Family

Family can be exhausting....DANG!!!

I grew up the oldest of 7 children (my mother's children) and I was so lonely in a house full of people. It was sad and depressing. But, i made it though. I'm still the oldest (LOL), but family hasn't gotten any easier. I used to tell myself that I wasn't gonna get married and have children because I saw the struggle and the struggle wasn't fun at all. My dad struggled with drinking and drugs and my mother did what she could to keep food on the table.

The struggle was real and HARD.

And I hated it.

I made this silent vow to not go through that when I got older and so far I haven't, but it hasn't made family any easier. Now that we are all adults, I just want all of us to get along, but I text my brother in Cali and he ignores me. One of the things that I struggle with is that I'm the oldest and I've always had to be the responsible one, but now that everyone is an adult, I still want that "everyone listen to me" role when in fact they could care less about me. There is no closeness. And it's sad. I want that closeness with my family. I want to be a family.

I guess that's why I want so badly to get married and have children. I want to raise the perfect family--which of course do NOT exist and NEVER will. But, I want it to be BETTER than when I was growing up.  I talked to my friend the other day and she told me that her son, who is 14, prayed for her and spoke the word of God to her. He even led someone to Christ in the cafeteria at school. THAT'S WHAT I WANT for my family. I want to raise up a Godly household and to have a family who would be close.