Tuesday, April 3, 2012

I don't wanna be a circle anymore

In 1999 I moved here to central Illinois. I was fresh out of college, young, starting my career.  About a year later a friend of mine moved here too and we became roommates.  In 2002, something happened.  I'm not sure what, but our friendship began to crumble and it ended up with us being evicted.  YEP, I had no where to go.  I told another friend of mine and she let me stay with her.  This was a few months until I could get enough money to rent a place on my own.  Thank God for that friend.  Actually, this was the same friend that helped me out earlier in 2010 when my power was out and I didn't have heat or hot water to take a shower. 

After I moved I was on my way once again....working, living life and then I became homeless again in 2010.  HOW DID THIS HAPPEN AGAIN???  How did I end up in the same situation??  This time I was MUCH MUCH older which lended to me being too ashamed to ask for help.  Of course I couldn't take it anymore and got help from my other friend.  But it's like I'm right back here again.  And I don't know why???

The thing that I do know is that I HAVE GOT TO CHANGE.  If I don't, I feel that I'm gonna be in the same place years from now and I don't want to be in this place EVER again!! 

I guess I'm writing all this because I can see a pattern.  Spending money carelessly, dating foolish men, being nonchalant about life and my future.  I just had to borrow $20 from a friend to pay my car insurance because I haven't been keeping my check book up and I didn't want to owe the bank.  Then I guy has been "poking" me on facebook that I really don't need to get involved in, but he's cute and I haven't had a date in FOREVER (Coach doesn't count).

Huh!!!!!!

I want to go straight, and up, not AROUND IN A CIRCLE!!

GOD HELP ME!!

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