The Journey Up: Money Management

I've been trying to work on my budget. I'd get a budget going, but not follow it. So, I enlisted help! There is a program through my job that helps with budgeting and money management. I found out that without paying my student loan I have about $390 of discretionary money. So, I want to use that money to pay my debts that are in collections which includes about $4500. I also want to use more money to pay off my car, so I'm I have to figure out if I'm gonna pay off my car first or my debts. If I pay off my car, I will be in good standing with my bank, then I can look at paying off my debts. Since my debts are in collections, I can work out a deal with them to not pay the entire thing since they didn't "buy" it for that amount. But, I do want to pay most of it!!  Especially before they decide to come after me and sue me!!  I really don't want that to happen.  So, I'm gonna make a poster to keep track of every penny.  Also, the debt counselor told me how to use the "envelop system". Basically, I can use it for stuff like fast food, or snacks...stuff that's not bills. And I can say that I want to spend $20 a month on fast food and snacks.  I put $20 in the envelop and once it's gone for the month, it's gone!!  No more snacks or fast food.  I think I wanna start small with just that and see how it goes.

Here's to the journey UP!!

Stepped Right In

My friend Robert came to town on Sunday evening.  He called me in despair and hopeless, stating that he was contemplating suicide. He then asked me if he could come here to look for a job. I agreed, but that was before I realized that I didn't have a lot of money left over from my bills. We weren't sure how long he would be staying and after he got here, I prayed to God that he wouldn't stay longer than a day and God stepped right in. As I was going to pay for another day at the hotel he told me that he could go home.

Whew....

I thought I was gonna have to borrow some money to keep him here. I didn't want to stress him out more by telling him that I couldn't help him, especially since the purpose for him coming here was for me to help him. So, in the nick of time, God helped!!  THANK YOU, LORD!!

He's now back in Chicago. But, on the way to take him to the train station, I asked him if he needed anything and he asked if I had a few dollars. Without thinking I told him that the only money I had was for gas to get back home. However, on the way I remembered that I had money on my prepaid visa card that I could use for gas, so I gave him that cash I had which was about $11. He was happy because now he didn't have to walk all the way home from downtown Chicago!!  THANK GOD!!

I haven't heard from him, but I'm keeping him in my prayers. There was a seed of love from God planting while he was here and I pray that the seed grows!!

The Journey Up: The Little White Ones....

I've been working on me. Actually, I haven't been working, I've just been available and ready for God to work on me and my life is changing. I don't think the same, I don't act the same and I DON'T FEEL THE SAME!  It's like the air is different and I keep wondering what it is? And I think it's CHANGE!!

I prayed to God that my character needs to be developed....and that includes my integrity....

So, I've been noticing the "little white lies" that I've been telling.

"Hey, how was dance practice?" my boss asked.
"Oh, it was fun....," I said before I could think about it.  The problem is, there WAS NO DANCE PRACTICE.  I forgot that practices was tomorrow and NOT today, but I came dressed and ready for practice.

Why couldn't I just say it wasn't today. My brain didn't even automatically tell my mouth to tell the truth, it just told a lie. That needs to change and I NEED GOD to help me change that because even "little white ones" are still LIES. AND I DON'T WANT TO BE A LIAR!!!!

So, God, work on my mouth. I don't want to automatically lie. That compromised my integrity and I want to have an upstanding character. I believe my character is partly the reason I "fell so hard."

Thank GOD that He loves me enough to work on me!!!

Thank GOD that I will speak truth!!

No Hope = No Faith

Sometimes life can get so bad that you end up hopeless....hopelessness is dangerous.  The Bible says that the just shall live by faith and without faith it's impossible to please God.  The Bible also that "Faith" is the substance of things HOPED for...

If you have no HOPE, you have no FAITH!! If you have no FAITH, you can't believe.  If you don't believe, you can't receive God or His word....

So, you have to fight for your FAITH, so that you can keep HOPE....

Fight the good fight of FAITH!!!! So that you can keep you HOPE.

This is a Test

To be continued from here...

