I drove quite a bit last night to find a place to park to sleep. At first I went to Walmart, but there was way too much traffic. Also, as I was scoping out the lot, there was an Impala driving around the lot. It never parked, so I was uncomfortable settling in for the night. So, I drove to the other Walmart and there was a party on the lot. No stopping there. So I went to the hotel lot and I was too nervous to park there because I'm still haunted by SS Monte Carlo guy, so I drove back to both Walmarts before I finally got back to the hotel lot. How many miles did I drive? I google mapped it and found that I drove about 60 miles to find somewhere to park. It's about 10 miles from one Walmart to the next and about 10 miles to the hotel and I drove around the circle twice. What a waste of gas.
I finally settled in at the hotel and had the strangest dream. I can't remember it, but at about 7am I heard car doors closing and I peaked up and there was a car parked right next to me. Of all the car spaces, the person had to park next to me. Dag. The lot only had about 8 cars on it and I parked all the way in the back and the car just had to park all the way in the back next to me. So instead of sleeping until 8 I was and at 'em. First stop, the gas station across the street to pee. Next stop, the gym. I've been eating horribly, so working on was on my to do list this morning. After the gym I headed to the community college to shower.
When I got to the college, I walked in and passed by the security guard. She was with another person. I simply spoke and headed towards the locker room. As I was using the restroom, someone came in, "Security," I heard the woman say. I was a little confused. Why would a woman security guard exclaim, "Security," when she's coming into the women's locker room? I simply said I was in the restroom. She asked me if she could see my student ID when I came out. My mind went blank and I simply said ok. When I got out, I washed my hands and went over to my bag to look for my wallet. I wasn't sure what I was gonna do when I found it, but I searched and searched and it wasn't in my bag. I told her that I must have left it at home. I asked her if there was any particular reason why and she stumbled over her words. She then told me that next time I needed to make sure that I had it with me. I said ok and right before she left, she asked me for my name. Not thinking I told her my name. When she left, I became nervous. Why didn't I use the actual student's name that I use to get the locker? Aw man.
I sat and sat. My mind was rushing. All I kept thinking was that she was gonna call the cops on me and they were going to escort me off the premises. So, I did what I had to do. I found the security guard and confessed that I wasn't a student, but I had no place to shower. Tears were flowing down my face and I was hoping that she wouldn't tell me to get my things and go. She simply thanked me for being honest and asked me if I could make it there earlier on Saturday because the gym closes at 10 and she didn't want to get in trouble with her boss for not locking up when it closed. She mentioned something about me being a liability and some other stuff. I was too happy that she wasn't going to kick me out and I was also trying to figure out how I could ask her to keep this between me and her. I didn't want the entire security team to know my business. It's not quite the thing you want everyone to know. So I told her that I just didn't want everyone to know my business. She said she'd keep it between us.
When I got back into the locker room. I was so overwhelmed. This was the first time I spoke the words out loud. I just sat and cried. For the first time I cried about my situation. I was so busy trying to stay strong and positive that I didn't make the time to feel sad or sorry for myself. At this specific moment I was sad. While crying the locker room door came open and it was the security guard again. She came to tell me not the feel ashamed, that she wasn't too far from being homeless herself if she didn't have her job. Of course I know that there are a lot of people who are simply one paycheck away from living on the streets. After my pity party I got up, showered, got my dirty clothes out of my locker and went on by my day.
As the day was going on I figured that it would be a good day to get a hotel room. I checked in at 5. The room was $45 a night. Of course I was gonna use the money to pay my storage for this month, but I can skip that this month. I used $15 to get food and to wash my clothes. I also spent $7 on a dryel kit. I really need my clothes dry cleaned, but I can't afford that.
I'm settled into the hotel room. It's funny, I've been sleeping in my car so long that I forgot that I normally sleep in PJs.
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