time, I made it up in my mind that I wasn't a "relationship" person. Yes, I would associate with people, but forming relationships was not something that was easy for me to do, so I settled with having a relationship with myself. I made it up in my mind that I was going to do all that I could to just love me and not really anyone else. Of course I found out that this wasn't healthy. "Life is about relationships," my mentor told me. And years and years ago my mother said, "You gonna always need people." That always stuck with me and I've found it to be true. I can't just live in my own little world and not let people in.

So, I started working on my relationships with people. And it's uncomfortable because how do you form relationships? You hang around with people. What do you do when you hang around? You talk.... I don't like to talk. Well, I like talking to myself (that's not weird!) The Bible says that he that has a friend must first show himeself friendly. How do you show yourself as friendly? You talk, you smile, you compliment....you be FRIENDLY. I've been working on doing that and it's awkward sometimes. I like quiet. I mean, I can be in the car for hours and not have the radio on at all. I can be sitting in the car with another person and for their sake...not for me, but for their sake, I would turn the radio on. Otherwise, I am content to just sit and be quiet which makes people uncomfortable. What's wrong with quiet? Why are people uncomfortable with quiet? I can remember driving for about 6 hours with a friend and we didn't talk very much at all. I didn't have anything to talk about. I didn't have anything to say. I always wondered what she thought about me after that trip. We didn't hang out much after that. LOL.

So, in renewing my committment to Christ, I have been working on being mindful of my relationship status. I have to make an effort to spend time in the word of God and to pray because this is VERY important to me. I've been stuck for some time now and my fire has not been burning like I want it to burn, so maintaining my relationship is very important. I'm learning to love me less and to love Christ more.

I've GOT to move forward with me life and fulfill my purpose.