For some reason that last quasi-serious relationships I've been in have involved men who were mentally/emotionally unstable.  About a month ago, I met "Robert."  You can read about him here and here.

Well, I've come to realize that this is a test and I can't fail this test!!  I just can't fail!! If I fail, then I'm gonna have to take this test over and I'm determined to pass this test. As much as I want companionship right now and I want to be married and to be intimate with someone, this is not the time.  He is not the guy....

Rewind....

Robert is coming to town. After talking to him on the phone on Saturday night and then talking to him in the afternoon he asked me about the job market here in town. Actually that morning I had thought about him getting a job here in town because I thought he could get a job in his field here, but I wasn't gonna mention that to him and we were in agreement, so he asked me if he could come here today. So, I'm helping him out by letting him come here, but he's not staying with me. I'm gonna get him a hotel room because I don't feel comfortable with him in my apt.

But anyway, as I was thinking about him....we have great conversation on the phone and I'm sure we will have a good time hanging out, but he's not the one for me. I believe I've supposed to help him by bringing Christ and the word of God into his life, but I KNOW I'm not supposed to date him.  I KNOW THAT!!  I'm not even interested in dating him, so since I know that and I know that in the past, I've met these type of guys who have gotten me tied up into mess I'm gonna keep my distance. I'm gonna keep my professionalism (not get so comfortable with him). I CAN'T!!  Getting "involved" with him is NOT the purpose. I have to KEEP the purpose. If I don't I will be right back where I was and I'm determined to move FORWARD!!

I refuse to be trapped in the past....

THANK GOD FOR FAITH, SELF-CONTROL, and DISCIPLINE!!

I HAVE DISCIPLINE AND SELF-CONTROL

The flesh does not have what it takes to stop sinning. The flesh doesn't have the power to crucify the flesh. Understanding the consequences of sin...can help me not walk in the flesh. We have the seed of self-control in us, the fruit just needs to grow. I can do ALL things through Christ that strengthens me...

Why Do I Always Attract These Type of Men?

I believe that there is a reason that certain people gravitate to us. The old saying goes, "Birds of a feather....." So, why is it that I attract men who have such deep rooted mental issues? About 10 years ago, I met a really cute guy. I was attracted to him and pursued him. I didn't pursue him to date him, but to see if I could "pull" a cute guy like that. Well, I got him alright and found out that he was married. UGH!! Well, he didn't tell me he was married until after dating for about 2 years.... But, during that time that we dated he tried to commit suicide. I had to stay on the phone with him all night to talk him out of it. I used scripture and I prayed...."You shall live and not die, but declare the works of the Lord..." was one scripture I used.

Then, not too long ago, I met a guy in Jan 2010 who had mental issues that he tried to commit suicide. He literally tried to shoot himself in the head and he was a cutter. He's 40 years old and he's a cutter. His arms are so scarred with....He would tell me often that he was an emotional wreck. This was the same guy that yelled at me in December for no GOOD reason.

Now, I met the guy about a month ago...He's the guy I invited to my dinner at work. Well, one night he was talking to me crazily and I found out the next morning how he was having troubles with an ex-girlfriend. I had a conversation with this same guy and last night and he was talking about killing himself. WHAT????? HUH??????? He was then telling me that he prayed to God and God told him to call me. HUH?????? WHAT????? And he kept asking me what he needed to do. HUH???? WHAT?????

Basically he has been out of work for about 2 years and he's destitute and has NOTHING!! He didn't want to hear me tell him scripture, which is what I knew...I didn't know anything else to tell him. Saying, "Everything will be okay...." was not something that I wanted to say because how do I know that? So, I mainly stayed quiet, prayed and searched for scripture....close to the end the conversation he started really talking crazy, so I got off the phone. When I got off the phone my heart was fluttering. I was having anxiety. When he called me this morning I didn't answer the phone, but called him back about an hour later. And he simply talked to me like there was nothing wrong, like he never told me he wanted to blow his brains out or take a rope and hang myself and he never told me that he wanted to have sex with me regardless of if I wanted it or not....WOW!!!!!!

I was disturbed and bothered!! I was truly disturbed and majorly bothered!!

To be continued....