This year has gone by in a flash. I'm happy and sad at the same time. I will be another year older and my goals have always been to get better with age. So, I'm assesses whether I've gotten better. Of course I'm in a crappy situation, but am I better??
To make this summation, I'll look over what i've learned....
1. I've learned to find worth in myself as it relates to relationships.
I've had crazy relationships in the past that have left me wounded and bruised (not physically, but mentally and emotionally). Because of my self-esteem I've allowed myself to connect with men who have not been worth my time. This year, I've finally learned that I'm valuable and I don't have to accept a man just because he's interested in me. I can choose who I involve myself with. I'm not so desperate that I have to lower myself to be involved in foolishness.
2. I'm learning to humble myself.
I've had so much pride that kept me away from good relationships with people who were meant to be my friend. This pride had also isolated me from asking for and getting help. Pride has made me think that I could "help myself" when I clearly couldn't. Imagine a sick person trying to operate on himself--ridiculous!
3. I've learned to survive
I've learned that I can be creative when it comes to life. If I'm in a situation, I can pray and get myself out if it.
4. I've learned that I don't need any more clothes or shoes
My storage unit if filled with clothes and shoes that I don't wear because I couldn't transport them. I've survived wearing 4 pairs of pants, 1 suit, a couple of dresses and skits and a lot of different shirts and blouses. I've only wore a combination of 6 pairs of shoes--2 pairs of sneakers (one white and one black), 2 pairs of regular walking shoes (one black and one brown), 2 pairs of dress shoes (one black pair of heels and one brown pair of heels). My favorite pair of Jessica Simpsons are ruined because I wore them every day. I also have a pair of Kenneth Coles that I wear, but they have a small wedge heal that for some reason creeps (not squeaks) when I walk. They look like the ones in the link. So, I've become a bit of a minimalist. I do still like to look good, but I don't need to buy anything new. I'll just make what I have new again. I can take an example from the people at the Uniform Project and wear the same dress for 30 days and it look different each time.
5. I've learned to trust God more.
It's nothing like being in the fire to really test your faith. One thing that I have to work on is allowing others to sway my faith. I have a $5000 bill because I listened to my mom and not fully trusting God. I'm learning to become more sensitive to Him. My financial trials have helped me with my faith in God more than anything. In April I was really struggling with my relationship with Coach. I was so frustrated and stressed that I almost slipped away mentally. My mind was on mars and I didn't care about anything. But, when I became homeless, I held tight to my faith. I guess this is what it took for me to really keep my eyes on God and not my problem. Thank you, God!!!
6. I've learned that I have true friends.
Friendship has always been hard for me. But this year, I've been in some situations--stranded with no gas, no money to buy gas, dead battery, no place to call home... and there are people who have stepped up to help me without asking for anything in return!!!!! These people are my true friends and there is nothing that I have to give them besides my sincere THANKS and gratitude. I'm gonna send them ecards telling them how much they've helped me this year!!!!
So even though my physical situation is not good, I am a better person. Now, I need to balance this out and get myself together financially!!
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