...To be continued from yesterday's post.
I was really feeling bummed a few days ago. Really in a slump. That's the reason for this post. The weight of everything was quite heavy, but I didn't want to complain, but I needed to express what I was feeling, so all I could ask/say is, "WHY?" It seemed so unfair, but life is not fair and there are definitely people who are suffering worse than me, so I felt bad for even asking why?
The "WHY?" also came after a Sunday when our Apostle prayed for us...He asked everyone who was having money problems to come to the altar and he prayed for us, then he admonished us to give which I did. I gave about $200, not as I was paying for his prayers, but because I was following what the scripture says, "Give and it shall be given...." I was being obedient.
Then, on the day of the "WHY?" post, I read over my application I sent in to the state. In the application I had misspelled words. WHAT??? How did I turn that in with misspelled words. I've NEVER turned in an app with misspelled words in it. I even turned it in days before time because I read over it (or thought I read over it) and it was a good app. Where did the misspelled words come from? This cause the funk because I had the dreaded feeling of never being able to make ends meet--always being behind--always dodging bill collector's calls--always coming up with an excuse as to why my bills can't be paid--always having that sick feeling in my stomach when I need to pay for something and I'm embarrassed because my bank card is declined when the cashier runs it, or the sick feeling of being on the side of the road stranded because I don't have gas to get home, or the anxious prayers to God for a miracle so that I don't overdraft my bank account because I spent more money than I had trying to buy groceries....You know that feeling, not just the sickening in the pit of the stomach and the stress headache, but also, the embarrassment because at work, you are supposed to go to lunch to celebrate a staff members bday, and to pay for it, you have to scrounge for change all around the house because you don't want to have to make up a lie of why you can't go because it's too embarrassing to just say that you don't have $10 for lunch and a few extra dollars to help out with a gift....yeah all of those feelings. I had the weight of the thought that I would NEVER get away from those feelings and that my life was going to continue to be that stressful.
But, instead of complain, I thanked God because I could be worse. Not only that, the same day that our Apostle prayed for us, he told us to ask God for what we wanted.
It seems natural to pray for material things because money is exactly what I need, but that's not really what I WANT.
Yes, I need money and financially I am stressed, but what I really WANT...
TO SERVE GOD. I WANT TO SERVE GOD. I WANT TO BE A DISCIPLE, I WANT TO HELP OTHERS COME TO CHRIST.
Not only do I want this but I NEED this more than I NEED money or food. I've never been more happier then having the feeling of praying for someone or ministering to them and seeing the difference that it makes in their life.
So, that was my prayer....the Apostle said ask, the word of God said ask, and that's what I asked for and I left it at that.
I went to pick up a rental car to go see my brother and celebrate him for his senior luncheon. Of course going to pick up the rental car was another stress because they needed to run a credit check because I was using my debit card instead of a major credit card. I just prayed that God would grant me favor and He did. I get home to get dressed to leave town and the phone rings. I didn't recognize the number so I answered and it was Amy, one of the women who interviewed me.
She called to offer me the job. While she was explaining to me the information I was writing and doing a praise dance at the same time. I wanted to cry, I wanted to pray, I wanted to scream, but I was wet from the shower and I needed to get on the highway. So, I prayed and thanked God all the while driving home.
I couldn't contain my excitement....I said I wasn't going to tell anyone about this until my first day at work on May 20, but I almost immediately told my mother when I got to her house. Then I told my uncle and aunt when I got to their house. I couldn't hold it.....
The cat was out of the bag and I want to tell other people what God did for me because He is so AMAZING, but I want to wait until I get my first paycheck....it's like it's proof of what God has done!!!
I will be making about $5200 a month as an independent contractor. So that means I have to pay about 13% social security and Medicare and I have to send in my own taxes which I believe my rate will be about 15%. This will leave me with $3750 a month to pay my bills, give an offering and pay my debts!!!
OMG. God is SO GOOD!!!!!
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