Change is Good: Not Always Easy

My life happens in circles. 

Actually, I believe everyone's life happens that way if they just realize it.  But, the thing about a circle is that there is never an end.  You never reach a goal.  If I drive around in circles, I never get to where I'm going.  But, my life has been that way and now it seems like I'm right back where I started.  But, only older. 

Let me explain...

Actually, before I explain, let me give an example....

I started working with the NP in 2008 and we wrote a grant for an after school program.  We worked diligently and I put my heart into it.  We worked and worked and worked and the days before the grant was to be turned in, my car broke down.  I was supposed to drive to another town, 30 minutes away, to turn it in.  So I had to borrow my friends car.  Then we stayed up til 3am finalizing the grant which was not complete.  So, that morning I called off work to finalize the information.  I got to the other city and was on time to turn it in, then I was stopped by a train.  The 2pm deadline came and went and it was about 2:15pm when I got to the building.  I turned it in anyway because I (WE) had worked so hard.  After they stamped it "LATE" I drove home in DEFEAT.  I was crushed.  I was angry.  I was sad.  My boss was crushed also.  I failed to tell her that we turned it in late, so she had to hear it from someone else.  I was crushed even lower.

Fast forward to 2012.

We worked and worked on an after school grant and the week that we were to turn it in, the deadline was extended a day.  I was happy, but then my car broke down.  AAAAaaaagggghhh!!!!!  I started having flashbacks.  But, instead of working until 3am, we just worked until midnight.  I got up the next morning finalized everything--under a great deal of pressure and at 3:45pm I was ready to submit before the 4pm deadline.  I did my final review of the check list and noticed....there were 3 documents MISSING!!  No one completed those documents!  AAAAAaaaagggggghhhhhhh!!  It was 2009 all over again!!  WHAT WAS HAPPENING??    WHY WAS THIS HAPPENING AGAIN!!

The same thing.  It was like a full circle.  I was back at the same place AGAIN!!

That's the way my life is looking right now.  I don't know why, but here I am.

I didn't even realize that being homeless was another sign that I was still going around the circle.....