Hurting Heart

"Hello, this is T****** from ********. I'm trying to reach *******, I said to the woman answering the phone. I had called and called, but the answering machine had not picked up so I called ther emergency contact number.

I had just talked to ****** on Monday or was it Tuesday. I asked him if he was available to work with us on tomorrow.  He said he was. He sounded happy and chipper. When I called him I expected to talk to the answering machine. I almost always talk to the answering machine. But no, he picked up and I told him I would call him back the next day to let him know that time. But, I didn't call him back the next day because my partner had not gotten back to me.  So I called him back today, almost 5 days later.

"******** is dead," said the woman who answered the phone.

I was speechless. NEVER in a million years would I have expected that response.

At first I was thinking that maybe she was talking about his father. I mean father's die. They get old and they die. But not 16 year old kids.

"Hello," the woman said when I didn't respond.

I responded. I don't remember what I said.

"So take him off the list, said the woman."

I said "OK" and we hung up.

I wanted to say more. I wanted to ask who she was. I wanted to ask how, why?  But, I was speechless. I felt like I had been punched or somehow the wind was knocked out of my.

What do you say when you call someone to work and you there that they are dead. I mean someone you know that you had just talked to.

I mean, I didn't know him well, but we had worked with him twice before and he was a quirky kid. Kind of goofy, but likeable. He asked me if he could use me as a reference. Of course he could. I had no problems with him.

So, dead is not what I expected to hear.

I was too shocked to know how to respond. So I went back to watch TV. But I was bothered. I couldn't watch TV. So I a back up. I mean I still have to work. I barely knew the kid. The backup wasn't available, so I called my partner to tell her. I left her a message. I'm glad her voicemail picked up. I was getting emotional and didn't want to cry. I mean, I"m an emotional person. I've been watching Oprah all day after church and I've been boohooing.

I went back to try to watch TV, but the spirit of what she said to me was trying to cover me. I mean, I hear that when some people are depressed, it's like wearing a coat of sadness. The depression wraps itself around them. This news, this bad news was attaching itself to me. So finally I prayed. "The blood of Jesus," is mostly what I prayed. I prayed for the family.  Then I searched the internet. Usually when people die, there is something on facebook. Not sure why, but before the family can be informed sometimes, it's on facebook first. So I searched for him and couldn't find anything. Then I found his facebook page and nothing. No "RIP" messages.

Was this real?

I called one of my bosses. She had referred him to us. I left her a message.  When she referred him she said she knew his sister. So surely, she could find out.

Now I'm here...processing because writing is the way I process. I tried to watch Martin. Tried to laugh, but I am so bothered. I texted all my loved ones to let them know that I love the. It's sad the only person who immediately responded was a nonrelative. WOW. Finally one of my sister's replied....

Life is short....