Are You Crazy?

"I'm not gonna be here always, are you crazy!?" This was a statement my pastors wife made at the end of service. She was encouraging us to not give up. She said that even though we are going through a season of humiliation, it won't be like this always. She was asking us if we were crazy to think that God would just leave us in the winter season of our life? I thank God for the encouragement because I was surely becoming weary.

When I got to Kewanee, Kevin, my sister's boyfriend handed me $50 when he walked into the house. I thank him and I thanked God. Right before I was leaving Kewanee to come back home, my sister gave me a thank you card. I opened it and there was $100. I praised God!!!!

I went to the store to pick up a card for my dad and some thermal socks. When I got back to my dad's house I packed up my bags and got into my car. I reached in my pocket to put the $50 in my bag and it was gone. GONE!!!! Just like that. $50 GONE!!!! I back tracked to the store to see if I dropped it in the parking lot when I took my keys out. I asked the cashier. I went back to my dad's. It was nowhere to be found. GONE. I started to cry. I was gonna use that money to get through the week. So I left my dad's and got on the highway trying to keep from crying. I started thanking God because the Bible says that in everything give thanks.... and everything means in the good times and the back times--give thanks. But I was still sad so when I got to Bloomington, I sinned. I didn't want to think about God, I just wanted to not be sad--not be depressed. My life was wearing me down.

This morning when I got to church I was so sorry. I prayed and prayed that when I got up before the people, my sin wouldn't hinder me. Fortunately, I didn't have to stand before the people and pray. God took the service a different way. I was grateful for that. At the end of service the Pastor prayed for us--that we stay clean in the word of God. I prayed and prayed that God would forgive me for lying to my mom, for sinning like I did. And I made a new commitment to my faith. However, after service I was still a little sad. I had nowhere to go. When I checked my bank account I showed that I have $1.36. My other account is overdrawn because I was supposed to get paid on Friday, but my money wasn't deposited. So $13 at that gas station is costing me $60 and I have about $20 cash. So, I was getting weary.

I know within my heart that God is not gonna leave me. His word says He won't leave me nor forsake me, but boy do I feel a little forsaken. Despite that I thank God. I still have my life and my mind. I was reading a blog by a homeless woman in Seattle. She said it was ironic that a woman can wear a t-shirt that says, "God is good to me" and she's homeless. I don't think it's ironic at all. As long as I have breathe in my body, God is good!!! As long as I'm not out of my mind, God is good!! As long as I'm not on drugs, being raped, struggling with alcoholism, God is good!!!! And even if I was struggling with some type of addiction or some other trouble, I will always proclaim that God is good because He is!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So in my homelessness, in my weariness, while I'm fighting to not be bitter....I will thank God because the word of God says that we will have tribulations and trials...we will have good days and bad days. I can't just be happy and live for God when I'm on the mountaintop, I've got to be happy and live for God when I'm in the valley and right now in my valley when i don't feel like praising God I Bless the Lord!!!!!!!!

So, am I crazy??? Yes, I'm crazy enough to believe that, "Exceedingly abundantly above all that I can ask or think," Eph 3;20 God will do what He said He will do.