I Still Got It!!

There comes a point in a woman's life when she's unsure of herself--especially if she's not married and in her mid thirties and have wanted to be married by now. This woman, in her self-consciousness, can do some damaging things to herself all in the name of gaining that confidence back.

Dating the WRONG guy, sleeping with the WRONG guy, hanging onto and around the WRONG guy, revisting old lovers....all to her detriment.

But, women need to know and declare to themselves, "I Still Got It!"

That's what I need to keep saying to myself, "I Still Got It!" I don't need a man to affirm me. I don't need a relationship to affirm me. I'm still beautiful!!! So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm gonna tell myself and keep telling myself, "I Still Got It," and I'm not gonna just give it away to just anyone. I'm gonna hold on to it until the RIGHT man comes along.

He hung up on me. Hahahaha

I get these calls all the time and most people are okay with it and just say that they are sorry they can't help me. It goes like this.... "Hello, my name is Tom and I'm calling on behalf of AT&T. I want to know if I can get you a good rate on your current service." "OK," I reply. "I just want to tell you this call will be monitored and recorded for quality purposes. How much are you paying for your current cable service." "I don't own a TV," is always my reply. Silence.......It's like I can hear that white noise you hear when you turn to a station that is not in service. "What type of programs do you watch?" "Well, I rent movies and I watch the news," I replied. Silence........ Click. I looked at the phone. Agggghahahahha. He didn't know what to say. He just hung up. WOW. Now I know how to get them. Actually this is like the 4th call I've had from AT&T trying to sell me cable service. One time a guy called me in early December and when I told him I didn't have a TV, he just jumped right in, "Well, you are really in for a treat because not only can we get you into a good cable service, if you sign up today, we will give you a $100 prepaid Visa card, so you can go buy you a TV." I just laughed. He had me there.....

My. Office. Stinks.

I'm embarrassed and I don't want anyone to come in, but P U, it is rank in here. I have a glade plugin that I took out of the wall because I didn't want to waste my smell good in such a funky room. LOL. So, what has brought on the funk? Me,hehehehe Yep, me not following instructions. We started out corporate fast at church and our instructions were to eat baked chicken and veggies (salad, stirfry veggies, etc). Well, since I had leftover beans in the refrigerator, I ate that. Then we were allowed to eat nuts throughout the day. Another bad mistake. Instead of just eating a handful, I ate the whole tin. Then later in the week I made chicken soup with broccoli and weggies. I had THE WORST CASE OF FLATULANCE in history. It smelled so BAD and I had to go to church so that means I had to hold it in. Now, I'm sitting in my office and instead of holding it in, I"m just letting it go and it is downright PUTRID. I left my office and came back and the smell is hung up in the air. I know they say that cigarette smoke is heavy and has the ability to just hang around in the air, but I didn't know that bodily gas does that also. I'm also experiencing great diarrhea. My poo looks like dark brown peanut butter thanks to the 3 cases of nuts I ate over the weekend. I can't do that anymore. No more nuts for me on this fast. Usually, I enjoy when my body disposes properly when I eat enough fiber, but this is way too much. My poo is horrid and it just flows. I'm now eating applesauce because they say that it helps to bind you. I don't have any bananas or white rice. I wish I could eat some mac and cheese. That would bind me up really well. UGH!! **Post Script** It's not a good idea to be eating beets now. I wiped and there was a read tinge. I started to panic, then I remembered the beets. Now my poo is brownish red. Ay yi yi!!

12 + 1

13 is an interesting number. In the Bible there were 12 tribes of Israel, 12 disciples--the number 12 symbolized the government of God. 13 is 12 + 1=God and Man. This was the first Sunday of the year and in church, our Apostle explained about 13. It can symbolize rebellion. According to Genesis when the 4 kings went to battle with the 5 kings...the people had submitted for 12 years. In the 13th year they rebelled. 13 can also symbolize a blessing. It was 13 years from the time that Ismael was born when Abraham's frustration ended. God had promised him a son from him and Sarah. In that 13th year God told him again and made a covenant with him. Then Issac came. When Joseph went into captivity, he was 17. It was 13 years later that he was placed as the king's man in charge over all of Egypt. I began to think about this.... For the past few days I have been feeling, "Blah." Very disinterested, very withdrawn (I didn't want to answer the phone or talk to anyone really). This also caused me to feel very uncertain about my life--very self-conscious. I even texted Mister and told him that I was in a funk in which he replied, "I can't help you, I'm always down. I talked to you to cheer me up." WOW. That spoke volumes to me!! RED FLAG, RED FLAG, RED FLAG!! That reminded me of the time when I had the dream about me drowning in the lake and I was reaching for him to save me and he told me he couldn't swim, so he was drowning too. SOMEBODY NEEDS to be up. We both can't be down at the same time....who's gonna pick who up?? Who's gonna pass around the smelling sauce?? The Bible says, "Two are better than one...." basically because when one is down the other one can help him get up. But, the revelation with me and Mister is that I can't be in a relationship with him because if he's always down then what am I gonna do when I get down. He's useless. I can't get into a boat with him, we'd both drown. Anyway, while I was in my funk, I was praying to God that I needed something to pull me up out of this slump and the word of God did it today. I have hope again!! Then I realized that it was about 13 years ago that moved to this city. I was 22 and now I am 35. God, if your word is true and the man of God is right, then that means that this is gonna be a GOOD YEAR for me. I moved in in August 2009, so I'm in my 13th year being here and I need a blessing. I want to make a covenant with God. I want to be obedient and do what He wants me to do. I want to dream again. I want to have a dream again. 13 years ago I sat down and planned my life and God has been good to me because most of what I planned has come to past. However, I've felt like I haven't really had a plan. I've felt like I've been drifting for the past few years. I'm tired of drifting. I want to be stable and I want to GROW!!! If I don't grow I will die. Jesus cursed the fig tree because it would not produce--it would not grow. I want to produce. After God made the covenant with Abraham in the 13th year. Abraham and Sarah produced--they had Issac. I WANT MY ISSAC!!

Case Dismissed

I went to speak to the State's Atty on Wednesday about my traffic ticket. He agreed to dismissed the charges pending the police report from my car being stolen. I dropped the report off and went to see him again on Friday morning. He reassured me that the case would be dropped, but that I would still need to attend court. So, there I was among the other 100 cases in traffic court. I was happy that my case was a petty offense because offenses go first. I was in and out. The day before I was supposed to be in court for a small claims matter with the bank who financed my car. Thankfully, I didn't have to go. The bank canceled the case pending my agreement to pay them by March 2013 which is my goal. I'm gonna do all I can to get it paid. I wish I could get a part time job....

I'm Such a Chicken

I was scared to make the call. Why was I scared? Why do people frighten me? What is wrong with me? Why can't I confront issues in my life? I was being sued for my car loan and I talked to the manager at least 3 times and he never mentioned it to me. So, imagine my surprise when I looked myself up and found that I was being sued. I went to the courthouse to get more information because I never got any notice. Basically, I was supposed to be in court tomorrow morning at 9am and I wasn't told anything. So, I wanted to call.... But, I was afraid to.... But, I did anyway.... The manager was really REALLY nice, but I was almost in tears. He basically said that the papers were never served because of my address and that he canceled the suit and that unless I hear from him, I do not need to show up to court. Why was I so afraid to call him? Will I ever NOT be afraid to do something?

Dismissed

I went to talk to the Asst State's Atty today about my ticket that I got when my car was stolen. I told him the story and he was a little shocked....I'm noticing a lot of people are shocked when I tell them my car was stolen. I was the most shocked, but he asked me about three times, "your car was stolen?" and I had to tell him yes, yes, yes. He then said that if I could corrobarte the information I could have the ticket dismissed. Whew!!! Thank, you God!! I don't have another bill that I can pay. I still got doctor bills and my god awful car loan and I still need to go to the dentist which I'm holding off because I can't pay for it. So, thank God for the dismissal. I will go tomorrow morning to make sure that that is the deal. I mean, he wrote it down, but I just want to make sure that I don't need to show up to court on Friday. In other news.... I still have to show up to court tomorrow, I supposed, for being sued. I can't believe the manager has still not said anything about it. WOW. I wonder if he's banking on me now showing up so that a judgement can be submitted against me. I don't understand how this works...If I make a deal with him to pay the loan, why am I still being sued? Why does it have to go to court and incur attorney fees if we made a deal? I'm gonna call him today and ask him about this court thing.... Man, I hate confrontation!!!